The one-quarter point of the season is already here…..as always the year starts to FLY by once the football kicks off for Week One…oi….last Sunday was truly the wildest and craziest 3:30 to 4:30 hour I think I’ve ever seen in all the years of footballing I remember…a lil controversy (which creates cash of course)….and now we get the spoiled, overpaid part-time employees back (and think about that, part time employees who have 6-7 figure jobs ELSEWHERE were holding out and crying for a “pension”…. Funny I thought you needed be a full-time employee for that)….anyway, the “real refs” are back, so we can go back to an acceptable level of incompetence…yay!
Also lost in all this internet whining, and people following the football media’s crap about replacement refs like the sheep they are is an actual scary fact and a telling thing about this season….look at the number of “elite offenses” that can’t protect the QB properly….Dallas, Green Bay, Chicago, Phily, New England, Chicago, even Denver….did I mention Chicago?...in fact the only ones who can are the Giants and the Ravens….go figure right?
One last side note…after last week and all the unpredictability (maybe I should be like the rest of the sheep and blame the “scab refs” for it too)….I’ve kinda thrown my hands and given up on predicting this crap….so I’m trying something new this week, all winners and losers this week will be done in the most random way possible (just like the result)….COIN TOSS…..heads is home….tails is the road team….we’ll give the “Two-Face” Method a spin!!!
Thursday Sept. 27:
Browns at Ravens:
Hey Time Warner fans, congratulations….you FINALLY get the NFL Network, and the Red Zone and all the football goodness….and the Thursday Night games….but then you turn and get handed THIS stinker to start your trip into the Thursday Night games….a game so bad they didn’t even make a wacky commercial with Hornswoggle’s dad the creepy Irish Midget….. the Ravens are coming in with the 2nd best scoring and the league’s best “20 yards and over plays” offense….and the Browns are the Browns….you’d think I should just be able to say “Ravens” and move on….but oh no, we are a slave to the coin this week…..let’s flip this bitch and see:
Winner: heads! ….Ravens (*phew*)
Game Quality: DUD (it’s still Cleveland folks, least the Avengers is out on Blu-Ray…)
Sunday Sept. 29:
49ers at NY Jets:
The 49ers had a rare stinker last week against Minnesota, they didn’t stop the run, they fell behind and they just played like ass, while the Jets won quite arguably one of the most bizarre, ugliest and just….kinda icky games you can possibly win…..at a cost… Revis Island is on vacation for the next 9-some months with an ACL tear… and in come an angry and determined 49er team that doesn’t lose two games in a row….like ever…. Again…this feels like an obvious pick….but no longer will we be fooled by the obvious here!!! Oh mighty nickel…..who do I pick???? (hey guys remember when the “real” refs screwed up an overtime coin toss on Thanksgiving with Jerome Bettis….good times…)
Winner: heads (again!?!?!)….NY Jets
Game Quality: ** (I’m banking on something weird happening here)
Seattle at St. Louis:
Well this game’s gonna have some eyes on it… Seattle comes in on a two-game winning streak, and the most controversial correct call in league’s history (if you’re complaining go look up what determines a “reception” in the NFL already and do something useful in your internet time and quit bitching! The Hawks play good defense, run the ball well and just ask the QB to not screw up…..the Rams were solid, until last week and all hell broke loose with the Bears bringing down the wrath of God, Jay Cutler and a dose of Michael Bush too…this game has Seattle let-down written all over it (and most clueless people will call this an “evening out of an undeserved win” for Seattle…again, shows what they know…)….but we don’t make these decisions….
Winner: heads (3 for 3!?!??! CMON)….Rams
Game Quality: * ½ (probably not much to see here)
Carolina at Atlanta:
Right now the Falcons are playing the best football in the NFL, dominating the AFC in 3 impressive contests….guess that’s the one asterisk you can put on them, the better teams are in the NFC and they ain’t played any yet….Carolina seems to be a bit of a struggle early in this season (not to mention that hilarious “Hello Kitty” T-Shirt ad in the Carolina press ripping on sCam for being one this season….so far)…can you have a letdown game in your own division?? Probably not….this is one of those games where it all looks obvious for an Atlanta win, in fact so obvious you just go and pick the other team….so far the coin’s been locked on heads….so even the coin toss looks pro-Atlanta….let’s flip this sucker…..
Winner: (son of a bitch this is killing the bit….) Atlanta
Game Quality: *** (this should be interesting….)
Vikings at Lions:
The Vikings may have played their best game of the season last week coming out and punching the big bad 49ers in the face and pounding on it until the nose gashed blood all over the damn place….while the Lions on the other hand made the worst team in the NFL look pretty awesome (though they still almost beat them if Jim Schwartz isn’t a moron….when you’re calling a fake snap draw them offside play and you have a backup QB, you grab the QB and the center by the facemask (one in each arm, after all he’s not the drummer for Def Leppard right?) and you scream “UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE DO YOU SNAP THAT BALL” and you send them out there….since you didn’t you deserve what happened to you….again the Lions seem the wise bet here….and yes I’ve switched coins because coming up heads EVERY time is hardly random….CMON TAILS…. Son of a bitch…it rolled under the couch….wait…I got it…
Winner: TAILS!!! Vikings
Game Quality: **
Chargers at Chiefs:
This should be an interesting one….and as awful as the Chiefs have started, thanks to Jamaal Charles and a porous Saints “defense” (if the Saints drop to 0-5 will Goodell let them put unproven bounties back on?) and as a Charles owner in two leagues who flipped him back IN the line up Sunday at 12:15pm….I expect another big week this week….I still don’t know what to make of the Chargers right now…they still only beat up on the little teams….thankfully this goes to the coin….any takers on tails? You should have!
Game Quality: **** (this will be fun)
Titans at Texicans:
The Titans played the game of their lives last week…and still almost blew it…twice….but they are victorious (leaving only Cleveland and New Orleans of all teams as the only winless folks in the land)….while Houston just keeps ROLLING, despite Matt Schaub unleashing his inner (ear) Mick Foley and losing a chunk during the game…it’s amazing how we SHOULD be admiring the guy’s toughness…but people spend more time crying that a hit that should be LEGAL wasn’t penalized…no wonder we have an anti-game like sarcasta-ball in existence…. *sigh*….anyway…all signs point to the Texicans here…but now the damn coin is on a TAILS lock….so much for randomizing…..
Winner: HEADS!! Praise Jesus…. Texicans
Game Quality: DUD (no way the Titans put up two 40-burgers)
Patriots at Bills:
This could be the 1pm game of the week…the Pats are under .500 since the days of standard-def TVs, public radio and dial-up internet (and ironically since the Bills beat them up to make them start a season 0-1), offensive line problems…average defensive play….and the Bills have cleaned up their act since the week one disaster….Fitzpatrick is throwing to the RIGHT jerseys, CJ Spiller was tearing it up (but he’s not playing this week not off that shoulder injury)…Fred Jackson may come back….if not it’s up to ex-Cowboy Tashard Choice who is as capable a #3 RB as you’ll have…at least this game actually is a coin toss kinda game….and imagine a world with Tom Brady and the 1-3 Patriots…..the coin seems to….
Game Quality: **** ½
Bengals at Jacksonville:
Oh boy….this is by far the least appealing game of the week ain’t it? Hell I think my coin of random flippage is threatening to walk out and have a lockout over this sh!tty game… don’t get me wrong, the Bengals are doing good things on offense, AJ Green is as good a WR as you don’t know in the NFL (mostly cause he’s not a diva)….Andy Dalton is making strides and improvements in year two that Cam Newton can only dream of…yeah the defense is AWFUL, but offense wins in this league….this might be more entertaining then I expect because of that and Jacksonville is good at wacky finishes, but at the end of the day no one cares about this game….suck it up coin….*flip*
Winner: tails it is…..Bengals
Game Quality: DUD
Oakland at Broncos:
This is a tough one to gauge….I have NO idea still how the Raiders came back on the Steelers….I mean I know the Steeler D is the Tin Foil Curtain now…old and needs a reboot….the Steeler offensive line is horrid, but Ben makes up for that, and hell he had a VERY big day…and yeah McFadden did gash the Steelers and show why he was a top 5 fantasy RB….but still…hell even Carson Palmer was solid….and the Steelers did only have one sack….maybe just the Steelers aren’t that good now….however the Broncos have been whipped and beaten around the last two weeks too, maybe this coin toss thing is good…means I don’t have to stress over winners in this evenly matched train wrecks….
Game Quality: **
Miami at Arizona:
Will Reggie Bush play Sunday? I’d say my gut feeling says yes, but that gut don’t have as much feeling as it did a few years ago….but I do expect him to be out there, it’s amazing what Arizona is doing…no QB, craptastic running game…and yet they keep winning (given they beat Seattle in their building, an awful Eagles team and a Pats team that’s a mess, but a normal Cardinal team is 0-3 still)….would it shock anyone if the bottom fell out and Arizona was 5-11 by year’s end? Not really….but looks like me and the coin agree on this one…Tanehill is improving but he got no one to throw to outside of Bush and Fasano….nice to see the randomizer agree with me here…..
Game Quality: ** ¾
Washington at Tampa Bay:
While RG III is dazzling people and putting up awesome fantasy numbers, the defense is losing players by the hour and the team’s not winning games …101 points allowed is 3rd worst in the NFL, and it’s only going to get worse as they lose more and more players….the good news for Washington….the Tampa Bay offense doesn’t exactly set the world on fire…hell it could barely light a match….Josh Freeman is barely over 50% on his passes and he didn’t even crack 200 yards in 2 of his 3 starts…this offense is exactly what the Redskins D needs…not to mention I love seeing Schiano suffer to the opponent’s victory formation (and I’m waiting for a pissed o-line guy to cut one of his DL guys and wipe him out for the year and him have the balls to cry dirty about it when putting the guy on IR because of his own douchey methods…)…I’d love to take Washington here…but the coin is being very female…and not listening…..
Winner: Tampa Bay
Game Quality: ** ¾
Saints at Green Bay:
Who would have thought these two would combine for 1-5 right now?? Damn….the season’s probably over for the Saints by now….the D is a joke, Drew Brees is doing too much and anyone who wonders how much coaching MATTERS in the NFL need look no further then Hurricane City for evidence….add in all the bad things happening to them with an ANGRY Packers team that “got screwed” (Green Bay screwed Green Bay folks….score a TD or two, and you win the damn game)…but the Packers D is playing better then anything else on the team right now….and this is not going to be a pleasant experience for the Saints….least the weather is nice by Green Bay standards….have a nice day! And thank you magic coin again……
Winner: Green Bay
Game Quality: *** ¾
NY Giants at Eagles:
Even in losing last week the Eagles still remain the most overrated and undeserving team in football to have a winning record….Vick is still a turnover factory, the offensive line is as non-existent as the running game, the coach can’t adjust…and now they start playing some of the good teams….yes usually the Eagles own this match-up, but usually they do the little things like block….my only worry for the Giants is they had a lot of rest and have some healthy players back on offense….when you expect this team to win is when they lay their biggest of eggs after all….but I can say this with confidence….since I flipped the damn coin….and at least I got an alibi when it asses up right???
Winner: NY Giants
Game Quality: ** ¾
Monday Sept. 30:
Bears at Cowboys:
This game should be the first team to have a drive end in a TD without their QB getting sacked wins….seriously….porous o-lines, elite pass rushers…and watch this will be a 38-30 game right?? Both teams came off gutty wins last week (though the Cowboys one was a little guttier since they had NOTHING going on offense and the Bears did finally wear down the Rams, while the Cowboys had to survive the Schiano Special and that gutless “we don’t give up no matter how horrid our offense was the entire game” garbage….this is one game I’m glad I’m flipping a coin on….I have NO idea how this is gonna turn out….I’d like to say the Cowboys are a little better because of their secondary….I’m just glad I’ll be on the ice rink skating my ass off and catching this one afterwards….LAST FLIP OF THE DAY!!!
Winner: Cowboys (frak you coin!)
Game Quality: ***
NFL Power Rankings Week 2:
- Houston…the only thing they left in Denver was QB ear parts…
- Baltimore….though beating New England may not be that impressive now…
- Cincinnati….nice 2 game bounce back from the opener….
- San Diego…average team in an unimpressive conference
- NY Jets….first place?
- Falcons....no one is playing better now
- 49ers.....just a bump in the road?
- Arizona....admit it, they are impressive....somehow.....
- NY Giants....winning with the B team
- Dallas....gutty defensive effort.....kiss of death planted.....
Edited by CRASHER, 27 September 2012 - 06:15 PM.