Week 6 is here.....QB's are being changed....Dream Teams are being smashed to pieces and pre-season "contenders" are scratching their heads and saying WTF....and the New England Patriots had the best rushing game in the league last week!??!?!?! Things are getting weird in here......Sunday October 16:
Carolina at Atlanta:
Speaking of getting weird....the Falcons are in TROUBLE (nice Super Bowl pick Peter King ....), and now short Julio Jones....maybe instead of force-feeding him the ball to go GOD DAMMIT WE CASHED IN OUR DRAFT FOR YOU, WE'LL FORCE YOU IN THERE!! Now maybe the Falcons can go back to what WORKED....Michael Turner....Roddy White, and maybe even a little defense too....Carolina's probably playing better football at this point, but they seem to be that team that does everything impressive but WIN....and imagine this...Atlanta loses this game and they're in last place...2-4 and stick nails in them and hang 'em from the cross they're DONE....and with the Lions on the schedule next week, the Falcons GOTTA get their sh!t right and NOW....I think they will actually....
Game Quality: *** (should have lots o'offense!)
Colts at Bengals:
It's still weird to me to talk the Colts in regular-season football and KNOW the other team has the better QB before I even type a letter....it's strange....it feels like now all the Colts are doing is having a staring contest with the Dolphins, going "any way you can lose we can lose better!"....ahhh the Suck for Luck sweepstakes, right? Though like I've said before I will be openly pissed if the Colts get lucky like that (hell look how long the Dolphins are STILL waiting for Dan Marino's replacement, the Cowboys are still looking for that Aikman replacement, the Patriots will long for Tom Brady when he's gone, and the Colts are gonna get Luck-y? HELL NO!!), I should talk about this game, but be real....the Bengals aren't exactly setting the world on fire....Benson's still fighting "the man", Dalton is coming along slowly (and a 2-game winning streak...ah the power of mediocre!), and the Bengals could delude themself into getting into this division race....and we all know the Colts tank when the season is over, and they got nothing left to prove....well THIS season is over and they got nothing to prove (aside of Curtis Painter...poor bastard)
Game Quality: * 3/4 (just a hair too good for anti-football goodness)
49ers at Lions:
Whoever saw this coming and saw one loss between these two teams, you'd have been checked for illegal drugs in your system!!!! Both teams are playing very tough in your face football (Jim Harbaugh for coach of the year....simply for fixing Alex Smith ALONE)....the 49ers are more a run-first in your face, while the Lions just unleash Megatron and he kills you with the Fusion Cannon on his arm (hopefully shooting Michael Bay in the face....often...and savagely...but not too often, he deserves a SLOW death....), this could be a really good game, but if the Lions go deep and get up 7, 10....15 points....the Niners are dicked, and you look how both teams are playing....the Lions are gonna rip out some big plays and 49er SMASH....this game is CERTAINLY worth watching to see how the Niners hang, but the Lions have too much for them.....PS, 49ers, way to lose Josh Morgan for the YEAR running up the score in the 4th Quarter...good job!!!
Winner: Lions (Alex Smith THIS!)
Game Quality: ** 3/4 (clash of styles ahoy!)
St. Louis at Packers:
Man and I thought *I* hated St. Louis....this is cruel and unusual punishment....and I'm talking on the level of Jamie Langenbrunner finishing out his awful career and then taking a front office job with the Blues type of cruelty there....I guess this is why the Cardinals are still playing....the sports Gods are throwing that city a bone....this game will be cruel and merciless....this is a men's team going into a nursery and taking 11 random infants and lining them up against them .....much brutality here....I welcome it....RETURN THE SUFFERING TO ST LOUIS!!!!
Winner: Packers (are you shocked?)
Game Quality: DUD (are you shocked? )
Buffalo at NY Giants:
....Norwood.....WIDE RIGHT.... *sigh* oh....so.....close....and some memories never die, now do they?? I think you're obliged to mention that game any time these two meet, but aside of that...it's time to talk about the Bills DEFENSE...yeah they give up yards, but they MAKE PLAYS (much like the Saints Super Bowl team did, key INTs and fumbles to turn games around, and the offense gets it done if the turnover isn't run back for 6)....meanwhile on the Giants side....yeah they're healthy on defense....but E-l-INT is back and man he killed the Giants (and my survivor pick, and my 13 point selection in my pool...yes I'm annoyed ), you'd like to think that the Giants are gonna be PIST after that disaster last week....but are they good enough to overcome the BUFFALO MACHINE? I'm not too sure about that....I'm also kinda sure the Tom Coughlin message is getting lost and it's time for that marriage to end in New Jersey....and the Bills are too darn fun to root against!!!
Winner: Bills (VENGEANCE BE THY NAME!)
Game Quality: ***
Jaguars at Steelers:
Wow, if the Steelers get any more gifts from the football Gods, they'll be dropping young college co-ed's with amnesia in Big Ben's living room for him ....seriously, talk about the perfect team to get healthy and feel better with right?? (then again I'm sure Matt Hasselbeck is still having Steeler nightmares not only from last week, but that Super Bowl the Seahawks were CLEARLY robbed in too....), I'd like to say something good about Jacksonville.....so I will applaud their loyalty to Jack Del Rio....for no apparent reason, he's won NOTHING there, this team is in the sh!tter...again....why would you keep this clown?? There's a reason no one cares about Jacksonville....and they have no chance in hell....again.....
Game Quality: DUD (Jacksonville is BRUTAL folks)
Eagles at Redskins:
My, oh my...how the tables have turned right?? And yeah we can call the Eagles a Dream Team, this is how the rest of the world dreams about ALL Phily-Scum teams starting the year (ok, I admit I do hate the city of Phily, but they ain't the Flyers, maybe it's just because Eagle fans don't travel this North that often...that one dumbass last Sunday kinda reminded me otherwise though), on the other side the Redskins are actually playing football, good running, solid passing game...pretty decent defense...oh yeah...before I forget....Chris Cooley, yeah it was hilarious to see Dumbo "fold and choke" against the Lions....how funny was it when HE BEAT YOUR TEAM the week before?? And your sorry little team has 150 chances to put the Cowboys away and you DIDN'T! Who's really laughing?? (moral of the story, don't talk sh!t about the team that just beat you the week before)...anyway, I could rant for two weeks on that alone....the Skins are playing solid, straight ahead football, the Eagles can't block or tackle...but sometimes you just get one of those games when everything points to one team (the Redskins), but you don't factor in the team with it's back to the wall (Phily), and they come and answer the bell....and be fair, the Eagles GOTTA win this.....I'm just going on the ol'intuition here.....
Game Quality: ** 3/4
Houston at Ravens:
No Andre Johnson, no Mario Williams, same soft Texans team around them, and the same buffoon coach in Gary Kubiak....and add in Matt Schaub throwing game ending INTs with only 10 men on the field (and speaking of hilarity, you need to see how this last drive went.... 1st play, sack, but Raiders take 15 yard face mask instead, 2nd play, 26 yard pass first down....clock the ball, then holding penalty....first down pass on 2nd and 15, spike the ball then Schaub rolls and gifts the INT, it was the funniest 2:00 drill FAIL I ever saw).....the Ravens had a week off to sit on their Manta-Throne and bask in the FAIL of the NFL last week, this one's really a no-brainer and I am looking forward to seeing the Texans come apart...again....and this time blow the season to the Titans!
Game Quality: **
Browns at Raiders:
This is an odd matchup....Just Win Baby vs. Just Lose Baby (hell it's Cleveland after all....you know the only place in the world that can frak up the Rock N Roll HOF....), and the Raiders come off the most emotional win they've had in a long long LONG time....running the ball, playing good defense and just closing their eyes when Campbell drops back to pass....good news for the Raiders is only St Louis (49 points in 4 games....yikes!) has a lower scoring offense then the Browns....still wish you kept Peyton Hillis, Flame? As long as the Raiders don't have a letdown after that epic comeback and Al Davis moment last Sunday, they got this one.....
Game Quality: **
Dallas at New England:
Oh boy, the ineffective defense vs the incomprehensible QB, the Pats don't know an offense they can't make HOF worthy with their defense....and we all know Dumbo hasn't seen a 4th Quarter turnover he doesn't like, not like the Cowboy defense is much better....they've never seen a "we gotta stop 'em drive" that they actually DID stop them....this is gonna be ugly but stupidly high scoring, the Pats offense showed some balance last week (FINALLY)....and actually using the running game (FINALLY)....while Dumbo threw 3 4th Quarter INTs on that Bye fella...he sure is a pain in the ass that Bye....the Cowboys can put pressure on Brady, well until the 4th Quarter starts, and I really like the Cowboys offense and all its weapons on the Pats D....but if anyone can make a struggling defense....it's Tony Romo...the problem is everytime I get sick of this team, throw my hands up and say fvck THEM I'm done with this.....they come back and win....well I'm fed-up to high holy hell with the Cowboys...so yeah.....
Game Quality: ****
Saints at Tampa:
Tampa's still picking up their teeth from that superkick they took from the 49ers last Sunday....and now here comes the 2nd best offense in the NFC comin to getcha! And now Legarrette Blount is limping around...oi, the one week they need to slow the game down right?? This is NOT a good match-up for Tampa, though it's amazing that since the loss to the Packers that NO ONE is talking about how the Saints bounced back and are playing the best football in the NFC, outside of the 2 teams in the Central....this is NOT your week Tampa Bay....
Game Quality: **
Vikings at Bears:
Boy NBC must be PISSED OFF this year...they have to promote sh!t shows like Whitney (from the commercials this pile of visual AIDS makes "Friends" look manly....), no one cares about their network....and their shining star in Sunday Night football has been serving more turds then a plate full of chocolate laxatives, the Vikings are just HORRIBLE, while the Bears are "only" bad....least the roof didn't collapse on the stadium this time...and hey if you're brave enough to watch this game...a small drinking game.... sip each time Jay Culter gets it, sip each time Al Michaels makes a gambling reference...and oh my God....next week is Indy/Saints, and then Cowboys/Eagles...it's NOT getting better for NBC...I have to laugh at this!!! And oh yeah....gimme the bad football team over the awful one.....
Game Quality: * 1/2 (this almost makes Bound for Glory an option...)
Monday October 17:
Miami at NY Jets:
Monday Night ANTI-Football.....suck it ESPN!!!! And I thought the Sunday Night game sucked....Jesus....neither one of these teams really does anything right, the Jets can't run the ball, the defense is awful, the QB is erratic (that's a mild world)...and the Dolphins will have pressure to lose this game since the Colts will have lost by then, about the only good thing I can say about this game is Daniel Thomas should be healthy and effective, and the Miami defense is at least "okay"....but it's Miami, their goal is to snatch defeat from the cold jaws of victory! Boy am I ever happy to be playing ice hockey on Monday Night.....
Game Quality: DUD
NFL Power Rankings, Week 5:
1. Bills....still running back Mike Vick "passes"2. New England....discovered that amazing offensive weapon...called it a "hand-off"
3. Raiders....gutty, emotional win, and I gotta admit, they're better then I thought.....
4. San Diego....4-1 and playing like ass...I don't know if I'm complimenting or insulting them here....
5. Ravens...sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing at all.....
1. Packers....too obvious isn't it....
2. Lions....sitting and waiting for Green Bay to screw up...
3. Saints....see above times two....
4. 49ers....really? Jim Harbaugh is coach of the year for making Alex Smith functional ALONE....
5. Redskins....someone remind Chris Cooley to NOT talk sh!t about the team that beat you two weeks before?