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The Best Solution To The Rolston Problem


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#41 ThreeCups

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 02:04 PM

Maybe he'll get pulled over by a cop and they'll just happen to find a big bag of coke under the driver's seat. :whistling:


I wonder what the cap hit becomes in the event of an arrest/long term jailing? :giggle:
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#42 Dead

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 03:18 PM

Maybe he gets deported to Canada? ;) Or even better Fiji.....
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#43 DaneykoIsGod

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 04:02 PM

It is kind of funny. But a little unsettling, too. There's the potential for someting Gillooly-like to happen. I think one of the 233 Crazies is more than capable.


Newsflash!

NEWARK, N.J. -- Brian Rolston of the New Jersey Devils was on the receiving end of a brutal attack yesterday, effectively ending his 2010-11 season and possibly his 2011-12 campaign as well.

According to various eye-witnesses, a man attacked Rolston with what appeared to be a small, metallic musical instrument, repeatedly striking him about the knees while screaming, "You've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

When asked if he knew anything of the circumstances of the attack, Devils General Manager Lou Lamoriello said, "Don't worry about my Crazies." He was later seen high-fiving team owner Jeffrey Vanderbeek.

Just prior to the attack, Rolston was seen at a 7-Eleven convenience store. He was attempting to get the last can of Coke from a corner refridgerator, but according to eye-witnesses he got to the corner fridge very slowly and made very little actual effort to get to the can before a different customer swooped in and took it.

"He took his sweet ass time getting there," said a witness who preferred not to be named. "No effort at all. But he did have this look on his face that made it seem like he was trying real hard.

"Then he cried a little, wiped his face with a napkin and missed the trash can by about 20 feet when he tried to throw it away."

Rolston's teammates had various reactions.

"This is irony," said left winger Zach Parise.

"This is cap room," said defenseman Tomas Kaberle, who was acquired by the Devils shortly after Rolston's injury was reported to the NHL.

Ilya Kovalchuk, whose 17-year, $102 million contract necessitated salary cap-minded moves, said, "This is hilarious."
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#44 Marshall

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 06:11 PM

^^^ :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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#45 SS-SS

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 07:56 PM

Newsflash!NEWARK, N.J. -- Brian Rolston of the New Jersey Devils was on the receiving end of a brutal attack yesterday, effectively ending his 2010-11 season and possibly his 2011-12 campaign as well.According to various eye-witnesses, a man attacked Rolston with what appeared to be a small, metallic musical instrument, repeatedly striking him about the knees while screaming, "You've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"When asked if he knew anything of the circumstances of the attack, Devils General Manager Lou Lamoriello said, "Don't worry about my Crazies." He was later seen high-fiving team owner Jeffrey Vanderbeek.Just prior to the attack, Rolston was seen at a 7-Eleven convenience store. He was attempting to get the last can of Coke from a corner refridgerator, but according to eye-witnesses he got to the corner fridge very slowly and made very little actual effort to get to the can before a different customer swooped in and took it."He took his sweet ass time getting there," said a witness who preferred not to be named. "No effort at all. But he did have this look on his face that made it seem like he was trying real hard."Then he cried a little, wiped his face with a napkin and missed the trash can by about 20 feet when he tried to throw it away."Rolston's teammates had various reactions."This is irony," said left winger Zach Parise."This is cap room," said defenseman Tomas Kaberle, who was acquired by the Devils shortly after Rolston's injury was reported to the NHL.Ilya Kovalchuk, whose 17-year, $102 million contract necessitated salary cap-minded moves, said, "This is hilarious."

This is gold.POD maybe post of the week. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :hail:
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#46 MadDog2020

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 09:11 PM

Newsflash!

NEWARK, N.J. -- Brian Rolston of the New Jersey Devils was on the receiving end of a brutal attack yesterday, effectively ending his 2010-11 season and possibly his 2011-12 campaign as well.

According to various eye-witnesses, a man attacked Rolston with what appeared to be a small, metallic musical instrument, repeatedly striking him about the knees while screaming, "You've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

When asked if he knew anything of the circumstances of the attack, Devils General Manager Lou Lamoriello said, "Don't worry about my Crazies." He was later seen high-fiving team owner Jeffrey Vanderbeek.

Just prior to the attack, Rolston was seen at a 7-Eleven convenience store. He was attempting to get the last can of Coke from a corner refridgerator, but according to eye-witnesses he got to the corner fridge very slowly and made very little actual effort to get to the can before a different customer swooped in and took it.

"He took his sweet ass time getting there," said a witness who preferred not to be named. "No effort at all. But he did have this look on his face that made it seem like he was trying real hard.

"Then he cried a little, wiped his face with a napkin and missed the trash can by about 20 feet when he tried to throw it away."

Rolston's teammates had various reactions.

"This is irony," said left winger Zach Parise.

"This is cap room," said defenseman Tomas Kaberle, who was acquired by the Devils shortly after Rolston's injury was reported to the NHL.

Ilya Kovalchuk, whose 17-year, $102 million contract necessitated salary cap-minded moves, said, "This is hilarious."

Lmfao, post of the year!!!
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#47 jagknife

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Posted 04 August 2010 - 09:13 PM

Lmfao, post of the year!!!


+1
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#48 Jerrydevil

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 12:03 PM

Well done DaneykoIsGod!
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#49 Devilsfan118

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 12:18 PM

Oh my god, did you come up with that totally off the top of your head? That's hilarous! :rofl:
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#50 ThreeCups

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 12:18 PM

+1


Understatement. Genius!
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#51 Devs1965

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 12:58 PM

DIG... That was some good stuff :cheers:
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#52 jim777

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 01:38 PM

Awesome stuff DIG :)
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#53 newarkdev01

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 02:38 PM

Man I really needed that post. :cheers:
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#54 pattyelias

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 03:29 PM

This thread title feels downright Nazi like to me. I keep thinking "final solution to the Rolston question".
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#55 Neb00rs

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 04:57 PM

This thread title feels downright Nazi like to me. I keep thinking "final solution to the Rolston question".

Lol. Most of us just want to rid the Devils of Rolston...not the world...I think.

Edited by ben00rs, 05 August 2010 - 04:57 PM.

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#56 ringtwins

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Posted 05 August 2010 - 09:43 PM

Do you have a cape? Wow
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#57 LucifersDog

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 08:56 AM

Newsflash!

NEWARK, N.J. -- Brian Rolston of the New Jersey Devils was on the receiving end of a brutal attack yesterday, effectively ending his 2010-11 season and possibly his 2011-12 campaign as well.

According to various eye-witnesses, a man attacked Rolston with what appeared to be a small, metallic musical instrument, repeatedly striking him about the knees while screaming, "You've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!"

When asked if he knew anything of the circumstances of the attack, Devils General Manager Lou Lamoriello said, "Don't worry about my Crazies." He was later seen high-fiving team owner Jeffrey Vanderbeek.

Just prior to the attack, Rolston was seen at a 7-Eleven convenience store. He was attempting to get the last can of Coke from a corner refridgerator, but according to eye-witnesses he got to the corner fridge very slowly and made very little actual effort to get to the can before a different customer swooped in and took it.

"He took his sweet ass time getting there," said a witness who preferred not to be named. "No effort at all. But he did have this look on his face that made it seem like he was trying real hard.

"Then he cried a little, wiped his face with a napkin and missed the trash can by about 20 feet when he tried to throw it away."

Rolston's teammates had various reactions.

"This is irony," said left winger Zach Parise.

"This is cap room," said defenseman Tomas Kaberle, who was acquired by the Devils shortly after Rolston's injury was reported to the NHL.

Ilya Kovalchuk, whose 17-year, $102 million contract necessitated salary cap-minded moves, said, "This is hilarious."



Funny, this was great thanks we need a laugh waiting is painful.
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#58 Daniel

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 09:57 AM

Afinoganov reportedly signing in the KHL. One less marginally talented UFA out there to get a team above ths salary floor.
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#59 DuffMan4027

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 05:24 PM

Awesome faux-article!!! on a serious note i have a friend who babysits for rolston and his sister in-law. she is quite friendly with the families and they know she is a huge devil fan. She has asked him questions about the team from time to time and he has been very open and honest with her about most issues. she asked him about trade and retirement rumors. his answer to her was that he hasnt been approached by lou or any1 from the team about ether but did add that if he was asked to waive his no trade clause he said he would rather retire to help the team than be traded and move his family again. you can take my and my friends word for it or not but i believe her and shes turned me on to other inside team info in the past.
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#60 Daniel

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Posted 06 August 2010 - 05:36 PM

Awesome faux-article!!! on a serious note i have a friend who babysits for rolston and his sister in-law. she is quite friendly with the families and they know she is a huge devil fan. She has asked him questions about the team from time to time and he has been very open and honest with her about most issues. she asked him about trade and retirement rumors. his answer to her was that he hasnt been approached by lou or any1 from the team about ether but did add that if he was asked to waive his no trade clause he said he would rather retire to help the team than be traded and move his family again. you can take my and my friends word for it or not but i believe her and shes turned me on to other inside team info in the past.


I believe if he retires, his cap hit remains for the next two years. That would probably be the worst thing he could do for the team.

Plus, I doubt he would retire even if the cap hit would go way, and I hardly could blame him. That's $10 million he'd be foregoing. No one is that unselfish.

Edited by Daniel, 06 August 2010 - 05:38 PM.

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