Is there ANY league like the NFL where the first game totally changes how you look at the entire league after?? Not really, but when you only play 16, they do carry a BIT more weight….but holy sh!t the whole NFL (pretty much) got flipped on its ear last week….the Cowboys showed up in the 4th Quarter, the Falcons were big on the road, the Jets scored what you expected from them in a MONTH….at least the Browns were pathetic as always, and the Raiders taught us how damned important a long-snapper is…..16 more weeks of insanity to go, right??
Chicago at Green Bay:
*UGH*…..have I mentioned how much I HATE Thursday games?? They break up the flow of the week (and they make me write this stuff up too soon…it’s tough to guess on Sunday Injuries, not to mention it’s too short a turnaround time for bodies to heal and coaches to plan, so it takes away from game quality)…..alright…enough bitching…more analyzing…..the Packers are in trouble me thinks, teams have figured out how to defend their passing attack (alright given San Fran is the best and most complete D in the league), the Packer D was crap again (scary sign vs the 49er offense), and the running game was a big ol’zero too…..the Bears on the other hand haven’t looked this good in a long long time (maybe ever offensively at least)….its a shame this game is being rushed down on throat to try to make the NFL Network relevant…this should be a fun little shootout and the score should be like 35-30…I really would like to take the Packers at home and avoid the dreaded 0-2 hole (especially losing two at home), but I’m just not feeling it…Bears are coming out of the box FAST, and the Packers are too disjointed right now…least they get 11 days to get their sh!t back together after….. Like Jay Cutler told the Packer DBs…good luccckkkkkkkk (especially since Greg Jennings is OUT, this is a game you need all your weapons in….)
Game Quality: **** (I give it one more star because I don’t have to see Hornswoggle’s Dad blow on a book no more)
Sunday Sept 16:
Buffalo at Kansas City:
This is one of those games where I expected good things from both teams…and now one of them is gonna end up in the dreaded 0-2 hole to start the season….. both teams looked like ass in games I expected good starts to the season…but at least for the Bills we can blame some of that on the Sanborn chaos-field (the last two weeks of football and he’s been in NJ, Sun Tavern was without Direct TV and it got fixed the day we zipped his ass back to Cali…go figure…this chaos field certainly affected the Bills and Ryan Fitzpatrick who looked like a five year old “just pushing the buttons” playing Madden for the first time….)…both of these teams need to work the running game, and this is an overdue chance for CJ Spiller to shine and show the Bills he was worth that high first round pick…but like the Packers, the Chiefs going in an 0-2 hole…losing both at home…that’s close to “season over” time…this one’s really a toss-up... but I guess when in doubt, hide behind home field…though it would be well worth it to see Sanborn back on the wagon…a rough loss here and he might be limping over to the exercise equipment with the Chris Benoit-rope…he should skype them a win it for the Gimp-er speech…just stay the hell away from KC with that chaos field…..bah who am I kidding?? He’s already trying to break down the 2013 Draft…..let’s help him along that research……
Game Quality: ** ¾
Bengals at Browns:
Hey look…it’s our first pile of dog sh!t to break down this week!!! The Eagles did all they could, especially on offense to help the Browns win that game…but Joss Whedon decided “any INT Vick can throw he can throw better!!”…I didn’t see much of the Monday Night game (hockey games win …every time), but I did see enough to see the Bengals got whipped, but least the Bengals have an offense and some players and the Dog Pound cures all ills…no matter how much you try otherwise…we’ll just take the Bengals and lament that this is not anti-football worthy……
Game Quality: DUD (fvckkkk dattt shhheeeeeiiitttt!!)
Vikings at Colts:
The Vikings won one of those games you can just simply call…ridiculous…. though it’s a given that it was only the Jaguars…not too sure the Colts are a better team, but least they have a real QB (though unlike the guy the world is hyping, Luck did look like a rookie in his debut) and I’m still amazed at how fast Adrian Peterson’s body has healed and come back to form…that’s just nuts…damn near baffling…it’s supposed to be a YEAR before you can run, and then another before you’re useful on it....just unreal…and hey anything that keeps me from talking about the collective AWFUL on both these teams…it’s a good distraction…the Vikings don’t deserve to be 2-0…and I expect a better week from Luck and Co at home with a weaker team…so I’ll go with that…
Game Quality: ** ¾ (a nice clash of styles in the undercard)
Oakland at Miami:
Oh sweet merciful CRAP of anti-football orgy!!! Give the Raiders credit…Bills fans... Miami fans…sh!t even Cleveland fans watched the Raiders make damn fools of themselves Monday Night and laughed at the long-snapper DRAMA (what better way to show how important that spot is on the football field right??)…though I have to admit…being tired after busting my ass on the ice and seeing a team that blew three snaps in a row trying to punt…I was like the hell with THIS and didn’t watch much of the Raider-Charger game either…Carson Palmer didn’t turn the ball over…though he dumped it off to McFadden THIRTEEN TIMES…. Yikes…I just hope the Raiders DVRed Hard Knocks so they can figure out Tanehill’s snap counts nice and easy (God what a DUMB decision that was with breaking in a new staff and rookie QB), I originally had Miami in this figuring they could punt at least…but if the Raider offense does what it needs to, they can just score TDs and go for two…long-snapper be damned…plus, they HAD to get a long snapper during the week…right???
Winner: Raiders (power to the punter!!)
Game Quality: Yes Folks, your anti-football GAME OF THE WEEK!!!
Patriots at Arizona:
Wow…who did the Patriots bribe to get this easy start to the year? First it’s Jake Locker and the Titans…now it’s Arizona and Kevin Kolb?? Are you serious?? We’ve seen Kolb come off the bench before and do well.... but now you’ve got Darth Hoodie and this improved Pats defense, and not to mention an arsenal on offense… and I’m not buying anything the Cardinals are showing…they beat a rookie QB who looked like one last week, and we saw what the Patriots do to rookie QBs in headlights……
Game Quality: DUD (this could get BRUTAL)
NY Giants at Tampa Bay:
This is an important game for the Giants… after the Dallas game (I still have to watch highlights, shake my head and say “that REALLY happened… tell me they did NOT JUST DO THAT?!?”)… and Tampa did a nice job on Cam Newton and the Panthers (from what I saw…damn you direct TV fails) last week…but bottom line here …I don’t take the Bucs seriously… not for a SECOND… and the Giants are still the Giants….just run a nice sweep at Schiano and knock another tooth or two off that guys awful buck-toothed face would you?? And you can NOT take week 1 wins… or losses…..too seriously…
Winner: NY Giants
Game Quality: * ¾ still not buying the Bucs am I)
Eagles at Ravens:
You ain’t in Cleveland no more pup!! But Vick will still be seeing the Dogs from Hell this week… few teams made the statement the Ravens did last week with the Bengals… and no team won their game looking as flat out horrible as the Eagles did…too many passes, not enough balance and Vick trying to play like he’s not…he’s no Tebow with his accuracy and down field throwing…but you gotta let him move and run around back there… sitting back and dropping to pass 60-times… MADNESS… and if they pull that this week, it’s serving Vick up on a silver platter with the classy eating utensils…..Andy Reid is still one of the worst adjustment coaches in the league too…this just all adds up to bad things for the Eagles… bad things man…
Game Quality: ** ½ (can you blame me for not buying the Eagles??)
Saints at Panthers:
Damn this is a HUGE game too….. neither one of these teams can come out the box 0-2 (nice Super Bowl predictions there in Carolina *courtesy chuckles* )… but boy did the Redskins and RG 3 expose the Saints…and everything the Skins did….sCcccaaaaaammmm!!! and the Panthers can do too, WR screens, movement… and even more so they can add a top-end running game to that passing attack and just pick the pieces of a weak Saints D and depleted coaching staff to make adjustments… better get some super-secret phones and get some text message help and love from Sean Peyton… is Drew Brees enough to keep the Saints in this?? I don’t think he is… the Saints are in trouble this year… and the revolving door coaching thing in the Saints is gonna mess with them…..they shoulda gotten Parcells as a rental coach for a year… but I was saying that back in March……
Game Quality: *** ¾
Houston at Jacksonville:
I guess Houston got in on that schedule bribing the Patriots did too… and go figure as I type this I have this AWFUL segment on NFL AM between JJ Watt and whoever the Texan NT is… good God that made me run for the damn coffee pot… the Jaguars did find a way to make that game interesting last week… but the Vikings are NOT the Texans… especially on defense…Jacksonville just don’t got the players to keep up with Houston, who gets two cupcakes to start the season and get rolling (and add to the AFC hype in their direction….)
Game Quality: DUD (this is a squash, and I’m still rooting for an MJD hammie pull)
Dallas at Seattle:
This should be a layup right?? Seattle was horrid against the Cardinals while Dallas beat up and did everything that no one expected against the Super Bowl Champs… this should be a gimmie for Dallas… right, right… RIGHT?? Hellllllsssssssss no…..the one good thing about that game being on a Wednesday is it gave Dallas 3 extra days to feel good about themselves, get it out of their system, sweep it up and get ready for this one… There are very few stadiums louder and more distracting then Seattle’s, and we all remember ALL TOO WELL what happened the last time Dumbo and Company went to Seattle… the Field Goal attempt that lead to one of my largest Jack Daniels binges… like ever… Can the Cowboys get up for the Seahawks like they did the Giants?? And I expect a better Seattle team then we saw with Arizona, and I expect Russel Wilson to run around a bit more… maybe I’m still in cynic mode here, but this has VINTAGE Cowboys “ass-up” written all over it… just please for the LOVE OF GOD, DON’T BOTCH THE DAMN FIELD GOAL AGAIN HERE!!!!!!!
Game Quality: ***
NY Jets at Steelers:
The Steelers come home limping a bit from the schooling Peyton Manning and the no-huddle and less-Oxygen offense thrown out there by the Broncos, while the Jets feasted on a Ryan Fitz in headlights type effort… both teams are not as extreme in the effort shown in week one (be honest, the Jets could not score 48 in their next four games and you’d probably not be shocked by that) … throw in Revis doubtful to play (they don’t mess with concussions… nor should they)… and it looks like James Harrison is out again too (can’t get fined from the sidelines, right?? Well Goodell will find a way…)…and the Steelers just always find a way to be better then Rex……
Winner: Steelers (Big Ben is 5-0 at home openers)
Game Quality: ***
San Diego at Tennessee:
San Diego got gifted by the Raiders last week, and it must be nice for Phillip Rivers to see the pipebomb explode on the other team for once… especially after last year…Chris Johnson has as many yard rushing as Mike Vick has INT’s (hell I think Tom Brady and Peyton Manning are higher on the rushing stats then Johnson…..maybe we should call him CJ-no-K, eh??)…..Let’s be fair this game ain’t so good…and I got work to get too… so I’m stiffing the Chargers and blaming it on the Titans……
Game Quality: * ¾
49ers at Lions:
How can we forget the HANDSHAKE OF DOOM after this game last year?? The media won’t let us… all overhyped trash aside, the Niners did walk into Detroit and whoop them last year… the 49ers are better this year… the Lions are not…and if they struggles against the Rams D (though Calvin did have what 115 yards on them??)… San Fran could be the most dangerous and complete team in football right now, the Lions still feel like a bunch of young punks to me…..so I gotta lean to the better team smacking the punks around and send them reeling a wee bit hear… this should be an awesome and INTENSE game to watch though…. I will have my eyes on this one……
Game Quality: **** (Handshake of VIOLENCE!!!!)
Monday Sept 17:
Denver at Atlanta:
Peyton Manning takes the no-huddle on the road and ESPN gets to ooze all over him for 3 hours (least it’s not a Tom Brady bromance from ESPN though… and the sound if OFF at Floyd which is where I’ll end up seeing most of this)…Denver looked hella good last week against an undermanned Steeler team, while Atlanta was just as good in the KC (another tough place to win in)…this game really feels like a toss-up too… the best weapon on the field is Julio Jones, but Denver has the better defense, and it’s not like Manning’s not used to the Dome right?? I like what Atlanta showed me last week, but I like the Broncos and their players a bit better… and Atlanta’s D is still a little soft for my liking…..
Game Quality: *** ¾
NFL Week 1 Top 5’s:
1. New England…..one of these days they will play an NFL opponent
2. Houston…..maybe they will too…..
3. Baltimore….Purple Haze filling the air…so is Flacco…..
4. Denver…no huddle, less air and #18…it’s pretty sick….so far…..
5. NY Jets….why the hell not?? The bigger the pride……
1. 49ers….EPIC WIN in Green Bay…dominated!
2. Chicago…offense living up to billing big time…
3. Atlanta…BIG win in a tough building…no doubt…
4. Washington…screen passes RULE!!!
5. Green Bay…they better show something this week though……