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insanity_gallops

Top 10 Most Violent Children's Games

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Count me in for all ten of these - though some by different names. Hit the link for photos that go with each description, in case you're not sure. Ah, memories of summer days & elementary school recess!

http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?Secti...mp;LayoutType=1

This was compiled by Mike Polk with assistance from Jim Fath.

Just about every summer kids everywhere sit around, eat, and play video games while cultivating crippling diabetes. But some kids still manage actually get up and occasionally go outside to play age-old childhood games that have been passed down from generation to generation. Most of these popular games are extremely dangerous and, in some cases, illegal.

Wherever you grew up, you undoubtedly played one of these games. What follows is a completely subjective top-10 Most Awesomely Violent and Dangerous Children's Games.

10 - Red Rover

Kids just must have been out of ideas when they came up with this game. You literally just run as hard as you can into the opposing team and hope that you are able to break through their in-locked grasp. The game is essentially a self-inflicted clothesline. An early lesson in exploiting the weak, children learned quickly that the best strategy was to determine the most tenuous link, preferably two frail, timid girls, and send your fattest team member careening at them as if there was pie on the other side.

9 - Backyard Football

Just as a reminder, when professional athletes, who are incredibly well trained full grown men in top physical condition, play this game, they are required to wear an endless variety of padding and a helmet to prevent injury. Yet somehow our parents allowed us to take to the backyard gridiron wearing nothing but Umbros and a Quicksilver t-shirt. I'm pretty sure I saw a kid get tackled and die once.

And unlike professional football, in which fields are meticulously designed to prevent injury with padded sod and an even plane, our playing fields were another opponent in themselves. Roots, rocks, and stumps are the least of your worries on your way towards the end zone (an invisible goal line that ran between two trees that were semi-aligned). Tiki Barber never has to worry about stepping into a random storm drain that's obscured by leaves and breaking his femur in six places.

8 - Dodge Ball

Obviously the cruelest of all children's sports and the one that best illustrates Darwin's Survival of the Fittest Theory, this game is a classic. The grown up bully gym teacher who invented it clearly had a hard-on for watching nerds get punished. Probably because so many that he went to school with went on to achieve great things and lead fulfilling lives, while he was teaching kids the art of "Four Square". But how did he convince the administrators to allow him to use those wonderfully painful, stinging red balls? Nerf is clearly a more humane alternative. Still, you can't beat the sound of that rubbery missile when it smacks off a nerd's face, embedding his sports glasses deep into his sallow, tear-filled face.

7 - King Of The Mountain

How beautifully simplistic was this game? This must have been created by the poorest children in the world, because all it requires is a mound of dirt and no respect for your physical well-being. Boys of various sizes vie for the highest position on top of said mound, with the largest boy inevitably claiming the spot and maintaining it by smacking down his scrawnier assailants until he was either bored, recess was over, or someone broke their collarbone.

6 - Musical Chairs

This must have been a game created by a severely under funded school district. In this game there is one less chair than there are kids. As music plays, the children dance around the chairs in a happy circle until suddenly, the music stops, and every child instinctively barrels down towards the first available chair like its the last chopper out of Saigon. In the midst of the mad scramble, one child is sent reeling to the ground in a heap and is then taunted mercilessly by their classmates. Another chair is removed and the violent dance continues.

Fat kids had an extreme advantage in this game, for though skinny children could out-pursue fat kids to the open chairs, the porkers always managed to muscle their wiry opponents off the seat with their enormous backyards

5-Slip And Slide (AKA Slip N Slide or The Kentucky Wet Tarp)

I think I might actually be a little pissed at my parents for buying me one of these. What the fvck was wrong with them? I'm not saying it wasn't fun, but I'm pretty sure this "toy" is the reason that I have a limp to this day and my left shoulder instantly dislocates when someone bumps into me on the sidewalk.

This was a wet, slippery piece of plastic lying on the ground. That's it. And we were never too choosy about where we put this thing down either. Stones, sticks, and shards of my drunken father's angrily-discarded broken beer bottles usually made their appearance under the glorified yellow tarp right around mid-Slide. We often practiced poor planning when positioning the end of the Slip and Slide as well. Generally, our reward for a successful, complete ride was a face full of sidewalk or garage. After an hour of wet and wild fun, my friends and I usually looked like a collection of small battered housewives.

4 - Punch Bug (AKA Punch buggy, Slug Bug or Punch Beetle):

Another deliciously mindless game. This was clearly developed by an older brother who was bored on a long car ride to Myrtle Beach. Here's the gist: When you see a Volkswagen, you punch the person next to you. Do you want me to go over that again?

So really, the only strategy involved in this game is to see cars faster than your fellow passengers. In the event of a tie, two people get punched. In the event of a False Slugbug in which the sighting of a Volkswagen later proves to be erroneous, you still got punched. And there's nothing you can do about it. What's done is done. The debate still rages on as to whether or not the NEW Volkswagen Beetle constitutes an actual slug bug or not.

3 - Swimming Pool Chicken

Let's see, how many dangerous elements can we combine at once? 1-Water. 2-The slipperiness that accompanies water. 3-Concrete. 4-Poor balance. 5-The impertinence of youth. Perfect. Let's do it!

So in this game, the skinnier kids gets on the fatter kids' shoulders and then they ram into each other and flail their arms until someone cracks their head on the side of the pool and severs their neck from their spinal column.

*It should be noted that some people go for the unorthodox, but occasionally effective method of putting the fat kid on the skinny kid's shoulders and using the fat kid as an imbalanced juggernaut, simply leaning on the opposing team and hoping that they hit the water first during the inevitable simultaneous fall, thus making the Fat-Top team victorious.

2 - Tug of War

Yet another game in which Fat kids ruled the day. The age old sport of tug of war is simple. You pull and they pull and only one can win. The tug of war is a cruel mistress whose end result was almost always the same; everyone is going to end up on the ground with skinned knees and severe rope burn.

Everybody falls down in tug of war. The victors fall backward and the losers fall forward. And just to make it worse, and literally gut wrenching, one of the two lucky kids who are granted the prestigious title of Anchor are going to have their kidneys crushed in a rope loop as they are dragged across the lawn, or worse, pavement, like some kind of sick tribute to the riotous death of Mussolini.

1 - Smear The Queer (AKA Down the Man, Fumble Rumble)

Wow. What a treat this one is. It's got it all. Relentless chasing, brutal tackling, rampant homophobia. For many children, this is their first brave step towards hating and persecuting gays. Sort of a junior hate crime training camp.

Here's how the game works: Someone throws the ball into the air, the dumbest kid catches it, and is then chased down like a dog, caught, and pummeled viciously until he relents and throws the ball to another tard who will eventually work in the warehouse of Target.

Teachers should really watch this game when determining whether students should be placed in remedial classes, because you have a choice regarding whether or not to possess the ball and get beat up. The kids that make an effort to actually catch it and run with it should be immediately sent to the van to learn math with the aid of pictures, music, treats and puppets.

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:rofl:

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Number 1 can also be called kill the carrier and obviously this was a person who couldn't defend themselves in the game since he has such a distain for the ball carrier. If you were fast and agile enough you can make all your pursurers look silly while you taunt them over and over.

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I can't come up with a list of 10, but I do remember a few of my friends had BB guns when I was growing up. We would play BB tag, basically your standard tag game, however the necessary contact had to be with a BB. The rules were that you're supposed to aim for the legs, but that inevitably never happened.

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I've done all 10. B ) I just noticed throwing rocks and ayecorns wasn't on the list. I almost lost an eye because I was foolish enough to have a rock fight. I miss having ayecorn fights though.

Edited by Super 17

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Never heard of an ayecorn. I've heard of acorns, though. ;)

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Never heard of an ayecorn. I've heard of acorns, though. ;)

Yeah acorns, whatever ;)

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I actualy didn't liek those much... aside from football which actually we always had to play touch - which I though was lame. We played four square, red light/green light, Tag, Freeze Tag, Mother May I. I hated dodge ball never saw the charm in it :noclue: Red Rover wasn't like that at all... team 1 said Red Rover Red Rover let Jimmy come over and Jimmy from team 2 would send Jimmy over - didn't have to break the line you could sneak under it -- just get through :noclue:

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8 out of 10

3 - Swimming Pool Chicken

Don't have a swimming pool.

10 - Red Rover

Never played it. I didn't even know that's what it was.

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9 of 10

Never played Red rover

I'll replace that on the list with Bottlerocket wars. The end of a wiffleball bat has a hole in it. Insert a bottlerocket and it becomes a rifle. The trick was to time up the explosion with impact. :lol:

And a game we played in my buddies round pool. It had an angled fence around it so we made the whirlpool set up a hoop and played full contact pool roller derby. The fence was used to roll the ball around to your teammate. object to score of course, and live. Got pretty violent.

Oh! another cool pool game was good in any pool. It was WAY more violent than the above game - "Buckets" you set up a container of some sort (bucket) with a little water in it for stability and the object was to knock down the other teams bucket (and live if possible). Full Contact including getting thrown over the pools edge. Crashing the "goalie" - allowed, drowning opponents frowned upon, but not against the rules. (3) Rules were the same as UFC back in the early days ; 1. No fish hook, 2. No eye gouge, 3. If a guy taps out you gotta let him breath. (seriously, if the guy didn't tap, you could keep em under with no recourse except your conscience :lol: ) What a fun game. :evil:

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I didn't see man hunt with BB guns(though we used Q-tips and not real BB's)

Snap a Q-tip in half load in BB gum pump 20x Great nigh game you can see the Q-tip hit .

Only feels like a hard pluk

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Murder Medic was awesome! One of my all time favorite games....

What about that game as$hole where one kid would bend over and have things whipped at the as$es? now that's fun stuff!

Another one for us Canadians and anyone else that had snow in the winter..King of the Mountain! I remember when we were little kids this girl got thrown down the hill and hit her face on a big boulder of ice. She started bleeding and crying but noone cared...come to think of it she was a snotty little thing so good for her.. :rofl:

*i'm a terrible, terrible person! :giggle:

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...King of the Mountain! I remember when we were little kids this girl got thrown down the hill and hit her face on a big boulder of ice. She started bleeding and crying but noone cared...come to think of it she was a snotty little thing so good for her.. :rofl: ...

:noclue: Did you get any scars from that? :D

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How about that game where you punch someone in the arm until they can't feel it anymore and they do the same to you?

That was a good game. I ended up with a silver-dollar sized bruise in middle school after one fight. Another kid couldn't close his hand for like a day.

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Also Mercy isn't on the list. That was a fun game.

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:noclue: Did you get any scars from that? :D

:ph34r:

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Played all of them except #1...another great game was helmet & gloves. Before a hockey practice two guys put on their helmet and gloves and wail on each other in a ring formed by hockey bags....good times.

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I played all except slip and slide.

I broke a guy's leg playing king of the mountain. I still remember the snap.

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