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Grantland Dictionary - NHL Edition


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#1 devilsrule33

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 10:56 AM

Great stuff from the very funny Sean Mcindoe (AKA @downgoesbrown)

 

See the whole list here

 

 

Day-to-Day (adj.) — the term used for any injury where a hockey player has not had a limb amputated.   

 

Dead Puck Era (n.) — a period of hockey history, spanning from roughly 1995 to 2004, in which both scoring and excitement levels plummeted, thanks to an emphasis on stifling defensive systems. The era is over now. Not because scoring is up much, because it’s not, but because we all just agreed to say it’s over.

 

 

Enigmatic (adj.) — a term applied to any player whose personal motivations seem to be inconsistent with traditional hockey values but remain somewhat opaque because of the player’s reluctance to fully divulge his … oh, who are we kidding, it means “Russian.”

 

Intense (adj.) — showing strong emotions and/or passion for the sport of hockey.

 

Intensz (adj.) — nice try, Bobby Ryan.

 

Neutral Zone Trap (n.) — A defensive system that became popular in the 1990s and is widely blamed for causing the Dead Puck Era. If you ask any hockey fan how it works, they’ll reply, “By clogging up the neutral zone.” If you say that you know that but want them to actually explain how it works, they will say, “Hey, what’s that behind you?” and then run away.

 

Real Hockey Fan (n.) — a fan who follows the game exactly as closely as you do. (Any fan who follows less closely is a scorn-worthy newbie; any fan who follows it more closely is an obsessive weirdo.)

 

Slewfoot (v.) — the act of dragging your foot behind an opponent’s skates to trip him; considered one of the dirtiest plays in hockey when anyone else does it, but an unfortunate accident whenever that one guy on your team does.

 

Timeout (n.) — the ability of each coach, once per game, to signal for a 30-second break between whistles. Was once used strategically to shift momentum, deliver fiery speeches, or draw up last-minute faceoff plays. Is now used exclusively to rest tired lines after a first-period icing call.

 

 


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#2 2ELIAS6

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 10:57 AM

lol spot on!
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#3 Colorado Rockies 1976

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 11:10 AM

Damn, if you haven't already, read the full list.  It's friggin' hilarious!


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THE NHL MUST LOVE THE DEVILS - from who else? A RANGER fan!
[Mark Messier]: A big, bald attention whore with a stupid Easter Island-lookin face. - from who else? DaneykoIsGod!

Even when Marty comes back maybe Larry should put Clemmensen to be on the goal during the shootouts.
Can the coach do that ? Switch the goalies 5 seconds to go in overtime?
- Most priceless quote ever posted on a message board.

Martin Brodeur: THE MOST ALL-TIME WINS!, 12 straight seasons of 30+ wins, 3 Stanley Cups, 4 Vezina Trophies, and zero respect from too many so-called Devils "fans" who are either too young or too bandwagon to remember the much darker days of Sean Burke, Craig Billington, Bob Sauve, Alain Chevrier, and the talented but overwhelmed Chico Resch, among many others.

It's easy to support a great player when he's playing at his very best. It takes a true fan to support that same player during those rare moments and stretches when he's not. Babe Ruth went 0-4 some games, and sometimes Wayne Gretzky was held pointless. There may be such a thing as greatness, but no such thing as absolute perfection every single night.

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#4 devlman

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 02:08 PM

Mark Messier Leadership Award (n.) — an award given to a player who, based on history, will show impeccable leadership qualities in the coming months as he’s backstabbing his own team to go chase a Cup somewhere else.

 

Hahaha, finally the media calling Messier out for what he really was.


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#5 Colorado Rockies 1976

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 02:23 PM

Mark Messier Leadership Award (n.) — an award given to a player who, based on history, will show impeccable leadership qualities in the coming months as he’s backstabbing his own team to go chase a Cup somewhere else.

 

Hahaha, finally the media calling Messier out for what he really was.

 

Kind of funny if you think about it...if the Devils win Game 7 in the ECF or the Canucks win Game 7 in the SCF, Messier's time there would've been remembered very differently.  The Rangers were perilously close to not getting it done.

 

In fairness though, you could apply the "What if" paintbrush to a lot of deciding games that were very close. 


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THE NHL MUST LOVE THE DEVILS - from who else? A RANGER fan!
[Mark Messier]: A big, bald attention whore with a stupid Easter Island-lookin face. - from who else? DaneykoIsGod!

Even when Marty comes back maybe Larry should put Clemmensen to be on the goal during the shootouts.
Can the coach do that ? Switch the goalies 5 seconds to go in overtime?
- Most priceless quote ever posted on a message board.

Martin Brodeur: THE MOST ALL-TIME WINS!, 12 straight seasons of 30+ wins, 3 Stanley Cups, 4 Vezina Trophies, and zero respect from too many so-called Devils "fans" who are either too young or too bandwagon to remember the much darker days of Sean Burke, Craig Billington, Bob Sauve, Alain Chevrier, and the talented but overwhelmed Chico Resch, among many others.

It's easy to support a great player when he's playing at his very best. It takes a true fan to support that same player during those rare moments and stretches when he's not. Babe Ruth went 0-4 some games, and sometimes Wayne Gretzky was held pointless. There may be such a thing as greatness, but no such thing as absolute perfection every single night.

#30 FOREVER!

20 out of 1,946 njdevs.com members agree: CR1976 is the Most Knowledgable Poster of 2008! Victory is mine...oh yes, victory is mine!

#6 MadDog2020

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 02:27 PM

Mark Messier Leadership Award (n.) — an award given to a player who, based on history, will show impeccable leadership qualities in the coming months as he’s backstabbing his own team to go chase a Cup somewhere else.

Hahaha, finally the media calling Messier out for what he really was.

Lmfao, that's the best.


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#7 Triumph

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 02:35 PM

Mark Messier Leadership Award (n.) — an award given to a player who, based on history, will show impeccable leadership qualities in the coming months as he’s backstabbing his own team to go chase a Cup somewhere else.

 

Hahaha, finally the media calling Messier out for what he really was.

 

I believe this is a reference to Daniel Alfredsson receiving the award and then leaving Ottawa.


Edited by Triumph, 15 January 2014 - 02:36 PM.

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#8 devilsrule33

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 02:51 PM

I believe this is a reference to Daniel Alfredsson receiving the award and then leaving Ottawa.

 

Yup, but could have went a few ways with one. Messier getting a leadership award after him is laughable on its own.

 

http://hfboards.hock...d.php?t=1385597


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"The Stanley Cup has fallen from the Stars. The new millennium has its first Stanley Cup Champion, and it's the New Jersey Devils." Mike Miller calling the Devils winning the Stanley Cup.

"It goes to the captain and then there are handoffs during a skate around the ice" Mike Emrick as Scott Stevens is being presented the Stanley Cup.


#9 Marshall

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 03:07 PM

Big ice one is excellent and so very true.


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#10 roomtemp

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 03:17 PM

Old-Time Hockey (exp.) — a term popularized by the movie Slapshot that refers to a style of play that was not overly violent or aggressive. For reasons nobody is quite clear on, today the term is exclusively used by fans to describe a style of play that is overly violent or aggressive.

 

So true


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#11 Colorado Rockies 1976

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 03:22 PM

Old-Time Hockey (exp.) — a term popularized by the movie Slapshot that refers to a style of play that was not overly violent or aggressive. For reasons nobody is quite clear on, today the term is exclusively used by fans to describe a style of play that is overly violent or aggressive.

 

So true

 

I think a lot of people (even long-time hockey fans) see grainy clips of bloody brawls involving the mid-70s Flyers teams and just assume hockey was like that every single game, regardless of who was playing.  The era and look of Slapshot keeps it going as well.   


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THE NHL MUST LOVE THE DEVILS - from who else? A RANGER fan!
[Mark Messier]: A big, bald attention whore with a stupid Easter Island-lookin face. - from who else? DaneykoIsGod!

Even when Marty comes back maybe Larry should put Clemmensen to be on the goal during the shootouts.
Can the coach do that ? Switch the goalies 5 seconds to go in overtime?
- Most priceless quote ever posted on a message board.

Martin Brodeur: THE MOST ALL-TIME WINS!, 12 straight seasons of 30+ wins, 3 Stanley Cups, 4 Vezina Trophies, and zero respect from too many so-called Devils "fans" who are either too young or too bandwagon to remember the much darker days of Sean Burke, Craig Billington, Bob Sauve, Alain Chevrier, and the talented but overwhelmed Chico Resch, among many others.

It's easy to support a great player when he's playing at his very best. It takes a true fan to support that same player during those rare moments and stretches when he's not. Babe Ruth went 0-4 some games, and sometimes Wayne Gretzky was held pointless. There may be such a thing as greatness, but no such thing as absolute perfection every single night.

#30 FOREVER!

20 out of 1,946 njdevs.com members agree: CR1976 is the Most Knowledgable Poster of 2008! Victory is mine...oh yes, victory is mine!

#12 cgb6397

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 06:47 PM

How did you know who Down Goes Avery is? It's not a secret? I love that guy, his tweets are superb


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#13 CarpathianForest

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Posted 15 January 2014 - 09:17 PM

So true:

 

Mark Messier Leadership Award (n.) — an award given to a player who, based on history, will show impeccable leadership qualities in the coming months as he’s backstabbing his own team to go chase a Cup somewhere else.


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#14 Marshall

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Posted 16 January 2014 - 11:20 AM

How did you know who Down Goes Avery is? It's not a secret? I love that guy, his tweets are superb

 

Down Goes Avery? That guy is the unfunniest of the unfunny.


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#15 xxchaznjxx

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Posted 16 January 2014 - 11:52 AM

Yup, but could have went a few ways with one. Messier getting a leadership award after him is laughable on its own.

http://hfboards.hock...d.php?t=1385597


That's a great write-up about Messier's time in Vancouver. I knew it was bad but not that bad.
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#16 Triumph

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Posted 16 January 2014 - 01:39 PM

Yup, but could have went a few ways with one. Messier getting a leadership award after him is laughable on its own.

 

http://hfboards.hock...d.php?t=1385597

 

I was going to take issue with a lot of this post - mostly the on-ice stuff because I know off-ice he was a disaster - but yeah his shot rate nearly halved when he got to Vancouver.  How do you play 22 minutes a game and get 1.64 shots a game?  That's incredibly awful.

 

Yeah, I think it goes both ways with the original DGB joke.


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#17 DH26

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Posted 20 January 2014 - 01:56 PM

Down Goes Avery? That guy is the unfunniest of the unfunny.

 

he's awful I agree. I'm too lazy to hit unfollow but he's just awful


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