Week 5 is here, and even the randomness of the damn coin doesn’t make things much better in trying to figure this league out….after coming out flying with the picks the quarter of randomness ended up a meager 8-6 last week (and picked the Jets d’ohhh) *sigh* sometimes you realize that you just can’t win in life no matter how much logic and insight you pour into those things….football can be like family like that ….thankfully I get a week of Cowboy-free-bar-rage to enjoy the Sundays again (and I was playing ice hockey during the interception-fest, so we move along as gracefully as humanly possible here….)
Thursday Oct 4:
Cardinals at Rams:
It’s funny, this game is WAY more appealing then it looks on paper, yes Arizona is a fraud 4-0 (Bill Parcells can kiss my ass this team is NOT what its record is), but they keep getting the right teams at the right time…and the Rams are a scrappy, tough lil bunch who plays hard and gives you something just about every week, and the match-up of Larry Fitz and “Kid n Play” Finnegan is as good a WR/CB match-up as it gets….the short week is gonna be a tough one for Steven Jackson to be healthy for (both teams have to deal with this problem….again it’s why I HATE these damn Thursday games)….and let’s be honest, no one’s gonna be talking about this one next to the water cooler even if something absurd happens tomorrow….gimmie that damn coin….
Game Quality: ** (it’s a good game, but admit it NO ONE cares….)
Sunday Oct 7.:
Browns at NY Giants:
Alright, this one is probably the gimmie of the week…which is always dangerous when it comes to the Giants….the only time they always win is when they look dead in the water, and they usually come up limp when you look and say “no way this other team has a CHANCE here”….*ugh*….but it’s Cleveland dammit, 0-4 is a way of life near the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame (speaking of…nice job Cleveland in screwing THAT up too), the Browns are good at putting up nice numbers in trash time, and the Giants weak secondary makes any game comeback time…but still…they’re the fraking Browns….I can’t…..
Winner: NY Giants (I am NOT taking a chance on the coin giving me Cleveland )
Game Quality: DUD (the Browns are the only FAIL more constant then the Knicks in this universe…..)
Green Bay at Indianapolis:
Man there’s a bunch of crappy one-sided games this week…geesh…stupid bye’s…the Packers got back on track with the offense last week (then again it’s not like the Saints know about this defense concept)….the Colts have a lot of distractions with the leukemia situation and we need look no farther then said mentioned Saints to see what a distraction a coaching problem can be…the Colts do have nothing to lose here…but the Packers need to beat up on these lesser teams or they’re gonna be left in the dust with Chicago (and good God, Minnesota too…..somehow) doing as well as they are….I’m trying to lean off the coin toss since it didn’t work, and I’m going out on CRASHER Island for the “obvious” picks….help me football Gods…..
Game Quality: DUD (Packers fantasy football owners get to gush this week)
Eagles at Steelers:
The Eagles somehow did it AGAIN Sunday Night with the Giants…they actually blocked and ran the football (amazing how all the top teams in the league right now have a run option that you HAVE to respect to give the passing game some time…and a little blocking helps too)….the Steelers got two weeks to think about the sh!tpile they left in Oakland….and more importantly….they got healthy, all the big name guys are ready to go, hell James Harrison is so ready to go he even re-filled his “Goodell Fund for stupid fines that are real football hits” so he’s really ready to whip some ass…I want to take the Steelers here, mostly cause they’re healthy and I don’t think the Eagles can do that two weeks in a row…but this is one of those games that will bite me in the ass… COIN TOSS it is!!!! Heads it is….home team ahoy!
Game Quality: **** (this game is ALWAYS good)
Atlanta at Washington:
The Falcons are playing the best football in the league now (with maybe Houston being a close second, but Atlanta has beaten better teams), the offense is FLYING and even being backed up to the one foot line wasn’t enough to stop them from going right down the field (though I gotta admit it’s a disgrace to let Roddy White get THAT open for three consecutive hours like he did)…the Redskins are hurting on defense for sure, but RG III is playing the role of Cam Newton from last year….except they win a few of these games with the gaudy numbers…this is one of those games you gotta take the “common logic” and twist that sh!t into 2012….I looked evily at the coin (and exhaled that it’s been a whole ten minutes since I got a dopey phone call soliciting me for crappy advertising…ah small business ownership….) anyway….upset time!
Game Quality: ** (should be interesting at least)
Ravens at Chiefs:
I looked up and saw what time it was this morning and went “crap I gotta get to work”….but looking at this matchup this should be an easy one to pencil in some time for….looking at the Ravens secondary is an ugly proposition, but Matt Cassel might possibly be THE WORST starting QB in the NFL right now (yes I remember Mark Sanchez but in a rare moment of defending a Jet, he has NO o-line, less at RB and even less to throw too….Cassel has Jamaal Charles, Dwayne Bowe, a solid line and a good TE and he STILL sucks)….Peyton Hillis is still out and has been HORRIBLE this year, so it looks like it’s going to be a lot of Charles against the aging Purple Haze…the Ravens will put up points with Flacco and that offense going at a high gear now…funny how the Ravens have evolved from the pop-gun offense to the matador defense (God I quoted Walt Frazier…please…stab me….nowww)….the Chiefs are clever at finding ways to lose, and they badly need a QB…better get to the top of the draft for that guys….or trade for Matt Flynn *chuckle*….anyway, cue up some Jimi on the mp3 player and for once it’s not my “all along the Watchtower” BSG-based obsession…..
Game Quality: ** (if this game relies on Matt Cassel to be good this will be a disaster)
Miami at Bengals:
So you think before the game the two GMs will get together over coffee (or something stronger) and have a courtesy chuckle about Chad Johnson? Then again if Ken Ireland gets a lil obnoxious…the Bengals GM can drop the Hard Knocks hammer and the Vonte Davis trade over his head…..the Bengals offense might be the most underrated group in the league….Andy Dalton doesn’t look like a 2nd year guy right now…AJ Green is amazing, the other guys are young and skilled…though oddly enough Green-Ellis has grown fumblitis out there…must be the failure of going to Ohio….Miami has been tough and scrappy, and they seem to be growing (at least on offense)…and they can get to the QB on defense….Miami’s not good enough to win this, but damn they can make it interesting….shame no one will be watching (well Brian will….if he gets said permission….)
Game Quality: ** ¾ (the Dolphins tend to show up when you don’t expect them this year)
Bears at Jacksonville:
Ummm, so it’s like safe to start Jay Cutler, right?? I dunno if I don’t he may turn his back to me and NEVER LOOK AT ME AGAIN *hrmpf*…all temper tantrums (and deluded impressions of my sister) aside, Cutler’s Bears seem pretty solid right now…the D is getting through and making turnovers….the running game is balanced with Forte getting healthy and Bush just filling in the rest….Marshall’s been good…hell even Devin Hester is finding the end zone…see all this happy happy joy joy talk….I’m not going to ruin it by talking about the Jaguars….but I will say…to all the fools out there saying to pay Jones-Drew right now….two words…. CHRIS JOHNSON….play out your contract Maurice…..
Winner: daaa BEARS
Game Quality: DUD (Jacksonville sucks man….)
Seattle at Carolina:
The Panthers are starting to remind me a lot of the Lions this year…immature….not really…giving up the big play at the worst possible moments….Cam Newton putting the ball on the ground at the worst possible time….but hey at least the punt team downed it on the 1…..just so Atlanta could make the ending all the MORE DRAMATIC!! Anyway, Seattle is bad on the road, but they can run the ball, they play defense and I like the coaching better in Seattle….I was hoping they’d be 8-0 at home and 0-8 on the road, but oh well nothing is perfect in life right??
Game Quality: ** (potential comedy of errors here)
Bills at 49ers:
Oh boy…wanna talk about a turnover factory who makes Dumbo look like efficient and like David Garrard in his prime?? Yeah….Ryan Fitzpatrick likes to try to shock the other team by throwing the ball right at them and assuming they won’t be ready for it to catch it….that’s not a good idea against the 49ers (hell it barely works when I kick rebounds past crash the net forwards like that!!)….the 49ers showed that the Viking game was a fluke and if you play fast, loose and sloppy around them they will devour you like a fat man at the buffet table!!! Speaking of fat guys taking up space…hey how’s that Mario Williams contract working out for you guys?? Hell I even traded his sorry ass in Madden!! If both these teams play like they have all year the Niners are going to squash them like the city of St. Louis did to my relationships….and it will be just as ugly…SQUASH!
Winner: 49ers (Fitz may score more for the Niners then the Bills)
Game Quality: * ¾
Titans at Vikings:
How the HELL are the Vikings 3-1? Well good defense….a stolen knee inserted into Adrian Peterson’s body (maybe they grew a clone…hrrrmmm) solid play from Christian Ponder and enough outside weapons to make you stay honest…throw in some crappy play from opponents and you get out of the box in a hurry (especially this year)….the Titans are doing NONE of that….they served up their young QB on a silver platter to the wolves….Chris Johnson can’t even carry a football from the living room to the bathroom (last week’s garbage time yards aside), and the receivers and defense are just HORRID …this scares me because it looks very obvious for the Vikings….but so did the Lions and Titans…oi….but I gotta stick with the team that shouldn’t be 3-1, going to 4-1…..
Game Quality: * ¾ (another just NOT appealing game)
Denver at New England:
OMG IT’S BRADY AND MANNING…did you realize this? Do you know HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS!??!!?! Oh yeah…we see it every year *yawn*…but aside of it being the GREATEST THING EVER /end Tony Schiavnone …..it is a pretty damned important AFC game…both teams are trying to keep pace in their divisions, the Broncos are still trying to find this Peyton Manning utopia they were promised with peace, harmony and touchdowns for all….while the Patriots are wishing they could play Ryan Fitz every week since he lets their d-backs practice catching the ball all the time….NBC must be kicking small babies that they couldn’t get this one bumped to 8:00 for their own hype machine (and then they started kicking old people in wheelchairs when they saw the sh!t pile the Saints and Chargers is)…as for this game…I’m not really overwhelmed or impressed with either one of these teams….they both beat the bad teams and lose to the better teams…home field matters, well not being in Denver matters too…I do think the Pats are just a hair better…and home field….and I need to stop looking at that damn quarter to toss in the air….grrr….screw it:
Game Quality: **** (this might be the only watchable game by 5:15)
Chargers at Saints:
It only took for weeks for NBC to go “aw sh!t we don’t want THIS one do we”?
If you ever for a SECOND thought “coaching doesn’t matter in the NFL”…look no further then first the Cowboys and second the Saints, and see what happens…the defense is putrid, the offense is over-depending on Brees, the WR play is BAD….and this is how you end up 0-4….who ever thought Norv Turner would look like the shining light in a coaching matchup? Geesh, the Chargers despite no running game. They are getting quality from Rivers and they’re getting good defense…I’m so tempted to say “the Saints are too good to go 0-5”….well they DID go 0-4 and already lost twice at home….at least we have this silly games in a row with a TD record to watch in this one tonight…the Chargers are playing too well and beating up on bad teams too easily this year…not to mention the Saints don’t even try to play some defense….if you can go 0-4…you can go 0-5…look on the bright side…only one more game before the coach replacing the coach gets to come back….what a joke that was too….
Game Quality: **** (the Saints may suck but they are a FUN suck)
Monday Oct. 8:
Jets at Texicans:
Houston’s playing really good now….defense is scoring, the running game is producing…hell the Texans might be the one team in the league with the least flaws on their roster right now…there’s not a single aspect in their game you can say is average, forget bad even….and well the Jets….if you can’t say something nice….. its almost so bad now it’s not fun to kick on it….anyway….yeah….I have an ice hockey game that night…I think…well…I BETTER..dammit….
Game Quality: DUD (maybe people actually watch Raw this week, ha!)
NFL Power Rankings Week 4:
- Houston…keeps rolling along
- Baltimore….same here…but still a questionable defense
- Cincinnati….underrated and dangerous offensively
- San Diego….all you can do is win the games in front of you….
- New England…. First place???
- Atlanta….most amazing 2 minute drill drive ever, thank you Carolina
- 49ers….took it out on the Jets (I don’t mind this…)
- Green Bay….righting the ship?
- Arizona….still 4-0?? Really?!!?!?!?!
- Phily…another team with NO business in first place…..