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It Is Useless TO Resist The Forces Among Us


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#1 Devs82-83

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 10:53 PM

In my brand new NHL, I want to incorporate as much pure offense as possible - and I need and want your help Devils fans.

I want a fast game.

I want interactivity to play a large role in this newly designed game.

I want an awesome product, something that is a radical departure form the boring and tame, status quo, sleep inducing NHL.

Can you help me?

WILL you help me?

Here goes...follow along - slowly.

Note: Some of these changes may seem to be a bit too radical for some folks tastes...I say hold your horses and slow down, envision the possibilities with each paragraph...and imagine...an NHL with no boundries....no limitations...no Friggin awful trap.

I want no obstruction in this new NHL. That Has to be.

In a word, obstruction: SUCKS.

I want goaltenders with not only smalle & refined equipment, but I don't want them to be able to wear masks anymore. No masks on goaltenders in this new NHL is a good thing...trust me - we've developed a few generations of wimps and pussified goaltenders behind their masks, believe me. Thats ship has sailed its last journey here.

Its time for Goaltenders to in effect, "Come Out".

The NHL needs scoring, I think we'd all agree...and lots of it...don't you people know that if the NHL had scores that resulted in games that finished 11-9, or 14-13...or 22-17, that not only would they have that television contract they seek and so desire...but they'd also have so many new fans coming to arenas that they would need to redesign many of them to increase capacity another 10,000 seats each...at least.

The Devils new home in Newark would need to incease capacity to 30,000 in no time under the plans for my new NHL.

We have to emphasize speed as much as possible. Its all about "speed"...no matter what Pink Floyd sang about in the song "Comfortably Numb". Speed is in right now..its chic.

We need a fan friendly league too...a league that relates to its fan base and communicates both on and off the ice.

Hockey needs radical change...this is what has been pumped into my brain for the last several months...and I am finally convinced that those people who I once disagreed with...are indeed right.

My newly designed NHL will still employ three 20 minute periods.

However, the changes will be dramatic in terms of the competition, and the skills each team must employ to be able to skate out of the arena that night with 11 points...ooops...sorry, that was supposed to come later, the fact that in my new NHL you get 11 points for each victory you register.

As a fan of hockey, you're gonna love my new NHL.

Consider:

Music will be played at all times during the live in game action...l;ocal DJ's will be able to out-do one another with the best mixes during games..and then talk about the games the next day on their radio shows giving the game even further visibility.

So mucis will be a staple...just like in the major Indoor Soccer League (remember Steve Zungel & the NY Arrows?) and like they do now in the Pro Indoor Lacrosse League.

Its cool stuff.

Okay here we go...

The teams will come out of their respective dressing rooms for their pre-game skate around just like they have always done...this will not change one bit. I don't plan on trashing ALL tradition that has become a part of this gret game...I'm a purist at heart believe it or not - but you must recognize when its time to change with the times...to, "Live In The Now", so to speak.

What will change is the following:

The teams will face off with one player per side skating against one another...and those two players will both be the goaltenders on each team.

They will be in full goaltender dress, sans the masks (I want those watching on TV to have optimum viewing pleasure and seeing EVERYONE'S face will no doubt help TV Ratings to Soar)...the puck will drop at center ice, and both goaltenders will battle for possession of the puck...the first goaltender to score into the other teams goal will get to add another player off the bench and onto the ice...for what in reality, will be the very first power play of the game.

So lets say the Devils and Marty score first against Garth Snow and the Flyers...Marty goes back to his goal, Snow returns to his net, and the Devils get to bring another skater off the bench and onto the ice.

You might think that Marty would get to select that player right? Well, maybe in your own NHL that would be true, but in my NHL, I have taken the time to know that the fans will get a say so.

On the video board above the ice, they will put up three (3) names.

Lets just assume for the moment that those names (selected out of a hat before the game begins by the patron in section 207 row 9 and seat 15) are:

A-Patrick Elias
B-Scott Gomez
C-Richard Matvichuck

When those names appear on the video board, Devils PA Announcer Bob Arsena will say to the crowd, "Devils fans...do you want choice A...Patrick Elias...choice B Scott Gomez...or choice C Richard Matvichuck...lemme hear ya Devils fans...right before Arsena makes this announcement...a hot sexy women wearing a tight form fitting outfit in Devils colors will skate out onto the ice holding the "Appplause Meter"...as I have had a company develop this special device to calculate EXACTLY the highest octives in the building for each player after his name is announced by Arsena.

Ya see, the fans get into this game themselves right from the git go almost.

In the event of a tie...after all the yelling, hooting, and hollering by the fans...lets say that equal cheering levels were determined for both Elias and Gomez...to determine what extra skater the Devils would get to employ...each player would be given a chance to answer a Devils trivia question from their 23 year history.

In this case, Bob Arsena would introduce onto the ice a lucky fan (determined prior to the game) who would get to walk onto the ice, microphone in hand, and ask the two players trivia questions...each player is allowed one phone call to a lifeline to help them...the players will battle it out in Devils trivia before one gets the leg up on the other...can you imagine the absolute bedlam in the arena at this juncture as fans are trying to help, or fool, each player with answers ringing down in their ears from as far away as the upper level of the arena?????

Lets say Gomez wins as he answers both questions correclty, and Elias only gets 1 of the 2 questions he was asked, primarily because he couldn't understand what the hell the questions he was asked meant anyway. Elias if he wanted to, could actually throw out a bright neon Purple Flag onto the ice at that point, protesting because the questionaire was not asking the questions in his native Czechoslovakian tounge...obviously putting Patrick at a severe disadvantage.

But because Elias wants to get on with the game, he defers to Gomez, and Scotty gets to stay on the ice with Marty...in a game that is now a 2 on 1 affair, the Devils Marty & Gomez...versus the Flyers goaltender Garth Snow.

The referee then places five pucks that straddle along the newly named "Orange Line"...Gomez has 15 seconds to shoot each puck from where it sits...if Snow allows in any more than 1 puck into the net off the stick of Gomez...the Devils will be credited with another score making it a 2-0 game...and the Devils would then get to have yet another player come out onto the ice for what would amount to being a 3 on 1 game.

If Snow stops 4 of 5, or doesn't allow any goals, the Flyers get to put another skater onto the ice evening things up for the moment at 2 and 2.

The Flyers skater is determined by the "Cingular Call Of The Game".

A Flyers fan at their home somewhere in Pennsylvania or in South Jersey would get a phone call live on the air...once they picked up, Mike Emmrick would ask them which player on the Flyers roster they would choose to put on the ice...the fan would respond - and we'd have ourselves an interactive league going on that would make the rest of major league sports look ultra-silly...eh?

But thats not all.

Listen now, before we get ahead of ourselves here, lets go back for a second and imagine that Gomez is whisteling these shots all over the place at Garth Snow with the pucks that have been placed along the Orange Line.

Because Marty would have nothing to do at the point of the first period "Shooting Gallery" (thats what we'll call this point of the match)...we'll allow Marty to take the microphone and skate down by the other netminder to "taunt" that goalie...Marty cannot get closer than the face-off circles, and can say whatever comes to mind while trying to distract and bother, and piss off Garth Snow, as Gomez zips around the Orange Line attempting to get off all of his shots in the mandatory time of 15 seconds. We want Marty to have the microphone because we want the fans in the arena - and those watching at home on television to know what is going on...remember...interactive is the key...a huge part of this new NHL.

Now, can someone who is feeling me on this take the game at this point and offer up some more very valid, substantive, and engaging new rules to help the NHL and hockey in general become more "offensive", more "fan friendly", more "television appealing"?

Please, don't humor anyone here with some baloney jive that is just meant to mock, what is meant to be a serious examination of this game and the sport...with changes that are designed to give the NHL the needed boost is so desperately needs.

Who has next here?

The floor is yours, what comes next?

After you are done with your newly created segment of planning, please leave room for the next poster to place their well thought out creative plans of action.

Thank you.
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#2 Devs82-83

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 11:07 PM

Oh yeah, just so you know, I have handed off to the next person with 17:43 left in the first period...the clock runs continuosly in my New NHL - so when you are done, please make sure you let the next poster know at what point in the game we are at.

Thanks again.
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#3 LizDevil30

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Posted 08 April 2005 - 11:19 PM

Right now I think the order of business is getting the game back on the ice. We can worry about that stuff later.
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#4 sheeps

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 01:08 AM

You're asking for too much too fast. I think they should change some things but to do too much at once is simply too much.
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#5 Don

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 04:55 AM

The NHL needs scoring, I think we'd all agree...and lots of it...don't you people know that if the NHL had scores that resulted in games that finished 11-9, or 14-13...or 22-17, that not only would they have that television contract they seek and so desire...but they'd also have so many new fans coming to arenas that they would need to redesign many of them to increase capacity another 10,000 seats each...at least.


Congratulations. What you just created is an abomination. You obviously have no respect for the history and tradition of the game. I posted this back in 2003 but some haven't seen it:

We all know that hockey sucks. The low scoring games, neutral-zone trap, defence-first hockey... it all drags the game down into oblivion. So I have made a list of changes that I would make that would increase scoring:

(1) Ban zone-based defensive systems such as the neutral zone trap. Give teams penalties for employing defensive strategies that keep down scoring.
(2) Penalty shots. For each and every infraction in the game, let the opposition have a shot at the goal.
(3) Red line. I wouldn't get rid of it, simply get rid of the penalty for a two line pass. So what is the purpose of keeping it? Institute a 10 second rule - if a defense is dawdling with the puck in their own zone, sitting on the puck behind their net, taking advantage of a delayed offside call... call a penalty. Teams will have to move the puck past center in 10 seconds or forfeit the puck.
(4) If a team puts the puck out of play, there shouldn't be a face-off. Instead the puck should be given directly to the opposing team.
(5) Clutch-and-grab hockey has got to go. I'm sick of it. So from now on, you can no longer hold, push, charge or otherwise impede an opponent. While we are at it, let's get rid of the body checking as well. The best way to draw the line is to have NO BODY CONTACT ALLOWED. You let some in, and the sport devolves into what it is today....
(6) If there is a fight and punches are thrown, both players are ejected from the game IMMEDIATELY.
(7) If we really want to open up scoring we should get rid of the goaltenders. They just get in the way of the puck. We want MORE
goals, not LESS. Obviously a no-brainer.
(8) Now for the finishing touches, get rid of the ice - guys are always falling down! And those sticks are always breaking... let's chuck 'em and use our hands and a large orange ball (large and orange so even the people watching FOX can see it).

Just so things don't get too out of hand, we should make the net a bit smaller and put it up in the air. Even from there, I can see games where a team could score 100 points or more IN ONE GAME ALONE!! Now wouldn't *THAT* be an exciting game!!


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#6 SueNJ97

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 10:40 AM

Don, I was actually thinking, what does he want, basketball as I read through.

82-83, I'm just going to touch on your suggestion for making goalies go maskless. In an era where many people want to make visors mandatory for skaters (I'm making no judgement on the rightness or wrongness of this), you want goalies to take off the masks, because to hide behind them is wimpy??? Also, have you EVER seen the footage of the injury to Clint Malarchuck, where he almost lost his life when a skate nearly severed his jugular vein??? That's why there is now a neck guard hanging as part of every goalie mask. But I guess that just is further evidence of wimpiness on the part of goalies.
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#7 RowdyFan42

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 12:14 PM

Now, can someone who is feeling me on this take the game at this point and offer up some more very valid, substantive, and engaging new rules to help the NHL and hockey in general become more "offensive", more "fan friendly", more "television appealing"?

In order to have MORE "very valid, substantive, and engaging new rules", we need to have some to begin with. Your post, on the other hand, just won the award for "Biggest Load of Crap Ever".


Please, don't humor anyone here with some baloney jive that is just meant to mock, what is meant to be a serious examination of this game and the sport...with changes that are designed to give the NHL the needed boost is so desperately needs.

Hang on... you gave us a steaming pile of "baloney jive" and you expect US to come back with serious proposals? :huh:


Don, I was actually thinking, what does he want, basketball as I read through.

Actually, I think he wants a hybrid of professional wrestling and American Idol.
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#8 Don

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 12:22 PM

In order to have MORE "very valid, substantive, and engaging new rules", we need to have some to begin with.  Your post, on the other hand, just won the award for "Biggest Load of Crap Ever".


:clap: Someone knows how to call a spade a spade. :D
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#9 PeteyNice

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 12:30 PM

This is not original. I saw this either as an article or a post on another board a few months ago.

You guys are taking it waaaaaaay too seriously.
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#10 Devs82-83

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 01:57 PM

Are you people out OF YOUR FRIGGIN MINDS!!!????

Holy Toledo! Did ya'll buy the whole Sid Finch thing years ago too?

I cannot believe some of you...you actually took this thread seriously?

You cannot tell I am mocking those who want to see all these changes in the NHL and those who want to turn it into pinball on ice?

Holy smokes peoples...please, do me a favor a read some of my previous posts about how I feel about changing the game, the size of the goals etc.

Then get in the spirit of my post - and help me to make this new NHL all that it truly can be...we should be halfway through the first period by this point...I believe we're at the point in the action where once you get behind by more than 3 goals you get to have the ice tilted in your favor so that the team with the deficit is give the "down slope" advantage?

Come on...where's the creativity here?
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#11 Triumph

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 02:09 PM

I also can't believe people took this seriously when Devs82-83 has made the most arguments in favor of nostalgia, trying to make believe that it is 1982 or 1983 when it is in fact 2005.
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#12 SueNJ97

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 02:18 PM

Ummm..sorry I couldn't tell you were being sarcastic. But you have a total of about 200 posts. I don't really know how you think. And there are enough people out there who do want to take the game and turn it into something that will attract the "casual fan" who doesn't and will never exist at the expense of the rest of us that I just figured you were yet another one of them. Many of these people are actually serious. How were we to know you weren't??

We've had this discussion over and over again on here. Reduce the goalie equipment shoulder AND leg pads (but leave the mask intact). Call obstruction according to the rules (and learn to live with the resulting parade to the penalty box). Maybe make the teams serve the whole 2 minutes of a penalty even if a goal is scored. Restore the tag-up rule.
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#13 Devs82-83

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 02:49 PM

Yes. Cool. What? Really? Okay...I get ya.
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#14 David Puddy

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 04:41 PM

Anyone have a good home for a pet rock? I found him in the alley whimpering last night and I felt really bad so I decided to take him home, but really I can't take care of him. I just want to find him a good home and a loving family so he can be happy.
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#15 Devs82-83

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 05:13 PM

David, other than my bible study on Monday nights, I'm home the rest of the week each and every night.

If I can get a sitter for Monday's, I'd be happy to maybe take that rock into my home.
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#16 RowdyFan42

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 05:28 PM

Are you people out OF YOUR FRIGGIN MINDS!!!????

Holy Toledo!  Did ya'll buy the whole Sid Finch thing years ago too?

I cannot believe some of you...you actually took this thread seriously?

You cannot tell I am mocking those who want to see all these changes in the NHL and those who want to turn it into pinball on ice?

Holy smokes peoples...please, do me a favor a read some of my previous posts about how I feel about changing the game, the size of the goals etc.

Then get in the spirit of my post - and help me to make this new NHL all that it truly can be...we should be halfway through the first period by this point...I believe we're at the point in the action where once you get behind by more than 3 goals you get to have the ice tilted in your favor so that the team with the deficit is give the "down slope" advantage?

Come on...where's the creativity here?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>


The Onion is down the hall, two doors to your left.

Had you posted this last Friday, the spirit may have been better received.
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Posted Image of the Devils' mascot, NJ Devil, and Posted Image of all mascots far and wide.

IT IS VERY HARD TO WIN ONE STANLEY CUP, FORGET ABOUT THREE... and maybe it's high time some of you actually APPRECIATED THAT instead of treating it like it's some flipping birthright because for some random reason you rooted for the damn Devils!!!!! Posted Image


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#17 sheeps

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 10:02 PM

Are you people out OF YOUR FRIGGIN MINDS!!!????

Holy Toledo!  Did ya'll buy the whole Sid Finch thing years ago too?

I cannot believe some of you...you actually took this thread seriously?

You cannot tell I am mocking those who want to see all these changes in the NHL and those who want to turn it into pinball on ice?

Holy smokes peoples...please, do me a favor a read some of my previous posts about how I feel about changing the game, the size of the goals etc.

Then get in the spirit of my post - and help me to make this new NHL all that it truly can be...we should be halfway through the first period by this point...I believe we're at the point in the action where once you get behind by more than 3 goals you get to have the ice tilted in your favor so that the team with the deficit is give the "down slope" advantage?

Come on...where's the creativity here?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ummm... I had an idea you were kidding around. I never wanted to say anything though because your post fills four whole pages in Microsoft Word. I'm not questioning the intent of the post but rather why you would put so much effort into a joke, especially into a joke that most people didn't "get."
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#18 Devs82-83

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 10:53 PM

Sheeps I knew you had this thread figured out from the word go.

And now I'll come clean Sheeps.

In reality this was a scientific test of sorts, to test the IQ levels of a good many people here on this FANtastic website.

As you can see judging by the results...many people didn't fare all that well B )
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#19 Weekes Head

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 11:07 PM

:rolleyes:
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...poster claims to have a friend whos father know Kovalchucks agent's close partner and he was told by his friends father that they are just sorting the details out.


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#20 Weekes Head

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Posted 09 April 2005 - 11:10 PM

If that was your sole inspiration and motive for this thread, then that's pretty sad 82-83.
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...poster claims to have a friend whos father know Kovalchucks agent's close partner and he was told by his friends father that they are just sorting the details out.


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