The wild and Wacky Week one of the NFL is in the books….and holy crap with this awful Thursday Night schedule,
you blink and the next damned week is upon us (and don’t be fooled, there’s more stinkers on Thursday Nights then
an abandoned outhouse after a 3-day concert (and this week is one of them….both of these teams stink pretty ripe
at the moment)…but we do what we do, and here we are…mocking away as we do best!!
(nothing like getting it done under the buzzer )
Thursday Sept 12:
NY Jets at New England:
Nothing lessens my motivation to write these previews on Thursday then a crappy Thursday Night game….and this one is a good game in reputation alone and not much else…all the problems on both teams have been beaten to death here…weak Pats D, no weapons on WR, now add Shane Vereen to the wounded list….and yeah we know the Jets issues too….the over/under on Amendola healthy games played this year ended up being less than one….good for you if you won THAT pool…the Jets D did a good job on Tampa Bay last week…but alas that IS Tampa Bay, and that lower-tier college football offense….so can’t go too crazy about making Josh Freeman look bad, while the Pats did find a way to crush the Bills hopes and dreams (well at least one person’s) in a 4th Quarter drive and comeback…..The Pats defense (overrated as it and it’s “genius” coach is) always finds a way to make the Jets make the big mistake….and then cash in on it…this will be ugly….this will not be an NFL replay game….you won’t be tankin da God you have the NFL Network for this one….but the Pats will win an ugly one here….this game is gonna feel like a punch to the face to watch
Game Quality: * ¾ (looks like a hockey clinic night, eh?)
Sunday Sept 15:
St.Louis at Atlanta:
The classic “revenge game”…though it would be funny if the Rams who Steven Jackson left to go “win” came into Altanta and beat them to go 2-0 and make the team with the alleged Super Bowl delusions 0-2 wouldn’t it?? Could happen…the Rams are feisty and while not as explosive as the Saints are….they do have weapons….and “they go to Jared” (speaking of…any guy who goes there to buy any jewelry after seeing one of their nauseating, arrogant and flat out douchey commercials….thou shalt be pistol-whipped!)…and they have as tough and nasty a defense as this no defense league will allow….Roddy White and Julio Jones are banged up but I’m sure at least one will play (not good for Finnegan he got pretty well owned last week which I enjoyed thoroughly!), this will be a close game….St Louis might even lead in the 4th…..god help me….I’ll even be pulling for them….I’m not a fan of how this Atlanta team is built….but NO WAY to the Falcons start the season 0-2…or lose at home this week….
Game Quality: ** ¾ (interesting but NOT must see)
San Diego at Phily:
One of these teams at least kept their obscene lead in an upset game during Monday Night football last week…the Eagles kinda looked like they were running out of gas in this 5-hour energy drink style offense Chip Kelly is running (I have to admit, I am NOT a fan of this excessive up-tempo stuff, it wears your team out too….and this league has enough crap in it to sh!t on defenses….they didn’t need to ADD to that running a play every 15 seconds…plus as the Eagles showed, when they need to play real football and hold on to a lead the team struggles….not to mention Dr. McCoy is gonna pass out on the field from exhaustion….least it will get slowed down when the Giants channel their inner Cindy Crosby and start diving on the field like wounded soccer players…)…I should talk a little about the Charger collapse last Monday too, but by the time I got out of my ice hockey game they had blown the lead and it was all Houston, maybe it was better off that way….it’s not gonna be a good year for San Diego….add in a trip cross country and the 1pm start (remember when the league said they were gonna make more of these games at 4 to be fair to the left coasters?? I guess that went as far as the bag policy being for fan safety, and the league safety policies being about the players and not worrying about future law suits down the road)….no way San Diego makes that trip after THAT demoralizing a loss and does anything here but get slaughtered….and by week 2 the Eagles will have 2 of my projected 4 wins *grumble*
Game Quality: ** (can Sna Diego even get a lead to blow this week?)
Dallas at Kansas City:
Why do Cowboy games torture me so?? (Though I have to admit the Battle Royale in my living room, which was heavily facebooked for everyone’s amusement)…but even in seven turnovers and a VERY good defensive effort (despite one big passing play which really kept the Giants poking around all game)….the offense was still stumbling out of the box....Dumbo got hurt, but played through....so did Dez Bryant (the good news is he's playing...and he seems to have his best games when beaten up)...the offensive line was solid, but yet no running game...the Chiefs didn't set the world on fire, but you can play half-speed and still beat up the Jaguars...so nothing too special there...this is the home debut for Andy Reid...but not sure if that's enough....gonna need more then 175 yards from Alex Smith in this game....least Jamaal Charles should be good to go....it's over for the Chiefs without him....this is a typical letdown game for the "same old Cowboys".....maybe we can fool them into thinking this is an Eagles game since Andy Reid is out there....right?? The Cowboy WRs vs the Chiefs press and pressure corners should be an awesome battle all game long....
Game Quality: *** (there’s a LOT of talent out there)
Miami at Indy:
Both teams won last week…..and both teams did NOT make it look pretty….especially Miami…..20 yards rushing, and the offense just looked stuck in neutral for most of the game (the only reason Miami pulled away in this game is the Cleveland offense looked WORSE)….the Miami front 7 looked good….the Colts D actually made the Raiders look competitive….that’s NOT good….the Colts may be young but they’ve become pretty damn good at winning at home and winning it dramatically….those two small factors should be enough to pull away in the 4th quarter and hold on in this one….should be fun to see both teams’ strong points battling against each other!
Game Quality: *** (good offense vs good defense)
Titans at Houston:
The Titans had the GAME OF A LIFETIME last week (well it at least made my afternoon, turning entitlement-town into a silent ghost town of horrible hankies filled of steel curtain tears)….while the Texicans took half a game off and still whipped the Chargers despite spotting them a real life point-spread before getting to work….the Texans D was huge in the second half (SD had like 27 yards of offense and a ton of turnovers), but the Houston offense did struggle a bit….Arian Foster is making me look like a genius for passing on keeping him (having AP and Alfred Morris as keeper options didn’t hurt either)…and Ben Tate is starting to get more into the offense….and Foster seems none too happy about it….maybe that brings a motivated effort…and I still don’t know what to make of the Titans…yeah they owned the Steelers, but you take out Pouncey like they did and that O-Line becomes tin foil….that’s why this week matters…and the Texans are too good….and too used to beating up on this crappy division….plus Tennessee has Jake Locker…..that’s a win….for Houston….
Game Quality: * ½ (the Titans shut up the Steelers, they can go away now)
Washington at Green Bay:
This should be a fun game….if this was the arena league….the theme of this one….defense is NOT an option, the Packers ran up and down the field trying to go point for point with the 49ers last week….and the Redskins were standing around like cinder blocks while the Eagles were running at such a high warp speed they damn near went spaceball-1 plaid on them…this should be a better game to see how good Eddie Lacey is gonna be….he was serviceable last week against an excellent 49er D, man if he looks half as good as McCoy last week…Jesus….this is totally an over game, but I don’t know if Griffin is truly 100% and running around still doesn’t seem to be in the menu…he can chuck it well enough, but without the run option, I gotta take the best QB in the league doing what he does…..
Winner: Green Bay
Game Quality: **** (as much as I hate no defense games, this is gonna be fun!)
Cleveland at Baltimore:
An early season desperation game….if the Browns lose this it becomes “same old Browns” and their fan base does their best Buffalo Bills ABANDON SHIP mode and moves on to….errr..baseball?? Nahhh….wait…the NBA?? Good God no!!! Maybe they’re Blue Jacket fans in Cleveland?? Why not…they got hope right!!! At least the Purple Haze can sit and shine up their new rings and not have to worry about having much to prove (hell Flacco can afford it…he should pay to have all those rings shined)…both teams have decent front 7’s that just got worn out and abandoned by their offenses last week…as much as I want to pick the Browns and I will be rooting for them…it’s hard to go against the team that knows how to do it…and is at home…. Hopefully the receivers can combine to out-do Mr Boldin this week…..
Game Quality: *** (rivalry plus early desperation)
Carolina at Buffalo:
This should be called the “Disappointment Bowl” after week one….both teams had their opponents on the ropes and ready to be picked off but both teams made late mistakes and just didn’t get it done….both defenses did a pretty good job considering the talent they were up against (it’s a shame the Carolina-Seattle game got lost in the shuffle of ten games at one…grrr), and I’m really looking forward to watching this one with not having to run around the bar like I’m defending a two on one on foot….heh, the more I look at these teams the more alike they feel….both need more from the running game, and some balance from their non-star receivers….good front 7’s and trying to get themselves established with young QBs…the Bills end up 0-2 at home and they will really be going “dammit, how are the Sabres this year?:….and when the game is a toss-up…go with the home cooking….plus we need a lil Sanborn chest pumping…CMONNN EJ!!!!
Game Quality: ***
Vikings at Chicago:
The Bears had an impressive home win last week over a solid Bengals team (wish I coulda seen more of the Tillman vs AJ Green battle…that looked awesome)…the Vikings….Christain Ponder….OI….Bears defense….feed them more….just take pity on Peterson and let him unleash the fury in garbage points….ok?? Plus let’s see Jay Cutler get it done two weeks in a row….
Game Quality” ** ¾
Saints at Tampa Bay:
Tampa Bay should be exiled to the Big 10 like Schiano’s former team will be too…they’ll be just as relevant there too….losing a football game in that way is as bad and bush league as it gets….bad snaps through the end zone….I’m still annoyed at that dopey 15 yard penalty….what is that LB supposed to do…least it couldn’t happen to a better team ….and now Drew Brees and the Saints get to waltz in and put a clinic on about how a real NFL offense gets stuff done! The best chance Tampa has in this is Doug Martin getting back on track…I don’t think it’s enough though….and plus if they shut down Martin this week, then we gotta see Rob Ryan on TV, and to be honest that alien hiding out in his stomach creeps me out and I don’t need to see THAT….I do love seeing Schiano pout all day long though
Game Quality: **
Lions at Arizona:
The Lions had a nice effort in making Christian Ponder have to throw the ball last week…and that is a bad thing for the Vikings….however making Carson Palmer throw it up all over the Lions secondary is gonna cost them more than a $100,000 this week!! The Cardinals kept it close and battled a game St Louis team and probably should have done better….I still have my doubts about the Lions too, and I can’t give an immature bunch of fools like them a 2-0 start….even though Arizona was 4-0 last year…hrrmmm, nah…screw the Lions
Game Quality: ***
Jacksonville at Oakland:
We the anti-football nation, are the true winners here!!! Though sadly the Chiefs gashed up Blaine Gabbert or this would be the best anti-game in about 15 years! But Chad Henne gives those receivers at least a punchers chance in this game….and Jacksonville’s gotta beat SOMEONE ….right? Crap…you can say that about the Raiders too….least they still got McFadden and he was more a factor then M J-D was for the Jags….I was all about giving the Raiders the win here till I heard Henne was playing….that makes those receivers matter…and ummm….I guess that’s enough….UNLEASH THE GOODNESS!!!
Game Quality: ANTI-FOOTBALL GOLD!!!!!
Denver at NY Giants:
Ah, the Manning Bowl….how exciting….really…feel my excitement….the Giants looked pretty horrid last week in that Dallas game….while no team looked more absurdly good then the Broncos did….now unlike some “defensive geniuses” with HoF QBs on their roster…John Fox did an AMAZING job taking a no name defense with players missing all over the place and got a damn good effort out of them….the Giants are just a mess everywhere, but at least they can throw the ball up in the air and make stuff happen…but the Broncos are too complete, and the Giants kinda need the NY media telling them it’s time for Coughlin to go to get them going….that will be coming soon too…
Game Quality: ***
49ers at Seattle:
This is one of my favorite games all year….these two teams hate the living sh!t out of each other, they have fired-up head coaches, tough defenses and a physical mindset on offense….in other words….everything the NFL tries to discourage….and God bless them for it! I don’t think you can take too much from last week aside of both teams having to do it without their running games….is it Sunday Night yet?? Damn I wanna watch this one….and I’ve made it obvious by now I’m pro-Seattle as this team is….the Seahawks want to set some kinda record for crowd noise and the 12th man this week….that’s enough to disrupt ANY opponent…..and I’ll stick with the homer picks!!!
Game Quality: ***** (I LOVE these games!!!)
Monday Sept 16:
Steelers at Cincinnati:
The Steelers get an extra day to deal with that HORRID Titans game last week…I hope they turned to hard liquor….now Pouncey is out for the year already, Ben got dropped five times….and now James Harrison and the rest of that Bengals attack team comes in ready to pound some heads (not to mention they gotta be annoyed for letting that Bears game slip away from them…)…this should be a feel better game for the Bengals, and again I’m kinda glad I’m on the ice for this one….this could be REALLY one-sided….and I can’t wait to hear the crying from entitlement-ville after an 0-2 start to the season…if the Bengals blow THIS one I swear I’m done with them
Game Quality: **
Week 1 Power Rankings:
1. Denver…blah blah….7 touchdowns…regular season…blah blah fraking blah….
2. Houston…umm, thanks San Diego?
3. Indianapolis….ummm, thanks Oakland??
4. Cincinnati….least they lost to a good team….
5. Miami….also very unimpressive in a blah win….
1. 49ers….air Kapernick!
2. Chicago…they are who we thought they were?
3. Seattle…winning ugly on the east coast in an early game is still winning
4. New Orleans….they’re back!
5. Dallas….defense is still running back David Wilson fumbles…..