Halfway through the season already??? Holy God it does go too fast (not like I need to hurry up to another birthday at Warp Speed ….though it is a Friday this year and I wanna see what people have in mind this year )….but this is the time to air out some of those idiotic peeves I’ve been hearing all year:
Peeve #1: “Well <team X> has been in every game this year, we’re still competing!!”
Hey dumbass…look around the league…look at the scores EVERY week….ALMOST EVERY GAME IS A CLOSE “COMPETITVE GAME” (well unless you’re playing Denver, then close is losing by 20)….yes I’m looking at you Buffalo
Peeve #2: “That’s a typical loss for my team”….no, not really…your team is just average, or not very good at all….that’s what typical average or below teams do, just admit what your team is and accept this….and move on (yes this applies a million fold to the Cowboys….keep in mind I did say the Cowboys would come up one game short of the playoffs because I’ve read this book before)
Peeve #3: People crying about the Redskins team name?? Really, people?? It still annoys me to this day that St John’s caved and changed their name, I really can’t wait until the day that people realize words have NO power or meaning UNLESS YOU LET THEM HAVE MEANING….ignore the “offensive”….and it goes away on its own….make a big stink about it and you deserve it tattooed on your head…. Daniel Synder, I applaud you making a stand!
Peeve #4: Yeah they’ve won a lot….but who have they beat?? This one carries over to people saying the Chiefs ain’t any good, but then go and yank off to Peyton Manning, not realizing they’ve PLAYED THE SAME EXACT DAMNED TEAMS!!! As long as you’re not playing Tampa or the Parts Unknown Jaguars….you win, you earned it, you win all your games, you’re a good team!!!
Peeve #5: the NFL moves the trade deadline back to this week to promote some trades and player movement….names like Maurice Jones-Drew, Jared Allen, Josh Gordon, even Larry Fitz were mentioned….we get all this buzz, and what do we get?? The Pats trade for a backup DT from the Eagles…. CMON NFL!!!
Ahhh…anyone else feel better??? I sure do….you know who doesn’t feel better this week? Peyton Manning and Colin Kapernick owners….it’s another one of those 6 team bye week annoyances (Arizona, Denver, Detroit, Jacksonville, N.Y. Giants, 49ers)
Thursday Oct 31:
Bengals at Dolphins:
Don’t look now…but no QB is playing better (at least stats wise) then Andy Dalton, he lit the Jets up like a Christmas Tree last week and the entire offense and defense all look like they got it going and on overdrive….not to mention a sack happy front 4 against a porous offensive line that can’t block for the run OR protect the QB like ever….yeah this is pretty much a no-brainer….hell Tannehill might not need a costume after this game… the Bengals might beat him into Zombie-Dom by the end of this game…..I’m just hoping the Miami D shows up and the QB can survive enough to make this interesting…but that’s asking for too much here….and yeah, pile in the off the field crap (Jonathan Martin going to therapy…hope he’s not using the shrink from GTA…the Pouncey issue…..yeah it’s a mess in the land of the J-Lo….)
Game Quality: ** (this might end up in the Thursday Night HoF considering the sh!tpile these games tend to be….)
Sunday Nov 3:
Chiefs at Bills:
Look….the Brian Sanborn Super Bowl Simulation!!!! You know that’s all I really need to say about this….said Bills fan is treating this as his Super Bowl….undefeated Chiefs in “his house” …..Denver on the schedule next week….this has all the makings of a VINTAGE letdown and the big upset game….right??? But remember what I just said, this is a Bills fan treating this as “his Super Bowl”….we all know how the Bills do when the words “Super Bowl” are involved…get a healthy QB and some healthy running backs and come back with the “we shoulda had them” speech next week….
Game Quality: *** ½ (when you tease, you keep it interesting)
Atlanta at Carolina:
Talk about two teams going in opposite directions….geesh….injuries, crappy defense, and idiot 4th Down management from Mike Smith and it’s amazing Matt Ryan didn’t channel his inner Dennis Lemieux with the trade deadline this week (it’s also amazing the Falcons didn’t try to get like a 3rd Round Pick or something for Tony Gonzalez….New England and his old team in KC sure coulda used him….)….the Panthers are on a roll, 3 in a row and 8 of their last 11…the offense is firing up, and a tissue-paper soft Atlanta defense is only gonna make it look better….and the Panthers are in the Wild Card chase and they gotta beat down the lesser team…..Atlanta is one of those teams….
Game Quality: **
Vikings at Cowboys:
After another VINTAGE Cowboys effort last week (and me damn near ready to get into a fistfight on one leg with some idiot Cowboys fan who kept standing in my stretch my leg out space….the fist almost threw when he couldn’t understand that yes Calvin Johnson is THIS good…and was killing the defense, unwilling to admit that getting FIVE TURNOVERS, God forbid the offense get more then 10 points off of this…or get a damn running back off the scrap heap to fill in for your brittle ass starter…*sigh* I think I hate Cowboy fans more than most fans of other teams hate them…)….but the glass running back is back this week, and the Vikings are God Awful….the only shame here is we can’t keep Jared Allen in Dallas (giving up a 3rd, even a 2nd to put him on the D-Line would be amazing…guess it made too much sense…or even making a call about Jones-Drew)….the Vikings refuse to announce who their QB is….odds are they’re having a lottery and the loser starts Sunday ….Dallas will win this to fuel the delusion….
Game Quality: *
Saints at NY Jets:
Could the Jets look any worse last week then they did?? Probably not….but every team has their clunker once a year….that was their clunker last week….the bad news is it comes at the most terrible time possible for them, with the Saints, Ravens and a bunch of divisional games coming….the only positive spins you can add to this….the Saints are not as good on the road….Rex has never lost to a Rob coached team….but I don’t think that’s gonna be enough….Jimmy Graham is getting healthier, and the Saints weapons aside of him have not been THAT good…this might be the week Drew Brees picks on the lesser corners of the Jets….the Saints are just too loaded for the Jets to keep up with…but I do think we’ll see that “good Jet” team …they could use a rain dance or two just to hopefully slow down the Saints….just a lil bit…..
Game Quality: *** (The jets should make this interesting)
Titans at Rams:
Jeff Fisher gets to play his old team….except that most of that damn team is gone….least he can point, laugh and be greatful he doesn’t have to deal with Kenny Britt anymore right?? The Rams did play the game of their lives last week….and lost….that’s always tough to come back from (wish I could say more about this game, but I was only stat tracking the game while watching Battlestar with Jamie….I refused to put this game on and see Marshawn walk into the end zone and score not only a TD that would have killed my money league….but my opponent this week was a bit of a prick and it was nice to see Skittles castrate him from the hip )…the Titans had an extra week off to get healthy, especially Jake Locker and their defense is just as fierce and nasty as the Rams one is, plus they have their starting QB healthy and ready….and I can’t see the Saints going all “A game” two weeks in a row….this could get ugly, but at least the first half should be some fun, physical nasty-ass defensive football to be enjoyed!
Game Quality: DUD
San Diego at REDSKINS:
Yeah….I like that….REDSKINS…..Injuns….bring out the bows and arrows people…..I think from now on when I mention the REDSKINS I will emphasize it and say REDSKINS….it works for me! There is something offensive about this football team in Washington though…..its defense…they don’t stop anyone, and the Chargers might be the best team in the AFC to not have a chance to make the playoffs…Phillip Rivers looks so reborn I’d swear the Scientologists are gonna claim him as one of their own….the 3-headed running attack is good and the defense is better then expected….and the REDSKINS will continue offending on and off the field with their defense and spotty play out of RG III (and Shanahan not relying on Alfred Morris as much as he should)…plus the AFC West has owned the NFC East this year….
Winner: San Diego
Game Quality: *** ½ (this should be a REALLY good game)
Eagles at Raiders:
This was anti-football GOLD back in the pre-season….a few things changed since then….the Eagles won a few games….and despite the “dead money” hell the Raiders are in….they’re playing good defense, running the ball and their QB is turning running for his life into running for 95 yard touchdowns on the awful Steelers (it was run to see the bandwagon that was trying to pick up steam on their little two-game winning streak get deflated like someone stuck the sword of Omens in their lil led zeppelin….I enjoyed that )….all 3 Raider wins this year have been at home …the Eagles can’t protect ANY quarterback….and they don’t stop anyone on defense….even the awful Giants…the only chance the Eagles have here is to hope Dr McCoy channels his inner Adrian Peterson….and Matt Barkley NEVER leaves the bench…..I don’t like the Eagles chances obviously….
Game Quality: ** ½
Tampa Bay at Seattle:
As we all know I have an inhuman level of loathing for Greg Schiano (though he has earned it)….a big part of why I despise this overrated fool is from those three years of going to those Toilet Bowl games during that lil glory run while I was dating a vintage front running alum of the school….and I was subject to such unwatchable football games like Rutgers vs Balls State in Toronto…..and as you’d expect, Rutgers was pounding on this even more irrelevant college team, and there he is throwing 60 yard bombs at the half already up 28 points….I was done with that….the only thing worse than an overrated clown….is an overrated bully clown….so with that in mind…I CAN NOT WAIT to see the Seahawks run the score up on Schiano and show that douche-machine what it’s like….plus Marshawn Lynch bailed out my fantasy team by sucking on Monday night…he’s allowed a big game here
Game Quality: ****-DUD (this game will suck, but yes I will love every second of it!)
Baltimore at Cleveland:
I guess I’m waiting for the day that some black guy finds the name Browns offensive too since I’m sure it was once used as an EVIL RACIST SLANG too and goes crazy about that…..at least Jason Campbell wasn’t offensive as their quarterback last week and he held his own against the Chiefs last week and their defense kept things interesting….the Ravens on offense are a lot like the Chiefs…they don’t go deep well, or often, but they don’t run the ball anywhere near as good as the Chiefs do (Ray Rice could be the most disappointing offensive player in football this year)….I started writing and out of habit was all ready to pick the Ravens and go on….I’m not so sure as I type this and think about the Browns D being good…. Josh Gordon is still on the team and the offense is balanced…..if someone can run the ball with any level of useful….I can smell upset here….and FINALLY Cleveland gets some revenge on the ex-Browns….
Game Quality: *** (upsets are fun!)
Steelers at Patriots:
So it’s not enough that people think highly of the Steelers based on recent nostalgia, even their schedule has gone on a nostalgia trip….the Raiders last week and now the Pats, who’s next…the Cowboys?? I tell you what’s NOT next…a victory….the Steelers looked old and slow against the Raiders…and yeah they did try to mount a comeback at the end….but we know how I feel about “making it close”….it’s STILL a loss….this ain’t your year oh mighty Tin Foil Curtain….and this is actually a “feel more betterer” game for the Patriots…hell Tom Brady might even throw a TD pass or two….
Game Quality: ** (loses a star since the Tuck Rule is gone…)
Colts at Houston:
The Colts are an interesting team to keep an eye on the next few weeks…no team has more “impressive wins” (yes it’s a stat I totally made up and it probably only matters to me anyway)….but now how do they adjust to life after Reggie Wayne….and still with Trent Richardson…at least on the bright side…they’re not the mess known as the Houston Texans….Matt Schaub is riding pine….the running game is going nowhere and now it’s all up to Kasey Kaseum…. Errr…Case Keenum….and to make it worse both Foster AND Ben Tate are all banged up…..I guess JJ Watt is gonna be giving another PIST SPEECH OF RAGE about losing again this week (my God that guy scares me when angry)….plus the Colts need to win this just so we don’t hear “well they had a letdown after winning the most important game of the year with Peyton Manning in their building” garbage….at least the pick 6’s have gone away with #Schaubbing….for now…
Game Quality: ***
Monday Nov 4:
Bears at Packers:
This would have been an awesome game if Jay Cutler were healthy and still brings back memories of large drunk black dudes going “The bears gonna lose….that’s Jay Cutler ….HE SUCKS”….and by the time he finishes the thought….the interception is magically thrown….the Packers on the other hand are doing an amazing job of playing through injuries….much credit to their front office for drafting and developing awesome player after awesome player to fill in…..Eddie Lacy is also giving them a badly needed power running game….when this offense is full and complete like this it’s damn near unstoppable….that’s a scary thing….not to mention the Bears defense has been leaky the last few weeks….the offense not being able to stay on the field is only gonna make that worse….this doesn’t end well for Chicago….and another Cutler injury makes them fall off the map (ironic isn’t it….as bad as Cutler is and can be at times….this team is dead man walking without him….)
Game Quality: **
Week 1 Power Rankings:
1. Chiefs…you are what your record says you are….
2. Denver…better get some blocking…..
3. Cincinnati….a few more wins and they might jump up a spot or two
4. Colts….time to see how they do without Reggie Wayne….
5. New England…4-0 at home, but still finding themselves
1. Seattle….made it interesting, and I owe them some skittles!
2. New Orleans….just scary good….
3. Green Bay….flexing depth and muscles now….
4. Detroit… QB SNEAK OF DOOM…. *sigh*
5. Carolina…on the radar…..
Edited by CRASHER, 31 October 2013 - 05:37 PM.