NFL Wek 15!!!

[CRASHER]

So it’s my birthday week….whoooo….hooray….and everyone wants to seem to hand me checks….no it’s not well-intended relatives and dedicated friends (sh!t they can’t even remember a poker game discussed just a week ago …thank God for Facebook or they’d probably forget their damn names too if they couldn’t tag themselves)….oh wait….I don’t have well-intended relatives either….oh yeah…it’s customers working me like mad….well think of all this money I’m piling up that I don’t have to waste on people’s presents…sweet!!! Anyway….the NFL is giving gifts…11 divisional rematches this week and pretty much ALL the games the rest of the season….and fantasy football playoffs are looming….so expect another 1.2 point effort outta Peyton Manning down the road….lots to be thankful for….like not seeing the Cowboys lose on my birthday, since it’s Saturday!

 

Thursday Dec 11:

Arizona at St Louis:

The two most blitz-happy teams in the league going at each other and facing backup QBs….this is gonna be like Seattle-San Fran light….this should be an awesome game to watch if you ACTUALLY like football, but this is a game the Goodell Gestapo is glad to bury on the NFL Network….the Rams are playing quite awesome….Shaun Hill is finding himself….Tre Mason is looking like the RB we all keep and get all hopeful for the next season (and it’s only the 3^rd year in a row this has happened)….and will probably ass out, and much like those insufferable commercials….Hill has been “going to Jared” ….no he’s not giving some dopey chick a ring….he’s been throwing to his TE a lot….the Cardinals are a few steps away from a free fall and with Seattle and San Fran on the schedule….it could get ugly (though the closer we get to the 49ers the more winnable that seems)….getting ANY points on the Rams is an accomplishment…and if the Cardinals do….I’m going with the hot team…always dangerous to take the road team on Thursday Night….oops….this is in St Louis?? Good God it’s been a long day….the Cardinals are cooked

Winner:  Rams

Game Quality:  ** ¾  (admit it, you’re only watching because you have one of these defenses)

 

Sunday Dec 14:

1pm:

Pittsburgh at Atlanta:

So the Falcons decided to show up and play a football game once I walked into Floyd Hall to play hockey on Monday Night….go figure….but that passing attack is still as good as it gets in the league….and the Falcons have the luxury of knowing they can lose every game this season and still emerge victorious via WORST PLACE VICTORY!!!! (man and you look at Dallas, Phily and Arizona looking at 10-6 and one of them missing out…hell the Rams could end up 9-7 too and not even sniff the playoffs)….meanwhile the Steelers are winning games because of three people….Big Ben, Antonio Brown and Levon Bell….they’ve been unstoppable by GOOD defenses (but apparently bad teams give them fits…weird)….Atlanta is not a good defense and maybe them being in the Fool’s Gold First Place will fool the Steelers into playing an A game effort….and CMON BEN I NEED YA IN TWO PLAYOFF GAMES…..DON’T MANNING THIS!!!!! It’s hard to pick against the Steeler weapons inside a dome….especially since it sounds like Julio might have ran and caught himself right onto the injury list this week and burnt himself out…too many reasons point to the Steelers to look the other way….

Winner:   Steelers

Game Quality:  *** (2 good passing games on 2 bad defenses….this is what they want, right?)

 

Jacksonville at Baltimore:

Well I’m short on time…the Jags are beyond horrible on the road and the Ravens are good at home…and to be honest only Manta is reading this and he’s been too damn quiet this year to give him any credit…so here’s your ass kicking…get the ball to Steve Smith and let’s GOOOOOO

Winner:  Ravens

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Green Bay at Buffalo:

The Bills have never lost to Buffalo at home (all five times…and God knows the stiff QB the Packers came in with for those games)….that is probably the most useless stat in the history of all stats…the Packer offense is unstoppable…and so what it’s in Buffalo….you think the Packers give a rat’s damn about the cold weather??? All the Packers need to do is follow the plan the Broncos did last week…pound the ball with Eddie Lacy….get a few fist pumps from the refs and make Kyle Orton make mistakes….you know…throw the ball…It’s only a matter of time and one or two more losses before the Bills HAVE to go back to EJ personally….they’re bringing a pop gun, some rocks and a plastic pirate sword to a gun fight….the Packers are bringing the US Marines…..sorry ‘bout yo’ damnnn luck Buffalo!!!

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  *½

 

Tampa Bay at Carolina:

It’s sad when one team has their QB dodge a bullet in a scary car accident and that team is more sure and secure in their QB option than their opponent…..this game has mother of all cluster fvcks written all over it…..the Bucs won’t go to Mike Glennon because his limp arm can’t get the ball to Mike Evans, and no matter how much McNown sucks he can at least chuck it up to the big WR’s ….. Derek Anderson is good enough to win a game or two….a big dose of John Stewart and a few plays to Olsen and Benjamin and that should be good enough to beat up on a pretty horrid Bucs team still infested with a massive case of the Schiano’s (how this idiot is now an “expert” on the NFL Network…..guess he’s waiting for the Rutgers job to re-open so he can slime back to mediocrity …..then again Matt Millen has an announcing job too….he makes Mike Milbury look qualified….)…. Carolina should find a way to win an ugly stinker at home….this game needs a monsoon during halftime to make it epic level of amazing kinda bad!

Winner:  Panthers

Game Quality:  *

 

Cincinnati at Cleveland:

It’s JOHNNY BACKUP TIME…hooray….nah I know it was time…it’s a shame there’s no marketing sense in Cleveland….think of the 80’s retro pop we coulda gotten giving Johnny Backup the Number Five….and all the awful Short Circuit puns I could make that most of you won’t get….or maybe you will….you guys can’t possibly be as pop-culture inept as Jamie is….SHE DIDN’T EVEN WATCH CHEERS…CMOOONNN *sigh*…anyway…it’s a rookie QB making his first start in a “win or be out of the playoffs” kinda game….guess it’s a good thing it’s against the soft and overrated Bengals….that should at least even the playing field…..I like the Browns D to keep this close a lot more than the Bengals guys….but let’s be fair ….karma is a REAL thing….and Johnny Backup is a douche….and immature and still doesn’t get it…and someone’s gonna take that stupid money sign of his and stuff it up his ass this week….and I can’t lie…I’m gonna laugh pretty damn hard at it….hell even Andy Dalton might allow himself a courtesy chuckle before he turns it over right back to them!

Winner:  Bengals

Game Quality:  ** ½ (Loses points for ESPN-Manzell drooling)

 

Houston at Indianapolis:

I know JJ Watt has no chance at the MVP this year….BUT…if he can dominate this game….and do the only thing the NFL cares about…score a touchdown or two (only the NFL can make their case for him as defensive player of the year and start with his offensive stats….I may have said this before…even least week…but it still annoys me)….Arian Foster should be back and Ryan Fitz can not make mistakes….I know that’s like asking a Jet QB to throw to his teammates….they’d have a chance…but the Colts have NEVER lost to the Texans at home (unlike that dopey Bills stat this number matters) and the Colts haven’t lost in their crappy division either…..and if anything else, the Colts will start magically getting the calls like they did in the second half vs the Browns (watch the game….I did….it was amazing how the flags wouldn’t stay in their pockets)…the Texans also don’t have anyone to shut down TY Hilton who’s been VERY good this year and the Colts will simply outscore Houston and they won’t keep up…..

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  ** ¾

 

Oakland at Kansas City:

The  RED HOT BLOOD REMATCH (hell the Raiders have won more in their last 3 than the Chiefs had…ha!)

And now you find out that Jamaal Charles is limping and missing practice this week…oh boy….screw JJ Watt, the most irreplaceable player in football is Charles…the Chiefs become the Jets and Titans combined offensively (my God…those two teams are playing…that’s like anti-football Viagra!!)…the Raiders are actually rallying around David Carr and winning some football games and making plays..and oh my God… Denarius Moore injured himself after falling down some stairs at a hotel on Sunday…BWAHAHAHA, he must have seen Kapernick after the game and Black Tebow got mad and threw him down the steps!! That’s priceless!!! I really want to pick the Raiders here, they are playing better and WAY MORE so if Charles is out…but its damn hard to win two games against the same team in your division especially over what….3 weeks?? The Raiders aren’t THAT far along yet, I’m gonna assume Charles plays….or Knile Davis looks just like him this week (like he did in Week 17 last year) and the Chiefs find a way to stay alive in the AFC West….if the Raiders had lost the first game against them I’d probably take them….go figure

Winner:  Chiefs

Game Quality:  **

 

Miami at New England:

Big game, AFC East consequences, playoff spots on the line….who the hell do you think I’m taking?? The proven and true QB and coach, the defense playing lights out….or the QB who keeps coming up smaller than Tony Romo in December the defense you can run some wheelchair students past, its amazing how for an important game with so much on the line…..how this one is such a damned no-brainer….the only pro-Miami thing you can say is the more I crap on them….the better they do….plus I’m mad that I played the numbers and started Tanny over Matt Ryan in Green Bay last week….that was horrid….it won’t be a stomping here….but the Pats should not sweat winning this one…..

Winner: Patriots

Game Quality:  ***

 

REDSKINS at NY Giants:

Hey Tom Coughlin, got any players you acquired via trade from the REDSKINS….throw ‘em out there for the coin toss…seems to be a new rule (hell Goodell might have snuck it into the Personal Conduct Policy…I’m sure there’s a paragraph in there for trolling….and if there is…God I’m in TROUBLE ), besides it’s gotten so bad for the REDSKINS they’ve now taken to fighting each other in practice in hopes of getting suspended and not having to play on Sunday….South Park is doing their SECOND episode on them this season and even Native Americans are using the word like an insult….much like how black people say NAGGER all the time (be honest you read it another way on first glance….if I was posting this just on FB I’d drop the N bomb homey….but I’ll keep it nice for NJDevs)…..the Giants at least have some pride and most of these guys are coming back next year….and don’t forget we MUST OVERHYPE ODELL BECKHAM UNTIL IT HURTS DAMMIT…..so that means 200 yards receiving and a win (plus it will drive me crazy is captain sticky gloves beats me in the damn playoffs)…man up and take the gloves off princess….I got nothing else to talk about here….the Giants will win and probably easily….especially if RG III gotta play with the Colt of Personality not feeling his neck….

Winner:  Giants

Game Quality:  * (This isn’t even the most anti-football-ier game of the afternoon)

 

4pm:

Denver at San Diego:

Denver impressed me last week (well not only for the no TD Peyton Manning effort…nothing like beating the guy who hoarded QB’s through superior QB play….this is why you don’t draft QB’s early…EVER…. anyway)….the Chargers also got a bit exposed last week…trouble in the middle of their O-Line shut everything down…plus the weekly Ryan Matthews injury didn’t help either…Rivers had no time and less help…the defense got worn down by New England….and as much as Denver might hate doing it, they need to follow the plan the Pats used…and run the ball and do something nauseating that will make one of those frauds in the “Vikings-Eagles-Bengals-Steelers family” commercial (and seriously, is there a commercial more stupid…you take a selfie with Emmitt Smith 20 years after he matters and now you’re a Cowboys fan?? GO BACK WE DON’T WANT YOU!!!)…and that proud Front Running Queen Bee mom, maybe you should have taught your children to have spines and stick with their teams and your Christmas shopping would be a LOT easier….dumb spots like that are why I buy off the China sites ….anyway….I don’t trust in Manning but I believe in that running game….amazing how all the good teams in football now magically have good running games again this year….

Winner:  Broncos

Game Quality:  ***

 

NY Jets at Tennessee:

Now THIS is how you roll anti-football…..do you know these two teams have COMBINED for only 11 points more than the Packers?? (and they combined for 29 passing TDs over 5 “Quarterbacks” while A-Rod has 35?)…you can roll a massive number of ugly offensive stats here….and laugh away! But the Jets can play some defense …and run the ball….and the true sign of a bad team is not only are they awful, but they find a way to screw up their top 5 pick…that means winning some December games….this one is VERY winnable (especially since the Jets are the better team….well except at QB…that’s a wash…) this might be too ugly for even anti-football….but I might watch  it since I no longer have to deal with morons at the bar anymore…..

Winner:  Jets

Game Quality: *** (SO BAD, its good!!!)

 

San Francisco at Seattle:

LOL…the 49ers got whooped by the Raiders….Jim Harbaugh is being auctioned to the lowest bidder and Tim Tebow is sending me a cease and decist order about calling Kapernick “Black Tebow” because even HE was never as awful as Kapernick has been this year….I guess I always got Colin Eat A Dick which still works! These two teams could not be going in more opposite directions….you’d think the Niners would give a lil extra with it being Seattle and all….but they’re just not GOOD ENOUGH to elevate and the ‘Hawks are playing at a near Super Bowl level…this could be a class A ass whipping….and my “49ers miss the playoffs” prediction back in August sure looks GOLDEN doesn’t it?? (I need to review my predictions again one of these days….maybe week 1 of the playoffs)….Seattle might run it up a bit here…..

Winner:  Seahawks

Game Quality:  ***(Awesome rivalry and I enjoy seeing Black Tebow suck!)

 

Minnesota at Detroit:

Dammit…the football game kicked off….oh well I’m almost there right?? This is a bit of an intriguing game….the Vikings are playing better of late …wins in 4 of their last 6 and 30 points in their last two games….but those were Carolina and the Jets…Reggie Bush says he’ll be back and the Lions also are starting to score again (31 points in their last two games) and in a desperate chase not only with the Packers, but the Cowboys/Eagles and Cardinals for a wild card spot (which might be a blessing, if you get that WORST PLACE team this might be a good time for that road team…hell they’re gonna be favored by Vegas too if you’re into that)…the Vikings are a nice story …and even a 7-9 finish would be AMAZING for all the crap that’s gone on in Minnesota this year….but nice stories don’t matter when you’re playing a better team in a game it HAS to have to stay in the playoff race…. (but yet I took St Louis over Arizona….but that’s because Arizona sucks right now…)

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  *

 

 

8pm:

Dallas at Phily:

This one’s easy….you can break this down all you want…Murray and Dez….the Cowboys having 10 days off between games (letting Romo get healthier) as opposed to two naps and a game film between the first game (with the style of offense and the sci-fi prep that Chip Kelly uses it’s damn near UNFIAR to play them on 3 days rest)…an angry Eagles team that got smacked around and all that….but this comes down to one thing….this is a December football game that the Dallas Cowboys HAVE to have if they want to lock up the division or at least a playoff spot….you know what that means…the ENTIRE TIME of the Jason Garrett error, when it’s time to step up….they slip on the first step and crash down the steps like some hack comedy movie from Tyler Perry…..so yeah…no brainer here…take the Eagles and shake your head as the Cowboys BLOW IT YET AGAIN, but brag about their TV Ratings and number of Social Media hits…..

Winner:  Eagles

Game Quality:  ***

 

Monday Dec 16:

New Orleans at Chicago:

I was doing well….it was 8:00 and I had four games left to write about….and then I peeked down and saw this game and began thinking about it….the Bears suck at home….hell they suck everywhere….. articles of Jay Cutler “buyer’s remorse” were all over the internet (hell they drowned out the Harbaugh chatter and almost dwarfed out Goodell’s new PR-save face edict about personal conduct (remember when things that needed be collectively bargained….were ACTUALLY collectively bargained….I have issues with that)…neither one of these teams play an ounce of defense (maybe the Saints practice trying to tackle Rob Ryan….and be honest….no one is bringing down THAT human mountain of fat and failure without a tow truck…)…the Bears don’t have that excuse….but you can see Cutler making one mistake early in this game, the crowd getting angry….the Saints running the ball a bit and the whole quicksand effect sucks the Bears in and brings them down….I don’t know….I can’t logically break this game down any other way with my football brain and I’m usually good at this kinda stuff…this game is the mother of all train wrecks!!! I am looking forward to being home and watching it though!!!

Winner:  Saints

Game Quality:  *** (what a glorious train wreck!)

 

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings:

AFC:

1. New England….the defense is scary good…..
2. Denver….who needs passing TDs?
3. Indianapolis….thank you refs….just saying…..
4. Pittsburgh….scary good offense when they turn it on….
5. Baltimore….easy to forget about them isn’t it?

 

NFC:

1. Green Bay….took the second half off and still beat Atlanta
2. Seattle….gaining FAST on the Packers….
3. Detroit….showing signs of offense….
4. Phily….who am I gonna pick…an NFC South team?
5. Arizona….in the top 5 probably for the last time….

[Daniel]

The Rams Cards game is perhaps the most boring game of NFL football I have ever seen.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[CRASHER]

Eh...it's actually TOO mistake free....need a couple of sacks and Stanton fumbles to get this one going

[NJDevs4978]

The Rams Cards game is perhaps the most boring game of NFL football I have ever seen.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

It's still ten times better than the majority of Devil games this season

 

The Cardinals just keep losing QB's, RB's and everyone else and somehow winning games.  At least now they HAVE to make the playoffs, right?  11-3, they can't possibly miss at 11-5 can they?  Especially with tiebreakers on most teams.  They probably won't have to worry about it anyway cause the Niners are a carcass so the Cardinals might wind up being a 12-4 wild card...going on the road to a 6-10 Saints/Falcons team lol

 

Arizona already lost at Atlanta too so I'm almost hoping that happens just to see whether Vegas would have the onions to make the Falcons favored lol

Edited December 12, 2014 by NJDevs4978

[CRASHER]

Arizona/Atlanta.... anti-football makes the PLAYOFFS??? ohhhhh mmmyyyyyyyy

[Onddeck]

The spread on the game tonight was 6 haha. So crazy. And so damn boring.

[CRASHER]

Both teams were scared to death to make plays....especially St Louis...... Herm Edwards would be PROUD of that game last night....

 

is Arizona possibly the worst 11-win team in league history?? Imagine if they had played the NFC South

[NJDevs4978]

Bruce Arians laid the smack down on the Rams

http://mweb.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24882109/bruce-arians-rips-people-for-picking-always-8-8-rams

He is right though, people were picking against the Cardinals because the Rams shut out two bad teams and because they lost their QB. As if Shawn Hill is so much better than any QB the Cards ran out last night.

Edited December 12, 2014 by NJDevs4978

[CRASHER]

People (me included) picked the hot team on a roll against a team that is sooner or later just not have the damn bodies to play NFL Football.....that aside I might need to have a "Troll of the Year award" this year.....its a tough call between this and the coin toss incident

 

It's amazing how balls to the wall (fake punts, shenanigans) that Fisher was even a month ago....and last night....it was like Herm Edwards switched bodies with him.....

[Daniel]

Bruce Arians laid the smack down on the Rams

http://mweb.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24882109/bruce-arians-rips-people-for-picking-always-8-8-rams

He is right though, people were picking against the Cardinals because the Rams shut out two bad teams and because they lost their QB. As if Shawn Hill is so much better than any QB the Cards ran out last night.

 

Thanks Bruce for fvcking up my chances of winning my fantasy football week.  (Started Tre Mason and Larry Fitzgerald.  The latter I didn't want to start, but didn't want to take a chance on DeSean Jackson not playing on Sunday). 

[CRASHER]

The AP suspension is UPHELD (and rightfully so since he got paid for nine games) and saves the Vikings a massice headache.....

[CRASHER]

.....Miami moves down the field and gets their FG blocked and brought back for a TD....that totally sums them up the last month......

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

.....Miami moves down the field and gets their FG blocked and brought back for a TD....that totally sums them up the last month......

Miami is moving the ball with ease so far...Pats will need to put up points today...

[CRASHER]

Miami is moving the ball with ease so far...Pats will need to put up points today...

 

NOBDOY is putting up points today....except the Bengals....this has been an ugly first quarter all around this week.....

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

15-yard facemask penalty and the blocked FG has really hurt Miami so far...they did offset some of that with their int that cut short a Pats drive. But Miami is showing me why I was worried about this game.

[CRASHER]

15-yard facemask penalty and the blocked FG has really hurt Miami so far...they did offset some of that with their int that cut short a Pats drive. But Miami is showing me why I was worried about this game.

 

Miami has looked AWESOME out of the box in their last three games.....it doesn't last....Jesus I sound like Daniel

 

Why is the Red Zone obsessing on the Giants and REDSKINS....I love seeing RG III get pummeled as much as anyone....but there's way more important games going on.....

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Dolphins really not doing themselves any favors today.

[CRASHER]

Dolphins really not doing themselves any favors today.

 

This has been a weekly occurance for Miami

[CRASHER]

In a year of horrible officiating and idiotic calls made by NFL referees, that RG III "fumble" and no recover at the end of the half might be the most terrible and inexcusably bad call I might have ever seen in my damned life and that doesn't do that horsesh!t call ANY justice

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Incredibly stupid coaching by the Genius and Co. to end the half. Coached not to lose and they did.

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Miami has looked AWESOME out of the box in their last three games.....it doesn't last....Jesus I sound like Daniel

.

You called it Crash. Pats recovered nicely after botching the end of the first half.

[CRASHER]

You called it Crash. Pats recovered nicely after botching the end of the first half.

 

I've watched them the last three weeks....it's almost like a broken record with the Dolphins....for some baffling reason they can't finish games .....

[NJDevs4978]

lol Jordy Nelson just dropped a sure 90-yard TD, maybe this is the Packers' week to get WTF'ed

[CRASHER]

lol Jordy Nelson just dropped a sure 90-yard TD, maybe this is the Packers' week to get WTF'ed

 

that play ALONE would have won me my money week playoff game....DON'T START ME!!!!!!!!

Between him and Johnny fvckTwat making Gordon useless.....this is a HORRIBLE afternoon.....

[NJDevs4978]

Gordon's also out of shape according to the Browns lol...and they don't have Norv there anymore, it's a completely different offensive mindset this year.