Amazing that it’s now the first full week of Decemeber and only ONE football team has been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs (Atlanta) …while a lot of teams are sniffing fool’s gold (yes Buffalo I am looking with MUCH ANGER at you)…speaking of anger….I still feel rage that Houston and Jacksonville is deemed worthy of prime time….had a long day of work and epic physical therapy (I am so stupidly ahead of schedule in my knee progress you’d not believe me if I told you)…..and there’s so much epic good and epic BAD football to discuss I’m just getting to it!
Thursday Dec 5th:
Texans at Jaguars:
Man, Thanksgiving games aside….I’m AWFUL at picking these….no one cares about these two teams (fantasy players and gambling addictions aside)…..and I won’t have this done before kickoff anyway….screw it…..
Game Quality: Anti-Football GLORIOUSNESS!!!!
Sunday December 8th:
Vikings at Ravens:
Boy did the Vikings EVER get gifted a win by the Bears next week….but it’s one of those gifts you were all excited for ….opened it….and realized you jumped up the draft board and probably out of reach of that franchise saving QB you so covet….the Ravens on the other hand are starting to look like that by default 6th seed in the AFC (and I’m pretty sure neither Indy or Cinci is pretty happy about this and the idea of playing them next month…)…the Ravens are still weird….anemic running game…erratic passing game and just solid enough on D and Flacco just rips enough plays with the $100 million arm to keep them in things….oh does the other team in purple long for a middle of the pack QB with Flacco, regardless of price tag….plus this game is in Baltimore….they might drag Ray Lewis out for a “Hey how are ya??” That’s enough for me…..
Game Quality: **
Colts at Bengals:
Anti-football from two first place teams??? Stranger things have happened in the NFL…. The Colts are using more smoke, mirrors and parlor tricks then those creepy “magician/ illusionist” acts out there…least the Bengals in their last two games stuck daggers in two teams that NEEDED those games to stay in this AFC hunt (San Diego and Cleveland)… they have a running game, and Andy Dalton is so damned ugly he needs to rely on winning to matter in football…the Colts seem in disarray and in desperate need of Ryan Fitzpatrick INTs and the crappy Titans to win games….and it’s in Cincy, dome teams tend to suck outside their bubbles….that’s enough reason to not trust in a sinking ship and avoid making awful Luck puns…..
Game Quality: **
Browns at Patriots:
Yes the Pats looked awful last week and had to work like hell to beat the awful Texicans, but man….by Sunday the Browns may be rolling out a QB so bad they’ll be missing Joss Wheedon by game’s end (speaking of….if you haven’t seen angry Browns fan sing Christmas songs on the you tube yet….DO IT!!!)….the Browns do have a stingy and tough defense….but the offense….well it’s offensive….and you beat the Pats by matching them point for point….not this other nonsense….yeah this’ll be ugly….
Winner: Patriots (and the over and the points, and even the videotape machine)
Game Quality: DUD
Raiders at NY Jets:
Oh dear….yeah the Raiders are a mess….and the Groin-QB is as unproven as they get….and yes they’re coming to the East Coast for a 1pm game which messes them up somewhat….but is there a team that has just run out of gas…juice….effort and whatever you want to call it like the Jets have?? I can’t think of one….yes they’ve gone back to Geno (and yes they kinda had to…the cupboard is empty)….but they have no weapons, no options…no players to make plays for him….the Raiders have a scrappy D, good running game and WR’s who can make big plays….this too could be horrific and the kinda entertaining that you OD on shots kinda game….but I know I’ll be amused at it, the formula stays the same for the Jets….the D drowns in the quicksand created by the miscues of their own offense…..
Game Quality: more anti-footballer, more betterer!!!
Detroit at Phily:
This is a big game….and I can see my wise-ass is coming back….the NFL Network asked who was gonna win the NFC Least…and I yelled THE LIONS (you can make a case with all the injuries and what-not that the NFC North is certainly worse than the East is at the moment….)….I have trouble trusting the Lions….yes they executed the Packers 10 days ago, but that doesn’t wash away two AWFUL losses in a row (losing to the Schiano’s will sour me with any team, but one I was never enamored with anyway doesn’t help)….and don’t look now the Eagles are playing VERY well and it’s more than just Nick Foles being awesome and sharing the ball (and Riley Cooper catching passes from “his kind”…you know what I mean…)….the defense has stepped up and this looks like a solid balanced football team….plus they hold the Golden Ticket for the playoffs….be the NFC East team that plays Dallas in Week 17….that gets you in EVERY time….but to do that they need to win some games….and I still expect young, dumb and immature mistakes from the Lions…..
Game Quality: *** (teams have a LOT in common)
Miami at Pittsburgh:
Yes I’m still angry about the Mike Tomlin sideline thing from last week….hell I’m still mad at Slava Fetisov giving birth to Matteau in 1994….I hold grudges and I’m a vengeful soul …..I admit this…crazy enough both of these teams are pushing for the playoffs in spite of not having NFL-caliber offensive lines…both teams have tough QBs who bull through it in their own ways and make things happen….Miami’s defense has been superior all year round….and they have the pass rushers to take advantage of this leaky o-line (maybe they can use trip wires to take down Big Ben too…), but they allow 120+ yards a game…oi….that goes right into the Steeler wheelhouse…I’m kinda torn on this one and leaning towards the Steelers….which usually means Miami shows up and wins the game somehow (plus I would like the Steelers put to bed so this draft pick they’re gonna lose counts a little at least….)….this is gonna be a close and well battled one….
Winner: Dolphins (WATCH OUT FOR THE SIDELINES)
Game Quality: *** (emphasis for playoff relevance)
Buffalo at Tampa Bay:
Well the Bills pooped the bed….ruined their season….the only thing dumber then playing a dome team like Atlanta and taking them out of the nasty in Buffalo and having them play in front of 36,000 indifferent Canadians chanting GO LEAFS GO all game…and then you go and lose to the two win Falcons?? Yes…good season sir….but it’s not all lost for Buffalo….you get four more games to work out EJ Manuel, you get to make chemistry with his receivers for next year….you get to play the Schiano’s with Revis beat up and their lil winning bubble burst….and you get to go to Florida in December! And no Vincent Jackson (likely), Revis won’t be 100% if he goes either…and they’re still just poorly coached and they might punch out sooner then later on this season and that coach of theirs….CMON EMPTY VICTORY!!!!
Winner: Bills (no one gets hotter when the playoff chase is over)
Game Quality: bad weather, worse football, unleash the anti-football meter!!!
Chiefs at REDSKINS:
Oh boy, this game is sponsored by the “Screw the Indians, we killed them all and took their land, but made them rich with casinos so it worked out for everyone” Society!! And CMON…you know you’re a Jamaal Charles owner and you KNOW you’re salivating at him putting up money numbers against this defense at this time of the fantasy season….QB mistakes….WR’s losing balls on 4th down big plays….and even the refs don’t wanna get the down and distance right for them…..things are just lost in DC now…and the punch line….they traded that draft pick to St Louis….nice to see St Louis screw someone else for once too…..the Chiefs get a breath of fresh air and a chance to right the ship….and probably clinch a playoff spot….
Game Quality: * ½ (finally a “feel better” game for the Chiefs)
Atlanta at Green Bay:
Oi….I have no read on this one…at least unlike Buffalo, the Packers will make them play in the crappy elements outside….and I can’t see the Falcons showing up two weeks in a row (and God will they get a RANSOM to sell that first pick overall off..)…both these teams are thoroughly flawed as is ….and actually have a lot in common (though Green Bay blocks better and Eddie Lacy is everything Atlanta wished Steven Jackson would be…not to mention the Packers still make plays and get turnovers on defense….and Green Bay losing here means no A-Rod against the Cowboys next week….that’s just not gonna happen….
Game Quality: ** (Just to see IF Green Bay shows up)
Tennessee at Denver:
So one of the league’s worst passing defenses is taking on the Manning Regular Season Machine?? I think for a true challenge, the Broncos should have to eat slices of Peyton’s awful Papa John’s pizza when they’re on the sidelines and then be subject to his horris commercials….maybe then this will be an even football game (though poor John Fox that kinda crap in his veins post-surgery would kill him on the spot…)….yeah the Titans are screwed here….
Game Quality: DUD
Rams at Arizona:
I kinda wish this game was a few weeks ago….the recent beatings have made me punch out on the Rams for this season (though in all crazy thoughts they MIGHT have two top 5 picks this year….then you RG III, eh?)…I shouldn’t be this annoyed with the Rams, they have won two out of three, but just watching the Niners line up and beat them down was disheartening since that was supposed to be the Rams strength….you’d also think with Arizona coming off a “down to Earth” loss with the Eagles, but they are averaging 28 points per game in their last 5…Larry Fitz looks alive again and even Michael Floyd is showing life and Carson Palmer is averaging 300 yards in his last three games, the Rams offensive line is beat up (no shock on any line that relies on Jake Long…)…and I just like Arizona to keep this unlikely run of theirs still alive…..the Rams will be chippy, but they also lack the DB’s to cover the Arizona weapons….
Game Quality: **
Giants at Chargers:
Ah…the Eli-Bowl…the drama….the rings….the bitterness….yes people living “in perfection” can be bitter too….hell it’s still just California….I’d be angry too…the Giants are easy to figure out….if team is good then they lose…(and did you know the only starting QB the Giants beat all year was Griffin last week??)…the Chargers are as annoying, confusing and enigmatic as anyone…but the Giants are the steadying and easy to pick against force here….
Game Quality: ** ¾ (let’s see if the Eli hate still exists in SD!)
Seattle at 49ers:
Ah, more defensive, run the ball and smash you in the face REAL FOOTBALL….praise Allah for this!!! You don’t think this rivalry has blown up?? The Seattle fans are flying 12th man banners over Candlestick this weekend…..that’s nuts! (and intense too…the way I like it)…hell the 49ers and even Jim Harbaugh have been out lobbying their fans to get all fired up for this one….they have a 12th man inferiority complex!! The 49ers think they’re starting to peak…and get healthy at the right time….but Seattle’s offensive line is doing the same…and Russell Wilson is making all the jumps and strides the “golden boy” QBs of last year were SUPPOSED to be doing (hell there’s a 3rd year guy in San Fran they wish were making those strides too)…this is an ice pack type of game…and yes the Niners need this to stay in control of their playoff destiny….but the hatred is too strong here….Seattle brings it’s A game…and that’s simply better than anything the 49ers have…..
Game Quality: *****
Carolina at New Orleans:
Welcome to the “We’re sorry about that pile of poop we should you last week” game….this will make it all more betterer….and it’s two weeks in a row that the Saints will be facing an attack heavy agro 3-4 in their face kinda defense….this is where last week’s beating helps the Saints a little….I’m feeling the Panthers this season and I LOVE what they are doing….but 35 ppg at home for the Saints…and the fact that they saw a better version of the Panthers last week….the Saints come home prepared….ready and capable of slowing down the hottest team in the league….Carolina DOES get a 2nd crack in a few weeks at least….Carolina’s gonna need an epic offensive game to hang in this one….
Game Quality: ****
Monday November 26:
Dallas at Chicago:
The Bears have been horrifically bad in the last month against the run….the good news for them is that Jason Garrett doesn’t understand this handoff concept….nor does he believe in using it….no matter how much it balances his offense and takes the pressure off his QB (who’s had buckets of unfair pressure and grief put upon him because of it)…Josh McNown has been efficient with the ball and the Bears weapons (9 TDs to only 1 INT)…it’s a shame he’s 35…he’d be a legit starter for this team if he wasn’t in the twilight of his career….both of these teams don’t play a spit of defense…but at least the Cowboys get turnovers….and Dallas needs this game to just exhale a little and embrace the concept of December football…..do the Bears have any in the tank as well after that brutal loss to the Vikings last week? (also in spite of McNown’s nice numbers….they are 1-3 with him under center…)…I refuse to say it again…typing it ONCE down there is damning enough for Dallas…..
Game Quality: ***
NFL Power Rankings Week 11:
- Denver…I’ll say anything you want Peyton, keep those pizzas away from me!
- New England….getting through the JOB Squad….
- Cincinnati …..on a small roll here….
- Ravens.... Purple Haze is stealthily hiding under the radar…
- Colts…Lucky to have Luck….God shoot me for even thinking that…..
- Seattle….15-1 is a possibility….
- Carolina….BIG one this week…..
- Eagles…nice win against a good defense at home…..
- New Orleans….missing home cooking more than the first year of college kids
- Dallas….it’s December now though *plays ominous music*