Holy crap, this summer burned by as fast as I seem to burn through women…. At least it was a damn fun summer (but any summer called the Summer of Hockey sure as hell better be!)….I don’t think I’m fully ready to sit down in the ol’bar and waste away Sundays hoarding TVs and hating front runners…but I’ll jump back in FAST….the football drafts and the facebook previews helped…but here we are….and just like that…HERE WE GO…..NFL 2012 is on!!!Wednesday Sept 5:
Dallas at NY Giants:
We all know this match-up well…..the Giants have won 5 of the last 6 as is, and the team that opens at home after winning the Super Bowl on NBC …they’re like 3-0….add in the fact that the bigger the game, the smaller the Cowboys (especially the defense) perform….not to pile it more on the Cowboys (damn they really are the sports version of my love life )….no Austin, no Witten and who knows how long Dez Bryant will play?....unless they run for 250 yards and the defense lives up to the Ryan family billing…no wait if they live up to the billing it’s gonna be ugly….Ryan Family HYPE on the other hand….but yeah that’s not happening either….this is an easy one to pick against Dallas for…..
Winner: NY Giants
Game Quality: ** (if Dallas was healthy this would be better….)
Sunday Sept 9:
Miami at Houston:
This one’s actually another gimmie game isn’t it….the Texans seem poised to make that step from new to the playoffs to legit year in and year out contender….the Dolphins are just too stupid in the front office to realize it’s time to toss it all aside and start over….maybe putting the rookie QB out there is just that…but man what a ROUGH defense to have to start the season against….oiiii, as long as Reggie Bush gets lots of dump off passes I’ll be happy with this one….this is the start of a LONG season in Miami….. Houston is WAY too good to let this one get away……
Game Quality: * ½
Buffalo at NY Jets
Mark Sanchez threw his best long bomb of the season in having dinner with Eva Longoria this Sunday…..And lil TimmUHAY Teebow’s praying already…oh wait…he always does that…my bad…the Jet offense looked historically bad in the pre-season (and while I don’t value that much, you look at the personnel they have and it only validates what you thought before the season started….the Bills are healthy, improved and KINGS of flying out the gate early and making some noise….and they look like a pretty solid team ….at least so far….you can tout and puff up the Jet D all you want…but until I see an ELITE pass rusher on that team I can’t take them too serious OR call them elite myself….and with this offense that D is gonna be out there 40 minutes plus a game…that’s not a good thing….this is a MUST win for the Bills if they want to get this season off on the right track…..I gotta take them…..
Game Quality: ** (I should add a star for the amusement of the jet “offense”)
Atlanta at Kansas City:
Now this is an actual game with some intrigue!! (And damn I miss the ol’Chiefs guy…..stupid marriages always kill football Sundays)….both of these teams expect better this year….then again better for Atlanta would be like ….you know….scoring points in their playoff game….if the Chiefs can stay healthy they should be able to do that….just Charles and Berry alone makes this team playoff level, and this is one of those games that whoever wins you’re going to expect good things from….and the loser’s gonna take a few weeks to shake it off….Chiefs are good at home, the Falcons suck outside the dome…and the Chief fans should just chant “playoffs” all game…they’ll win by a 100
Game Quality: ** ¾ (this should be solid)
Jacksonville at Minnesota:
OH ANTI-FOOTBALL WE HAVE MISSED YOU!!! This is the kinda no-talent drudgery football CRAP we’ve been missing for about 8 ½ months now!!! The Vikings limp Adrian Peterson back (way too soon if you ask me) from his knee injuries…..while MJ-D finally gets his ass off his couch and lives up to his contract (no one bitched and said give money back when you signed the front loaded deal…now man-up princess and get out there!)….young QB’s…though lumping Ponder in with Gabbert is criminally unfair to Ponder…he HAS talent….bad offenses and ok defenses….to be honest neither one of these piles of ass deserves to win a football game but I can NOT wait to sit through it and see the pain suffering and anguish!! MUST SEE TV!! And oh yeah…. *coin flip*
Winner:…the fans…oh wait….jacksonville….
Game Quality: THIS IS FIVE STAR ANTI-FOOTBALL…..embrace the FAIL!! <3
Eagles at Cleveland:
We’ll get the “Vick is going to the dawg pound” joke out of the way now and it’s done with….but to be fair…that’s about as much resistance as the Browns are gonna put up in this one….Joss Wheadon as the QB?? Good luck with that…I hope Colt McCoy gets nice and comfy and gets to watch this disaster up nice and close…he so got screwed out of that job…..either way, the weapons in Cleveland are limited (hell they could use the Miz….it’s that bad….)…even if Vick is banged up, McCoy is gonna “energize” (ohhh bad Star Trek pun….I know) through them and Phily should walk in this one….at least the Browns get first shot at re-injuring Vick though….right??
Game Quality: DUD (sorry browns, you still suck)
Colts at Bears:
An interesting match here (wait that’s a wrestling term…ugh…I’m so locked up mentally and not 100% ready for kickoff)….you have the future in Andrew Luck and the rebooting Colts….with the very much NOW in Jay Cutler, Marshall and the rest of this pretty loaded Bears team….there’s going to be pressure on the Bears to get going early this year with the injuries and the collapse last year…the Colts have a lot of promise…but promise don’t buy the groceries…and you’re going to have a happy Jay Cutler not getting assaulted after EVERY pass…these are all good things and why the Bears should win this one easily, it will be fascinating to see Andrew Luck with some live ammunition being thrown at him and that does make this a must-watch kinda football game……
Game Quality: ***
Redskins at Saints:
How fitting is it that after I talk Colts, I gotta talk RG III right? Well here we go…..I’ll skip the sh!tty pun of Griffin getting Lucky in playing a weak and much talked about Saints defense, and just get right to it, the Saints are monstrous at home and Drew Brees alone will find a way to cut up the Redskins defense…not to mention months of anger, aggravation and NFL Gestapo Bullsh!t get to be unleashed on the poor Redskins this Sunday….that’s a lot for a rookie QB, douche coach and a team not quite ready yet to handle it to take…not to mention on the road too…..again I’m curious to see how the kid does, but I’ll take the two-time 5,000 yard guy at home every time…..
Game Quality: *** (same with RG 3 and this “new look Saints”)
Rams at Lions:
Oh boy….yeah the Lions are immature and honestly a bunch of punks (no WWE ice cream bars here either dammit)….but the Rams…oh boy are they a mess…..and this kinda mess gets beat down by the leagues best WR (and I will enjoy seeing Calvin-Tron eat ‘Kid N Play’ Finnegan ALIVE in this one), the Rams don’t block very good….that fares well for the Lions too….and yeah….its funny how the teams I saw as awful last year…I still see as awful this year…looks like parity needs a kick in the pants eh?
Game Quality: * ¾
Patriots at Tennessee:
Poor Jake Locker….he finally gets his chance to start in the NFL (ok it’s only one season but we need a MORE DRAMATIC THEME…..yes?)…..and he gets thrown to the wolves and set up for slaughter at home with the Patriots….at least he gets a close up view of a real QB and a real WR corps…unless Chris Johnson comes out and runs for like 350 yards in some Steve Laflamme like Madden effort….there’s simply and truly no chance in hell for the Titans in this one….home…away….on Mars….no way no where noooo how, it will be interesting to see how the Pats young and rebooted defense…and how the running game looks with the Law Firm now residing in Cincinatti…..
Winner: New England
Game Quality: DUD (the Titans are awful folks….)
49ers at Green Bay:
BUH GAWD A 4PM SLOBBERKNOCKER!!!!! The league’s best defense, goes into Green Bay to play the team that averaged 40 points a GAME at home last year (the Jets won’t get 40 a month this year ), the 49ers are better and Alex Smith is still in shock of having the same offensive system two years in a row and improved WR weapons….and it will be interesting to see how Randy Moss plays and what he has left in the tank….but this is really about Green Bay, and the 49ers don’t have the guns or play the game in a way to be able to keep up with the Packers….it’s gonna be fun as hell to watch though I admit
Game Quality: **** (could be game of the week)
Carolina at Tampa:
Oh Greg Schiano….welcome to the Big Kids’ Pool….no more of those crappy rah rah sessions, it takes more then that in the NFL….no more Balls State or the other crap teams in the Big Least to beat on to make your fool ass look good…..someone should have told him, he has the jobber talent this time not the other way around (then again Rutgers was never better then a mid-card act, damned if they realized it….) and it’s gonna be fun to see Cam, that running game and everything else steamroll the piss out of the Bucs….shoulda stayed the ONLY fish in the irrelevant Pond there Greg
Game Quality: **
Seattle at Arizona:
The more I’ve gone through the pre-season the more I’m getting a good vibe about Seattle….Lynch isn’t getting suspended (I guess it’s ok to drive drunk, as long as you don’t violate the uniform code, keep away from the QB’s head and don’t make any drunken bounties right?)….Russell Wilson has been THE story of the pre-season and their defense is VERY underrated….meanwhile in Arizona….you have the crappy QB winning the job over the guy who makes Scott Mitchell sit down, watch, laugh and call him an overrated stiff….and call for a recount on one of those NFL top 10 EPIC FAIL lists…poor Larry Fitz, his head must be ready to explode with all this awful QB play around him….Arizona is trying to get a running game, and a better defense….but this is an up-year for Seattle….and if you want to be an up and coming team, you beat Arizona in week 1 for damn sure…..
Game Quality: * ¾ (not even good enough for anti-football *hrmpf* )
Steelers at Denver:
An interesting game with enough hype to make NBC not use the words “Cindy Crosby” for a night, you get the playoff rematch from last year….a healthier Steelers team….and oh yeah that Peyton Manning guy takes his first snaps under center in like 18 months….that alone almost makes this a must watch on Sunday Night….Denver should be able to attack the Steelers the way you always do….spread em out, make them unable to disguise their blitzes, and that’s half the battle….the Steelers have that same crappy O-Line, limited running game…and while I think the Steelers might be alright this year….this is not their night….and just as NBC wants it…it’s gonna be ALL about Peyton in the Sunday Night opener….
Game Quality: *** (this should be fun)
Monday Sept 10:
Bengals at Ravens:
I’m actually higher on the Bengals then most people….I like the addition of Green-Ellis and it will be nice to see him actually treated as a featured back for once in his career…..AJ Green is the most under the radar WR in the league now (yes I’m aware or Torrey Smith, but I’ll save Raven bravado for the Purple Haze of Manta Vision….), a solid defense (despite Terrance Newman….), the big question will be can Andy Dalton make the next step in his second season…..there’s a LOT of pressure on the Ravens…is Flacco the guy? This is the year to find out….having Ray Rice helps….not having Terrell Suggs this year is gonna hurt….one of these years Lewis and Reed are gonna show their age….can the offense step up and cover for this though? This is gonna have to be the year for it, though with the Steelers a bit on the down, and the Bengals just not there yet…Crank up the Hendrix….there’s some Purple Haze on the horizon…..
Game Quality: ** ¾ (we learn a lot about the Bengals early here…)
Chargers at Raiders:
This is a weird game with two of the biggest “what the HELL do I make of these” teams…the Chargers are a lot of the same….with just less weapons on offense….brittle RBs…but yet oddly enough….Antonio Gates is actually healthy for once….haaaaa….the Raiders on the other hand….depth gutted, Carson Palmer giving more questions then he’s answering….can McFadden stay healthy? Is this defense any good? Can they keep a coach for a full season? But lining these teams up, it’s hard to pick against Philip Rivers….and that’s good enough for me in this one…..
Game Quality: ** (better then Monday night Raw….)
NFL Pre-Season Rankings:
1. New England…..new and improved on defense?
2. Houston…..balanced and healthy again…..
3. Baltimore….time for Flacco to nut-up or shut up…..
4. Kansas City….I like their depth, youth and the fact that everyone’s oogling #18 in Denver….
5. Buffalo….I BELIEVE IN FITZ!!!
1. Giants…..its that Super Bowl thing….
2. Green Bay….it’s almost forgotten how damn good they are…..
3. 49ers….yeah they’re good too, the NFC is wayyyy better then the AFC this year
4. Chicago…they have the weapons this year….can they stay healthy?
5. Atlanta….Matt Ryan is the Joe Flacco of the NFC…time to nut-up too…..