Good God, it’s week three already…. Time moves so fast when there are NFL Football Sundays to enjoy!! Not the prettiest week in the NFL Schedule, but sometimes when bad teams mix it up (and yes I mean you Lions and 49ers!)… you can get some entertaining match ups and games!! Well unless of course God himself spares us more bad Ravens football by destroying another NFL arena for our own good....
Sunday Sept 21:
Chiefs at Falcons:
And we start with a nice warm heaping pile of crap right out of the microwave!!!! Good God… the Falcons are going to start 2-1!!! The Chiefs are a joke and with Huard, Thigpen… Pig Pen.. hell even Linus, Lucy and Charlie Brown could be handing the ball off to Larry Johnson who’s gonna see 15 guys in the box because even the referees are going to be lined up for off-tackle… dive… sweep… you name the running play and Herm will use it… the Chiefs could be worse then even last year’s 1-15 Miami team, that’s disturbing!!
Rating: * (any game with the Chiefs ranks LOW)
Oakland at Buffalo:
Oh my God the last time the Bills were a double digit favorite I think Thurman Thomas and Jim Kelly were on that team (damn those were good teams)… hell even back then the Raiders were relevant!!! I mean it’s all nice and lovely the Raiders let McFadden be McFadden and he beat up on an exhausted Chiefs Defense that was glad to see the team punt after three plays because they work hard to not screw up having the ball before then!! This one won’t be pretty and we can crank up the “Al Davis wants to stab the coach in his sleep” theory yet again!! At least unlike some other teams with pansy schedules (you know who you are…)…. This team EARNED a breather this week….
Rating: * ½ (this goes up to 3 Stars if Bo Jackson runs out from the stands and hits McFadden with a chair and gets back into the backfield!)
Tampa at Chicago:
Wait… this is a GOOD game ?!?!?!?/ Wait this has storylines??? Well it’s about the defenses for sure… it’s also a bit about Brian Griese going back and getting some on the Bears for tossing him aside (rightfully so I might add)… It’s about two less then average teams fighting for the right to go 2-1 (lord help us)… and first team to ten WINS… the scary part is we will probably ask the bar staff to WATCH this game…oh Rich we are so drinking heavy before 4pm again ….
Rating: ** ½ (look at the schedule…I have to…)
Carolina at Minnesota:
GUS FEROTTE IN THE HOUSE…. So much for Action Jackson being the guy…then again he throws more ducks then the crazy Asian in the back of every Chinese food place… but this is a big big football game… the Vikings MUST have this game by hook, crook, accident, backstage ambush or even assassination attempt…whatever it takes… on the other hand.. Carolina is living a charmed life with two comeback wins in their first two games and both in unlikely crazy ways…. And oh yeah that Steve Smith guys comes back (and not the racist moron NBA Stooge from ESPN)… this game is almost a must watch simply to see how the Vikings respond to being slammed against the wall of their Super Bowl Bandwagon out of the box!
Miami at Patriots:
God they get this game another time too… how unfair!! Time to see if Matt Cassel has learned the nuiances of running up the score in this one…. God how did I think Miami would win SEVEN games…. 3… 5… that’s all CRAZY TALK… I had 7!?!??!?! I can’t talk about this… I really can’t… look at the ass on TV this week… fvck this game…
Rating: DUD (please prove me wrong Miami)
Bengals at Giants:
Who the fvck in the Giant Front Office is blowing NFL officials?? This schedule is a fvcking joke!!
This is almost as intolerable as the last game I was talking about!!! I can’t do it… again…Good God, I’ll worry about the Giants when they stop playing a schedule like the football team that actually calls themselves from Jersey (R.. U… fvck knows I ain’t!)
Rating: DUD (Giant fans will whine, but this game sucks more then a Jenna Jameson marathon!)
Texans at Titans:
NOW WE’RE TALKING!!! A game I can give a monkey’s ass about (or even a white person’s!)
The Titans and Texans battling for FIRST PLACE in the AFC South (go figure)… and it’s funny how no one cares about the Hurricane that hit Houston… well one it’s Houston, and two New Orleans already beat that card to death! And this is too good a game to go with all comedy here and talk about this game… the Texans are solid all over (well maybe not in the secondary), and have had two weeks to stew about the Steelers game.., and here are the Titans and really not 2-0 level of good, so you’d have to think they’re going to slip somewhere… though 3-0 means a HUGE lead in the division out of the gates… it’s a big game, oh I said that… and you have to like the Titans at home and with the big running game, drunk QB or not! And this is one to WATCH if you get yourself to a TV soon!
Rating: *** ½ (this be a good one!)
Arizona at Redskins:
This is a weird game too… but has potential….The Cardinal WRs are a pain in the ass to stop, the line seems better and it’s even getting something from the defense (with Seattle in the toilet this could be the Cardinal year… Matt Leinart do you kick yourself every morning or are you too busy still hot tubbing with whores??)… and Washington came to life last week… 350 yards from JASON CAMPBELL (I told y’all all along I like this kid, he got skills, and maybe now he’s getting it…. Throwing bombs to Moss helps too…) Clinton Portis got into the game too and it looks like the Redskin offense is now running on some cylinders….this makes this game have some high score potential and will be fun to watch… and an actual test for the Cardinals here, I’ll make sure I get a TV for this one too… no matter how many Redskin fans I have to sit by us (again)
Rating: *** ½
New Orleans at Denver:
OK, first team to a hundred wins!! Again a fun, fun game here with lots of potential and down the field all over the place (and it helps when the refs won’t call fumbles that go against the Broncos!), and it could be a 350 yard plus game for both quarterbacks! In my quest to get that weasel douche Shanahan fired though, I am required to root for the Saints, but as long as Jay Cutler makes me forget about Tom Brady’s injury I think I can tolerate… FIND A WAY to watch this one!!
Rating: **** ½
Lions at 49ers:
Do the Lions and Chiefs play?? And Dolphins? No… thank God! This could be rough indeed! The Lions are a joke to man, woman and Millen’s alike! And the 49ers actually had a semi-decent win last week, well against the Seattle practice team but they WON dammit! And winning I don’t think that verb is allowed in the Matt Millen war room, right?? This could be rough, but this could be the entertaining kind of rough which will make it a hearty chuckle to watch!!
Rams at Seattle:
Oh my dear Lord… a WINNABLE game for the Rams?? Nah, Seattle still has an NFL defense and will still beat around Marc Bulger like an Asian wife in a bad Kung-Fu movie, and that’s really enough… not to mention the Rams can’t play defense on a high school team… and this will get proven this week! Though it is sad that your WR’s are so cursed you put the backup QB out there and Seneca Wallace gets hurt too….somehow I think the football Gods too pity on Seattle and gave them the Lambs this week… this is not worth your time folks, unless you drafted Stephen Jackson early and want to see him roll……
Rating: * ½
Browns at Ravens:
Man there is a LOT of crap to sift through this week… it’s like trying to watch network TV on any given night now….Usually I beat up on a bad game like this but I’ve thrown so many verbal punches… and this game does have a few things… is Cleveland really this bad as the two best teams in the league have shown them?? Are the Ravens pathetic enough that the Browns get a win here? (Ravens, Bengals, Giants, Redskins and Jaguars… that’s their upcoming schedule… ack!)… this really is a MUST win for the Browns… and well only one fool cares about the Ravens (who haven’t mattered since they destroyed the Giants in that wonderful Super Bowl eons ago)
Jacksonville at Colts:
Could you imagine both of these teams being 1-2 if the Jaguars win this game? And I really think they will…. The Colts D is always a joke without Bob Sanders, so that negates the glaring hole on the Jaguar offensive line, the Colts were kinda lucky to even win last week (and only cost Tavares Jackson his job… ok the way he throws what I call “Tecmo Bowl passes when the QB is listed as BAD”.. that didn’t help either)…. But with the whole AFC flipped upside down, either one of these teams can recover, if the Jaguars don’t stop the bleeding now, they’re gonna look like the typical lil blond girl in a slasher flick! And I keep getting this feeling this might be the year the Colts miss the playoffs…..
Rating: *** ¾
Steelers at Eagles:
The battle of Pennsylvania (and hey look… another non-Giant NFC East team in an absurd matchup while they play HIGH SCHOOL football teams), this could be a real good shootout…. The Steelers can throw and run the ball and as long as McNabb isn’t riding the cart of Injured Reserve he can make this Eagles team look dangerous…. Don’t expect the Eagles to give up 41 points yet again (yes Ben is good… he’s no Tony Romo though ), either way this should be a good fun all around game to watch.. dare you even get your popcorn ready? Naaahh…….
Cowboys at Packers:
Speaking of popcorn… geesh, the Cowboys seem to be getting all the big name and big time games out of the way EARLY here, but I guess this is good since our coaching staff doesn’t believe in playing hard in December after all….this game has a lot of stuff attached to it…. Dallas has NEVER won in Green Bay (but I also can’t remember the last time they played there)… Aaron Rodgers got on the NFL radar last year but out playing Brett Favre against said Cowboys last year (again it’s amazing how good this team looks when the QB follows the system…) Either way this one turns out (and it might mean more to the Packers, at the LEAST A-Rod has to put a good showing against the Cowboys simply to SHUT UP all the Favre ass-kissers in the universe) and I think this game might mean a LITTLE more to Green Bay then Dallas, but though it’s early this COULD be a home field tie-breaker….
Rating: **** ½
Monday, Sept. 15:
Jets at Chargers:
MONDAY NIGHT FAVRE… the world will want to stab Tony Kornheiser after this attempt to break the Guiness Book of world records for longest blowjob attempt from the announce booth… how did Favre make that tackle on the sweep… no Favre would nor make that play… throwing it out of bounds is not in his mindset… Favre would NEVER eat beans before a game… he’d fart too close to center…. Oh it WILL be this retarded, it’s aggravating, cause this game will be good and it’s also going against Heroes (DAMMIT)…oh well… sucks to be Monday Night Raw (anyone see how Raw got STOMPED by the Cowboys in the ratings??)… anyway… unlike ESPN time to talk about this game… San Diego is desperate and is due something to go right after two miserable losses and a brass knuckle aided donkey punch from Ed Hockuley last week and they need to beat up on SOMEONE to right the ship… and enter the Jets, lucky to be at 1-1….the QB is still trying to learn the plays… well least he’s stopped whining about it…and like I said San Diego just NEEDS this game too damn much… but this desperation makes this one GOOD