I say this every year...but my God the time FLIES once they kick it off for real....still can't believe it's the 3rd week, the NHL is near facing off, and it's the most wonderful time in the sports year (cause baseball's going away!).... Lots of division games, after a rare week of NONE last week....and lots of stinkers and anti-football goodness to get there.....no falling down for "injuries" soccer-style here....let's get to it!!!
Sunday September 25:
49ers at Bengals:
Wow what a steaming pile of crap THIS is.....though the Bengals can point to their rosters and go "HA HA HA even Jordan Palmer is a better QB then the stiffs you's guys gots!!" Cedric Benson battling a suspension (nothing new in Cinci....though i have an issue with a suspension being handed out for conduct during the lockout...hello THERE WAS NO CBA OR RULES TO VIOLATE, I better watch it or Goodell may ban me from writing on Week 4), but what we have here is two teams that only won a game this year because they played more hideous teams then themselves....makes this game hard to get a feel for (and makes you wanna run to the bathroom figuring out).....Alex Smith is on the injury report, but sadly the 49ers need him...BAD...that's a crappy sign....and I guess when in doubt, pick the home team?? Yeah...YAY HOME TEAM!!
Winner: Bengals (Really? ......REALLY?)
Game Quality: ahhh, who am I kidding, this is PURE anti-football!!!!
Jacksonville at Carolina:
Well that Luke McCown thing didn't work out too well did it??? And no one is shocked by this....he was throwing picks at Cromartie like lawyers tossing paternity suits last week! I'm glad I avoided watching that disaster!! But now enter Blaine Gabbert...and it's a good team to start him against since Carolina is young and this ain't the Pittsburgh Steelers (he did almost pass McCown's passing totals on the season in that garbage time mop-up last week)...and it honestly makes this game watchable....we know all the over-hype on sCam Newton and how I'm NOT buying into it because of the offense flying around this season (and anyone who talks about him and Marino's passing yards record in the same sentence with any level of seriousness.....they should be executed!!), maybe this is the week the Panthers get that rushing game going, and I can't pick Jacksonville to be 2-1 and sleep tonight....so, it's sCam-a-mania running wild!!!!
Game Quality: * 3/4 (the rookie QBs make this interestin' )
Lions at Vikings:
The Lions have not won in Minnesota since 1997 (OI!!!), but that was without Done-ovan McNabb on the team......not to mention the Lions put up more offense in a HALF then the Vikings do all game (though it was golden to turn and laugh at McNabb FAIL the 2:00 drill against Tampa with the game on the line....guess the Shanahan's were RIGHT, eh??)....the Lions are unleashing hell on Earth so far....the Vikings are just unleashing hell on their FANS....this will be brutal and I will enjoy the hell out of it.... and so should begin the Christian Ponder must start and SOON bandwagon (well not in the media, it's against the rules to call for the white guy over the black guy in the media....right?) anyway....I'll go with the team with a clue and a direction for the future!
Game Quality: ** (just because I love seeing McNabb pout and FAIL)
Denver at Titans:
Holy hell the 1:00 games are an orgasm of anti-football!!! I guess the best thing you can say for Denver is they are out of their home building (though I'm sure since Titan fans might be delusional after beating the Ravens last week, guess the ol' Manta-Vision could be contagious, and would EMBRACE Tim Tebow playing since that equals "easy win")....and playing a Titan team which is no doubt gonna let down after their Manta-Triumph last week! Are the Broncos 0-3 bad? Probably...but the Chiefs are there to remind you what true horrid is.....I really don't want to say the Titans are good enough to win two in a row, but can Denver beat ANYONE? I doubt it....Maybe Chris Johnson comes to life this week.....checks the fantasy teams, not playing CJ or against him....so I allow this!!! It's gonna get worse before it gets better in Denver....
Game Quality: * 1 1/2 (the anti-football gem is in Carolina, sorry!)
Miami at Cleveland:
Unlike Denver, least Miami is good outside of their home building (wonder if we can blame Miami FAIL on the aura of the J-Lo being around....she is a scourge to anything else she gets around....so I'll buy it....)...and not like the Browns beat LAST YEAR'S Colts....Daniel Thomas is moving the ball, a little balance on offense, some pass rush and NO pass receiving threats to deal with....and Miami's NOT 0-3 either....I hate picking teams based on that, but Miami's due one or two of these this year and they are better then Cleveland....
Game Quality: **
Giants at Eagles:
Man they keep showing that awesome Giants/Eagles rivalry thing on the NFL Network....and all I can keep seeing is the old Vai Sikahemia (whatever, he was awesome in Techmo Bowl all I know!!) punt return touchdown when he was pushing out the goal post probably screaming "I HATE THE GIANTS...HATE HATE THEM!!!"....not to mention this is the return of D-Jax to the PUNT RETURN OF DOOM....seems to be a pattern ....Will Vick play? Probably....even if not I did like what I saw in Mike Kafka, he made a helluva throw when Andy Reid let him look down the field...and Vince Young...HA!...if the Giants were healthier I'd think about them....but they're not....
Game Quality: ** (If only the Giants were halfway healthy here....)
Houston at Saints:
This is gonna be an easy one to figure out, ain't it....let's see Scott likes the Saints and hates the Texans, and even more so this is the first team worth a damn the Texans have played, so he's gonna pick Brees and call the Texans soft and gutless or something like that..... and yeah, you'd be pretty much dead on ...yes the Texicans can run the ball and they do have the most dangerous WR in Andre Johnson...but still, Saints at home and needing the game a lil bit more then the Texans do....so I'm going with the "obvious"....should be a fun game and the points should fly in this one!
Game Quality: **** (OK, this will be fun!!)
Patriots at Bills:
Speaking of the points flying....holy hell first to 40 wins here....Tom Brady is making people talk about a record book re-write this year....but no one put up more points in two games then the Bills....and damn I'd love to take them, even MORE so with the Bills losing like 9 in a row to the Pats....the thing about it....aside of Fred Jackson (a good running game can keep this close), anything the Bills do, the Pats do better....it's gonna be fun as hell to watch and some people are on the upset bandwagon....but I can't do it....though a good showing and the Bills may make a better impression in losing this game then actually WINNING this one....better watch this one it's gonna be FUN!!!
Game Quality: ***** (TAKE THE OVER!!!!)
Ravens at St. Louis:
Apparently the Manta-Vision goggles are shooting LASER BEAMS OF RAGE this week! Can't say I blame them....after Matt Hasslebeck pulled a Tom Brady on them I'd be pretty pissed too....the offense was sloppy, and someone left T-Sizzle on the grill too long and he got burnt.....fret not, a trip to St Louis will do the Ravens and their One Warrior Nation a helluva lot more good then going to that city EVER did to me...sloppy play, injuries...man it always seems like the "best team in the NFC West" starts the season and takes a massive dump on its own lawn...wassupwitdat?!!?!?? Least the Manta-NATION can stand proud this week!!!
Winner: Ravens (Manta's REVENGE!!)
Game Quality: *
Jets at Raiders:
The Jets have won 2 games yes....but i don't think you can win 2 games in the NFL in uglier fashion....add in the fact that Oakland seems better then I expected (KC and Denver being atrocious will help that), the Jets always have trouble in Oakland, and just that guy feeling you get now and then when you look at a team....and hell, it seems the Raiders are still pissed off at a certain hot dog eating incident...the Jets running game is not doing so well, and yeah the hot dog eater is completing 62% and has 517 yards....he also has as many turnovers as TDs, and it just feels like one of those games that's gonna go Oakland's way.....
Winner: Raiders (go go upset special!)
Game Quality: ** 1/2
Chiefs at Chargers:
If the Chiefs only allowed 28 points in a game it would actually be considered an improvement and something to build on here....this team gives up 40 points to the halftime show, forget their opponents....San Diego comes in I would think a wee bit cranky from last week too, and that's a bad combination for the Chiefs....crank up the "Todd Haley's gonna get fired rumors"....the Chiefs are taking a rectal exam again this week....oh survivor pick ahoy!!
Winner: SD (piling up the points)
Game Quality: DUD
Packers at Bears:
Jay Cutler has been sacked like 65 times in his last 18 NFL games...that's sick...it's damn near inhuman...it would make me wonder what I did to piss off my offensive line, but it's just the "genius" that is Mike Martz, and it once again got the living and multi-colored snot beaten out of Cutler last week....he was even seen on the floor whimpering "I GIVE I GIVE NO MORE!!" but....alas...no blocking was to be found.....and now they host the Green Bay Packers, who when last they met on this field, Cutler didn't even make it till halftime....and talk about controversy, right?? I can't see the beating being any less severe this week..hell look what an average Saints defense did to him....Green Bay's gonna carve him up, Clay Matthews or not....and we all know how good the Packer offense is....this might not be a close game, which is a damn shame, the oldest rivalry in the league deserves more epic battles and Tom Waddle with half the turf in the stadium in his helmet and all good things like that..
Winner: Packers (....Culter got sacked twice while I wrote this)
Game Quality: ** 3/4
Arizona at Seattle:
Oh Arizona....your level of FAIL is truly worthy of the NFC West...had the Redskins perfectly lined up....down by 8, even stopped the 2 point conversion, and were ready to hold on for dear life...but that awful defense of you now made sCam Newton AND Rex Grossman look like Montana and Unitas in back to back weeks....how can I think you'll beat anyone....oh, wait....they're playing Seattle......RIGHT.....bad beats worse, every time.....
Game Quality: *
Atlanta at Tampa Bay:
Tampa had a nice win in Minnesota (not exactly the kinda thing that gets you selling Super Bowl tickets to your fanbase,but it IS a win), and Atlanta had a HUGE win at home, with their fraud fans cheering the guy who sold them all out to the puppy pound the whole way....and people wonder why Atlanta sports fans get sh!t on and their crappy hockey team went to loser-Pegg... the Falcons could EASILY let down here and slip, but I think playing a divisional rival helps lessen that some, and slipping an early game here bites you in the ass down the road....add in the Falcons are also just better too, and while Tampa will be scrappy and not get blown away, the Atlanta running game should be a big factor in sealing the deal here.....
Game Quality: ***
Steelers at Colts:
If Kerry Collins wasn't drinking before this season...he gotta be by NOW....this is just brutal, epic losses all over the place and now an aggressive Steeler defense trying to right itself, a pissed off NBC stuck in a crap-tastic matchup, and I'm sure the cracks in the foundation are starting to show in how the Colts are built....hell it's so bad people are starting to cry for Curtis Painter aka "Turnover Incorporated".....you need to be out of your damn mind to give the Colts a chance, and despite what y'all think....I AM quite sane ....the only thing worse then this game will be the commercials for the dogsh!t sitcoms that NBC is trying to force us into watching!!!
Game Quality: DUD (and to make this game worse they'll show 4.000 commercials for that AWFUL Whitney show)
Monday September 26:
Redskins at Cowboys:
So you have the Redskins at 2-0, defense playing good...solid running game, Rex Grossman playing decent (2 minute drills and everything)....on the other hand....Dumbo's all beat up still (and this is what DeAngelo Hall should have said about "will you hit Dumbo in the ribs?"..."With all the stupid rules you have about where I can and can't hit the QB, where the hell else am I ALLOWED to hit him but in his damn ribs?" ...Seriously....no Dez, no Miles Austin....they have that reality show kid who looks like Josh Cribbs lite...whooo, least they got Witten....games like this scare me....when EVERYTHING points to one team winning and winning easily....you ALWAYS take the other team (well unless it's a team in the sewers...yes YOU Kansas City)....not to mention I won't be watching cause I have an ice hockey game....and this team will spite me with it's A-Game when I'm not going to be watching
Game Quality: ** 3/4
Week 3 NFL Power Rankings:
1. New England...Dan Marino is staring evily at you Tom Brady.....
2. Buffalo....don't stopppp BILL-ievin'....
3. San Diego.....remembering football in September COUNTS in the standings.....
4. NY Jets...winnin' ugly on uglier teams
5. Baltimore....if we don't top 5 'em Manta riots
1. Green Bay....salivating at running up the sack totals this week, Clay Matthews be damned....
2. Lions....oh admit it, they're fun to watch!
3. Redskins....good defense, nice running game, and Grossman >>> McNabb......
4. Saints....bounced back, then bounced Jay Cutler....
5. Atlanta....put Vick back in his kennel and got a much needed win....