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NFL Week 1!!!


CRASHER

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Labor Day has passed….the fantasy drafts are over….the hype has begun…the refs are warming up their penalty flags arms….they’re gonna NEED them….LET THERE BE FOOTBALL….and let it be good….kinda?? Well as much as it can be with no defense being allowed, and Goodell handing out more fines and suspensions than touchdowns….anyway…I ranted enough in the previews….LET’S DO THIS!!!

 

Thursday Sept 4:

Green Bay at Seattle:

OMG WE MUST MENTION THE FAIL MARY (God I hate that name, since they got the fraking call right, but people went all nuts because it was the thing to do to bag on the replacement refs….cause really “the real ones” were sooo much better….righhttt)…least now after this damn game I can NEVER HAVE TO HEAR THAT AGAIN….well unless of course Seattle wins the same way tonight…..that would be amazing!!! But all theatrics and NFL hates defense propaganda aside (and note to the NFL, the more you tighten the screws on “defense”….the fewer penalties the Seahawks took….try NONE in the pre-season from the starts)….Seattle doesn’t lose at home, the Packers are gonna have a huge hole in their defense without the huge BJ Raji clogging up the run, and that just plays right into the Seattle wheelhouse….the Packers will be better, but this game tends to be a coronation for the defending champs….and the match-up tends to agree with it….

Winner: Seattle

Game Quality: **** (the NFL always opens strong)

 

Sunday Sept 7:

1pm:

Saints at Falcons:

At least these two teams do flat out HATE each other, even if I think Atlanta is still soft and questionable in the positions that really matter on the field (and God that scares the life out of me having Matt Ryan in one of my five leagues this year, couldn’t help it the chance to line up some easy money from my main customers flunkies was too much to pass up, even with three draft nights in a row…oi)….and damn I love this Saints team (they are my Super Bowl pick after all)….and Rob Ryan’s gonna wanna loosen that belt (God knows it needs it or that alien hiding in his stomach is gonna run out of air) and blitz the piss out of the Falcons….and with no legit running game to slow down that pass rush…YES THE SAINTS WILL WIN BECAUSE OF DEFENSE…two in a row….SUCK IT GOODELL!!!! Not to mention Drew Brees will light this crappy Atlanta defense up like a Christmas Tree…..

Winner: Saints

Game Quality: ***

 

Bengals at Ravens:

I DEFY you to find two more overpaid and financially overrated QBs then the two in this game….I can wait….this will take a while (after all by the time you read this I’m done writing and really don’t give a damn how long you take…)….the Bengals never beat the Ravens in Baltimore (and Flacco is only second to Brady in home record as a starter) ….hell the Bengals don’t beat the Ravens ANYWHERE in September…Steve Smith is gonna be fired up to go (when isn’t he fired up??)….If Bernard Pierce trips at the line and falls forward the Ravens won’t miss Ray Rice at all since that’s all he was about good for….the Raven defense looks ready and the adjustment to the new coordinators for the Bengals….and we all know I just don’t trust ginger QBs….head coach ones…or current ones (though Andy…if I were you…spend some of that money you’re stealing and get the face fixed…you UGLY kid….)…the only chance the Bengals have is AJ Green going stupid….or the running game running wild like HulkAMania….and we all know what I thought about HulkAMania….not this week ….BROTHER….

Winner: Ravens

Game Quality: ***

 

Bills at Bears:

This is an intriguing one….a leaky, porous defense against an inept, stumbling offense that can’t find its way under EJ Losman…dammit….I did it again….MANUEL…at least the Bills can count on Fred Jackson and that running game (plus TE Chandler is NOTOROUS for a 2 TD game here getting fantasy owners all creamy and then ending the year with those two TDs)….the battle on the other side is the one to watch though….the Bills front 4 is awesome…the LBs are good too and they play aggressive and turnover happy….and few QBs love to give it up like Jay Cutler does….can’t blame Cutler if I was chucking it to Marshall and Jeffery, I’d go Air Coryelle too…usually I’d trust Cutler to screw this up….but I don’t like this match up for the Bills at all…maybe if it was in Buffalo (gotta get those home games out of the way so we can move them somewhere relevant, right??)….home cooking wins out again….

Winner: Bears

Game Quality: ** ¾

 

Washington at Houston:

Oh boy…I’m still trying to flush from the massive dump I took on the Texans last week (and rightfully so….they realized Ryan INT-Patrick is so bad they BEGGED the Patriots to give them Mallett after all….doesn’t help them this week)…given that Robert Griffin didn’t provide full confidence in the world with his pre-season and this Houston defense is still a killer squad….but I don’t think this team has forgotten last year….and INT-Patrick is gonna live up to his name and make some mistakes early and it’s gonna be….aw crap….here we go again, and the REDSKINS (I need to find reason to say that name more anyway) are going to cash in on the mistakes….and the REDSKIN defense is underrated anyway will help force these mistakes….the REDSKINS will get out of the gate good this year and everyone will feel better in REDSKIN-land (hear that Phil Simms… REDSKINS REDSKINS REDSKINS…nyyyaaahhhh), the road to the Golden Ticket starts and ends in Texas….fitting enough…..this could get ugly though if Griffin turns this into a turnover-Bowl

Winner: REDSKINS

Game Quality: Welcome back anti-football!!! <3

 

Titans at Chiefs:

And here’s our first potential stinker of the week….though if anyone can fix Jake Locker…it IS Ken Wissenhunt….he doesn’t have a lot to work with….adequate receivers….a VERY unproven running game….and who in the blue hell is on their defense?? I guess we’ll get to see them as Jamaal Charles blows right past them….I’m not high on the Chiefs…especially with Dwayne Bowe taking the game off for celebrating 4:20 day….the Chiefs still have their pass rush and they can still make plays on defense and Alex Smith is the classic “don’t screw it up on the other end” QB…that’s a recipe to start the season 1-0…..I’d be damned intrigued to see how Locker does in this game if THERE WASN”T TEN GAMES ON AT ONE THIS WEEK….dammit NFL…the more I’m glad you’re back….the more you piss me off….oh well…Red Zone snipets for me….

Winner: Chiefs

Game Quality: **

 

Patriots at Miami:

I’m sure we’ll have this game on too…provided Brian’s allowed out of the house :P….but its one of those classic “show me” kinda games….the Patriots D is supposedly the best they’ve had since they had to turn in the video cameras and spy kits…and should have an easy time with a non-threatening running game and still unproven pass protection….yeah the Dolphins D should play the Pats tough and make things difficult for Tom Brady….but even this offense has had a full season to get used to each other…..and Gronk should be on the field…New England has too many weapons and Miami’s just NOT on their level….same old AFC East…..but don’t worry AFC East fans….Tom Brady is only gonna be there till he sucks, right?? No worries!!!

Winner: Pats

Game Quality: ** ¾

 

Raiders at Jets:

This has all the makings of the anti-football EPIC of the year… shame we won’t watch it because I don’t waste our precious TVs on the local games I could see at home…the Jet offense should be improved with Johnson, Decker and a full year of Geno at the helm…and while the Jet secondary needs two upgrades to get to “bad” Rex is gonna blitz the ever loving piss out of a starry eyed rookie named Carr….hell by the end of the game he’s gonna look and feel like Daivd Carr….given Rex’s record of eating rookie QB’s alive and the Raiders just not being together enough to have a feel or a chemistry….this is an easy one to pick the Jets for….let the bandwagonning begin……

Winner: Jets

Game Quality: Anti-football runner-up of the week!

 

Jacksonville at Phily:

This one’s pretty easy to digest too….I love what Jacksonville has done and I am a bit higher on them than most….buttttt, they don’t have the guns…or the QB (yet) to keep up with the warp speed hyperactive offense, and all their weapons all over the place…the Jags will win a few this week and Phily did struggle at home….but I’d be reaching HARD to make a case for Jacksonville….and I’m only 5’7” I don’t reach far for nothing….

Winner: Eagles

Game Quality: ** (Warp Factor Two….ENGAGE!)

 

Browns at Steelers:

DAMN YOU…..DAMN YOU ALL TO HELLLL…..I so BADLY wanted to see the Steeler defense carve up Johnny FAIL and do the money dance over his shredded carcass this week….but I don’t get that….instead we get Brian Hoyer thrown under the bus and dragged to the wolves so they can make use of his soon to be 0-3 flesh….the Steelers are upgraded on offense and added speed on defense…..the Browns D might make this tough…but probably only till half time….I just hope the smug douche Steeler fans stay away….not likely…they love to crawl out during the easy wins to puff their chests…..

Winner: Steelers

Game Quality: *

 

Vikings at Rams:

Oh boy…this could be the hardest game to pick this week…I love the Rams, I’m a big Shaun Hill supporter (in all irony his last start was against said Vikings….go figure), and maybe in year 2 the Rams figure out how to make Tavon Austin into a midget Percy Harvin….Kenny Britt isn’t totally useless (I doubt it)… Zac Stacey should be effective against a weak Vikings D….and the Rams can totally win this one on D alone, just keep Peterson quiet (since I don’t own him this year, he’s dead to me…)….and just harass the holy hell outta Matt Cassel….that’s enough reason to think the Rams get out of the gate winning the way they’re gonna NEED to….ugly….

Winner: Rams

Game Quality: **

 

4pm:

49ers at Dallas:

**sigh**….before half the 49er team went to play for team Alcatraz this was a no-brainer….now not so much….the 49er D isn’t scary anymore….the pass rush isn’t deep and the Dallas Offensive Line should be able to protect Romo and make running lanes for the six times a game they give the ball to Murray….and Dallas can spread the ball and use matchups and score on anyone….that means the 49ers are going to have to go TD for TD with the Cowboys….. given Frank Gore can run for 250 this week and make me look like a fantasy genius….he’s gonna NEED to, since we all know I don’t trust Black Tebow (yes that is officially my new name for Colin Eat-A-Dick….I like it better personally) ….but to be fair he did SHRED an equally as terrible Packer defense in the 49er opener last season….and then sucked for a month….this is gonna be high scoring….and part of me wants to take the Cowboys….but dammit…they’re the Cowboys…..time to go change my pick ‘em pick….if I have to choose between a Harbuagh and the evil Ginger Scum, I’ll trust Jim’s unborn Great Grandson before I trust Jason Garrett in a big spot….

Winner: 49ers

Game Quality: ***

 

Carolina at Tampa Bay:

This is pretty simple for me….the two defenses will pretty much wash each other out, I’m still praising Jesus and Friends for getting Schiano and his buck toothed idiocy out of the NFL…and the Carolina offense is painfully bad, while I’m very high on McNown this year and his ability to get the ball to his tall big-play receivers….get some running out of Doug Martin…it won’t be glorious to watch…but I damn well will….I need to turn my back on the Cowboys enough that afternoon….and Schiano-free starts off the season with a victory!!!!

Winner: Tampa Bay

Game Quality: * ¾

 

8pm:

Colts at Denver:

OMG DID YOU KNOW THAT PEYTON MANNING WAS ONCE A COLT?? WOW!! And somehow this franchise didn’t burn to the ground when he left….though the Broncos seem on their way to it…. Decker is gone, Welker got concussed so hard he forgot the drugs he was on (helluva excuse for your super-secret hearing about the violation….and amazing how his was totally hidden)….and also as amazing that the suspension was announced the same day they mentioned Irsay’s one too….what does an owner suspension mean anyway?? Can he not sit in the owner’s box and look like a fool on TV….if so…can Jerry Jones pop a few beers and get pulled over?? Boy I can rant forever can’t I?? As for the game….the Colts O-Line is a bit leaky (I admit I’d love to see Peyton take the sh&#33;t-kicking that Luck takes on a weekly basis)….this is the perfect week for Demarcus Ware to get two early sacks in this game, everyone kiss his ass and call him the greatest ever and then go Puff the Magic Dragon and go invisible for another month… not to mention the Colts have no running game (hell Trent Richardson makes Ray Rice look like Jim Brown!)….add in Denver being tough at mile high….as much as I wanna see the Colts bash their face in again….Mr Regular Season (or wait they have two now)…will do his magic and run the score up on the Colts….

Winner: Broncos

Game Quality: ***

 

Monday Sept. 8:

7pm:

NY Giants at Lions:

At least its not a game I need to run home from family dinner to hurry up and be ready and into watching from second one….though about 15 minutes into Raw starting this will look like the greatest game of all time…the Giants have been a mess all pre-season, the offensive line is a mess….and the only reason that people have any faith in this team is two sticky helmet catches and Eli’s reputation from them….the Lions have their holes too (mostly on defense)…but Jim Caldwell did learn a bit about running an offense by being Peyton Manning’s bitch…err….I mean by coaching Peyton….in Indy….and a team with Calvin, Bush, Tate and the TE’s….and Stafford dishing the ball to them…..add that and home field….that’s enough reason to love the Lions here….it won’t be exciting but it’s better than Jerry Springer and the Bella Twins (yes REALLY)….and Michael Sam blowing off Raw this week….

Winner: Lions

Game Quality: **

 

1020pm:

San Diego at Arizona:

Now this game I’m actually intrigued by…however Trent Dilfer and Chris Berman (good God, 1994 called and it said you can have your sh&#33;tty catchphrases you’ve worn out over three decades)…those two are gonna make me miss Jerry Lawler…oh boy…the Arziona defense has been gutted by injuries and departures, but seeing Phillip Rivers going against that Cardinal secondary is still going to be interesting….as well as how the Charger defense does against the Cardinal offense….I’m not a big Palmer guy, and you can tell I don’t trust Ellington when I didn’t draft him in ANY of my five leagues….the passing game will be good….but I don’t like all the parts, and I can’t help it…I’m a big Phillip Rivers guy and dammit I’m gonna stick with that!!!

Winner: Chargers

Game Quality: ** ¾

 

NFL Power Rankings Week 1:

AFC:

  1. New England…new season, easy schedule, improved defense
  2. Steelers….I just like a LOT what they did in the off-season
  3. Denver…let’s go a week without a suspension can we?
  4. Colts….maybe time to step up to the big boys level again?
  5. Ravens…at least the AFC isn’t hideous this year….

 

NFC:

  1. Seattle….still probably the best team in football
  2. Saints….the quest for home field starts now
  3. Packers….losing Raji HURTS, but still in the mix….
  4. San Francisco… there’s a reason they play so close to Alcatraz…
  5. Washington….I just wanna say REDSKINS again! REDSKINS!!!!!!
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Curious to see how Clowney does!!

 

15 YARD PENALTY!!!!

 

...dammit I couldn't resist :P

 

I'm interested to see how that defense responds when Int's-Patrick lives up to his new name .....

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Giants will struggle mightily this year, I think. Offensively, just a total mess. Line improved, but not enough as it needed to. No TE, Beckham hurt. Eli is a good QB but needs SOMETHING. When he's got a run game to keep the defense honest, he's elite. 

 

I honestly believe JPP's best days are behind him. Back injuries for lineman never really go away. 

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And Raji, pretty sure he's out for the season, if im wrong correct me. That is a big blow to that defense though!

 

He is....you are correct....

 

If the NFL didn't like putting Seattle on primetime because they're too good before, they really won't like it after this game :lol:

 

And all the penalties on the PACKERS....man Goodell must be crying in his pillows now....that gives me much joy :)

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And Raji, pretty sure he's out for the season, if im wrong correct me. That is a big blow to that defense though!

This is not a big blow to the Packers, the only reason they brought him back after waiving him was that he had no demand as a free agent. They had already had replacements for him.

Richard Sherman just was a shadow on Boykin last night.

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This is not a big blow to the Packers, the only reason they brought him back after waiving him was that he had no demand as a free agent. They had already had replacements for him.

Richard Sherman just was a shadow on Boykin last night.

 

How does Green Bay not looking in Sherm's direction affect their running defense ??? :ninja:

 

The Packers are mostly a finesse defense built to handle the multi-WR offenses that the league wants to see more of....you line up a smash 'em in the face run first team with a big back and the Packers will miss Raji BIG time...he was a rare run-stopper on that team, especially on the d-line.....

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Sentence structure sir..... this is what happens when you date a Grammar Nazi and then mock her five times a day about her spelling.....you grow a habit to nit pick :lol:

 

Raji was and is oft-injured, his reward was not worth his risk to other teams....the Packers gambled he'd play the season....and he didn't get through the pre-season.....there's also not a glut of capable 3-4 Nose Tackles who can stuff the run AND get a pass rush.....it was an understandable risk.....injuries happen......

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Already trouble for Marrone in Buffalo. Could be the first coaching domino to fall

 

 

 

CBS Sports reports coach Doug Marrone and Bills' team officials' tensions are starting to boil, and it recently led to an expletive-laden shouting match on the practice field.
Marrone and director of player personnel Jim Monos got into a heated exchange this summer to the point where "they were more or less MFing each other." GM Doug Whaley intervened, followed by team president Russ Brandon, but the expletives continued to fly. Marrone allegedly even said "go ahead and fire me." Per the report, Marrone has been known to refer to himself as "Saint Doug" because of his "miracle" work at Syracuse. He's also frequently clashed with players, most notably stud DE Jerry Hughes. Bills brass is said to be "bristled" at how Marrone has used certain players. Marrone may have the hottest seat in the NFL. He has to be the odds-on favorite as the first coach to be fired this season.

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/writer/jason-la-canfora/24695455/buffalo-tension-boils-over-in-shouting-match-for-marrone-bills-officials

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Nah this is just the Jets already being undisciplined, stupid and making mistakes up the wazoo :rolleyes:

 

Being inside the 5 yard line does not give Mornhinweg carte blanche to be a mad scientist. Line 'em up and pound it with Ivory! You don't need reverse flea flickers with Vick (who btw had Decker but threw a bad ball)

 

Also, I think Geno's knee was down on that fumble. Not sure why it wasn't overturned. He had a pick that Woodson made a nice play on but has otherwise moved the ball well.

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