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ITB: BREAKING NEWS: Sean Avery becomes polarizing figure in NHL

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#1 SteveStirling


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Posted 11 May 2011 - 10:47 AM

In what many are calling the most befuddling personality changes in history, mild-mannered New York Rangers’ forward Sean Avery has overnight become a polarizing figure to fans of the NHL.

The annual Lady Byng finalist shocked many around the league by recently expressing an opinion on a controversial topic, same-sex marriage, in a pretaped commercial for a group advocating the rights for members of the LGBT community to marry.

“When he first popped up on my TV screen I figured he was going to do a PSA about giving up those fvcking ridiculous glasses glasses he’s had pasted to his head for the last two years,” said Rangers coach John Tortarella. “You know, something nobody would disagree on.”

Instead, the commercial has created a fiery discourse among NHL fans, who immediately began jumping on one side of theĀ argumentĀ or the other.

“Well, I mean it’s not the kind of thing you can have a rational discussion about,” said Dan Keating, a Tampa Bay Lightning fan, gesturing to a picture of a friend on his phone. “Todd and I were best buds for 18 years. But he supports gay marriage so that makes him a Godless sinner who should be stricken from the planet. And I’m against it, so I’m a hypocritical bigot who probably doesn’t like minorities either. It’s just the way that it works.”

But those who were most taken aback by Avery’s actions were his fellow NHL players.

“He’s always been such a solid citizen. I know him as a guy that would hardly ever open his mouth, let around take a stand on something,” said Toronto Maple Leafs Captain Dion Phaneuf. “Case and point. Every time we go out to eat together we get sloppy joes. He always goes up to get seconds but then, like the good guy he is, he gives it to me. All he makes me do is promise to say hi to Elisha (Cuthbert). What a guy.”

In related news, the NHL is considering canceling the remainder of the Stanley Cup Playoffs to free up more time for hockey fans, players, reporters and agents to bicker over social issues rather than be distracted by the culmination of the year-long athletic battle that ties them all together in the first place.

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