December football is right around the corner….and we know what that means…. Fantasy football playoffs!!! (And the NFL one too, but there’s always a sadness when Week 17 ends….playoff football is nice, but it’s never the same as having 6-8 games on at once and trying to track the madness….)….at least we got a full month of enjoyable trash football games before all that playoff nonsense, right??
Thursday Nov. 29:
New Orleans at Atlanta:
Wow….want to talk a real rivalry?? The Saints team bus got EGGS THROWN AT IT as the Saints left the airport….that’s pretty awesome….These two teams do NOT like each other….the Saints dominance in this battle only adds to it, case in point a few weeks ago….right?? The Falcons haven’t lost since then but they don’t exactly look wonderful in the process….in fact the way the Falcons are built (long passes and big plays)….it doesn’t lean itself to being dominant and ineffective over a full season…you can only hit so many home runs, and you can win a lot more simply with singles down the field…it’s just their singles hitter in Michael Turner seems out of gas (he is a running back over 30)….neither one of these teams has what you’d consider an intimidating defense either….this one should be high scoring…and it should be nasty….I’m a bit worried about the Saints since they got the piss beat out of them on Sunday by the 49ers, but they NEED this game to stay in the Wild Card chase (considering GB and Seattle lost last week, they still have a pulse in that chase)….and I’ll go with the team with the history and the desperation behind them…..
Winner: Saints
Game Quality: **** (TNF game of the year no doubt)
Sunday Dec. 1:
1pm:
Seattle at Chicago:
Not that I’m saying anything…or starting any conspiracy….but it’s amazing how a guy can get traded to the Patriots and gets his suspension reduced….but all of a sudden a “non-marquis team” in Seattle is on a roll and looking like a playoff team and out of the blue, the entire Seattle secondary is failed PED tests?? Kinda fishy if you ask me…more so when one is maybe the most outspoken player in the league in Richard Sherman (who I’m a fan of for what it’s worth…) ….that aside this should be a helluva game since all the Seattle players are still playing in this one and the two best secondary’s are going at it here (assuming Tillman plays)….if this was in Seattle I’d love the Hawks…but with the Bears home and Jay Cutler playing (I’m expecting Forte to be out, but this is why they got Michael Bush, right?)…..the Bears will be too much for Russel Wilson to handle…this has ALL the makings of an ugly one though…..
Winner: Bears
Game Quality: ***
Houston at Tennessee:
Hey at least Matt Schaub gets a week to heal from the KICK OF DOOM TO THE NUTS by Mr. Suh….and hey anyone who thinks that was an “accident” never played hockey against me, the acts of goonery you can perform while making it look “flow of the play”….oh you’d be amazed…..but yet I get called for ‘tripping’ when some fool runs over my stick in my damn goal crease…. *eyeroll*…what do you expect from a league that cancels games due to PUDDLES….oh yeah….football….the Titans suck, run Foster run!!!
Winner: Texicans
Game Quality: DUD
Patriots at Miami:
Another uneventful “easy win” for the Pats this week….why is it come December most of the Patriot in-division games look that way?? Yeah Tannehill had a nice comeback game and beat Seattle in their building despite their defense and the lack of Miami weapons (PS, screw you Reggie Bush for waking up when I bench you)….this is one of those games the Pats should have wrapped up by halftime and just focus on their favorite tradition….stat padding….
Winner: Pats
Game Quality: *
Jacksonville at Buffalo:
It may be over for Blaine Gabbert in Jacksonville (that’s not a bad thing mind you)….Chad Henne has thrown for over 600 yards, 6 TDs and only one pick in his last two games (yes really) and he’s actually getting the ball to his receivers, something Gabbert damn near had an allergy too….the Bills…oh boy….this is classic “let’s look good in December and give some false hope and worse move up in the draft so we can’t get the QB we desperately NEED” mode….both of these teams do give up a stupid amount of points….this should be at least high scoring and full of big plays at least…hell I’m gonna watch this one Sunday and pray to see two trains collide and wreck all over the bar!! Oh wait…I gotta pick a winner….grrrr…. alright…..
Winner: Jacksonville
Game Quality: **
Colts at Lions:
The Colts are the feel good story in the NFL this year….Luck and the Chuck-Strong movement….bald cheerleaders and playoff dreams….the Lions are the feel BAD story in the league this year (aside of Calvin Johnson mind you)…stupid plays, idiotic ways to lose, no running game to speak of….and immature, idiotic coaching which is contagious and tearing this team apart one immature player at a time….this one’s pretty easy to pick a winner in……
Winner: Colts
Game Quality: ** ½ (if I don’t give this enough love I’m gonna get kicked in the nuts…)
Carolina at Kansas City:
You know…Carolina’s schedule gets a LOT easier at the end of the year….they could put a little run on here….and maybe winning 4 of 6 to end the season 6-10 takes the nasty taste out of their mouths and gives the Panthers something to hold their heads up about for next year….the Chiefs on the other hand played the game of their life last week and STILL lost…geesh, Brady Quinn threw for a whopping 126 yards….even Nick Foles laughs at you….what a mess…everyone’s gotta know there’s a massive reboot coming in KC….damn I’m spending too much time on this one….yay Jamaal Charles….and let’s just pick Carolina and move on here…..
Winner: Panthers
Game Quality: **
Arizona at Jets:
So yeah, I’ve been a lil tough on Jets Nation….and dammit why not…every Sunday I get annoyed and harassed and bothered (well only when the record if over .500) at the bar every week…but really that’s all in the past now….necessity is the mother of alliance after all right?? It’s all just sports…nothing personal right?? We’re ON THE SAME SIDE this week for God’s sake….it’s Arizona!! They can’t block anyone….they have Lindsay Lohan at QB….Beanie Wells?? CMOOONNNN….alright, yes there’s a reason I’m doing this….when Arizona was 4-2 (wasn’t that like 100 years ago now?), I was talking to Kelly and her father about the Cardinals….he goes “isn’t Arizona kinda good this year?”….I actually refrained from cursing and kept it kinda clean about how bad their offensive line was and that the Owen Hart dive from the rafters was coming….he didn’t believe me….I told…no I guaranteed to him that Arizona would be no better then 6-10 at season’s end…and before you know it….a dinner bet was born!! And since I love me some free dinner at Grillstone….and the Jets are all about frakking snacks….I WANT ME MY SNACK!!!! UNLEASH THE GREEN!!!! DO IT FOR FIREMAN ED!!!!! God I’m such a goddamn mess
Winner: J-E-T-S!!!!! (I mean it this time DAMMIT….CMMOONNN DINNER!!)
Game Quality: **** (Watching my head explode during this game is MUST WATCH)
49ers at Rams:
Ah the rematch of the NO ONE WINS CAUSE IT’S A TIE Bowl….God I love ties! The Rams have been a bit of a disappointment this year….I thought Fisher would have gotten a lil bit more out of them then he has this year….but this is still the “reboot year” for them, and I’m sure in the next year or two they’ll get better….that just ain’t now, the 49ers are the now…even with <random QB X> taking all the snaps….it’s so weird…it’s not like this is Montana vs Young 2.0 either, but you just gotta guess and hope that Harbaugh knows what the hell he’s doing….we won’t find out till mid-January, this game right now still has “revenge beating” written all over it… GORE GORE GORE!!!
Winner: 49ers
Game Quality: DUD
Packers at Vikings:
Man I was sooo off on the Vikings last week….then again I missed all the news flying to Dallas, had NO idea Jay Cutler was playing or that Percy Harvin was out (it didn’t hurt that my sh!tty hotel in Garland, TX did not have the NFL Network, and I’d rather rip out my eyed with an apple peeler then watch ESPN….I was a bit out of the loop last week), and because of such I did feel kinda silly picking the Vikings last week….and the Packers did get their Fudge Packed in on them pretty handily last week….injuries…on the road…crappy o-line play…whatever….that Sunday Night game was a crapfest….and while the Vikings can get to the QB…an angry Packer team getting just a lil bit more healthy is gonna be too much for them (just let AP do his thing for my money league…please?)
Winner: Packers
Game Quality: ** ½
4pm:
Tampa Bay at Denver:
This is a pretty interesting game here….the Bucs couldn’t hold on against Atlanta…and now they get the Peyton Manning experience…we find out pretty quick if the Bucs are overrated and over their heads here….I do think they are, but we know how I feel about Schiano at this point...Peyton rips them apart and teaches the young punks a VINTAGE regular season lesson here…..but Tampa has too much and won’t get blown away here, so we might get some kneel-down nonsense again!!!
Winner: Denver
Game Quality: **
Steelers at Ravens:
Here’s a fun fact….the Steelers can stop a checkdown pass on 4th and 29, then again I could probably throw 11 HS kids out there and one of them would trip over Ray Rice and stop him within 29 yards…oh Norv…just hang yourself on the team bus….Obviously if Ben doesn’t play this week the Steelers are DEAD….but I think for the long haul and the playoff chase it’s better they eat this game (SD, Dallas, Cincy and Cleveland…that’s 4 wins)….and focus on the four games after….but Ben’s nuts, and the rivalry means too much to these teams….this one will be nasty…but Flacco and this offense is worlds better at home…yeah the Steeler D is getting healthy…but this is a psyche game for the Ravens…they need this too much, especially after the Norv Turner Christmas Gift last week….it will be fun to watch….the Purple Haze shall ride again…”best WR Corps of all-time” or not
Winner: Ravens
Game Quality: ****
Browns at Raiders:
So Joss Wheedon is healthy and playing this game….he damn well better, the Raiders are a human bye week…damn shame though for Colt McCoy, I’d have loved to see him come in and do well here….that kid got a raw deal in Cleveland and I hope someone else takes a shot on him….anyway…I need to say something about the Raiders right….ummm, Kyle Reese…he’s like good….the rest of the team isn’t….anti-football rules with an early dinner at the bar…I got nothing nice to say here…and I do gotta work this afternoon…..
Winner: Browns!!!
Game Quality: **
Cincinnati at San Diego:
How does the Charger defense look at itself in the mirror, forget about looking at their teammates after THE CONVERSION last week….the worst part was the Chargers still had an overtime session to screw this up even MORE….it’s unthinkable….and honestly after that, the Chargers don’t even deserve a team bus, forget about being allowed to compete in NFL football games again….the Bengals are playing better and making a push to knock the Steelers out of the playoffs…this is a must win for them…and all games for San Diego are “must lose” now…it’s just a matter of how funny and EPIC the FAIL is…..
Winner: Bengals
Game Quality: **
8pm:
Eagles at Dallas:
Oh Lord….speaking of cluster’s….This looks the same as the last time these two teams played….the Cowboys are less of a hot mess then the Eagles (not by much….hey buddy can you spare a MLB?), Demarco Murray is actually on the practice field…and yeah whatever…it’s the Eagles…possibly the worst team in football…it would be nice for Dallas to lose this and maybe FINALLY the idiot Ginger who’s been ruining this offense could be OUT…but it won’t….find something else to do Sunday Night this game is gonna stink to high holy hell….
Winner: Dallas
Game Quality: anti-football goes prime!!
Monday Dec. 2:
NY Giants at Redskins:
For the first time RG3 plays a team for the second time and it should be real interesting to see the adjustments and how the Giants handle him and this offense the second time around…not like they didn’t win the first time either….having Garcon back helps the Redskins, but the Giants are getting healthier and into “turn it on” mode like they do this time of year….should be a fun game at least with big plays all over the place, and at least Gruden won’t be sounding like he wants to kill both teams like he did last week….
Winner: Giants
Game Quality: ****
NFL Power Rankings Week 12:
AFC:
- Houston…another week, another comeback, kick to the nuts aside….
- New England….cheer me up on Thanksgiving and I move you up the rankings!
- Denver….Kansas City letdown or has a weakness been exposed?
- Baltimore…Have you sent flowers and a thank you gift to Norv yet?
- Indianapolis….looking like a playoff lock…
NFC:
- NY Giants… yeup…it’s the stretch run…here they go…again….
- Atlanta…winning but it’s getting ugly…..
- Chicago…beat up the Vikings and took back first place….
- 49ers….It doesn’t matter who the QB is!!
- Redskins…the RG III show is gonna make the Wildcard chase interesting…..
