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Funny Take On The Teams Left


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#1 SueNJ97

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 12:01 PM

http://www.hockeytra...rticle2913.html

Shhh! The Government Is Listening

defenestrate writes "That's right - I'm baaaaaacccckkkk.......just like your "rash" down there, I keep returning.

First off, having just watched the Canucks / Wild game, I have to ask - I've misplaced my translation dictionary - does "Cloutier" mean "sieve" in French?

Now, to the heart of the matter - I keep seeing miniature Oliver Stone "conspiracy theorists" in abundance on this site. The gist of their nattering seems to be that the refs are somehow being "paid off", or that the playoffs are somehow being influenced by that mysterious but ubiquitous "THEM", so that there will not be either a "small market" and / or a Canadian team in the playoffs.

There is only one appropriate response to this, as voiced by my late great-grandfather:

HORSE APPLES! MEADOW MUFFINS! Etc.

Assuming that "they" want American teams, they would, for ratings and revenue purposes, want a "big market" team.

Let's see - nope, they're all gone. And, one would think, "they" would want a fast-paced, exciting Cup final to bring in those "marginal" fans.

Of the five teams currently left, three clog up the neutral zone worse than Oprah's arteries after a late-night Popeye's run. Not exactly 80's Oilers vs. Islanders...

Now, allegedly, Disney is paying megabucks to put the Ducks over. So, who is paying for the Wild? The Dairy Farmer's Association? How about New Jersey? The LOOLOO (Loyal Order Of Landfill Owner-Operators)? And the Canucks? The Special Olympics Foundation? Who the %$#@ is paying for Ottawa? They're BROKE!

A side note on Ottawa - while I'm amused at the almost-roller-hockey-quality sweaters, I'm still pondering the Roman connection. "Friends, Romans, countrymen - lend me - everything you have!" Perhaps they spent their uniform budget on Lalime's mask...

There's no shame in being bankrupt - plenty of people I know are morally bankrupt...

Trust me on this one - if "THEY" were fixing this thing, Mikster's precious freakin' Rangers would be in the finals - probably against Philadelphia ( which is to New York what Vanilla Ice is to Eminem - they're both annoying, but on vastly different levels).

In the West, Detroit and Chicago - nothing says "I love you" like burning down your city and going on a crack binge after a Cup win.

So here's your chance - stop listening to Art Bell while simultaneously watching "The Pet Psychic" and convince me that "THEY" are "fixing" the playoffs. Creativity without vulgarity is rewarded. Cwhockey won the "government cheese" last time. Up for grabs this time - nude phots of Ernest Borgnine and Bea Arthur, with the cutest little chihuahua this side of the "Yo Quiero" dog!

You know, if there is a conspiracy, and you're aware of it, I wouldn't go advertising it on here. "THEY" are probably monitoring every keystroke you make.

In fact, one of "US" may be one of "THEM". I may not be a 16 year-old Ethiopian girl, as I have previously alluded to. I may be a government agent. You know how I love my acronyms....

CTP - FSTA - FUBAR - LMOCAO...

Defenestrate
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#2 LizDevil30

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 12:46 PM

I can't help it but those freaking land fill comments really piss me off. EVERY state has land fills. Hell in Wisconsin they ski off them!

LETS GO DEVILS!
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"Why is a puck called a puck? Because dirty little bastard was taken."-New Jersey Devils Goaltender Martin Brodeur, of whom I am happy co-keeper with poohbear.
His lean, limber muscles tensed under the skin are ready to contort his body into unnatural goal stopping positions. Tara Sullivan, Bergen Record.
A person's a person, no matter how small. Horton the Elephant, "Horton Hears a Who"
NEW JERSEY home of the Devils, Giants, Jets, Red Bull, Nets and the Statue of Liberty--standing on our front porch waving to the neighbors.

#3 Risky

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 12:49 PM

What's a nude phot?
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I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder
of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser Gate.
All those moments will be lost in time... like tears in the rain.

#4 westcoastdevfan

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 02:53 PM

I can't help it but those freaking land fill comments really piss me off. EVERY state has land fills. Hell in Wisconsin they ski off them!

LETS GO DEVILS!

I live in California. Many people here seem to think Jersey is the land of bad smelling air, landfills, the Sopranos, mullets and corvettes. :lol:
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#5 LizDevil30

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 03:16 PM

And Jersey people think California, is air heads, earthquakes, mudslides (not the drink ;) ) drought and smog and horrible freeway traffic. Oh the perceptions people get. I've been to S. Cal. It's not that bad. :lol: Except the traffic is worse! Doesn't anyone walk? :huh:

LETS GO DEVILS!
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"Why is a puck called a puck? Because dirty little bastard was taken."-New Jersey Devils Goaltender Martin Brodeur, of whom I am happy co-keeper with poohbear.
His lean, limber muscles tensed under the skin are ready to contort his body into unnatural goal stopping positions. Tara Sullivan, Bergen Record.
A person's a person, no matter how small. Horton the Elephant, "Horton Hears a Who"
NEW JERSEY home of the Devils, Giants, Jets, Red Bull, Nets and the Statue of Liberty--standing on our front porch waving to the neighbors.

#6 aylbert

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 05:09 PM

I could hardly read this article... its pretty damn bad.
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#7 westcoastdevfan

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 05:12 PM

And Jersey people think California, is air heads, earthquakes, mudslides (not the drink ;) ) drought and smog and horrible freeway traffic. Oh the perceptions people get. I've been to S. Cal. It's not that bad. :lol: Except the traffic is worse! Doesn't anyone walk? :huh:

LETS GO DEVILS!

that's actually a pretty accurate portrayal of CA. Walk? what's that? :lol:
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#8 Zamode

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 05:35 PM

A sense of humor that is not up to snuff!
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Thanks Lurker

#9 goobergirl

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 05:57 PM

And Jersey people think California, is air heads, earthquakes, mudslides (not the drink ;) ) drought and smog and horrible freeway traffic. Oh the perceptions people get. I've been to S. Cal. It's not that bad. :lol: Except the traffic is worse! Doesn't anyone walk? :huh:

Well what about TX!?! Everyone thinks we all ride horses, rope cattle, and wear cowboy hats. Sure there is a select few, but come on not everyone does that. I have cars we drive, some wear baseball hats, and we don't camp out and eat catcus! I was reading some article by the nhl and it made me mad because they were saying that the stars were in the desert and that there was no fans. I was like WHAT?!?! And I hate seeing all the travel commericals telling people to vist tx, then shows cowboys, the alamo, desert, indians, etc. and I'm like...... *looks around*....I don't see any of that!
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#10 LizDevil30

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 06:24 PM

Goobergirl! You forgot about the guns! I thought every Texan was handed a rifle at birth! ;) :lol: They're not? :lol:
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"Why is a puck called a puck? Because dirty little bastard was taken."-New Jersey Devils Goaltender Martin Brodeur, of whom I am happy co-keeper with poohbear.
His lean, limber muscles tensed under the skin are ready to contort his body into unnatural goal stopping positions. Tara Sullivan, Bergen Record.
A person's a person, no matter how small. Horton the Elephant, "Horton Hears a Who"
NEW JERSEY home of the Devils, Giants, Jets, Red Bull, Nets and the Statue of Liberty--standing on our front porch waving to the neighbors.

#11 Langenbrunner15

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 06:24 PM

I can't help it but those freaking land fill comments really piss me off. EVERY state has land fills.  Hell in Wisconsin they ski off them!

LETS GO DEVILS!

the landfill joke pissed me off too! ..... but that is NJ's joke..... everystate has its own little joke.... it just happens that NJ has more then double what all the other states have put together.....
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#12 gobolt7

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 09:39 PM

hey, at least you guys dont have voting issues. That has got to be one of the worst insults that Florida hockey teams have. For example "you people dont even know how to vote, how can you learn a complicated sport like ice hockey?"
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#13 SBT

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 11:20 PM

Let this article be a lesson to all you young ones out there.


CRACK KILLS
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#14 goobergirl

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Posted 09 May 2003 - 11:27 PM

Goobergirl! You forgot about the guns! I thought every Texan was handed a rifle at birth! ;) :lol: They're not? :lol:

OH YEAH! Forgot about that! hehehe.
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