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The 100 Unsexiest Men in the World


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#1 SueNJ97

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 03:20 PM

http://www.thephoeni..._ektid7852.aspx

You probably know by now that Scarlett Johansson was named the sexiest woman in the world by the readers of FHM.

But who would be her theoretic antithesis: the unsexiest man in the world?

Note: there are no hockey players on this list. Although maybe there should be.


The 100 unsexiest men in the world
Who would Scarlett least like to be with?

By: BILL JENSEN & RYAN STEWART


4/4/2006 1:57:36 PM

Welcome to the first installment of ThePhoenix.com's 100 Unsexiest Men in the World. After pouring through thousands of photographs, millions of frames of movies and TV shows, we have created a list of the least sexy males on the planet. Don't agree with our findings? Send us a letter or give a comment on the bottom of this page.



1. Gilbert Gottfried: Rumor has it that Gilbert is the heir apparent to Uncle Milty when it comes to what he's packing, but that still can't save him. The parrot-voiced, pickled-face comic is to sexy what Kryptonite is to Superman.

2. Randy Johnson: If he couldn't throw a ball 100 miles per hour, Johnson would be wearing a wife beater and getting hauled into a squad car on Cops. Could you imagine the nights when he pitched to Otis Nixon?

3. Roger Ebert: Yes, he lost all that weight. Yes, you still wouldn't fvck him.

4. Dr. Phil: Being a know-it-all is never sexy. Being a know-it-all who is also a bald-headed prick is downright horrid.


5. Alan Colmes: Not really fair, since he's got to sit next to brown shirt-stud Hannity each night. But Colmes - lazy eye, unkept hair, droopy features - has a face made for radio. Pirate radio. Garr!!

6. Chad Kroeger: It's not just the massive head, weird face, and bad hair. It's also the fact that he's in Nickelback, the worst band since the dawn of music.

7. Mike Mills: You'd want to talk music with the bassist from REM. Sleep with? Not unless you're trying to get to Pete Buck.

8. Osama Bin Laden: Power is sexy (notice how Dick Cheney isn't on the list). But a 6'5", no-vertical-leap mass murdering douche bag is not getting any style points.

9. Jay Leno: "It would be like having sex with a banana, but not in a good way," was what one of our staffers remarked about the fruit-headed comic.

10. Don Imus: "It would be like having sex with an old leather bag, but not in a good way," was what the same staffer remarked about the bag of skin and bones.

11. Michael Jackson: What happens when an ugly JC Penny manequin has sex with Pogo, the clown identity of serial killer John Wayne Gacy.

12. Wallace Shawn: Even if you're attracted to his rounded dome, how can anyone get past that nasally lisp?

13. Mike D. of the Beastie Boys: We hate to do this. But the sickly looking Beastie "did it like this, did it like that, did it with a wiffle ball bat . . . because no one would want to get within three feet of him naked.

14. Richard Simmons: Words don't do it justice.

15. Jon Lovitz: Bald, annoying, unfunny, and hair in the all the wrong places. For all we know, he was running through the cast of League of Their Own. But we doubt it.

16. Carrot Top: Sheer obnoxiousness necessitates his placement on this list.

17. Jerry Seinfeld: This is for everyone who has ever yelled at the TV when Jerry brought home another model on Seinfeld.

18. Malcolm Gladwell: The Tipping Point.

19. Chevy Chase: He got unfunny with age. Then he got ugly.

20. Raffi: Maybe it's his proffession. But no one surveyed, man or woman, could think of any situation in which they would bed down with him.

21. Ron Howard: He was cute as Opie, passable as Richie, but now as Ron Howard, he's just plain weird-looking. Especially with a beard.

22. Clint Howard: Ron's younger, balder, and weirder-looking brother. Yes, weirder looking than Ron Howard.

23. Bill Gates: To quote Dana Carvey: "Gates apparently made a deal with the devil

Edited by SueNJ97, 17 April 2006 - 03:21 PM.

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#2 Devils731

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 03:34 PM

Phew, I'm glad I didn't make that list.
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#3 langsgirl

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 03:51 PM

WOW.. i wasnt sure if they were in order..1 being the unsexiest.. if so.. as much as i cant stand gilbert..there are much wrose on that list...
I would have like 30 number 1s if i had to order these men...

How do you know that John Madden the hockey player doesnt have massive hands :)
jk
I have to disagree about Pitt.. not cause im an obsessed girl.. i just think there are many more that can go on this list..same with Paris.. not a fan.. but I mean..it could be worse.
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Tim O'Connor(my favorite F LIST celeb :) ) :
"Do people still do birthday parties at McDonalds? Like does Ronald McDonald still show up? Whatever happened to Grimace? Do they still run the Hamburgular? They were a hit back in the day. The Hamburgular, Grimace, who else?"
Rob Brink(My favorite writer): "Mayor McCheese."

Tim O'Connor
: Mayor McCheese, oh my God! Holy sh!t how did you remember that?

Rob Brink : [color="purple"]"He was wearing a tuxedo and his head was a fvckin

#4 Pepperkorn

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 05:19 PM

no hockey players on the list?
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I'm here for the party


#5 sammyk

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 05:22 PM

Now someone give me the list of 100 hot women that dated/married these guys.
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#6 langsgirl

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 05:23 PM

HAHA..its funny how that seems to be th case.
money is a powerful thing.
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Tim O'Connor(my favorite F LIST celeb :) ) :
"Do people still do birthday parties at McDonalds? Like does Ronald McDonald still show up? Whatever happened to Grimace? Do they still run the Hamburgular? They were a hit back in the day. The Hamburgular, Grimace, who else?"
Rob Brink(My favorite writer): "Mayor McCheese."

Tim O'Connor
: Mayor McCheese, oh my God! Holy sh!t how did you remember that?

Rob Brink : [color="purple"]"He was wearing a tuxedo and his head was a fvckin

#7 RowdyFan42

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 05:23 PM

Now someone give me the list of 100 hot women that dated/married these guys.

You're the Professional Googler, you tell us!
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#8 sammyk

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 05:35 PM

You're the Professional Googler, you tell us!


I'd do it but I'm at work...I'll do a few though...btw, Gilbert Godfried is hopeless.
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This is how big your signature should be. Any larger and you are compensating.

#9 langsgirl

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 05:39 PM

His voice is what puts him on the top of the lsit for me.. not that i find him attractive..i dont.. but there are many many people on the lsit who are also as unnattractive
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Tim O'Connor(my favorite F LIST celeb :) ) :
"Do people still do birthday parties at McDonalds? Like does Ronald McDonald still show up? Whatever happened to Grimace? Do they still run the Hamburgular? They were a hit back in the day. The Hamburgular, Grimace, who else?"
Rob Brink(My favorite writer): "Mayor McCheese."

Tim O'Connor
: Mayor McCheese, oh my God! Holy sh!t how did you remember that?

Rob Brink : [color="purple"]"He was wearing a tuxedo and his head was a fvckin

#10 threestars

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 06:21 PM

How exactly can two men rate the unsexiest men, unless they are both gay?
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I curse you Noah Webster for your defamation of the English language. I spit on you.

#11 sammyk

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 06:25 PM

Most of the people on that list are universally unsexy.
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#12 threestars

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 06:29 PM

I'll take your word for it, I haven't heard of most of them (too American leaning).
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I curse you Noah Webster for your defamation of the English language. I spit on you.

#13 sammyk

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 06:30 PM

I'll take your word for it, I haven't heard of most of them (too American leaning).


American leaning? Where are you from?
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#14 threestars

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 06:32 PM

UK, but living over here now. How would I ever have found hockey otherwise.
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GO SENS GO!!!Posted ImageGO SENSGO!!!

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I curse you Noah Webster for your defamation of the English language. I spit on you.

#15 sammyk

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 06:38 PM

UK, but living over here now. How would I ever have found hockey otherwise.


Ah ok, well it's basically a list of ugly men. Even straight men know an ugly man when they see one. Perhaps Prince Charles is a better example for you? ;)
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#16 LOTCB

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Posted 17 April 2006 - 07:10 PM

How is John Clayton only 88???? he should be top 10 EASY!!

Yes, I did not make the list! :lol: :lol:
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#17 Derek21

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Posted 18 April 2006 - 12:04 AM

LMFAO...that is one funny list.
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#18 Colorado Rockies 1976

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Posted 18 April 2006 - 05:05 PM

How the fvck did Bobby Holik not make the top five?
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#19 langsgirl

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Posted 18 April 2006 - 08:13 PM

http://news.aol.com/...S00010000000001

heres a link with some pics of a few of them
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Tim O'Connor(my favorite F LIST celeb :) ) :
"Do people still do birthday parties at McDonalds? Like does Ronald McDonald still show up? Whatever happened to Grimace? Do they still run the Hamburgular? They were a hit back in the day. The Hamburgular, Grimace, who else?"
Rob Brink(My favorite writer): "Mayor McCheese."

Tim O'Connor
: Mayor McCheese, oh my God! Holy sh!t how did you remember that?

Rob Brink : [color="purple"]"He was wearing a tuxedo and his head was a fvckin

#20 sammyk

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Posted 18 April 2006 - 09:50 PM

I have failed.




For now.
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This is how big your signature should be. Any larger and you are compensating.




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