Jesus where does it all go?? I guess it's a sign of getting old (but you'll WISH you could be as active as I am at near 39 years old, but that's moot right now....)
....bye weeks....fish n chip football and a croissant-free Sunday of football!! Isn't it all so exciting?
Well the Sunday and Monday Night games sure do SUCK, need to have fun somewhere!!
Sunday October 23:
Redskins at Carolina:
Joe Theismann said something that pissed me off this week (this is nothing new, he's a dick....hell if you ever saw "the Replacements" (a 5-star sports movie mind you), I swear the "Martel" character is based on him)....he went on to call the Panthers "the best 1-5 team in football"....SO WHAT??? You're still 1-5!!!!! The 49ers are the WORST 5-1 team I've ever seen (ok that's much but it's an Anti-Alex Smith thing), but they're STILL FIVE AND FRAKING ONE.....you are what your record is.....then again, they're playing a team now who's starting QB wasn't admitted to the team's training facility to start training camp....that will always amuse me! The Panthers do keep everyone close (you know that old good enough to lose thing), and it does seem to be the goal in the NFC East that every team is gonna do their damndest to keep this thing interesting (and that comes with as much futility as humanly possible)....looks like to me I'm leaning towards sCam-a-mania here..... plus I'm due a good Dave meltdown!
Game Quality: **
Seattle at Cleveland:
Oh boy!! FOOTBALL FUTILITY IS BACK!!!!!! Two amazingly flawed 2-3 football teams, though if you merged the franchises, Holmgren running the offense, Carroll on the D....and Colt McCoy QBing the Seattle offense....damn you'd have something good....but we don't, and no one's calling these stiff teams "the best 2-3 teams in football), I just can't take either Seattle QB seriously, and even despite having NO ONE to throw to, the Browns will be a .500 football team by the end of the week.....God help us all.....
Game Quality: **** (now THIS is anti-football!!!)
Atlanta at Detroit:
Once or twice a season you get one of these make or break games....the Falcons are seeing the NFC South and playoff hopes slip away, soft play, lack of offensive focus, bad QB play, and worse play calling....meanwhile the Lions got a handshake and a pat on the back....and it pissed them off!! (losing their first game of the year don't help none either).....the Lions will be motivated and "ready to roar" (don't get mad I'm gonna shoot myself after I wrote the rest of the preview for that awful "10:00 news pun")....and Atlanta just seems to be coming up soft this year and I think Matt Ryan's gonna have a rough day from the Lions front 4.....
Game Quality: *** (desperate vs PIST....always fun!)
Denver at Miami:
Man can it get worse for Miami?? Yeah they could win 3-4 games and be out of the Suck for Luck....#irony......
All the cards are stacking towards Denver here.....the Dolphins are honoring the National Championship team that Tebow QB'ed (coincidence, or desperate ploy to sell tickets...hrrrmmm), the building's gonna be FULL of Teebow guys, Miami fans WANT the team to lose and rip it apart, and hell I need a Michael Vick-light game outta the White Vick this week.....this would be a nail in the coffin game for Sparano, but he damn well DESERVES to get his fat ass fired by now anyway....no I won't be impressed with Denver winning this game, but they damn well BETTER win it....it's got some drama and some anti-football charm, so you know I'll be watching this!!!!
Game Quality: *** (Teebow-palooza!)
Chargers at NY Jets:
The NY Post said it all about this game "A No-Ring Circus"...though typical Rex, beats a horrid Dolphins team and leaves the filter at home....and probably not the best of ideas to wake up what might have been a sleepy San Diego team coming across the country (and man I think that whole "traveling cross country to play football" thing is so overrated....good teams do well on the road, bad teams don't and it's not like you play 2-4 games a week with the travel, come a day early and you're FINE)....and if the Jets play like they did last Monday (from what I saw standing in Floyd Hall Arena in my skates and all that hockey jazz), they're gonna get smashed by the Chargers, the week off helps and Ryan Matthews is VERY quietly having an awesome year for the Chargers, I'm still not convinced the Jets are playing solid enough football on offense or defense...San Diego does have a habit of special teams meltdowns which COULD keep the Jets in this....but I'm not convinced this week.....
Game Quality: *** 3/4 (you know you're watching this post-game handshake!)
Bears vs Tampa via England:
Boy I feel bad for England....it rains a LOT there, it's soggy, they have no hockey, and love sports like cricket (I'd bash soccer too but I actually kinda like it now)....and on top of all that they always seem to get crappy football games over there....too good to be anti-football....but not good enough to be game of the week worthy, but I guess this is the best game we've shipped overseas so far in this awful Fish N Chips special of the week, the Bears still can't block or protect Jay Cutler....and Tampa played a gutty, tough physical game last week and beat up on not only the Saints, but made Sean Peyton the first coach in the NFL to end up on the injury report (and admit it, that had to HURT LIKE HELL)....maybe they can run some plays at Mike Martz...nah, that would only make the Bears better.....and let's see...Chicago beats bad teams and loses to good teams....Tampa >> Chicago...so.....
Winner: Tampa Bay
Game Quality: * 1/2 (these games in England ALWAYS suck)
Houston at Tennessee:
Oh boy, the Texans are still beat up and missing their two best players, soft QB play....vintage Gary Kubiak Texicans (as much as Sporano needs to go, I wanna see the naked blackmail pics that Kubiak has to keep HIS job....seriously....they gotta be good)....while the Titans are playing decent solid football, and to be honest about it, the better the Titans do this season, the more the luster comes off the awesome job Jeff Fisher did with this team (to be fair the last QB Fisher had that was as good as Matt Hasselbeck, ended up with a few bullets in his chest...yeah I went there....SO??), if you've been reading these for any amount of time, you KNOW how down on the Texicans I am....and this game is no exception....there's no big game out there that the Texans won't come up soft and short in and this will be no different!
Game Quality: ** 3/4 (if this wasn't for the division you'd piss on this game!)
Steelers at Arizona:
To think this game was a Super Bowl recently.....Kurt Warner leaves the team and it all goes to hell in Arizona (yes that's a Jesus Pun people....), what in the blue hell happened to Kevin Kolb? And why in the hell did I EVER draft Larry Fitz? Ah, dammit.....gotta love FF FAILS, I don't really have much to say about this, I still don't love how the Steelers are playing...least Mendenhall seems to have found his game, and yes the Steelers are still flawed, but the Cardinals are super-awful NFC West worthy PUTRID, and that makes this an easy pic without mass over-analysis! Maybe this is why Theismann called the Panthers a good 1-5, cause this is a HORRID 1-4 team....
Game Quality: DUD
Chiefs at Raiders:
This is a must watch game....seriously....I wanna see how Carson Palmer goes from being on the couch and surfing, and maybe playing Madden, to running a real NFL offense, learning the plays, the system and the timing of the most complex position in pro sports (not to mention not being CLOSE to game shape either)....this makes this a FASCINATING game....though being it's the awful Chiefs it's a perfect game to be eased into the NFL again, and then a bye week, so Carson should have ample time to get his sh!t right...a little fun fact, the Chiefs have been outscored 150-77 this year....oi....can we at least let Jackie Battle have a good game rushing with Frank Gore off this week?? Probably not, hasn't been my fantasy year so far....least I'm out there playing ACTUAL sports too....and oh yeah....the Chiefs SUCK.....
Game Quality: **
Rams at Cowboys:
You know...the fact that I am LOOKING for reasons to pick the Rams should be telling....the reason that I cheered three putrid dive into the A-gap runs last week with the game and maybe the season on the line....should be telling.....the fact that it's better to get beat via 80-yard drive (nice way to show up when it counts defense!) is telling....the fact that Dumbo's still allowed to be under center...it's telling! But I look at the Rams, and they have an injury list the length of my ARM (they remind me of those old pre-Ovechkin Caps teams that always lead the NHL in man games missed to injury....)....the Rams are BAD people....and it's gonna take 3 Tony Romo INTs run back for six to blow this...oh....wait....that was the Lions game.... *cringe*....my bar tab might be high this week, hell I haven't even ranted about my bad luck with St. Louis women (then again I'm still steaming from losing Andy Greene on facebook *sob*).....I really want to pick .....no...noo...NOOOOOOOOOO < / end Darth Vader>
alright....I can't do it.....(good God the Rams have only 49 points this year)
Winner: Dallas (DAMN I want to pick the Rams SO BADLY)
Game Quality: ** 1/2 (+ 2 stars for my meltdowns alone)
Packers at Vikings:
Man, is it fair that the Super Bowl Champs get such a cream puff schedule? Probably not....I only wish I could hear that steaming Douche Paul Allen have to call this as the Packers beat their faces in....Christian Ponder?? Ponderous....effing Ponderous (ah, a joke back when Opie and Anthony were funny...) anyway, I got work today I ain't wasting time here......
Game Quality: DUD
Colts at Saints:
Sean Peyton will be sitting far away from this game watching this one at a safe distance.....we all should do the same on this one....the Colts are trying to out-inept the Dolphins, which is no easy task at all! And the Saints need a nice feel-good bounce back type game after losing to the Bucs last week (you gotta think having a coach who is so close to Drew Brees did affect the Saints last week)....wait, why am I killing myself breaking THIS down?? Oh Al Michaels you will need some filler for the end of this game......
Game Quality: DUD
Monday October 24:
Ravens at Jacksonville:
I go on the ice at 10:40 Monday Night....this game should be LONG over by then....the Jaguars are the worst offense in the AFC in every aspect, and this is one of those game the Ravens will fatten up on an awful team on offense and puff out their chests and re-proclaim their greatness....but yeah, find something else to watch if your fantasy teams are done....this won't be fun either (hey Ray Rice, how about a 200 yard 3 TD game, would ya?)
Game Quality: DUD (my rec league ice hockey game will be better...)
NFL Power Rankings, Week 6:
1. Patriots.....a familiar spot for them.....
2. Ravens....feasting on the weak....
3. Chargers....feasting on the even weaker.....
4. Bills....lost 2 out of 3, don't stop Bill-ieving!!!!
5. Raiders.....stupid, crazy and desperate enough to start CP-9 this week!!
1. Packers....zzzzzz, beating EVERYONE will be like that
3. Lions....shake hands and move on boys.....
4. Tampa Bay....GUTTY win last week, talk about being coach-killers!
5. NY Giants.....the best of the worst?