Week 6 is here, and yet again football season melts away before our eyes…this week doesn’t look at stacked as last week does…hell the most exciting stuff this week has been ESPN turning into Court TV, obsessing over a guy no longer in the league in his murder trial, and a crazed Texican fan stalking Matt Schaub…perhaps he wanted to try out for the QB job…least throwing crap at his windows and breaking them proves he’s more accurate then the master of the pick-6 burger….at least the Falcons are off this week, so the league as a whole gets smarter on 4th down, and the Dolphins can’t allow a hundred sacks on their bye week either (how the hell did we only have two teams off this week anyway?) ….put your pink penalty flags away and lets go!!!!
Thursday Oct 10:
NY Giants at Bears:
And the first thing I gotta talk about is this??? Fair enough….let’s start with the ugly and then I’ll upgrade to the bad…the Giants have lost 7 in a row on the road and 10 of their last 13 games anywhere….and we know all the goodness of El-INT and the offensive line problems and the defensive invisibilities….the Bears are struggling a bit and lost two in a row and Jay Cutler has taken a step back (or towards more what he really is….depends on who you choose to ask)…but the Bears do still have a turnover-happy defense, and they’re playing a team that calls giving up 31 points a “good defensive effort”…time for those “Loyal NY Fans” to run out and get Geno Smith jerseys and say they were there all along, right?? Even in my deepest most paranoid moments of thinking the Giants could make a run and still end up in the Super Bowl….I can’t make a case for the Giants here….crap, maybe THAT’S the most dangerous thing….and my Thursday Night picks record is damned hideous…..but I still gotta go with the facts here….and I should relate a good story here today….I was trying to get Jamie to watch the end of the game with me when she’s done at her second job…first I told her they were hiding this game on Thursday Night to spare the eyes and stomachs of the Sunday football audience and I explained to her a bit about the Bears…..she then goes “crap….so I should expect to be 6 & 0 this week….right??” which I only came back… “yeah if you’re the Kansas City Chiefs!!” I then got yelled at, just a little for making fun of her….but isn’t that the Giants purpose this season???
Winner: da BEARS
Game Quality: ** ¾ (two QBs who can implode at will? I’m in!!!)
Sunday Oct 13:
Bengals at Buffalo:
Say it with me people…. THADDEUS LEWIS…no it’s not a porno-name, or some demon child from the midget who played “Webster” back in the 80s (*sigh* most of you were spared this awful show….I hate you for that….) …this is indeed your starting QB for America’s Darling …the Buffalo Bills (well in that way that we feel bad for Charlie Brown sense of “darling”…)…the Bills will have a healthier CJ Spiller this week and it looks like their entire secondary will be back….and just in time to deal with the ALL UNIVERSE TALENT of Andy Dalton and his one-man WR-corps! While whatever magical voodoo the Bengals pulled last week not only brought the rain but it washed away Tom Brady’s TD streak (that’s a pun folks…anymore crap jokes like that and I’ll be writing the 6pm local news in no time!)….a good pass rush, a “play not to lose” mindset on offense….and a rookie QB with a bad porn name on the other side…yeah, the Bills are screwed…..
Game Quality: * (the cupboard in Buffalo looks empty)
Packers at Ravens:
**note to self** NFL players that do Chunky soup commercials (no matter how much I almost like the dopey mom-cave ones)…..only bad things happen to those players….it ruined Donovan McNabb’s career, and now Clay Matthews is out a month….and without Matthews in the lineup the Packers D is about as useful as the US Government now….yeah the offense is still good and Eddie Lacy is actually balancing out the attack, but I’d wonder if the Packers could slow down the Jaguar offense…..guess the Ravens ain’t much better with “3 yards a pop” Ray Rice and the rest of that pop-gun offense, but the Ravens are 2-0 at home….and I don’t trust the Packers ANYWHERE right now…get yo’ pop-guns ready folks….
Game Quality: ** ½
Lions at Browns:
For what it’s worth, yes I’m still angry at the Brian Hoyer injury (if you care about such things)….though it does happen in fitting irony….they teach these guys to slide for their own “safety”…this guy slides and tears up his damn knee in the process….maybe Michael Vick was right all along eh?? A weird game here…..the Lions are just weird to figure out….that loss to Arizona in particular….though it looks like Calvin-Tron is gonna be back this week….that’s big….even though they’re playing the first ever first place team in the NFL that DOESN’T WANNA BE IN FIRST PLACE (remember the Trent Richardson deal was supposed to start the firesale, and I’d not mind Gordon going to San Fran and making Colin Eat-a-Dick get his name back from me….)…but I digress… maybe like the mighty Indians from Major League, these Browns can start winning just to spite their owner…hrrmmm, I do like the Browns defense….McGahee is actually doing better as a back then Trent Richardson was doing here (scary eh?)….as much as I don’t like this Lions team….I like them better than Joss Weeden and that Browns team right now….
Game Quality: ** ½ (dammit Hoyer, I’d have picked the Browns if you had knee recovery skills like I do!)
Rams at Houston:
Boy…did Matt Schaub learn the HARD WAY that them Texicans are two-fingered SERIOUS about their “Don’t mess with Texas” beliefs…. They come a-knockin at your door when you throw too many interceptions….no truth to the rumor that Schaub tried to throw rocks at the crazed fan saying nasty things at him merely to have random birds pick each stone off….at least the fans should be able to cool off and relax as the Rams had to WORK to beat the Jaguars…that’s bad….I guess the big question is…will the pick-6 streak live on?? I’m gonna say no…the Rams don’t make plays at any position (and speaking of…can the epic “genius” of Jeff Fisher figure out a way to make Tavon Austin useful again?? I mean CMON)….I’m gonna miss the pick-6 burger and pizza specials though….this would have also been a good week for TJ Yates to play….all you need is a QB who’s gonna not screw it up and make this team feel better about these things….
Game Quality: DUD (the Rams are just bad….umkay)
Oakland at Kansas City:
Division rivals….both teams playing better then expected...and I almost forgot to write about the damn thing...good job Scott....I guess part of it is I'm still having trouble taking the Raiders seriously....though the fine tradition of kicking Matt Flynn to the curb for a younger more mobilier QB seems to be continuing here....they're also doing a decent job on defense only allowing 21ppg and 4th in the league in sacks....but the Chiefs are really doing it all and doing it well....Jamaal Charles still looks like a damned MVP, the receivers are slowly getting into things, and the defense has been outstanding....not to mention it MATTERS to play in Arrowhead again now...and the Chiefs are just going too good to slip up with a lesser and in-division rival (not to mention they need to keep up with team Peyton)
Game Quality: ** ¾ (the rivalry makes it more interesting)
Carolina at Minnesota:
Eek…I really don’t know what to make of the Panthers now….I know they have offensive issues….and the OC is a fool….but geesh…no running game against the crappy Cardinals and sCam Newton gets picked three times?? And sacked SEVEN TIMES?!?!?! Holy crap….there’s problems with the Panthers!! And I can’t let the defense slide either….only getting to Carson Palmer twice too is pretty bad, and the front 7 is supposed to be a strength with the Panthers….the Vikings got an extra week to bask in the rare glow of a victory, and the Matt Cassel movement gets one more week to now fight off Josh Freeman as he works to learn the system (yeah I know…hand off to AP a LOT and then run some odd play-action passes)…the Vikings are tough in the dome…and the Panthers just need change ….badly…that’s only gonna come with a bunch more losses this year (it’s still too soon to cut ties with the QB, that means the axe is gonna fall on the coach and the OC)
Game Quality: * ¾
Steelers at NY Jets:
I’m not sure if the Jets were impressive, or if it just exposed how BAD the Falcons really are….Julio Jones is done, Roddy White…oh wait…the Falcons are off this week, so I gotta save the bashing till next Thursday ….Geno Smith didn’t turn the ball over, he made good plays (I think….I was back on the ice for the first time since my lower body injury the Sunday before and didn’t watch much of this)….the defense pressured a soft Atlanta team….you can imagine how that will work against this tissue soft Steelers line of offensive….and things are so bad in Pittsburgh now that Mike Tomlin is threatening to kill small kittens if the Steelers don’t start winning (yes it’s a goof article, but it’s not the only one I’d be fooling people with this week….haaa)…but much like I rage about the Cowboys….and I will….trust me (moral victories….YAY)…..no game has VINTAGE “Same Old Jets” written all over it like a gutty come from behind win over Atlanta and then come and crap all over against an 0 fer Steelers team….maybe the Steelers D has some pride in it….and that’s about the only way I can see that happening….well aside of the Jets dropping a crap-bomb all over the bed….and that’s just a nasty visual…..
Game Quality: ** (the potential clusterfrak here adds potential)
Eagles at Tampa:
LOL ….Tampa….I just can’t take them serious anymore….this fool Schiano has totally succeeded at running this talented team straight into the brick wall at 250 mph, and I can’t see this team taking this clown seriously at all…..now while Chip Kelly is a clown too, he’s at least slowed the Warp Speed offense to Impulse Power….and he’s taking the pressure…and oxygen….away from that offensive line….Vick may not be playing this week, but Nick Foles can chuck it, and Deshawn Jackson is vowing to turn Darelle Revis into Brandon Flowers…aka Toast….this week ….and I can kinda see it happening….and with McCoy balancing the offense….and the Tampa QB is as putrid as the Eagles defense….and I do kinda like and embrace the idea of seeing Schiano be the 0-16 Lions kinda bad….I think I’ll run with that as long as possible…..Warp Speed…ENGAGE!!!
Game Quality: ** ¾ (any team that pounds on Schiano gets an extra star!)
Jaguars at Denver:
Here let’s start with this….the Broncos are favored by THIRTY ONE POINTS over team PARTS UNKNOWN (this keeps up and Parts Unknown is gonna disown them too…)…. Hell even the Denver twitter was saying how the Broncos outscored the Jaguar point total for the season in one game…the only way Parts Unknown wins this game is if they pull a Grand Theft Auto rampage, mow down the Broncos and then take their place on offense….since they don’t allow gun in the stadium….no chance in hell here…..
Winner: People with Broncos on their fantasy teams
Game Quality: DUD (scissors…paper….rock, much??)
Titans at Seattle:
Damn I wish this was in Tennessee, this is the kinda team and defense that could give the Seahawks FITS….but Ryan Fitzpatrick + 12th man = this is gonna be one-sided….add in an annoyed Seattle team for not finishing the job last week in Indy (one of the few damn games I got RIGHT last week)….somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked here….
Game Quality: DUD
Saints at Patriots:
This could be a fun game….the Saints got a monkey off their back last week getting that big road win in Chicago….and I’ve picked on the Patriots enough about their rain out last week already….the defense got run on pretty good without Wolfork….and there’s just no one on that team who scares you if Tom Brady doesn’t get the ball to this rag-tag WR crew….Amendola is back, and allegedly so is Gronk (I still laugh at anyone who drafted and held onto him thinking he’d be back in 2-3 weeks….HA)…and even if the Pats offense is at full strength….compared to the Saints this week…it’s like rocks to a gunfight…..it would be kinda nice to see the Saints put up one of those 50-burger run up the score on the helpless Pats team….which would be enjoyable (least to me…and Jet/Buf/Miami fans)..and the Saints defense is better than expected too…I wanted to take the Pats at home…but the more I look at this and the more I weigh the match-up…the Pats just….don’t….so watch the Pats pull an epic comeback here….
Game Quality: **** (#offense)
Arizona at 49ers:
Damn, this is gonna be a rough 4pm swing…..the Cardinals are crap too, and the 49ers simply are starting to feast on these lesser teams, run the ball and beat down on them with the defense and just throw only enough times to make Kapernick owners like myself angry (GET JOSH GORDON DAMMIT)….it’s also only a matter of time before Carson Palmer goes down for the count too….and this could be the week….this damn Pats and Saints game better be good…the rest is the suck……
Game Quality: DUD
Washington at Dallas:
You know what I’ve been tired of hearing all week?? “Damn that was a helluva game from the Cowboys last week…they sure played them tough….” ….and I give the same answer back every time… “Not really, I’ve seen that same game from them for ten years, this one just happened to have more points in it that’s all”…hell I’m probably going to see the same damned thing this week….the Redskin defense is as weak as the Cowboys in the clutch….and I don’t even want to start on the Cowboys giving up on the running game only down FOUR POINTS….so yeah, blame Dumbo all you want for the late INT, but there was so many OTHER things that went wrong in that game…. *grumble*…the Redskins had a bye last week and did have a win the week before….a win here puts THEM in the sniffing of first place too…RG III lit the Cowboys up like a candle in both games last year, Alfred Morris is 100% and also had 5.5 yards a carry in the two Dallas games…maybe this is just my typical Dallas Cowboys apathy….but when your owner comes out bragging about “moral victories”…all you can do is extend the middle finger and hope your team gets as embarrassed as much as humanly possible….that starts tonight as the collapse to 6-10 comes letting a 7-9 team win the AFC East….
Game Quality: *** (nothing says entertainment like a Dallas Cowboys EPIC FAIL in prime time!)
Monday Sept 23:
Colts at Chargers:
A Monday Night game I’d actually lament not being able to see for ice hockey….the Colts are playing as strong, steady and consistent as any team in the AFC….which is pretty much the exact opposite of the Chargers….. Ryan Matthews is out (again, shocking)…Phillip Rivers forgot that throwing to the other team is frowned upon again…and people are actually overlooking how good the Colts defense has been in the last few weeks (Miami game aside) 10th in yards allowed….5th in points allowed…the Colts just don’t get too many turnovers or sacks or we’d really be pumping them up now….the Colts are just playing too well…and be honest….do YOU trust the Chargers?? I sure don’t….it should be a fun watch at least!!
Game Quality: *** (a good matchup indeed)
Week 1 Power Rankings:
1. Denver…can they outscore the Jags by 51? Probably….
2. Chiefs…this week is almost a test….
3. Cincinnati….rained defeat down on the Pats….
4. Indianapolis…looking REALLY good now
5. New England…still a weak 4-1
1. Seattle….yeah they lost…but they’re still the best in the NFC…
2. New Orleans….they’re nipping at Seattle’s heels though….
3. San Francisco….they’re finding themselves at least….
4. Detroit….first place??
5. Phily….FIRST PLACE!?!?!?!?!