The 20 Types of Depressed Sports Fans

[devilsrule33]

I think I know which one MD2020 is from a recent thread. What about the rest of you?

 

9. The Pessimist

This fan spends almost the entire game predicting that something terrible is about to happen. Long before it becomes clear that the game is going south, this fan will annoy everyone by coming up with increasingly negative scenarios that he insists are about to unfold. Eventually, his lamentations become a source of constant background noise, like a dripping faucet.

This will last until, inevitably, one of the other fans will threaten this person with physical violence if he doesn't shut up immediately. It will probably be the “Punches the Wall” guy. Everyone else will nod silently.

 

10. The Fan Who Says “I Knew It”

Right after the game hits rock bottom and the outcome is no longer in doubt, this fan is there to tell you that he knew it was going to happen all along. This usually means he repeats the phrase “I knew it” in increasingly aggravated fashion, often to no one in particular. For some reason, this may also involve lots of agitated nodding.

By the way, this fan has no relation to The Pessimist, who at least gets credit for going negative early on. Instead, this fan’s post-disaster “I knew it” tirade will be the first and only indication he's given all game long that he actually did know it.

 

11. The Fan Who Keeps Yelling “What Are You Doing?!”

This amateur analyst has exactly one page in his playbook: Furiously gesturing at somebody while yelling “What are you doing?” As the game goes on and the situation becomes more dire, this fan continues to zero in on somebody, anybody, to criticize. By the end of the game, he’s doing it during every play, every replay, and most commercial breaks.

Note that this fan will never answer his own question, because he actually has absolutely no idea what anybody’s doing.

 

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/62564/the-20-types-of-depressed-sports-fans

Edited May 21, 2013 by devilsrule33

[DevsMan84]

#11 seems to be a favorite of trashy 14-40 year old women with huge jersey hair and accents.

[JacobPaul1995]

i wonder which one i am...

[MadDog2020]

I think I know which one MD2020 is from a recent thread. What about the rest of you?

9. The Pessimist

This fan spends almost the entire game predicting that something terrible is about to happen. Long before it becomes clear that the game is going south, this fan will annoy everyone by coming up with increasingly negative scenarios that he insists are about to unfold. Eventually, his lamentations become a source of constant background noise, like a dripping faucet.

This will last until, inevitably, one of the other fans will threaten this person with physical violence if he doesn't shut up immediately. It will probably be the “Punches the Wall” guy. Everyone else will nod silently.

10. The Fan Who Says “I Knew It”

Right after the game hits rock bottom and the outcome is no longer in doubt, this fan is there to tell you that he knew it was going to happen all along. This usually means he repeats the phrase “I knew it” in increasingly aggravated fashion, often to no one in particular. For some reason, this may also involve lots of agitated nodding.

By the way, this fan has no relation to The Pessimist, who at least gets credit for going negative early on. Instead, this fan’s post-disaster “I knew it” tirade will be the first and only indication he's given all game long that he actually did know it.

11. The Fan Who Keeps Yelling “What Are You Doing?!”

This amateur analyst has exactly one page in his playbook: Furiously gesturing at somebody while yelling “What are you doing?” As the game goes on and the situation becomes more dire, this fan continues to zero in on somebody, anybody, to criticize. By the end of the game, he’s doing it during every play, every replay, and most commercial breaks.

Note that this fan will never answer his own question, because he actually has absolutely no idea what anybody’s doing.

http://www.grantland.com/blog/the-triangle/post/_/id/62564/the-20-types-of-depressed-sports-fans

1. The Fan Who Punches a Wall

This guy (and it’s almost certainly going to be a guy) reacts to a devastating loss with physical violence. Usually that comes in the form of a wall-punch, though occasionally he’ll mix in a double-palmed coffee table slam or a pulverized remote control. This will be followed by an uncomfortable silence as everyone slowly inches away from him. Eventually, somebody may try to break the tension by offering him a drink or complimenting his Ed Hardy shirt.

Your level of amusement with this fan’s antics will be directly correlated to whether you’re watching the game at his house or yours. Lmao, you nailed it DR. Except for the Ed Hardy shirt. Not a chance on that.

Edited May 21, 2013 by MadDog2020

[roomtemp]

If there is a form of anger on the list I've probably done it. Thou I've never punched a wall I have thrown things

[NJDevs4978]

The only time I ever punched a wall I was at least smart about it and did it with the side of my fist lol (when Blowenweis imploded and the Mets were on their way to blowing their second straight season in Game #162).  But yeah I suspect most of us have had a few of these different reactions depending on the game.

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

1. The Fan Who Punches a Wall

This guy (and it’s almost certainly going to be a guy) reacts to a devastating loss with physical violence. Usually that comes in the form of a wall-punch, though occasionally he’ll mix in a double-palmed coffee table slam or a pulverized remote control. This will be followed by an uncomfortable silence as everyone slowly inches away from him. Eventually, somebody may try to break the tension by offering him a drink or complimenting his Ed Hardy shirt.

Your level of amusement with this fan’s antics will be directly correlated to whether you’re watching the game at his house or yours. Lmao, you nailed it DR. Except for the Ed Hardy shirt. Not a chance on that.

 

Depending on the situation and the team (I root for the Devils, Patriots, and Mets), I've been #1 (Fan Who Punches a Wall, though I tend to punch things that won't break my hand, like my couch or a pillow), #2 (F-bomb guy), #9 (Pessimist, though usually not so much out loud as to annoy people...the Patriots' recent predictable performances in big playoff games brings this side of me out more than any other event...just ask anyone who participates in the NFL threads), and #20 (Maintain Perspective Guy...it's how I keep sanity as a sports fan...but 2001 (Devils) and 2008 (Patriots' loss to Giants in Super Bowl XLII) were rough ones to try to keep "in perspective". 

[Zubie#8]

I'm a #5 type of guy. That all started in 2009 against the Canes...

Edited May 21, 2013 by Zubie#8

[DevsMan84]

Prob 18 is the best way to describe how I am at games for the most part.

[Onddeck]

i am 100% the

 

2. The Single F-Bomb Fan

This fan is a traditionalist. He or she responds to every negative twist and turn with a single f-bomb, followed by a brooding silence. Simple. Timeless. Almost, dare we say, elegant.

This fan actually comes in two sub-varieties: The short f-bomb, or the drawn-out f-bomb. The former gets bonus points for volume, while the latter is aiming for endurance.

hahhaha awesome, me to a T.

 

At first I thought I was the #1, until it mentioned the Ed Hardy shirt.

 

#2 certainly suits me

[JacobPaul1995]

im the #8

 

Depending on the situation and the team (I root for the Devils, Patriots, and Mets), I've been #1 (Fan Who Punches a Wall, though I tend to punch things that won't break my hand, like my couch or a pillow), #2 (F-bomb guy), #9 (Pessimist, though usually not so much out loud as to annoy people...the Patriots' recent predictable performances in big playoff games brings this side of me out more than any other event...just ask anyone who participates in the NFL threads), and #20 (Maintain Perspective Guy...it's how I keep sanity as a sports fan...but 2001 (Devils) and 2008 (Patriots' loss to Giants in Super Bowl XLII) were rough ones to try to keep "in perspective". 

as a Giants fan, U MAD BRO?

[Colorado Rockies 1976]

im the #8

 

as a Giants fan, U MAD BRO?

 

I know you're trying to antagonize (I get the impression you do this a lot), but I'll answer your question anyway.

 

Was more bummed out than mad, both times.  First time was harder because the Pats had a shot at making history.  But the Giants deserved to win both times...they came up with better gameplans and outplayed the Pats both times, especially in key moments.  They made the plays when they had to. 

[JacobPaul1995]

i wasnt antagonizing i was just busting your chops.

[cgb6397]

Number four over here. My superstitions pertain to events leading up to or after games (which is way worse) but during games I'd say I maintain the fandom of the single F-Bomb guy.

I'd love to see a counter article about the twenty celebratory fans.

[sokar]

ever since the '09 season i became 18

[Colin226]

I'm a hybrid fan of sorts with 3 main stages:

When bad stuff happens, I begin stage 1 as #18 (The Non-Reaction Fan) because I'm in disbelief and maybe some late review will overturn it or something..

Then I move to stage 2 as #9 (The Pessimist) because damn it nothing good ever happens to my team. It's always harder for my team to win than the other team so of course we lose AGAIN...

Finally, I move to stage 3 about an hour later after I've cooled off and become #20 (The Fan Who Manages to Maintain Perspective) because when my team doesn't win, the game wasn't a big deal to begin with.. Another season will come and maybe it'll be better

Edited May 21, 2013 by Colin226

[Marshall]

I start with #9 (pessimist), go to #18 (non-reaction) and then #2 (single f-bomb).