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SueNJ97

The 100 Unsexiest Men in the World

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http://www.thephoenix.com/article_ektid7852.aspx

You probably know by now that Scarlett Johansson was named the sexiest woman in the world by the readers of FHM.

But who would be her theoretic antithesis: the unsexiest man in the world?

Note: there are no hockey players on this list. Although maybe there should be.

The 100 unsexiest men in the world

Who would Scarlett least like to be with?

By: BILL JENSEN & RYAN STEWART

4/4/2006 1:57:36 PM

Welcome to the first installment of ThePhoenix.com's 100 Unsexiest Men in the World. After pouring through thousands of photographs, millions of frames of movies and TV shows, we have created a list of the least sexy males on the planet. Don't agree with our findings? Send us a letter or give a comment on the bottom of this page.

1. Gilbert Gottfried: Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced, pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.

2. Randy Johnson: If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights when he pitched to Otis Nixon?

3. Roger Ebert: Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fvck him.

4. Dr. Phil: Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.

5. Alan Colmes: Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!

6. Chad Kroeger: It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.

7. Mike Mills: You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless you're trying to get to Pete Buck.

8. Osama Bin Laden: Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.

9. Jay Leno: "It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.

10. Don Imus: "It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way," was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.

11. Michael Jackson: What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.

12. Wallace Shawn: Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that nasally lisp?

13. Mike D. of the Beastie Boys: We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get within three feet of him naked.

14. Richard Simmons: Words don't do it justice.

15. Jon Lovitz: Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know, he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.

16. Carrot Top: Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.

17. Jerry Seinfeld: This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home another model on Seinfeld.

18. Malcolm Gladwell: The Tipping Point.

19. Chevy Chase: He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.

20. Raffi: Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of any situation in which they would bed down with him.

21. Ron Howard: He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain weird-looking. Especially with a beard.

22. Clint Howard: Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than Ron Howard.

23. Bill Gates: To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil

Edited by SueNJ97

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WOW.. i wasnt sure if they were in order..1 being the unsexiest.. if so.. as much as i cant stand gilbert..there are much wrose on that list...

I would have like 30 number 1s if i had to order these men...

How do you know that John Madden the hockey player doesnt have massive hands :)

jk

I have to disagree about Pitt.. not cause im an obsessed girl.. i just think there are many more that can go on this list..same with Paris.. not a fan.. but I mean..it could be worse.

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Now someone give me the list of 100 hot women that dated/married these guys.

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HAHA..its funny how that seems to be th case.

money is a powerful thing.

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Now someone give me the list of 100 hot women that dated/married these guys.

You're the Professional Googler, you tell us!

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You're the Professional Googler, you tell us!

I'd do it but I'm at work...I'll do a few though...btw, Gilbert Godfried is hopeless.

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His voice is what puts him on the top of the lsit for me.. not that i find him attractive..i dont.. but there are many many people on the lsit who are also as unnattractive

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Most of the people on that list are universally unsexy.

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I'll take your word for it, I haven't heard of most of them (too American leaning).

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I'll take your word for it, I haven't heard of most of them (too American leaning).

American leaning? Where are you from?

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UK, but living over here now. How would I ever have found hockey otherwise.

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UK, but living over here now. How would I ever have found hockey otherwise.

Ah ok, well it's basically a list of ugly men. Even straight men know an ugly man when they see one. Perhaps Prince Charles is a better example for you? ;)

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How is John Clayton only 88???? he should be top 10 EASY!!

Yes, I did not make the list! :lol::lol:

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LMFAO...that is one funny list.

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How the fvck did Bobby Holik not make the top five?

Every girl I ever took to a Devil game instantly recoiled whenever they saw his face up on the big screen.

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Rockies,

I think if these journalists had the vast exposure to A$$holik that we've had, he'd have been seriously considered for the list. Same with ole' "Cornelius" Odelein. :lol: Then again, I used to know a girl whose sister found Lyle hot so there's no accounting for taste. :puke:

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I have failed.

For now.

A little random there....... you failed to make the list, but are working on it.......?

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he failed to get pictures of the hot women who date these unsexy men

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Aaaaah.

Well checking through the list again, I can imagine why....except #49 Lyle Lovett, what Julia Roberts ever saw in him eludes me. But that was too easy.

I have figured it out....these men may have dated/are dating beautiful women, but the women then go into hiding because they know how hideous their taste is, hence no pictures.

Edited by ThreeStars

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