Well HELLO December, where the hell did November go, geesh?? Well don't worry as fast as this month is going, this Thursday Night football debacle is going to be so slow and painful time's gonna start going backwards, hell it might back us up so far in time, that the Eagles may be back in the playoff hunt....least there's some fascinating games on Sunday this week!!!
Thursday Dec. 1:
Phily at Seattle:
Holy Christ this is an unbearable game....almost....no Vick (again), no Maclin (again)...hey NFL, have you noticed how BEAT UP these teams are for these crappy Thursday Night games?? Three days is NOT ENOUGH TIME to get ready for an NFL football game (I accept Thanksgiving games because of tradition and it allows me to focus on the game and avoid family drama....), if you want extra games on your little network....they should be FRIDAY or maybe even Saturday Night games! *sigh*....anyway....time to talk about this bowl of crap isn't it? Seattle is solid at home, and the NFL Network is fooling you into thinking this game matters for the playoffs?? HA! Oh yeah, Vince Young is the starter.....remember back when people called Vince Young the same garbage they're spewing about Tim Tebow now?? "He just wins...."....Really?? Really?!?!?! .....REALLLLYYY??? Not anymore....the shine came off that car and it's just another overrated turd...Seattle can run the ball (CMON MARSHAWN) and play defense...and you know what....that's more then I can count on from the Eagles....lemme pull a Laflamme here...BOLD PREDICTION (oh wait, I'm getting this right.... #not-Laflamming)
Game Quality: * (this is almost too bad for anti-football!)
Sunday Dec. 4:
Indy at New England:
So the Colts take tanking to a new level now!! Enter a new QB....yes mister "roll out of the end zone to take a safety for the soon-to-be 0-16 Lions).... Dan O-fer-lousy!!! And we all know how the Pats love to run it up on a lesser opponent....and I can see the Evil Empire wanting to sock it extra to the Colts based on the past rivalry (though the best way to stick it to them would be to let the Colts WIN...hrrmmm)....yeah...NO....the pats will get the over by themself.....
Game Quality: * (you're watching this only because you have Patriots on your FF team admit it)
Denver at Minnesota:
*sigh*....the overrated Jesus Lover gets a gift from God here eh?? (now you know you've overdone it with the Jesus crap when Kurt Warner comes out and goes "Hey Tim, lay off the Jesus crap and thank your teammates more"....no Adrian Peterson (who should be just done for the year, why bother?)....and the rest of the team sucks too.....so the Power of Christ compels me here.....
Game Quality: ** (the offenses will be so ugly it will morph into comic hilarity!)
Titans at Bills:
One team is on the rise and smelling a chance at the division.....the other team is doing the classic Owen Hart FALL from the top of the ceiling....and they ain't even close to the corner turnbuckle yet....Chris Johnson is heating up again (and Mendenhall still sucks...HA HA Laflamme!), Matt Hasselbeck is still spreading the ball nicely (who knew of all the vet stop-gaps that flew around he'd be the one to step up?), and home field or not....give me the team on the roll here....plus you know me, I wanna see the Titans knock Houston out of the playoffs
Game Quality: **
Oakland at Miami:
Did the bubble burst on Miami in Dallas last week?? Maybe, maybe not...but either way this is a bad match-up for Miami....the Raiders always give them fits....Carson Palmer is out of "training camp mode" and playing shockingly well....he does have some damn good weapons to ball it with too.....both teams are playing good defense, I'd not expect a shootout, it will be close...but this is where the teams fighting for something tend to shine over the "play for pride" teams
Game Quality: ***
Jets at Redskins:
Holy sh!t how many teams playing crap offense can the Jets play in a row??? This is absurd!!! Yeah the Jets still ain't playing wonderfully (especially on offense....geesh)....but they keep playing teams WORSE then them with the offense...that's a scary thought...Rex Grossman....Mark Sanchez??? Yeah give me the lawn mowing specialist...
and for God's sake do NOT put this on TV near me!!!
Game Quality: * 1/2 (offense is NOT an option here)
Atlanta at Houston:
Now here's a fascinating lil football game....the Falcons are back in stride, and the Texans are all in with TJ Hooker at QB (screw his real name, TJ Hooker was bad-ass!!), the Texans have the better defense and the Titans nipping at their heels, but the Falcons are in a little dogfight (ok, admit it, you still think Vick when you hear Falcons and dogfighting....) with the Giants, Bears and Lions for those two wild card spots....if I was laying odds I'd lay them on Atlanta getting one of those spots...this should be a heck of a game and two really good rushing teams going toe to toe, but I gotta put more faith in the (great) Matt Ryan over my beloved TJ Hooker....but I'll bet Matt Ryan can't sing "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds", "Rocketman" or WWE Themes like TJ!!!
Game Quality: ***
Chiefs at Bears:
Oh sweet Lord, can you get a worse QB match-up?? Is Kyle Orton ready yet? Does it matter? The irony of Orton getting a homecoming game here doesn't escape me either...I'm spending a LOT of time looking at what these teams don't have (with Kansas City I can fill a page with that)...but the Bears have Matt Forte and a good defense....KC's got neither....really that's enough here....
Game Quality: ** (hey buddy, can you spare a QB?)
Bengals at Steelers:
You know the Bengals are due to win one of these damn games...they hung close with the Ravens and Steelers...then again they held close to the Browns too and that's a disgrace!! My heart (yes I DO have one) wants me to take the Bengals and hope for the upset....but I can't do it....the Steelers had their clunker last week and good teams do not stink up the joint two weeks in a row....and the Steelers are getting healthy on defense again....I'd love to pick ya Cinci....but I can't.....
Game Quality: ***
Carolina at Tampa Bay:
The Panthers broke a three-game skid thanks to the Colts in full-blown TANK mode....the Bucs...wow lost five in a row and six of their last seven....now that's coming crashing back down to Earth.....it does get a little better for the Young Tampa team, and this week is the beginning of a little light at the end of the tunnel, their porous run defense is still a worry..but Carolina's is just as awful and near dead LAST in points per game (to me THE most important stat on defense)...expect a LOT of handoffs in this game, and actually rolling over the stats, this might be a fun little offensive display that most people will pass over as a "who cares since their seasons are done" game...shame on them...you miss hidden gems and anti-football legends that way! I think the Bucs are more along the right way while the Panthers still got a lotta work to do....
Game Quality: **
Ravens at Browns:
The Ravens do have a habit of playing down to their opponent...but the Browns me thinks blew their load last week in their almost with the Bengals (to be fair if that was blowing your load....it was a damned tiny package eh?)....I can't think of any team in the NFL that sucks across the board like the Browns do....so time to eat some carrots, fine tune that Manta-Vision and feed the delusion for one more week!!
Game Quality: DUD
Packers at Giants:
Heh...heh heh.....HAHHAHAAA...oh sorry...why am I laughing?? I was trying to find reasons to give the Giants a case in this game....their running game STINKS, the pass rush isn't there....the secondary is worse, and there's only so much Eli can do on his own before he morphs into El-I-N-T yet again....and the Packers D feasts on that kinda sh!t....this game could get ugly early and often...I don't think I wanna watch this on TV, forget about going to it.....though as a Cowboys fan...thanks for the padding on the division lead Green Bay
Game Quality: **
Dallas at Arizona:
Speaking of the Cowboys....I sit and stare at them of late too like I do Tim Tebow....I can't believe what I'm seeing of late....those early season losses just ripped the feeling right out of me with this team....and it's hard to accept as a fan that this team seems to be going the right way.....then I look at them as a football fan and someone who watches and analyzes everything in the league....good running game, solid QB play, good WR/TE play, the O-Line is better....the defense is making stops, big plays and turnovers and the special teams don't make mistakes....and I'm like...holy hell...this team is dangerous.....the fan part of me refuses to accept this though (you should hear the arguments in my head....maybe I shouldn't be admitting that...oh boy)....Anyway...Arizona sucks and they won last week, that's too much good for that team to handle.....
Game Quality: DUD
Rams at 49ers:
Struggling (to be generous) Rams team, going to San Fran to play UBER-PIST 49ERS who just got their teeth handed to them in Baltimore....this adds up to a good day for Frank Gore....I need that....I approve of this...go kick some St Louis ass like I should have for 1999 and 2010!!!
Winner: 49ers (duh!)
Game Quality: DUD
Detroit at New Orleans:
The Lions are in a free fall and I think have NO chance in this game....so let me take the time here to rip on the NFL and RIDICULOUS suspension of Mr. Suh who is fast becoming my favorite player in the game....I mean OH MY GOD HE GRAZED THE GUY WITH HIS SHOE in the MOST EVIL FOOT STOMP EVER, and the league wants to suspend him for 1/7th of the season for THAT?? Could you imagine these guys dishing out NHL suspensions? The Penguins would be down to Sid and Malkin by January, the rest of them would be suspended forever....it's nuts, yes Suh was dumb to do it...but you kicked him out of the damn game and it was the turning point of the game right there and then....ISN'T THAT ENOUGH??? Noooooo, but then again this is the league threatening to suspend a WR because he's wearing a different color on his shoes...oh wait...there's a connection....foot...shoes ....the lesson here....don't frak with the NFL's shoe deals...they're SERIOUS, amazing they didn't suspend Rex Ryan for his foot fetish...oh wait...no shoes involved....gotcha!! Like I said, the Saints don't lose at home and they won't here to half a Lions team.....
Game Quality: **
Monday Dec. 5:
San Diego at Jacksonville:
Oh sweet hockey Gods thank you for an 11pm hockey game Monday!!! Though this has anti-football orgasm creamed all over it!!! The Jags have the worst offense this side of Cleveland....a new coach (who's not Bruce Boudreau who seems to be getting around this week)....and the Chargers are the new Cybill of football....this one's rough to guess on because the Chargers can explode like two tampons, a paper clip and some chewing gum in McGyver's hands....but there's just too much talent on San Diego, and NOWHERE near enough on Jacksonville, besides...the Chargers gotta stay in it to try to keep Norv and the Lord of NO rings' jobs....maybe they should tank too.....
Game Quality: * (anti-FOOTBALL, *clap clap clap*, anti-FOOTBALL!)
NFL Power Rankings, Week 12:
1. Raiders....yes really, solid across the board and in all aspects of the game
2. Patriots....not impressed, but I'm not really impressed by ANYONE in the AFC
4. Steelers.... blah....
5. Houston.... TJ HOOKER baby!!!!
1. Packers....still the one....
2. 49ers....one bump in the road isn't gonna make me sell on them....
3. Saints.... home-field BEASTS
4. Dallas...good, talented, healthy....and VERY under the radar right now....
5. Atlanta...healthier and better then Detroit and Chicago....and no foot stomps to share.....