It’s Thanksgiving! It’s family….it’s football….it’s ME IN DALLAS, the NFL is getting to the end chase for the playoffs (as the year flies away again…), we get some good games….and I’m already pissing people off in airports down here already, time to have some fun with the football too!!
Thursday Nov. 22:
Houston at Detroit:
Boy did I pick a good game to be able to skip out on while driving to Cowboys stadium right?? The Texicans, while a bit sloppy, did manage to pull a win out over awful Jacksonville….and Detroit still tries to shoot itself in the foot until there are no toes left….and it’s another shot for Houston to flex its muscle on national TV….that’s enough reason to pick Houston….and dammit, Arian Foster owes me one from last week……
Game Quality: DUD (talk to the family, pretend to care about your relatives just to make sure you’re in the clear for the next one…)
Washington at Dallas:
Lots of trends here…..Dumbo is 13-0 at home in November….Dallas is 6-0 vs the Redskins on Thanksgiving and on top of all the stats the Cowboys are a better team then the Redskins now (scary fact, they don’t play like a ‘better team’)….the Skins do have the better player in RG III and he could damn near win this game himself….he has a healthy running game too, the best runner on the Dallas side is gonna be Jason Garrett if I come down from the 400’s and try to Chris Benoit his ass….add in the rivalry, and you’re gonna have a DAMN good game (did I also mention Dallas is 1-0 when I’ve gone)….too many trends and an improving Dallas defense should be too much for the Redskins….
Game Quality: **** (and I’m THERE, what the hell else do you need?
Patriots at NY Jets:
This might be a unique one tonight….this might be the first time I possibly watch a Jet game without any bias or outside annoyances…..another perk of being on the road in Dallas!!! The Jets thumped on the Rams last week (which was a pretty big shock)….and the Pats did what they do best….took a big lead on a lesser and “not ready” team….they stomped a mudhole and walked it dry…those poor Colts, this probably won’t happen on NBC tonight….these two teams know and hate each other too much….and in all irony…the John Madden turkey leg award is back tonight for NBC….so yes, the Jets ARE playing “for a fvcking snack”….go figure…it’s still too hard to pick against Darth Hoodie and Emperor Brady here….and the Jets aren’t really talented enough for two in a row in 4 days either….but YOU KNOW…. I’m 1200 miles away and don’t have to deal with it till Sunday…..let’s unleash the UPSET!!!
Winner: J-E-T-S….snack snack snack!!
Game Quality: ***
Sunday Nov 25:
Broncos at Chiefs:
Good God there are so many bad teams in the NFL you are just gonna have to live with the fact that the good teams are gonna have a college football level of bum teams to beat on aren’t ya? Well this is one of those games….wonder if Peyton’s gonna spend more time selling sh!t in the commercials rather then dealing with the Chiefs…. I’d say likely….
Game Quality: DUD (the Chiefs suck and they know it….)
Titans at Jacksonville:
Jacksonville kinda gave ya just about all they got last week and still lost in OT to the Texans, and after that they gotta come back and play a beatable Titans team….but I can’t see it…not that the Titans are much better, but they are 4-6….and Chris Johnson is running the ball better now….ah, who am I kidding? I can’t sell this dogpile up….it’s late I’m still hearing that idiot from the plane who was crying she was “held hostage” because they had to fix something on the plane so it DOESN’T CRASH at 30,000 feet…and she was crying for free peanuts and/or free tickets….I wish I had peanuts to throw at her….anyway, by the time we got there I told her where to go anyway…..it amused the hell out of the girl next to her at least …this game sucks, you ain’t watching it…hell you probably didn’t read this and just looked below:
Game Quality: I’m sniffing some anti-football here!!
Bills at Colts:
Oh Buffalo, it’s bad enough the Patriots pimp-slapped you twice this year, now you get an angry and humbled Colts who took that Brady bitch-slap to the face….somehow they played better then Miami (which I thought unpossible), and pulled out a win to “save the season” (which means stay crappy enough to not get a real draft pick when they are DESPERATE for a real QB, and then Andy Luck can mock them and go HA HA thank God I didn’t go there)….the Bills can run with Spiller, it ain’t enough though….the Colts will feel better about themselves this week and get back on the winning side…this should be a fun game though….
Game Quality: ** ¾
Oakland at Cincinnati:
Boy the Bengals have a softer schedule then the Cowboys now don’t they?? If Oakland was even an almost-average team I’d make a big deal about Palmer coming back to play in his old home digs….but there’s nothing there…well aside of the waiver wire phenom in Kyle Reese, the backs are hurt, the TE don’t exist, the receivers suck….and the defense?? HAAAA….this will be painful, but still kinda fun to watch at least….
Game Quality: DUD
Steelers at Browns:
So Big Ben goes down and Bryon Leftwich barely lasts six quarters in replacing him….tells you something about how Bears-like their o-line is (this keeps up and it might be Arizona-bad)….the Browns actually kept it close against the Cowboys and pressured another team with a spotty o-line, got pressure, ran the ball and hung around….and if you look personnel-wise the Cowboys are a little better in talent then the Steelers and Dumbo is WAY better then Batch….the Steelers are ripe to be picked and I’m calling it here (see THIS is the BOLD PREDICTION, Laflamme!!)
Winner: Browns (yes I went there!)
Game Quality: **(can Batch spank it out?)
Vikings at Chicago:
Here we go again…..the Bears are without Jay Cutler and here comes the tailspin again….I don’t think this can be blamed on Jason Campbell….it’s time to give Cutler credit for sticking in there with that HIDEOUS line of his and making big plays and surviving as long as he HAS….we don’t like to give him credit cause he’s a punkass and talks too much sh!t and sulks on the sidelines….time to get back to the players playing in this one….the Vikings had a week off, Adrian Peterson….a good pass rush….and if they can simple it down for Ponder, they’re a better team….the game’s in Chicago, I think that’s a minus for the Bears after what happened last week….those fans gonna be PIST at the first “down goes Campbell” moment….that Viking front four is gonna get to them big time too….
Game Quality: **
Seattle at Miami:
It’s amazing how the Miami and the Jet fans want to get on my case “that I have the power to affect wins and losses for their teams”…seriously guys?? If I had THAT kinda power, Dallas would be 16-0 every year, the Giants and Jets would be 7-9 every year, and Dallas would beat Buffalo 52-17 in every Super Bowl J….anyway, back to this game….again….good to see I still have the attitude even with awesome Mexican food in the belly!! Seattle plays defense, runs the ball, and gets big plays….Miami does none of this and it’s gonna be an ugly game for Tannehill (speaking of…what in the FRAK happened to Reggie Bush this year…it’s like someone gave him AP’s bum knee from last December)….I hope Miami loses by goddamn 50 today to stop this “I hex them nonsense”
Game Quality: ** ½ (can you blame me for not buying the Eagles??)
Atlanta at Tampa Bay:
This is a pretty damned intriguing lil football game….Atlanta looks like they’re coming back to Earth after getting whooped by the Saints (good God I’m speaking Texican already) and getting the human bye known as the Cardinals….and still almost losing to them, they can’t run the ball and with no Julio Jones the Falcons were a bit exposed….meanwhile Tampa’s playing like one of those “fluke team that’s playing over its head and crashes down the next season”….oh well…..Atlanta won’t be THAT bad on offense, but Tampa can at least block and run the ball….things Arizona can only dream about….and I just got the feeling this one’s gonna be an “upset”….mostly because I don’t like how Atlanta has played in its last two games….
Winner: Tampa Bay
Game Quality: ***
Baltimore at San Diego:
How does a team make it’s overrated injury filled defense look better and delude its fans into fool’s thoughts of glory? Simple, you play the ravaged Steelers and then play Phillip Rivers who’s the NFL’s version of Santa Claus….he gives gifts to everyone disguised as shiny NFL footballs! It would be nice to see the Ravens offense show up on the road this week and maybe this is the perfect storm with how bad and lost the Chargers look (and be fair, it’s time to blow sh!t up in San Diego after this year)….cue up the Hendrix, it’s Purple Haze in So Cal…..
Game Quality: DUD
Rams at Arizona:
Did any two teams playing each other this week look any worse last week?? Arizona is the same old story there….and my dinner bet is inching closer and closer to GLORY….I’d call what happened to the Rams baffling and stunning, but I admit I kept that game to my back and was probably better off like that….maybe just chalk it up to a young team that wasn’t ready…either way, if this team learned its lesson…or just rushes the QB (whoever it is surviving under center for Arizona….) that should be enough to win this game this week…..and I have motivation to root against Arizona!!
Game Quality: * ¾
Saints at 49ers:
Now this is a 4pm game!! A throwback to when the NFC West extended across the country, except back then the Saints were the all defense team and we know all about those 49er offenses (if you don’t shame on you, do your damn homework!!)….this is going to be a bigger test for Colin Kapernick, the Saints have a bit of film on him and are an aggressive team, and should be giving the young QB some tougher looks (plus the Saint offense can stay on the field a bit so he won’t be playing an exhausted and de-motivated defense wishing they had a bounty program)…..and the Saints are red-hot, and if they want to finish off this run and make the playoffs it’s gonna get tough for them (Atlanta, Giants, Dallas and Tampa loom on the schedule)….but the 49ers are still the better and more complete team…add in some home field and the Saints playoff dream might get washed away right here…..
Game Quality: ***
Packers at NY Giants:
We’ve seen this before….red-hot Packers beating up on everyone, despite the injuries and the non-running game….the Giants come in stumbling and not looking too great, struggling all over….people questioning Eli and a “dead arm”….good Christ you idiots play right into the Giants hands….they LIVE for this sh!t and this us against them crap….and we’re getting annoyingly close to the “flip the switch” time again…..so yeah…you can break it own all you like, this is VINTAGE Giants comeback time…..
Winner: NY Giants (let’s test that “hex”…)
Game Quality: ****
Monday Nov 26:
Carolina at Phily:
Oh sweet God what a glorious sh!tpile this is!!! Neither one of these teams can do anything on either side of the ball, bad defense, fictional running games….and do I even need to mention the QB play?? This is the DEFINITION of anti-football…hell ESPN ain’t even running commercials for it and all they can hope for is Andy Reid getting publically executed on their awful football show….even I can’t give you a good reason to watch this one…..I’m going old school and whipping out the coin flip here…..
Game Quality: ANTI-FOOTBALL!!
NFL Week 11 Top 5’s:
- Houston…back on track…
- Denver….if I talk about the 5 in a row can I get some free Papa John’s?
- New England….running it up like when I was passing for 5,000 yard with Culter in Madden
- Baltimore…..ugly, but victorious….
- Colts….yeah they lost, but they ain’t starting Charlie Batch….
- 49ers….tore the Bears apart
- Packers….getting hot, and not healthy, that’s scary….
- Atlanta…6 turnovers? No problem!! Thanks Arizona!
- NY Giants….the bye makes them be forgotten (I’m not buying this swoon crap)
- Seattle….solid and you know what you get with them