Thursday Sept 10:
Tennesseeat Steelers:
The two top teams in the AFC last year come out swinging inthis one! Not a game either one really wants to lose…. You wanna get out thedoor going, and the Super Bowl winners have done well in this opening game athome on Thursday Night (but usually good teams win at home and teams that winit all don’t fall off the map in game 1 either)… this could be a realslobberknocker of a game too…. The only edge I give to the Titans in this oneis RB/OL and coaching… I think the Steelers got too much and the Champ comesout swinging here…
Prediction: Steelers
Game Quality: ****
Sunday Sept 13:
Miami at Atlanta:
Again another good early game that should tell us a lotabout which one of these teams is gonna keep it going this year and which oneof the two is gonna fall on their faces… both are kinda similar in build anddesign (well the difference in QB age is the only real difference point)….Ikeep having this weird feeling something is gonna go awry with the Falcons thisyear, and I think the Miami pass-rush will get in Matt Ryan’s face a bit much…not to mention the Atlanta D ain’t the 85 Bears….I kinda feel an upset here….
Prediction: Miami
Game Quality: ***
Kansas City at Baltimore:
See now THIS is the kinda team you wanna have your homeopener with!!! You bring in the patsy….O-Line issues… OC got fired… MattCassell hobbling around like Yoda in the Empire Strikes Back…no defense oftheir own….yeah this could be ugly…. I call it a coronation type game….avoidthis unless you man-crush on Leon Washington and Bernard Berrian!
Prediction: Ravens
Game Quality: *
Phily at Carolina:
Ouch… another “how ya doin” game week one… can the Eagles Dplay as good with the losses and coaching change? Carolinacomes into this game with a lot less question marks (well aside the one of thetime bomb known as Delhomme), but this is gonna be a good one to watch also(note to Lalfamme, Miami and Carolina on the two TVs…. CMON LACKEY)… gameslike this remind me how much I miss these Sundays!!
Prediction: Carolina
Game Quality: ****
Delhomme Interceptions… 2!
Denverat Cincinatti:
Well like I was saying about two teams on the rise…. This istwo teams trying to avoid the stink of the toilet… hell the Benglas made “HardKnocks” unwatchable! But I think Denveris gonna be better then people think… someone will run the ball, they alwaysdo, just because Shanhan is gone these guys will forget how to block…. The receiversare good… and you may get a motivated to get outta there Marshall now and him Royal and Scheffler arepretty lethal... not to mention like I keep harping on… Kyle Orton WINSFOOTBALL GAMES, that’s the job description people!! I should mention theBengals too I guess… well good luck Carson… just keep hoping Chad Eighty-Five getsopen, the rest of your team SUCKS
Prediction: Denver
Game Quality: *
Odds on this being our clusterfvck must watch game: HIGH
Vikings at Browns:
Welcome to Cleveland… wherever overrated meets flat-out-AWFUL…this too will not be for the faint at heart… the Vikings are good, damn good…but not at QB or WR… and damned if I can find a good thing to say about theBrowns either….I don’t see much reason to watch this game… just thank God it’snot on ESPN for the Favre suck-off would be PAINFUL…..
Prediction: Vikings
Game Quality: *
Percentage of game dedicated to Favre ass-kissing: 50%
NY Jets at Texans:
This week seems pretty filled with the “learn about teams”games… personally I think this is a MUST game for the Texicans… they’ve gone8-8 two years in a row, they play in a tough division… and they HAVE the talent and it’s about damn time thisteam makes the playoffs….for the Jets this is almost a free pass game… no oneknows what Nacho is gonna be this year (they can act like they do)… who’s gonnacatch the ball on this team? You have running, you have a decent defense, and abog mouth coach to kinda hide flaws on the team… but I’m high on the Texcianshere and like I said… it’s a MUST win (and I hate saying that one week one)
Prediction: Texans
Game Quality: ***
Nacho Libre Jokes at Sun Tavern: 150
Jacksonvilleat Indy:
I’m not very high on the Colts this year… I think there’stoo much change going on there (not that I was a big Dungy guy)… but I thinkthey get a break here… I don’t think the Jaguars suck, but I don’t think they’regoing to be all that good (they are a classic every other year team)… this gamelooks interesting, but unless we have ten people there and can hoard 4-5 TVsSunday I don’t see us paying much attention here (well Mike might try with theManning/Wayne man-crush)… I just don’t think the Jaguars can keep up….
Prediction: Colts
Game Quality: **
Detroitat New Orelans:
IT’S A NEW YEAR!! NEW HOPE FOR THE LIONS!!!! It is kindafitting that the team that looked like a Hurricane ran through it goes to play whereKatrina did her thing a few years ago….It’s funny how hope springs eternaluntil the opening kick off…. The Lions are toast here kids…. The Saints havetoo many weapons all over the place for this team… and the rookie QB who lookedpretty lost from what I saw of him in the pre-season…so yeah.. get the brooms,mops and spatulas…. This is gonna be a squash!
Prediction: Saints
Game Quality: * ½
Chance of watching this game: 0%
Dallas at Tampa:
WTF, I thought this was at 4?? sh!ttt… that screws up the whole TV schedule*grrrr*, I’ve trashed Tampa (hell I think they are a bottom 5 team)…and I’mhigh on my Cowboys who for once look like they put a real winning type footballteam on the field with a stacked running game, and an aggro-style defense… andreally… if Dallas loses this game I might seriously be more pissed then the 82seconds of DOOM last April (hey look he’s joking instead of ranting about it…yay, he’s getting better!)… this better be a world class ass kicking with onlyone foot required
Prediction: Dallas
Game Quality: ** (1-star for homer-ism!)
4pm:
Arizonaat San Fran:
Now I like the Niners.. they’re a scrappy team with heart,thanks to Singletary’s coaching… they have the running game and a tough defense…but Sean Hill again?!?! And no WR corps… again (Crabtree you’re a moron andcosting yourself MILLIONS, I laugh at thee and the Scott Boras type advice you’regetting from your agents who need a firing!)… and here we have the team thatwent to the Super Bowl that NO ONE cares about (I guess some of it is that 9 ofthe last 11 runner-ups miss the playoffs the next year)… I think the Ninerswill give you a good fight and being at home helps… but I don’t think it’senough, and the Cardinals will try to remind people what got them to the SuperBowl last year after all…..
Prediction: Arizona
Game Quality: ** ¾
Number of times I goad Laflamme because I bought him over tothe Cowboys: 750
Redskins at NY Giants:
This seems to be the opening game every year for these twodoesn’t it? And every year it’s the same way… the Redskins play it close andfind a way to screw it up… I’m tired of the same act each year… and theRedskins are the one team that doesn’t address their holes and plays GlenSather and just throws stupid money at the problem… not impressed….
Prediction: Giants
Game Quality: **
St.Louis at Seattle:
The NFL Gods were generous to the Seahawks…giving them a 5thpre-season scrimmage, but this one counts in the standings…. St Louis takesrebuilding to new lows and this is not going to be one of their 2-4 wins thisyear… the Seahawks are healthy, good and ready to put last year FAR behind them….Not much to say about this team, unless Steven Jackson plays Walter Peyton for3 hours the Rams have no chance….
Prediction: Rams
Game Quality: *
Odds this game makes me look brilliant about Hasselbeck:110%
820pm:
Bears at Packers:
LAMBEAU FIELD (I swear I gotta go there next year for a pre-season game),Sunday Night… BEARS AND PACKERS…now this is how you start up the season! AaronRodgers… Jay Cutler…two top-tier defenses…. Rivalry, this one has it all!!! (Igive the NFL credit, the two featured prime-time games are GOOD this week andthe WWE PPV is gonna suck the balls anyway… so the hell with that!).. I think I’llbe glued to this one, it’s a close call, but I’m high on the Packers and yougotta go with the teams you believe in week one…
Prediction: Packers
Game Quality: ***
Favre mentions tonight… ZERO….ok, maybe one or two but I amdamn sure the Packers are over that dopey stuff….
Monday Sept 14:
Buffalo at New England:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I’ve been laughing at this since my two Buffalo friends begantalking up Owens and his dumb sh!t (and his worse reality show) and the T.O.e.saga since second one… and just to show the Bills were effed this year… theschedule makers decide to put the Bills to sleep early this year… here’s thePatriots, Tom Brady on the field for the first time in a year… Randy Moss… JoeyGalloway… all the usual suspects… and by the way.. the Bills still can’t blockand use the no-huddle offense to get the suck off the field as fast as possible….This one might be over before Heroes begins that night (they do start this weekright?? If not FML, I miss that damn show!)… the beatings resume in New England….
Prediction: Pats.. DUH
Game Quality: * ½
Time spent on phone harassing friends about the Ills…. The wholegame!
San Diego at Oakland:
I love how the NFL made this game up to get the lone appearance of the Raidersburied and out of the way in week one… the Raiders should be better this year…can’t be much worse… but the Chargers are back and have many a reason to wantcome out take names and show the world the most talented team in the leagueshould not be forgotten, and it gives Shawn Merriman someone LEGAL to put hishands on (CMON Chris Benoit school of choking!).. this won’t be much fun eitherexcept for fantasy football stats!
Prediction: Chargers
Game Quality: **
LET’S PLAY SOME GODDAMED FOOTBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!
