Week 3 already….this always happens….you blink and the season goes up in smoke (hey it went up in smoke in entitlement-ville…..good thing they have those horrible hankies they can put water in and breathe safe as they FLOCK off that bandwagon ), teams trying to climb out of the 0-2 HOLE OF DOOM…..and teams you look at and go “how in the HELL are they 2-0?!??!?!” as well (yes Arizona we looked at YOU last year too)….the teams should FINALLY not be rusty, the sloppy football should be down, hell even I finally feel back in the flow of this (even with these awful, crappy Thursday Night games)…time to whip some ass and insult some teams!!! Not to mention there was a small trade this week…all it did was flip the fantasy football world on its ear…right?
Though speaking of the 0-2 hole….it gets worse when you go 0-3 (or better when you go 3-0 or 2-1): in 2012, two of the 12 teams that reached the playoffs started 3-0: the Houston Texans and the Atlanta Falcons. Five of the 12 teams that reached the playoffs started the season 2-1. Five of the 12 teams that reached the playoffs started the season 1-2:. Zero of the 12 playoff teams last season started the season 0-3.... I have to admit between my crazy schedule and all the hockey I've been playing it's been a bit harder to get focus and I've not been happy with any of my write-ups so far (well aside of week 1)...but I'm trying to get back into it....hopefully this is a more better write up.....
Kansas City at Eagles:
So it’s the BIG BAD RETURN of Andy Reid to Phily (and let me tell you, seeing him in Chiefs Red, he looks so much like Santa Claus’ douche estranged brother who the family never talks about during family dinners….I feel ya there Andy….I’ve been there ) ….neither one of these QB’s has thrown an interception yet this season (pretty amazing for Michael Vick, not so much for Alex Smith who’s barely averaging 200 yards a game)….I gotta give Reid credit here, he’s playing his team towards it’s strength….good defense , the 18 points allowed is only second to Seattle….Jamaal Charles is running the ball….Alex Smith is keeping it short and simple…Reid has actually adapted to his team for once! As for this game this week….Reid might still know the Eagles better then Chip Kelly…heh….this ludicrous speed offense is fun to watch, but I don’t think it’s a style you can win with in football….and the Chiefs are the better team on both sides of the ball…least this game won’t have me running to puke in my brand-new toilet..
Game Quality: *** (a rare palatable football game on Thursday, yay!)
Sunday Sept 22:
Houston at Baltimore:
Last year this was a fascinating fun to watch match-up….but that’s no longer the case….is Ray Rice gonna play this week? He’s not practicing ….I guess one way or the other it doesn’t matter, the Ravens just really don’t match-up on paper anyway….the best case you can make for the Ravens is the fact that in both games this year Houston has made it WAY more interesting for their opponents then it should be, don’t forget it took till overtime to finally put the Titans away (maybe it’s time to give them some credit…but I’m not there yet)…the Ravens are horribly beat up and barely beat a team that just tapped out on this season in record time…in fact the best thing you can say about the Ravens this week is that Seattle stuffed and shut down Anquain Boldin, so it makes weeping those Manta-Tears of missing him a lil less painful, right? Maybe this is the game that Houston looks like that AFC Power all these fools are projecting them as…..
Game Quality: ** (pop-gun offenses get JJ Swat and like it!)
NY Giants at Carolina:
…oi….really?? Seriously?? At one in the afternoon?? This game should come with a free shot….or 4 (to match the number of losses both teams have of course!)….neither team has looked too glorious on offense….the Panthers seem trapped in a shell (though Cam Newton did look shaky from what I saw of him against Buffalo, and making Mario Williams look like it was a Madden game with all those sacks too)…if the Giants were healthy and full strength I’d call this a feast for the front four, but the Giants are a sack a game team and not much else…..at least you can say good things about the Carolina defense, it’s been stingy (4th quarter EJ Manuel heroics aside) and kept the team in both games….there’s so much bad stuff with both of these teams, so I’m gonna try to focus on what these teams are doing RIGHT…. (at that point I stopped writing this and went to the Packers/Bengals and didn’t come back to this till I wrote everything else )….the way both of these teams are playing, neither one of them deserves to be 1-2…but the rumblings are starting in NY…”the coach is losing it”…”he should retire”….”get him replaced Jerry!!”….you know right off the two time Super Bowl winners tree you have in the back next to the creepy ticket Oak Tree…that’s always a dangerous sign….the Giants circle the wagons for Coughlin like no other coach I’ve ever seen….maybe Eli keeps the INTs to only two this week…..
Game Quality: * (this could be anti-football…almost….)
Packers at Bengals:
The football writer’s equivalent of washing their hands in soap and bleach after talking about the game above….gotta get the stink out of my living room after all….this should be a fun game…the Bengals should be 2-0 at this point, playing good defense, adequate production from Andy Dalton (not like anyone would draft him as a top 10 fantasy football QB anyway….RIGHT??)…the running game needs improvement, but that carries over a hundred-fold for the Packers…I’m not going to say anything about how James Starks looked last week….he was playing the Redskins after all …..as long as A-Rod is throwing for 70% and the 7:1 TD:INT ratio….it’s not that big a deal anyway, the bigger deal is that the Packers STILL aren’t generating turnovers and only have 3 sacks…you know what you’re going to get from both these offenses….the Bengals should use more Giovanni Bernard (admit it, when you saw this guys name you were STUNNED this guy was black….dude sounds more Jersey Shore Italian then my brother-in law wishes he was, obsessed with that damn show he is…), the Bengals offense should look better on this weak Packer D, and the Packer offense will stumble just enough, you can call this an upset pick, but I think not…I’m taking the better balance and the better personnel here….
Game Quality: *** ½
St. Louis at Dallas:
….FINALLY Jeff Fisher comes to Dallas…. Yay!!! Calm down Scott, he’s the Rams coach…. FRAK!!! This game does provide a nice contrast….one team is a bit under-talented, but young, hungry and well coached….the other team has as much talent as anyone in the NFL, but is coached and managed by a senile fool and a soulless ginger…alright….enough Jason Garrett shots here and a little analysis….Sam Bradford has been solid so far (and averaging 300 yards a game)….but their running game doesn’t exist now…..50 yards a game won’t cut it for Brady, Brees or A-Rod….its gonna get Bradford killed sooner or later….and a spread it out passing attack does fit into Dallas’s strength with good edge rushers and a strong secondary (not to mention the Dallas D seems to be ahead of the offense right now)….its funny how a lot of the teams playing this week all mirror each other…and when the talent on the field is about even (which it is here)….you gotta look at the other stuff…I’d love to say home field matters, but bad coaching overrules that….and Dallas proved last week that it’s still the same old Cowboys after all….
Game Quality: *** (I think it’s time to blow up at Garrett Sunday afternoon)
Browns at Vikings:
OH MY GOD there is so much to make fun of here….
This week profootballmock.com made a goof post about the Vikings players protesting and locking Christian Plunder…err… Ponder….in the trunk of his car so they could have an NFL QB run their practices….you know it’s bad when Matt Cassel look like the savior….it’s WORSE when they’re RIGHT…..this one could be ugly….also looks like Brandon Weedon is gonna be out too…so it’s “the guy handing off to AP” going against Brian Hoyer….. *cringe* (what the hell happened to Jason Campbell here eh??) guess when you’re cleaning the deck on the Titanic, you might as well give the 3rd stringer a mop??…..this could be the anti-football guilty pleasure game of the week…at least Flash Gordon is back now and SOMEONE can catch a damn pass for the Browns (well super-TE aside)…..boy I didn’t even mention that lil trade in here…..there was so much more to pick on and discuss here….maybe we’ll save Trent Richardson for the Niners and Colts….but good God I was gonna pick Cleveland here, but now I gotta change my mind….time to unlock the trunk on Christian Ponder and let him throw 8-10 passes when his arm is sore from handing off to Peterson….
Game Quality: Anti-Football…. GOLD…sh!t….platinum even!!!
Tampa Bay at New England:
You know…the more you look at this game….the more horrific this one actually looks….though I am beginning to grow some love and respect for the Tampa players….the mutiny is beginning, players are tuning out Schiano….Josh Freeman is over-sleeping meetings…. Darelle Revis is having sit-downs…not to mention they’re a glorious and well-earned 0-2 start….so yeah you can say I’m enjoying the demise and likely last season we’ll have to suffer through this buck-toothed fool being an NFL head coach….alright….I’m done…I should really talk about the Patriots but that means I have to discuss that horrifically miserable Thursday game that should be recorded and saved and used only to torture and interrogate terrorists in the future….one team knows how to win….and then there’s the Buccaneers….man if you could trade Brady and Belichek for Freeman and Schiano….you’d have a juggernaut in Tampa …and the Jaguars in New England
Winner: New England
Game Quality: DUD (even I can’t watch THIS)
Arizona at New Orleans:
If Larry Fitz is healthy this week (and damn him for trying last week I’d have benched him), this might be the first real test for this Rob Ryan defense…. Carson Palmer can spread the ball and find 11 when it matters …speaking of 11’s….that’s the number of different receivers that Palmer has completed passes too….like I said…find the open dude, get it to him….pray you don’t get killed behind the bad o-line…..a decent formula….and Mendenhall is giving them just enough of a running game to be a factor (gee imagine if he had stayed in Pittsburgh….hhmmm)…there’s not much that needs be said about the Saints right now (aside of saying that Mark Ingram stinks 17 yards for 31 yards, if they cut him even the Browns would laugh and say screw this guy)…Brees has been solid despite the 3 INTs so far (and only 3 TDs…he’s Drew Brees, he’ll get it done….he always does)….the Arizona D is pretty decent too though….but Saints at home…and the better team….yeah that’s good enough to lean on and expect the Saints to jump to 3-0….
Game Quality: **
San Diego at Tennessee:
*ugh*…..sorry….this is a game that I have NO idea what to make of either team…both teams have wins against teams they had no business winning (not totally true, any Steelers loss is an expected one right now)…the scary thing about the Titans, in this pass happy league, they won a game and took the Texans to overtime with Jake Locker only managing about 125 yards passing a game….that’s frightening…almost as frightening as the options he has to throw at me thinks….and in overall offense they’re only better than those immortal offenses in Jacksonville and Pittsburgh (238 yards a game…good God…), the more I stretch this out…the more I realize I need to watch this disaster in the making….as long as San Diego gets the “good” Rivers….they should be able to pull this one out with their offense somehow….but this is another game we should allow a tie, since neither one deserves the privilege of being 2-1….may the football Gods have mercy on our souls…..
Game Quality” * ¾ (this is totally on the anti-football watch list….)
Detroit at Washington:
Now this on the other hand….it too will be an ugly game…but the more fun kinda ugly game….Washington can’t defend anyone now….RG III is running track with Pierre Garcon to prove the bionic knee is ok (they are putting up 400+ yards a game in offense….the bad starts and crappy defense is killing them more than a possible gimpy QB…) …the Lions on the other hand, they’re scoring points, but the offense kinda died when Reggie Bush did last week….he’s trying his best to get back on the practice field this week and should play Sunday….
Game Quality: ***
Atlanta at Miami:
Two high powered passing attacks going toe to toe in this one….should make for an exciting lil football game….Miami has been impressive this year and mostly on the arm of Ryan Tannehill (funny how the least heralded of the 2nd year QBs seems to be the one out of the gate faster than the rookie darlings of last season….sometimes it’s good to be under the radar….)….more so considering the lack of help he’s been getting from the running game….the Miami defense has lived up to its billing, but yet this Miami team is still the least talked about 2-0 team in football right now….again, probably a GOOD thing…. Now Atlanta on the other hand….over-hyped and underwhelming…Roddy White is beat up….Steven Jackson is out….the defense still sucks…and I’m really NOT impressed with Atlanta at ALL…add in some home cooking (and making it more impressive that Miami is 2-0 on the road….ironically playing both teams in the Richardson Bowl previously….heh)….and this looks like a Miami victory!
Game Quality: ***
Bills at NY Jets:
John Madden today (the football one…get over it Devils fans) said that EJ Manuel this season is beginning to remind him of Russell Wilson last year….interesting praise…and considering how powerful my Seattle man-crush had grown into…and my sorta-love and supporting of the Bills….the man crush may start to hit the ONLY New York team standing!!! I’d talk about the Jets last week too…but that game film has been banned in 14 states for the greater good of us all….and rightfully so….I can’t see the 11 days giving the Jets any type of reprieve….there’s just no weapons there on offense….and I guess I am mellowing with my old age….or it’s just that Sun Tavern is amazingly devoid of Jet fans this season….I’m not taking my pot shots like normal…..this is a MUST game for the Bills to get some momentum going….and Mario Williams has come back to life…..this is the perfect opponent to keep that going….
Game Quality: **
Colts at 49ers:
Well this game got a bit more interesting….after looking bad against the Raiders, and losing to Miami (I was impressed with the Miami D being able to stop the Cardiac kids…..I had totally expected the Colts to go down the field and win last week)….the Colts decided to go all in this season, making maybe the boldest and ballsy-iest trade in NFL History since Hershel Walker (look it up…..fvcking young people!)…adding Trent Richardson adds a dynamic to their running game they’ve been missing (at least in potential) since Marshall Faulk ….and if this trade works, it sets this offense up perfectly for the next 5-10 years (and be honest….it will…when does Cleveland EVER get it right??)….but none of this helps them THIS week….they get an angry, pissed off and embarrassed (and eyebrow-less, right?) 49er team trying to clean out their rectum from the anal probe the Seahawks stuck in it last week…boy can I paint a picture eh?? And there is NO WAY Trent Richardson learns the offense effectively enough in 72 hours to be versed on the verbage and scheme in Indy….so he’s not gonna factor this week ….and like I said…angry 49ers are angry….and they’re gonna take it out and HARD on the Colts this week…..(the Colts schedule is quite brutal this year too…this may happen often)
Game Quality: ****
Jacksonville at Seattle:
I think God just hates Jacksonville….there’s really no other justification to it….remember back in the day when you didn’t sell out, they’d black the game out on TV?? Now if you don’t buy those tickets we’re gonna MAKE YOU watch it and suffer through every last snap of their games…..this one should be especially torturous for the few brave loyal Jacksonville-ites left….Seattle’s D is stupid good as is…and the Jaguar offense gets across mid-field as often as a solar eclipse…I could sit here for a week and there’s no way in hell I could bullsh!t my way through making this one sound like it’s a contest….sorry!!!
Game Quality: DUD (This is an ass kicking of biblical proportion…..)
Bears at Steelers:
Better get the Steelers done with all the national TV broadcasts and FAST….this team is falling at Owen Hart from the rafters speeds!!! The offense is lining up to tar and feather Todd Haley, and then burn him at the stake just for overkill points….the defense is old, and can’t dominate like its reputation would expect it too….and the Bears are just playing good football now….their D is “the real” (to quote the immortal Iron Shiek), and it’s gonna be all over Ben like campus police should be….the Bears have balance on offense and Martellus Bennet catching TDs….welcome to the reality of “it doesn’t last forever” Pittsburgh…it’s time to join the Cleveland’s of the world for a while!!!
Game Quality: ** (only because I’m enjoying the implosion of the Tin Foil Curtain)
Monday Sept 23:
Oakland at Denver:
Who knew the best prime time game of the week was gonna be on Thursday?? Not that I want to call the Broncos the world beaters…but they are pretty good AFC beaters, especially in that awful conference….and this is another tune-up game to let mister Regular Season QB-extraordinaire strut his stuff and fool the football media into thinking this is a Super Bowl team….again….least the Raiders are getting a good hard look at Terrell Pryor….maybe they can send him back to Ohio State after??
Game Quality: DUD
Week 1 Power Rankings:
1. Denver…still best…by default….
3. Miami….beating Indy at home put them on the radar….for now
4. Kansas City…18 points allowed in 2 games….
5. New England…..I got nothing to back this besides being 2-0
1. Seattle….Best in the World….at the moment…
2. Chicago…Two wins…. +4 point differential, the Steelers will fix that….
3. New Orleans….beating up Schiano makes me smile J
4. Atlanta…big game this weekend….
5. 49ers….should have left when the lightning did……
Edited by CRASHER, 19 September 2013 - 08:21 PM.