SueNJ97 Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 (edited) http://www.thephoenix.com/article_ektid7852.aspx You probably know by now that Scarlett Johansson was named the sexiest woman in the world by the readers of FHM. But who would be her theoretic antithesis: the unsexiest man in the world? Note: there are no hockey players on this list. Although maybe there should be. The 100 unsexiest men in the world Who would Scarlett least like to be with? By: BILL JENSEN & RYAN STEWART 4/4/2006 1:57:36 PM Welcome to the first installment of ThePhoenix.com's 100 Unsexiest Men in the World. After pouring through thousands of photographs, millions of frames of movies and TV shows, we have created a list of the least sexy males on the planet. Don't agree with our findings? Send us a letter or give a comment on the bottom of this page. 1. Gilbert Gottfried: Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced, pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman. 2. Randy Johnson: If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights when he pitched to Otis Nixon? 3. Roger Ebert: Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fvck him. 4. Dr. Phil: Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid. 5. Alan Colmes: Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for radio. Pirate radio. Garr!! 6. Chad Kroeger: It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music. 7. Mike Mills: You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless you're trying to get to Pete Buck. 8. Osama Bin Laden: Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points. 9. Jay Leno: "It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic. 10. Don Imus: "It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way," was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones. 11. Michael Jackson: What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. 12. Wallace Shawn: Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that nasally lisp? 13. Mike D. of the Beastie Boys: We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get within three feet of him naked. 14. Richard Simmons: Words don't do it justice. 15. Jon Lovitz: Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know, he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it. 16. Carrot Top: Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list. 17. Jerry Seinfeld: This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home another model on Seinfeld. 18. Malcolm Gladwell: The Tipping Point. 19. Chevy Chase: He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly. 20. Raffi: Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of any situation in which they would bed down with him. 21. Ron Howard: He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain weird-looking. Especially with a beard. 22. Clint Howard: Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than Ron Howard. 23. Bill Gates: To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil Edited April 17, 2006 by SueNJ97 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devils731 Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Phew, I'm glad I didn't make that list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
langsgirl Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 WOW.. i wasnt sure if they were in order..1 being the unsexiest.. if so.. as much as i cant stand gilbert..there are much wrose on that list... I would have like 30 number 1s if i had to order these men... How do you know that John Madden the hockey player doesnt have massive hands jk I have to disagree about Pitt.. not cause im an obsessed girl.. i just think there are many more that can go on this list..same with Paris.. not a fan.. but I mean..it could be worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pepperkorn Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 no hockey players on the list? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyk Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Now someone give me the list of 100 hot women that dated/married these guys. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
langsgirl Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 HAHA..its funny how that seems to be th case. money is a powerful thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RowdyFan42 Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Now someone give me the list of 100 hot women that dated/married these guys. You're the Professional Googler, you tell us! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyk Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 You're the Professional Googler, you tell us! I'd do it but I'm at work...I'll do a few though...btw, Gilbert Godfried is hopeless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
langsgirl Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 His voice is what puts him on the top of the lsit for me.. not that i find him attractive..i dont.. but there are many many people on the lsit who are also as unnattractive Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threestars Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 How exactly can two men rate the unsexiest men, unless they are both gay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyk Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 Most of the people on that list are universally unsexy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threestars Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 I'll take your word for it, I haven't heard of most of them (too American leaning). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyk Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 I'll take your word for it, I haven't heard of most of them (too American leaning). American leaning? Where are you from? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threestars Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 UK, but living over here now. How would I ever have found hockey otherwise. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyk Posted April 17, 2006 Share Posted April 17, 2006 UK, but living over here now. How would I ever have found hockey otherwise. Ah ok, well it's basically a list of ugly men. Even straight men know an ugly man when they see one. Perhaps Prince Charles is a better example for you? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LOTCB Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 How is John Clayton only 88???? he should be top 10 EASY!! Yes, I did not make the list! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derek21 Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 LMFAO...that is one funny list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colorado Rockies 1976 Posted April 18, 2006 Share Posted April 18, 2006 How the fvck did Bobby Holik not make the top five? Every girl I ever took to a Devil game instantly recoiled whenever they saw his face up on the big screen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
langsgirl Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 http://news.aol.com/entertainment/articles...S00010000000001 heres a link with some pics of a few of them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyk Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 I have failed. For now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaddDog Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 Rockies, I think if these journalists had the vast exposure to A$$holik that we've had, he'd have been seriously considered for the list. Same with ole' "Cornelius" Odelein. Then again, I used to know a girl whose sister found Lyle hot so there's no accounting for taste. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threestars Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 I have failed.For now. A little random there....... you failed to make the list, but are working on it.......? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
langsgirl Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 he failed to get pictures of the hot women who date these unsexy men Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threestars Posted April 19, 2006 Share Posted April 19, 2006 (edited) Aaaaah. Well checking through the list again, I can imagine why....except #49 Lyle Lovett, what Julia Roberts ever saw in him eludes me. But that was too easy. I have figured it out....these men may have dated/are dating beautiful women, but the women then go into hiding because they know how hideous their taste is, hence no pictures. Edited April 19, 2006 by ThreeStars Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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