Funniest hockey article in a long time, thanks for posting.
My only quibble was with this line:
"These new rules make the game safer, but of course, hockey remains the only sport in which a full-on fistfight is an accepted part of the game."
Clearly he has never even heard of the sport lacrosse.
Both of the professional sports born in Canada allow bare knuckle boxing, unlike any other professional sport in the world (if you don't count Irish Traveler fights like in this delightful documentary http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1606259/
Official Keeper of Ken Daneyko's missing teeth, Jeff Friesen's moustache, Shanahan's Pub in the CAA concourse (only place you could buy Guinness). Unofficial Keeper of Wayne Gretzky's perm.