‘Tis the season indeed…. No not that Christmas crap and that attention-whore baby Jesus (hell he went through all that work to fake his death to come back three days later just to have a re-birthday away from mine right??) Tis the time of the once a year greatness…. IT’S BIRTHDAY WEEK!!! And man the NFL as always shows me some BAD FOOTBALL LOVE THIS WEEK….oh boy!! Let’s bring it on and crank up the random beverages this Sunday!!! Add in all the coaches I hate are one by one getting fired…tis the season to be giving to ME…and I love me SOME ME!!!
Thursday Dec 9:
Indy at Tennessee:
Boy what a disaster this game is tonight….I think if you combined both teams you’d have a healthy squad….the sad part is one of these teams that are playing like sweaty ass is gonna WIN this game and stay alive in the AFC (least for this week), Kenny Britt comes back for the Titans….yay? If these teams were playing anyone else I’d pick them to lose….though I wish Chris Johnson a 300 yard rushing day, but the Colts are used to that kinda effort (hell Tashard Choice looked like an NFL back last week)…I find it hard to accept that the Colts could be out of it before December ends…but it is Peyton Manning and pressure situations (HOW DARE YOU SCOTT IT’S OBVIOUS IT’S ALL INJURIES and the only $100 million guy you can ever call out is Kovalchuk!!!), but whatever….I still like the Colts this week, they seem a less of a mess then the Titans….
Game Quality: * ¾ (This game isn’t ugly enough to be anti-football but not GOOD enough to be awesome….)
Sunday Dec 12:
Tampa Bay at Redskins:
So now we can add Albert Haynesworth to the suspended list (hey cutting one of his game checks off your payroll could feed all of Roselle Park for the Christmas month, heh…food joke I called him fat…hey so did his head coach!)….ah hell I have enough Redskins who will actually be PLAYING in this game to make fun of right?? But even still I think I wasted enough time on them…..time to give Tampa some credit…yes they lost to Atlanta and blew it late, but damn they came to PLAY in that game (uh-oh Miz reference….Laflamme’s gonna get all girlied up….), and that was the kinda loss you’d think a young team with a lot of fight in them is gonna learn from….and bottom line is Tampa beats teams they are better then….and who bettah then the Redskins??? You know it…EVERYONE (well except Dallas…)
Game Quality: * (laughing about Haynesworth is more fun then this game!)
Browns at Bills:
CMON ANTI-FOOTBALL GAME OF THE DECADE REMATCH!!!!! I still look and smile and shed a tear when I think of Derek Anderson completing TWO PASSES and still doing enough to beat the Bills last year (given two completions would be a season-high for him this year…. But hey!)….this game has buckets of glory all over it…. And high wins, and bad weather from the mistake on the lake… THIS WILL BE GLORIOUS and thank for NFL for this generous and wonderful gift of birthday!!!! (for my ten seconds of football analysis here, I sadly think the browns just match up better, but I STILL BILL-EIVE (If this dopey message board can still believe in an 8-17-2 Devils team right??)….LET’S….GO….BUFFALO!!!!!)
Game Quality: **** (these are tears of joy people!)
Giants at Vikings:
I am an evil miserable little man and I know this….I want Brett Favre to slime his douchey little ass on to the field, I want him to push his streak to 299, I want to see him play, and then all I want for my birthday is to see the Giants Front Four line up and hit by hit, smash, pound and EXECUTE this awful fracker until he bleeds, quits and maybe even dies on the field (like Ric Flair I swear it’s gonna take a near-death experience to get this a$$hole off the field!)….the Vikings got their obligatory win for the new coach…time to die again……
Game Quality: ** ¾ (I see Favre getting SMASHED and I smile!)
Packers at Lions:
Oh Detroit it’s been a tough year for you….everything that can go wrong had, and now it’s just getting s bit harsh out there….but you are the Lions and you’re used to it, and hell the Red Wings are good again, so you got that….as for this game, A-Rod and the Packers are gonna carve you like the Patriots did for Thanksgiving….hope you can tackle Jennings better then you did Deion Branch!
Game Quality: * (oh Lions, you’ve run outta gas)
Oakland at Jacksonville:
How in the bloody blue hell did this game end up with MAJOR playoff ramifications?? What a weird NFL world this year…..the Raiders are still riding high on that beatdown they gave the Chargers last week…and Jacksonville just finds weird ways to win football games….go figure….this is kinda tough to figure out, these two are a lot alike and still have the mojo thing going…..but one shall stand and one shall fall here (anytime I make a Transformer reference I feel the need to punch Michael Bey in the face….can’t imagine why….), and umm….home field is more gooder I guess….I’d not call this a lock by any means, but the Jaguars will keep winning to keep me PIST about time-out-gate earlier in the year……
Game Quality: *** (3 months ago this was pure anti-football!)
Bengals at Steelers:
Man if any team jumped the Shark already, it’s the Bengals….EVEN A HIGH SCHOOL TEAM KNOWS NOT TO FALL FOR THE “DRAW THEM OFFSIDES” CRAP!! But yet grown PROFESSIONALS fell for it…I’d say fire Marvin Lewis, but I’d rather he suffer (and God Forbid I call a black coach bad, I’d be racist….though we DO need a new token “Rooney Rule Guy” to pass around each year…..), this team is awful, gutless and pathetic (in all irony, this is OUTSIDE of Terrel Owens….I swear Chad 85 tries harder on that awful Vs show they have though….), and I’m pleased to have the Steelers D going in my playoff game on Sunday….go get ‘em boys!!!!
Game Quality: DUD
Atlanta at Carolina:
The road to victory in the NFC is going through Atlanta, accept this fact and move on….why you ask?? They play Carolina not once but TWICE…there’s no way in hell the Falcons are gonna screw this up….and there’s no way I’m wasting my time talking about RANDOM CAROLINA QB who sounds more like hockey goon then throwing the ball, pick up the dead bodies and move along here…..
Game Quality: DUD (Go Go Michael Turner!)
Seattle at 49ers:
How bad are the 49er QB’s if you realize and accept with a straight face that Alex Smith was MISSED?? That’s a sad statement….though the Niners do owe Seattle one for that week one beatdown that flipped the NFC West on it’s awful little ear…so I guess now they get even and push for my dream and quest of a 6-10 division winner!!!!
Game Quality: *
Rams at Saints:
Speaking of 6-10 and leading the NFC West….I like the Rams, spunky young D…live rookie QB (who’s a damn lock for rookie of the year….), and just more hope then the city of St. Louis should be allowed …..but now they’re in the deep end of the pool with the big boys in their house….they won’t rollover and die here, but there’s no way in the world they win this game (and if they do I fault the Saints way more then I credit the Rams), should be fun to watch though and I’m curious to see how the kids hang in tight in this one!
Game Quality: *** (Really this is a GOOD game!)
Patriots at Bears:
30 MPH winds, cold temp’s and Jay Cutler and Mike Martz trying to throw 70 yard TD’s on each play….yeah this has receipe for disaster all over it doesn’t it….yes the pats won’t be as sharp as they were in ripping the Jets to shreds and taking a lil vacation on Revis Island, but also the Pats as a team are built to play and succeed in this small ball kinda game you’re gonna need in this weather….the Bears D is good and the match-up looks inviting, but I don’t see the Bears pulling this out and the Pats are on a scary kinda roll now…..should be a helluva watch Sunday Afternoon though!!!
Game Quality: **** (Maybe Jay Cutler can take QB lessons here?)
Denver at Arizona:
Well let’s see, trade the franchise QB…yep, piss away your star RB….yep., let your best WR go free….check, fire your DC who made you a top 10 defense...oh yeah
Wait a second…. Am I bashing Denver or Arizona here??? I don’t know anymore!!! Least the Carindals QB sounds like Skeletor and I can make He-Man jokes here! Jesus this game is gonna be wonderfully putrid and I might be drunk enough off birthday shots to make being in my area worth the effort to see me tool off on this one….I’ll lean towards the Broncos since they should be as elated to see McDaniels go as the slaves were to see the North win the Civil War (oops, too many black people in the NFL, was that racist?? ), anyway…. You need a sick mind like mine to enjoy this one!!
Game Quality: *** (CMON, you know you laughed when you saw this one!)
Miami at Jets:
So now the Jets are PIST at the Giants who let the Dolphins practice in their training facility while the Giants are in Minnesota, since Miami came in early to see the Lombardi musical as a team (neat idea)….how about being mad that you got humiliated on Monday Night for the WORLD to see by the Pats?? Just a thought…..I don’t have much faith in Miami anymore….there’s just too much NOT right about that team, but with things as they are they might play this like their Super Bowl…. I’m not willing to buy that, and we will learn a LOT about the Jets this week…win this and it’s ok….they blow this one and we could see a free-fall (again it would be a wonderful birthday gift mind you!!!)
Game Quality: ** ½
Chiefs at Chargers:
First thought… Chargers in December…it’s a lock…. No wait…look at last week…damn you’re right…..I’ll take the Chiefs….but WAIT….second thought….Matt Cassel had an appendectomy this week (talk about random right??)….they say he’s gonna play but REALLY?? Makes me wanna flip-flop back to San Diego….*ugh*, the Chargers are due to blow one of these late-season runs they always go on too still….and I’ll stick with that fact I think Cassel will play (I know I still think Cassel sucks, but the guys behind him are WORSE)….least this game better be good and a battle till the end, like the schedule people planned it to be right??
Game Quality: ****
Eagles at Dallas:
Man oh man will I be signing who let the Dogs out ALL NIGHT at home Sunday!!! This “too little too late” bullsh!t out of the Cowboys is starting to piss me off, more so with rumblings of Jeff Fisher MAYBE being on the market (Jerry I swear if he’s on the market and you don’t back the Jerry-Truck up to him….I might as well become a Bills fan….), yes the Cowboys took advantage of a REELING Colts team and the defense has learned that it’s ok to play for turnovers now (amazing how a “defensive genius” like Wade didn’t see that)….the Eagles are playing on a different level now, and Vick over the years has owned the Cowboys (usually going against me in fantasy football too….)….least this game will be worthy of it’s prime time billing (and hey dog lovers who are screaming for Vick’s head….the man LEADS THE LEAGUE IN PRO BOWL VOTES….that means the NFL universe doesn’t give a rat’s sh!t about your dog bitchings, he paid his price and has the right to play again! And I’m gonna lose a few facebook friends on Sunday with my pro-Vick facebooking I call this now
Game Quality: **** (I let the dogs out, Vick goes and picks em up!)
Monday Dec 6:
Ravens at Texans:
Angry Ravens who came up short AGAIN against the Steelers… and gutless Texans (man I will laugh when they fire Kubiak so he can go suck in Denver)….I do really think the Texans are finished, despite their record (funny how we can look back at their week1 beatdown of the Colts as a sign the Colts were down more then the Texicans were up)….and it bothers me, if you look at the players on the Texicans they are BETTER then this….probably better then the Ravens too…but it’s not meant to be cause they still need that heart….not saying the Ravens are his giant pumping ventricle of blood, sweat and determination…but they got more then the Texicans do for sure… and that’s enough when the games begin to REALLY matter…..
Game Quality: ** (ESPN may show Brady highlights from last week all game)
Week 11 NFL Power Rankings:
- Patriots…the master still schooling the student….
- Steelers…..they pulled another one outta nowhere
- Chiefs….may owe the AFC West to the Raiders….irony…
- Ravens… and their army of possession WRs…..
- Jets….hey humble pie is still yummy pie Rexy!
- Atlanta….Funny, this game made Tampa look better but the Falcons still own the NFC
- Giants….ugly win….uglier winds….still solid…..
- Bears…5 wins in a row, bigger number then run plays called by Mike Martz….
- Saints….who dat gonna pull you offsides??
- Eagles….thumped a weak Texans team, should be higher, but everyone else looked better too…..