Last week was a pretty damn fun week of football wasn't it? Come from behind comebacks.....upsets, and not to mention our beloved Dumbo finding a way to beat the Redskins AND making sure this Cowboys fan STILL won his fantasy football game (that's pretty VINTAGE redemption in my eyes!)...just another week in the NFL, though I do feel like I mailed it in a lil in that preview last week hurrying to get it done....so let's get this one right shall we?Sunday October 2:
Detroit at Dallas:
For an "it's only week 4 game" this one has a LOT of implications....Lions are undefeated, and the Cowboys are right back in that typical "well they've given you just enough hope again to pull the rug out from under you and smack you in the face AGAIN (you'd think ONCE a season would be enough )....and these teams do seem evenly matched?? Can the Cowboys slow down Calvin Johnson? (probably not....can Terence Newman stay the hell off the injury list? DEFINITELY not....), can the Lions slow down the Cowboys D and their league leading 13 sacks? (Matt Stafford sure as hell hopes so).....the Cowboys O-Line and Dumbo's bad ribs vs the strength of the Lions in their front 4....there's much in big matchups here.....the Cowboys have faced teams like the Lions before (and even this season)...while the Lions have beaten, KC.... Tampa....and the Vikings? I'm trying to look at this as NOT a fan (or I'd give Dallas no chance, like I said, the rug been pulled out too many times...), it's just hard to pick a team based on a QB-WR combo alone, this is why I can not take the Lions......this should be a must-watch game though.....
Game Quality: ****
Steelers at Houston:
Boy oh Boy did the Steelers look like a pile of Mike Vick leftover dogsh!t last week?? Thankfully for them the Colts are a turnover factory....hell even Dumbo had to sit (in much pain I bet) and watch this game and go "oh sh!t the Steelers have an AWFUL O-Line"....probably brought back nightmares too...anyway, this ain't the Colts defense this week....it's Mario Williams and 290 pounds of angry LB coming at ya Ben (it's ok I'd have another drink knowing that...hell I'd make it a double too....), and it's not like the Steelers have a running game....or even reserve O-Line-men ....to rely on.... we all know i have no love for this Houston team (and looks like my hopes in seeing them FAIL now lie with the Titans and Matt Hasselbeck)....but the Texans are doing too much right for the Steelers to get past, though you KNOW if Houston blows this I'm gonna be all over them next week.....
Game Quality: *** 1/2
Carolina at Chicago:
Oi....are there any QBs in the NFL I'm less of a fan of then these guys?? (OK Mike Vick, but least he offers fantasy football goodness)....hell Jay Cutler's own team don't like him...it's why he gets sacked so much....least the monsoon took sCam Newton and put his numbers back down to Earth...it was kinda funny I admit to hear sCam go "Julius Peppers is a big dude...he scares me"....he SHOULD....I don't really have much on this, I wish Chicago would admit this Mike Martz thing ain't working and it never will in a non-dome situation....and I'm taking the team that seems on the up, as opposed to the team taking the Owen Hart Swan-Dive......
Game Quality: ***
Vikings at Chiefs:
OH MAN DID I HAVE TEARS OF JOY AT THIS ONE!!!! The two WORST TEAMS MAYBE EVER ARE LOCKING UP!!!!
.....I am sooooo fired up!!!! We have the Vikings that have yet to meet a lead that they can't blow (and make change of a $20 from).....and the Chiefs who give up 40-burgers like the Labor Day BBQ is still going on!! Man I'm excited!!!! Any good players the Chiefs have are injured...and even worse Matt Cassel is still there throwing screen passes into the belly of D-Linemen (see the San Diego commentary for more on that)....the Vikings have some players, but they also have a ban on using Adrian Peterson in the 2nd half (in the interest of fairness ....of course!)....no passing game and a washed up QB.....is it 1pm on Sunday yet??? I want it to be!!!
(still not Sunday??)
....oh wait....I gotta pick a winner?!?!!?!? I can't do that!!!
Game Quality: ***** (This is the MOTHERLOAD OF ANTI-FOOTBALL!!!)
Bills at Bengals:
It's a RYAN FITZ HOMECOMING!!!! It's not very often you get a chance as a player to stick it to a team that never fully gave you a chance (Carson Palmer....HA!)...and this is the week for it....but look out....Marvin Lewis proclaimed this game a victory for his team (what Gradkowski is starting?? He's the reason you won the only game you DID)....I guess keeping Benson off the suspended list and out of jail has Marvin all fired up.....the only concern here is this is virgin territory for the Bills (well unless you mention names like Thomas, Smith and Kelly)....they're the good team, and EXPECTED to win these kinda games....being expected to lose is nothing new for the Bengals so they're used to that....this has letdown written all over it for the Bills, but this team has such a miracle "never say quit" (hell I'd even call it the anti-Argentinian standard) attitude....Coffee and Croissant-fueled greatness ...and it moves on this week.....I BILL-IEVE!!!!!!!!!
Game Quality: ** 1/2
Titans at Browns:
Matt Hasselbeck....come back player of the year?? He's starting to be the frontrunner for that me thinks (nah, we didn't need HIM in Seattle, right?)....Chris Johnson's rushing totals look like a good HALF of football for him at this point....and now Kenny Britt's gonna need crutches to get into that Bayonne courtroom....least for once the Titans got an ACTUAL QB playing the game (yes I'm insulting you Vince Young...how's that hamstring?? Asshat!!)....I don't know who the hell Hasselbeck is throwing the ball too....but it's working...yes Colt McCoy is playing well and doing good things, but the Browns WR corps makes the Titans one look all-pro (seriously)...the Titans just have a strange kind of magic going this year....least so far....while the Browns only beat the Colts and a gift from the Dolphins.....CM Punk is not impressed.....neither am i.....
Game Quality: **
Redskins at Rams:
Amazing that the Redskins are STILL whining about Dumbo's ribs?? Really?? If any team has a right to whine about pain it's the Rams...but if any city deserves the pain and suffering....it IS St. Louis (CMON GRUDGES!), the Redskins can run the ball and play defense and as long as Rex takes the right vitamins, he's a solid dude....this is more hope and direction then the Rams have this year (what is it with me previewing the NFC Worst, picking a team...saying "hey they look good, I should pick them" and they go tits-up by week 4?? Really?!?!?!)....Maybe the Redskins can play better when they worry about just hitting the QB and not targeting his ribs??
Game Quality: **
49ers at Eagles:
Michael Vick's running around talking about being hit too much and not getting the calls, and I swear the more he talks the more he sounds like R-Truth cutting a promo on "conspiracies" (maybe this means HHH gonna fire Vick, or at least cut him from his fantasy football team, so he can work on his patented Vince McManon "you'rreeee FIRED!!" line).....it's only a matter of time before Vick starts calling the NFL refs and off-field officials as "Lil Jimmies!" and Roger Goodell hits him with a sledgehammer (it's actually been amazing that the NFL's head Nazi hasn't suspended someone yet this year, well aside this Benson idiocy.....).....Frank Gore is gimping around (I kinda wish he'd SIT, let the backup play....you know the guy who GETS in the end zone), and this is the kinda team the Eagles could beat with Mike Kafka as QB, maybe Vick can stay the hell out of the kennel this week and not get hurt?? Not like the 49ers are lining up Charles Haley, right? Not too much to see here aside of fantasy stats....
Game Quality: **
Saints at Jaguars:
Can Jacksonville be the worst team in the league?? OK, aside of the Chiefs and Vikings...but still the Jags are pretty damned putrid unless they're playing in a slip n slide downpour! The Saints are having trouble on D, undecided at running back, but still the combination of Drew Brees to <random wr="" x="">, where "x" is whoever the hell is open, that's good damned enough to beat most teams, and CERTAINLY enough to stop Jacksonville....</random>
Game Quality: DUD
Falcons at Seattle:
This is one of those "why God why??" kinda games....and not in the fun way of a 5-star anti-football epic either
Atlanta can't play defense, can't protect the QB, and had forgotten about their running game....Seattle has Tavares Jackson and a bunch of USC rejects who ran the hell outta school to avoid double-secret probation! But still somehow Seattle won last week (God knows how *cough cough-ARIZONA* )....and Atlanta's losses at least come against legit opponents.....the Seahawks are NOT this....
Game Quality: ** (this has comic potential!)
Giants at Arizona:
I'm so iffy on this one....the Giants are getting healthy bodies back, but the Cardinals ALWAYS play them tough....but how tough can you be when YOU JUST LOST TO SEATTLE (damn shame how much fun could I have had with a 2-1 Cardinals taunting a 1-2 Mike Vick lead Eagles...ah well), if the Cardinals want to win this game Larry Fitz, better start looking like the best goddamn WR in football (would be nice for Kolb to get the ball to him more), and Eli better not look like he did last week....we need the old El-I-N-T to come back!! But the more I look and think about it, the more down I am on Arizona...again, and the more likely the Giants will look like a healthy and solid football team here......
Game Quality: **
Patriots at Raiders:
This is a strange game to call....Raiders have momentum (and McFadden is still running on the Jets as we speak), but the Pats got a bit exposed by Buffalo (in a way it's the "same old Pats" since the Super Bowl loss...they have an absurd offense that jumps out and dominates on a lesser team that can't keep up, but when you go toe to toe with them, they get all panicky and get one-dimensional....and yeah they'll put up stupid passing numbers (right Wes Welker owners?), but in the end their own arrogance gets to them and they don't do the right thing and they snub the running game and the defense comes up short and the other team beats them after bloodying their nose....now the Raider may not have the run n gun fly up the field offense (mostly because their QB sucks ...) to keep up with them, but they do have a damn good running game and a front 4 that will make some noise and rattle Brady (you don't think this game is like a Super Bowl to Richard Seymour?? You're nuts if you don't think so....)....this is a dangerous game for New England, not to mention this oddity in the schedule where some teams play a whole opposing division 4 weeks in a row, I just find it hard to see New England losing two in a row, which MIGHT be a "I'm still doubting the Raiders" mindset....well go prove me wrong boys, until then....I'm picking the bullies....which is kinda fitting for me, cause I'm sick to hell of all the "anti-bullying" things out there now....we've taken away winning and losing from kids, we're taking away name calling, now we're trying to take this away too....I know it sucks, but it's sucking it up and overcoming these adversities as a child that PREPARES you for real life as an adult...any wonder why we've become a society of pansies (oh no, they might write another nasty letter to Mike Milbury for that one too like they did on Hockey Night in Canada last year!)
Winner: Patriots (Pats are 25-2 after a loss, damn!)
Game Quality: ***
Denver at Green Bay:
Can it get any worse for the Broncos? Well I guess they could listen to the idiot fans and start Tim Tebow, Mister Religious prays enough....let him pray for mercy from opposing defenses! I don't think prayers will help, especially if the ghost of Reggie White is watching over Lambeau Field (as intrigued as I am by the Reggie White/Jerome Brown piece, I get creeped the frak out when I hear Reggie singing Amazing Grace at the start of the commercial)....not much to talk about in this game because the Broncos have no chance on God's Green and Blue Earth in this game!!!
Game Quality: DUD (playing the role of the Brooklyn Brawler, the Denver Broncos!)
Miami at San Diego:
Man, the NFL schedule makers were KIND to the Chargers weren't they?? It was like they were hell-bent on making the Chargers GOOD this year (guess looking at the AFC West I don't blame them)....but the Chargers did try their damndest to screw it up ANYWAY.....case in point last week..... 4th and short around the 42 yard line, 1:22 left in the game, Chiefs out of time-outs....Chargers opt to go for it....ok, I can see that (still dumb though), they decide a QB sneak (better then giving the ball to the guy 7 yards deep, okay)....but they decide to be cute and try to quick snap the ball with 22 seconds on the play clock to "get the Chiefs off-guard.....seriously?? Lucky for them the Chiefs are just as pathetic....and Laflamme in a moment of Nostradamus turns and goes "dude it's Matt Cassel....he sucks...here comes the INT....and low and behold....not only was it an INT....but MATT CASSELL THROWS A SCREEN PASS RIGHT INTO THE GUY'S STOMACH.....seriously....he botched a goddamn screen pass....and I picked that team to win this week....Jesus!!!)
Soooo....anyhow....I'm convinced the Dolphins have gone belly-up and it's all on Sporano, he's had plenty of time and chances with this team and he's gone backwards Rich Kotite-style with this team and this is the year it explodes, which is amazing...this team has talent...good backs, dominant WR, decent TE's, good personnel on D, even Chad Henne looks like he's taking a step forward and they STILL find ways to lose.....this is what happens when the J-Lo is allowed to be a part of your franchise .....so as inept and September-stupid as the Chargers are, the Dolphins are stupid through January....so yeah....gimmie 15 points on this one!!!
Game Quality: ** 1/2 (there may be a lot of Dolphin-ranting coming from me...poor Brian!)
Jets at Ravens:
Normally I'd say get your earplugs for this one...when these two teams meet the garbage pre-game talk between the two can make your damn ears bleed (I'll bet THEY call each other faggots and throw verbal bananas at each other without anyone running to the media or making entire cities crawl into the fetal position and apologize, like men when it's SAID on the field, it STAYS ON THE FIELD)....but the Jets have been awfully quiet after being humbled in the "Hot Dog Bowl".....not to mention though when you're a team built on running the ball and playing defense and you're 23rd in rushing and 2nd to last in STOPPING the run (and that includes that Jacksonville beatdown)....you ain't got much to brag about, and I'd venture to say even the most arrogant, full of himself Jets fan (and I think that dufus who calls Bruce Murray on XM all the time would qualify as this dude) HAS to take a step back and be worried ....'cause they really ain't been that good this year....and now the Jets schedule starts to get nasty...the Ravens aside from the blip against the Titans have been pretty steady and balanced on both sides of the ball....the Jets are still missing some key players, and it's in Baltimore....put on the Manta glasses, and crank up the Purple Haze for this one.....Manta-Vision goes Hi-Def and for an extra $3, you can see it in 3-D tonight!
Game Quality: *** 1/2 (this should have some hittin!)
Monday October 3:
Indianapolis at Tampa Bay:
I realized this last week...it's going to ROYALLY piss me off if the Colts pull a David Robinson/Tim Duncan, "tank and pull the next great player out of the draft" thing with Peyton out for the season and Andrew Luck is drafted by the 0-16 Colts....there's plenty of teams out there with LEGIT garbage at QB, and this franchise would stumble into two in a row....it just don't seem fair to me as a sports fan....just saying....though Kansas City and Minnesota may push for the 0-16 honor as well.....like I said it would just annoy me on damn principle (yes I do ACTUALLY have said principles!), I think I can rant about that as much as I want here because this game is PUTRID, Curtis Painter is a turnover factory on a Sage Rosenfelds type level! And Tampa had a VERY impressive win in beating up and holding on against Atlanta last week.....so there's no doubt who's winning this one, and that Monday Night Raw better be good again (it won't though cause HHH has the burying shovel out again).....oh Madden 12, save us Monday Night!!!
Winner: Tampa Bay
Game Quality: DUD (CMONNNN Raw!!!)
NFL Week 4 Power Rankings:
1. Bills, when you're #2, and you beat the old #1....CMONNNN!!!!!!
2. Baltimore....the Titans loss was eye-opening, but the best of a struggling rest.....
3. Oakland...they're running the ball awesomely, defense is better then I expected, boy was I WRONG......
4. New England....this team better learn more balance and less arrogance ASAP
5. Tennessee....doing it with the old man throwing and the billion dollar RB sucking, pretty impressive.....
1. Green Bay....they almost make it look boring compared to everyone else....
2. Detroit.....everything's going right for them .....so far
3. Tampa Bay....STATEMENT win against Atlanta last week.....
4. New Orleans....that offense and that QB will keep them in every game and win most of them.....
5. Dallas....even the angriest of Cowboys fans has to be impressed with Dumbo...NO MORE SHOTGUN PLAYS DAMMIT!!!!