NFL Week 11!

[CRASHER]

Man last week was as “blah” a week of football as it gets….it kinda showed in the preview, nothing was really too exciting (aside the finish of San Fran and the Saints….and the Bengals meltdown was good comedy too)….the Cowboys are off so my main source of rage is not here this week…the Jets and Jaguars are off, so that knocks off two “auto-losses” from the list….and the Ravens are off too but Manta has been damned invisible all season anyway so who cares? Plus I get some high-quality trolling tonight for the Thursday Night game so let’s GOOOOOOOO!!!

 

Thursday Nov 13:

Buffalo at Miami:

This is a life-long pest’s dream matchup….friends on both sides….trolling both sides to get them annoyed…hell I even annoyed Buffalo Nation by saying Connor McDavid being dumb and breaking his hand in a fight six months before being the #1 pick in the NHL makes him classic Sabre material…both the Miami and the Buffalo fans are REALLY fired up for their chances….that makes the trolling easier and I can’t blame them….based on their performances in the last decade has either Miami OR Buffalo done anything to say yeah they’re gonna step up and be a damned force in the AFC?? Not really…Buffalo won the first game at home but both teams are wayyy different since then….Tannehill has grown up a LOT since being threatened to the bench….and EJ Manuel regressed so badly he walked into an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE (look up the damn You Tube Videos…they’re gold I tell you)…neither coach invokes memories of Marv Levy or Don Shula for damn sure, but I’d say Coach Regis is progressing his offense better than Doug Marone is in Buffalo…..the teams are wayyy even though….Miami gets a slight edge in passing offense, but Fred Jackson is probably the most reliable back….the Bills front seven is a bit better but the Miami secondary has a legit game changer in Grimes ….and there’s no “Jim Kelly is ok and our team is safe” junk for the Bills to rally around….plus home field is always the safer call when the game is a toss-up….and god damn I hate this….Thursday Night games tell me how my WHOLE WEEK of pics are gonna go….gimmie Denver by a Hundred over Jacksonville every time in these match-ups

Winner:  Miami

Game Quality:  **** (rivals, a lot on the line, talented defenses, this game has everything….)

 

Sunday Nov 16:

1pm:

Atlanta at Carolina:

God help us, one of these horrific teams is gonna have four wins and still be in the hunt to win the NFC South….that’s a more disgusting stink than my hockey bag after a weekend long tournament…. seriously…by a LOT….Atlanta did manage to win the stinker of the week last week with the Bucs…and Carolina might have just as many problems as Tampa does now….pourous D (and Matt Ryan can surely chuck it as well as Mark Sanchez did last week)….lack of weapons on offense….and Cam Netwon talking about “not being 100% all season”….told you not to kick the wall when you found out you couldn’t keep Smith, Lafell or pretty much anyone who could catch a pass…..I know bad teams don’t win two in a row….but they do when they play WORSE teams…..

Winner:  Falcons

Game Quality:  *

 

Minnesota at Chicago:

Sometimes the house has just fallen in on you….it doesn’t matter how much talent the team has….or how golden the arm of the QB is (though there’s pure pewter in that lil brain of Jay Cutler’s)…meanwhile the Vikings have been getting better….Kyle Rudolph might be back this week….they’ve won two in a row and probably should have beaten Buffalo too….Chicago hasn’t won at home all season, and there could be a riot on the level of if John Cena had beaten CM Punk at Money in the Bank three years ago if Chicago lays a stinker here…..I wanna take the Bears since so much is on the line….but that’s like staying on the Titanic when the first ice hits it…the hell with the women and children….and speaking of children…looks like AP might be back soon….not sure how I feel about this….this team is coming together without him to be honest…..

Winner:  Vikings

Game Quality:  ** *(Jay Cutler implosions do make good theater)

 

Houston at Cleveland:

So we FINALLY get to see the debut of the much heralded “next generation” guy at QB…all the hype…all the waiting….his time is FINALLY now….noooo, not Johnny failure…..the guy who’s actually sat and waited and waited behind Tom Brady is finally being given the football and said GO….UNLEASH THE MALLET OF DOOM…. *sigh* that sounded better in my head….most things do….now Jamie’s gonna say something obnoxious to me when she reads this tonight….good thing I’m not cooking and can’t get even….anyway….rookie QB going on the road against a solid defense….even for Cleveland who is still having heart palpitations about this whole “HOLY sh!t WE’RE IN FIRST PLACE AT WEEK 11” thing, the Browns are playing too soundly to screw this up, and Mallet will make rookie mistakes as he’s learning under fire…..

Winner:  Browns

Game Quality:  **

 

Seattle at Kansas City:

Hey look it a weekend the Chief fans get to avenge their butthurt about losing the LOUDEST STADIUM IN THE WORLD (look I used to caps for yelling to SHOW HOW LOUD THEY ARE #clever!) title to Seattle the last few years…also Seattle is still not as good on the road, and the Hawks gush yards to the TE on the road (not like they don’t at home but it’s just worser…go with it….)…unlike the current 49er QB, the ex-49er QB doesn’t stick his head up his rectum when he plays Seattle…that helps….and not even the Seattle Defense can contain Jamaal Charles all game….they won’t run for nine bajillion yards and a infinite touchdowns against the Chiefs either….and as much as Seattle is playing better and getting healthier as a whole….they’re just no winning this game…..

Winner:  Chiefs

Game Quality:  ** ¾

 

Cincinnati at New Orleans:

Can we just cancel this game and say neither one of these two idiot teams deserves a win the way this year has gone for them?? After last week is there really an aura of invincibility to the Saints at home? Lets not even talk about the Bengals playing uglier than Andy Dalton looks in that crappy Buffalo Wild Wings commercial (I harp on it, but to quote Predator…”you are only UGLY son …of ….a …bitch!”) *sigh*….I can’t think of anything redeeming  about EITHER team….well there is Mark Ingram…whhheeee….Mark Ingram it is!! And for the love of Christ can they either amputate for Gio Bernand or just get his damn ass back on the field already??? That too is absurd!!! At least if Andy Dalton can complete a pass this week the Bengals should be able to put up points….but even with all the garbage in this game…Drew Brees is still Drew Brees….I guess that’s enough too….but I wouldn’t wanna put any kinda money on this disaster….

Winner:  Saints

Game Quality:  ** ¾ (CMON INEPITUDE!!)

 

San Fran at NY Giants:

The Giants have owned the 49ers of late (3 of last 4 I think)….but this was a VERY different Giant football team then….humbled again in Seattle (downright embarrassed might be a better word….I’m gonna dance on this grave a bit….I KNOW I’ve earned it….)..there’s just not a lot to that team aside of Eli and he’s really just an above average QB with two lucky catches in his resume…..the Niners may be  a mess (and they still are….this week’s complaining is brought to you by Mike Crabtree, it should be like a sponsorship….hell anything the NFL can do to slime an extra buck right??)…Aldon Smith is off his suspension…not like he threatened to blow up a major airport….or showed up to practice drunk….but that’s ok…the NFL hasn’t launched an PR-fixing ad campaigns about THOSE yet….so we’ll let him play…and even at 75% like the Niners are….that’s still better than what the Giants got…..

Winner:  49ers

Game Quality:  ** (still a sorta rivalry and I love seeing the return of el-I-N-T!)

 

Denver at St Louis:

Some things in life just ain’t worth the time….the cheap old customer who cries about “I’m on a fixed income” when trying to lowball me at every corner when I work on their machine (well no sh!t princess, guess what unless we’re named Tony Stark, Bruce Wayne or Oliver Queen (well at least as far as I’ve gone in Arrow so far….good stuff….worth watching on Netflix over most Thursday Night football games BTW)….we’re ALL ON FIXED INCOMES….so stuff in your cheap pipe and smoke it)….making a case for the Rams is just as much a no-win “fixed income” battle….move on…take the Broncos and count how far and high Peyton pads his stats while Rams ownership looks into fixed income living near LA……

Winner:  Broncos

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Tampa Bay at Washington:

Man this is the kinda game anti-football was created for!! The Bucs have been as bad as it gets but then just a lil bit more worse…if possible….and the Redskins are still a mess….can’t run….can’t play defense….and does anyone really trust Griffin at this point to stay healthy AND not suck at the same time?? That’s like hard!!! But as bad an inept as the REDSKINS are….they’re still miles ahead of Tampa and maybe beating up on the bad team helps them right their path….or they lose to Tampa and just add to the sh!t show effort this year…..not likely….least the REDSKINS are almost playing for something….Tampa’s done and has no direction…..

Winner: REDSKINS

Game Quality: ** (the anti-football Force is strong in this one….)

4pm:

Oakland at San Diego:

Nice of the NFL to give San Diego back to back bye weeks….don’t get me wrong, the Raiders have Carr, a good TE, but they are HISTORICALLY bad running the football (I mean 60 yards a game bad)…even Ryan Matthews glass frame and all is better than THAT!!! The Raiders can put up a few points or maybe their defense remembers the idea of earning their paycheck motivates them for a quarter or two….but this game becomes historic when Oakland loses it…..16 losses in a row….that is truly a special kinda failure indeed….there’s no football reason on the planet to believe in the Raiders….hell even Bo Dallas couldn’t motivate a win out of them…..

Winner:  Chargers

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Phily at Green Bay:

So is the over in this game about 100?? It probably should be…the NFL Midday people actually joked with the Packers coach about a possible 200 total plays being run in this game….poor McCarthy gasped in terror of this….I dunno….letting Sanchez throw the ball 40 times even on your crap defense (though Clay Matthews did look strong clogging up the MLB spot….given it was Chicago…)…you’re bound to pick a few of them off….this warp speed offense in Phily, when it makes mistakes….and it will this week….it’s a dangerous thing to be hurrying the ball back to the Packers like that….and A-Rod’s just that much better…..yes I know the Eagles have the best Special Teams in football and that matters, but that Packer offense is just too much….this might be a 50-burger game….imagine if they both do…maybe the elation will give Goodell a fatal heart attack…ah we dream…..

 

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  ****

 

Detroit at Arizona:

I’m still that awful person who kinda chuckles when they mention Palmer blowing out his knee 3 days after his absurdly overpriced $50 million extension (and I’m allowed since my surgery anniversary date is coming soon and I’m better than ever now )…as for this game, I know Stanton has been solid in relief for the Cardinals….but this also means the Lions have three games of film on him too in the process….and this Lions defense is stopping all the good offenses too….I am looking forward to Calvin vs Peterson one on one all day though….that stuff is always awesome….I think I would have picked Arizona to lose even WITH Palmer….no way am I taking them without him….side note….Bruce Aryans….you get this team to the Super Bowl with Stanton….forget coach of the year, you are now the new Lombardi and greatest coach of all fraking time (and space)

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  **

 

8pm:

Patriots at Indianapolis:

Ah does NBC weep tears of joy when they see their precious “jewel games” live up to their expectations (sometime DID remind NBC that Peyton is in Denver right?? They may have missed the five million papa john’s commercials about it….heh, speaking of….if you were trapped on an island and could only eat Papa John’s or Smash Burger….how soon would you opt to starve to death?)…the Pats are averaging 40 points per game on this five game run they’re on, but none of those teams were anywhere on the level the Colts are….they have yet to be held under 20 points a game and are also averaging about 38 points per game too and have won 6 of 7….they also had two weeks to prepare with a bye for this one and fully healthy as well , I do have a tendency to like the home team in the evenly matched game (and I’m still amazed they SMOKED the Broncos like they did)…..I’m waffling a bit on this as I see the Pats schedule gets nasty and the Colts schedule gets as soft as my comfy new couch….but I gotta stick with my instinct here and say the Colts pick the Pats in a close one that makes Al Michaels stay up past his bedtime…..

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  *** (Cutler drama is more watchable!!)

 

Monday Nov 17:

Pittsburgh at Tennessee:

A more fascinating game than it should be….after all Pitt is the only team that can “boast” losses to the Jets and Bucs this year (and ruining both teams draft delusions of grandeur this season….shame they don’t get the Raiders this year….that would be a MUST WATCH ….well the way the Steelers lie down for the lesser teams….)…but still after their last awful loss this year, they found a way to win, given it was brutally ugly against Jacksonville….the Steelers DID win it…and the Titans don’t have a pesty defense like the Jags do…and a young QB….and prime time…all that nonsense….there might be some deer in headlights effects going on with the Titans….the problem is the Steelers are the kinda idiots that would pump the brakes and let the deer cross….or at least cover the point spread…..Steelers win ugly here…

Winner:  Steelers

Game Quality:  * ¾ (though you DO have to listen to Gruden…)_

 

NFL Week 10 Power Rankings:

AFC:

1. New England….we’ll see if this holds up Sunday Night
2. Denver….Yay stat-padding “achievement” games
3. Indianpolis….Could easily flip with NE this week
4. Cleveland….FIRST PLACE BEATCHES!!!!!
5. Baltimore….because everyone else sucked last week

NFC:

1. Arizona…one last hurrah as the $50 million knee blew up
2. Detroit….the most overlooked quality team in football now
3. Seattle….time to bring the noise to the noisy, eh?
4. Green Bay….still…scoring…on ….Bears….defense…..
5. Dallas…..can’t piss me off on bye!

[Muevelos]

Oakland will lose. Won't be a blow out or a "dud" should be a real close game.

I doubt their will be a single 13-3 team. All these NFC teams play each other like 2-3 in the coming weeks and will be beating up on each other. NFC is to hard to predict when it seems like almost everyone will end up with 10-11 wins.

[CRASHER]

Oakland will lose. Won't be a blow out or a "dud" should be a real close game.

 

 

I call it a DUD since I don't give Oakland a chance in hell to win it, even if it was close, they had the Chargers last time and gave up 10 points in the last three minutes or so to blow it.....I need a lil chance of compeititveness for the game to have juice....

 

Denver could easily go 14-2 again....the NFC is a mess....especially now with Arizona's QB situation.....amazing how quick the tide turned after the NFC looked so much better last year.....

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Believe it or not, Luck has had a brutal time against the Pats to date...7 INT in two career games against them (one in the regular season, one in the playoffs).  This is a big game for him.

Edited November 14, 2014 by Colorado Rockies 1976

[Muevelos]

Forgot about the Broncos!

SD does not look good though. At all. So we'll see. Still thinking Oakland goes 0-16 this season. If they lose this week they are actually 0-16!!

I call it a DUD since I don't give Oakland a chance in hell to win it, even if it was close, they had the Chargers last time and gave up 10 points in the last three minutes or so to blow it.....I need a lil chance of compeititveness for the game to have juice....

Denver could easily go 14-2 again....the NFC is a mess....especially now with Arizona's QB situation.....amazing how quick the tide turned after the NFC looked so much better last year.....

[CRASHER]

Welcome to the dink n dunk Olympics tonight

[Muevelos]

Jj Watt with a 2 yd td...

[CRASHER]

at the Bears

 

How funny for Mallett that when his grandchildren ask about his first NFL TD, he can tell him it was to a DE

 

The Redskins and Tampa are excellent comedy too!

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Peyton's been a little lucky lately...defenses have been holding down their offense in these games early on, but the opposing offenses haven't been good enough to take advantage. That's meant a lot of Broncos possessions (eventually they're going to pick teams apart if you keep giving them chances)...no one has really been able to make them pay for their slow starts (though the Pats did).

Edited November 16, 2014 by Colorado Rockies 1976

[CRASHER]

I am enjoying the red zone highlights of seeing Peyton getting pounded by the Rams defense.....

 

man if St Louis and Buffalo could EVER get QBs....good Lord....

 

Seattle's putting up a hellubva fight today

 

.....the NFC South should be banned from football

[NJDevs4978]

St. Louis doesn't have a WR/TE either though Kenny Britt finally lived up to his five-year hype for a game.  I'm not sure they have a RB of any consequence either although their RB's really have no chance with the lack of skill players around them.

 

Doesn't help that Denver lost all their WR/RB's other than Demariyus and Welker's a shell of his former self.

Edited November 16, 2014 by NJDevs4978

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Peyton has always had a lot of frontrunner in him. He's not really much of a battler when things aren't going his way. Brady gets rattled in a different way (starts yelling at everyone), but he's been grittier than Peyton in his career.

[NJDevs4978]

Peyton's actually had multiple INT's in three straight games, yikes.  And Eli's filling up the INT column again today too after mostly being on his best behavior this season

[CRASHER]

Peyton has always had a lot of frontrunner in him. He's not really much of a battler when things aren't going his way. Brady gets rattled in a different way (starts yelling at everyone), but he's been grittier than Peyton in his career.

 

This is one of the reasons I can't stand him....yeah he's mr 55 TD passes when throwing 6 on the Raiders while eating his crappy pizza....but when crap gets REAL ....Peyton gets small....could you imagine how horrid he'd be with some of these Brady offenses the last few years???

 

Peyton's actually had multiple INT's in three straight games, yikes.  And Eli's filling up the INT column again today too after mostly being on his best behavior this season

 

welcome back el-I-N-T!!!!! Its insane that they could WIN this game still......

[NJDevs4978]

Can the Giants actually call something else besides a fade at the goalline?  Honestly that looks like a game between two teams trying to lose.

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

Peyton's offenses have always bullied up on bad defenses. Brady's offenses have too in recent seasons, and I've called them out on that...but Brady has also had a lot games where he had to cover up for his head coach and defensive coordinator too.

[CRASHER]

and a horrible...wobbly....missed 37 yard FG by Gano.....the FALCONS ARE IN FIRST PLACE......Lord help us all.........

[Daniel]

For the life of me, I don't see how the Niners offensive coordinator is so well regarded. Eli has thrown five interceptions, and they are winning by less than a touchdown.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

and a horrible...wobbly....missed 37 yard FG by Gano.....the FALCONS ARE IN FIRST PLACE......Lord help us all.........

Lololololol

[NJDevs4978]

It would be hilariously ironic if the Saints somehow won that division at 7-9 and beat a 12-4, 13-3 team in the first round of the playoffs after it got done to them a few years back.

[CRASHER]

It would be hilariously ironic if the Saints somehow won that division at 7-9 and beat a 12-4, 13-3 team in the first round of the playoffs after it got done to them a few years back.

 

It would only be fitting if that was Dallas

 

I now officially dub the Falcons in WORST PLACE...whooooo!!!!!

[eaglejelly]

Can the Giants actually call something else besides a fade at the goalline? Honestly that looks like a game between two teams trying to lose.

That was just horrific. For the first time in forever the defense gives the team a chance to win the game and the offensive coordinator thinks throwing little hail Marys is the best way to get 4 yards with 4 downs. Edited November 16, 2014 by eaglejelly

[Muevelos]

Burn philly!

[CRASHER]

And we have a blowout, a stinker and a snoozer in Det/Ariz....the NFL really needs to STOP putting so few games on at 4....this is two weeks in a row of lame 4pm games......

[CRASHER]

Wow, the Raiders just got SCREWED (well not screwed)....but there was CLEARLY 2 seconds left on the clock when that Hail Mary hit the ground....how the hell does that get to happen??