One week into the NFL season and already a handful of teams are in OMG OMG OMG OMG it’s time to panic mode!!! (some with good reason, there’s 3-4 teams that if they start out 0-2 all hell’s gonna break loose in those cities… imagine the Colts at 0-2, right?) The schedule looks fun this week….and hopefully with a week of real games under each team’s belt…. The level of play is better this week (and with teams so injury paranoid in the pre-season I understand players NOT playing in pre-season… but holy hell week 1 was sloppy league-wide, and it kinda showed in my 8-8 picks record, geesh)Sunday Sept. 19:
Bills at Packers:
And we start our week 2 preview with maybe the one “gimmie” on the schedule… yeah you can talk about the 3 backs in Buffalo (and what else are you going to talk about? Well besides the fact that the Bills are idiots and should offer Marshawn Lynch to the Packers for a draft pick…), the Bills have a feisty defense, but it’s going to be out there a LOT… and Trent Edwards will check it down to the point the Packers D will look like the 85 Bears, and the Bills have as much chance as Mike sitting in a chapel holding a lightning rod
Game Quality: DUD
Dolphins at Vikings:
Now THIS is one of those must-win games…. If you look at the Vikings schedule it only gets uglier, and an 0-2 start could lead to the wheels coming off (not that I’d mind)… and yeah Miami did win last week… but that was a HEAP of ugly in Buffalo (but they did win)…and it would figure, Brian’s all back from his wedding and honeymoon and gets home to see his Dolphins get kicked in the face Goldberg-Style (oh it’s only a matter of time until the Owen Hart jokes hit these writings) upon his return… I have no love for the Vikings, but they’re too talented to be out of it in September, so I think they need this one WAY more then Miami does, I’d love to be wrong here…..
Game Quality: *** (two good teams with similar personnel, should be fun!)
Chiefs at Browns:
Boy, is the football world sporting a Viagra-sized hard-on for the Chiefs now! Yes they beat up on the Chargers (it was an ugly game in some nasty rain mind you)….and one thing I did notice about the Chiefs… yes they have big play guys (esp the two young back) and they can hit the home run as well as anyone with Charles and McCluster… but I don’t think they have the consistency to have the singles type drives you need to sustain and win week to week in football… and I think the Chiefs are still too young and not ready yet, this is the kinda game teams like that find a way to lose, I’m just not ready to label the Chiefs “there” yet… and yes I know Delhomme is hurt, hell this might make the Browns MORE dangerous… maybe it’s more a gut feeling… though I should be shot in the face with a twelve gauge for picking the Browns two weeks in a row… this one could be fun to watch (just someone PLEASE tell the Mangenius-idiot to GET THE BALL TO HARRISON MORE… Christ how many Peyton Hills fumbles do we need in a week to see he sucks1!!)
Game Quality: ** ¾ (there’s more home run hitters in the game then you think)
Bears at Cowboys:
This game has some serious implications this week too… Dallas can NOT go down 0-2 to start the season, hell you can see the urgency because the Cowboys have done everything but try to clone Erik Williams and Mark Tunei to have all their O-Line guys back so mister Barron never takes another holding penalty as a Dallas Cowboy!! Dallas is gonna need them too cause here comes an elite pass rusher, Julius Peppers…anyone who remembers the fury Jared Allen unleashed on Dallas last year is cringing at this… but on the Bears side they had NO business winning last week (Calvin Johnson stuff aside, and let’s be honest that was a fvcking catch and the NFL needs to go back to the old SIMPLE rule of, two feet on the ground + possession of ball = CATCH, Christ the NFL rules are as overdone and stupidly complex as the goddamn tax laws!!), And this doesn’t even go into the stupidity and futility of the Bears in the red zone (6 of 10 “goal to go” plays last week went for zero yards or backwards… hi Mike Martz, YOU SUCK!! And that goes for going for it 4th and 1 DOWN A POINT, you TAKE THE LEAD THERE AND KICK THE FIELD GOAL!!!), all the pressure in the world is on the Cowboys in Jerry’s Palace this week, and yes this is about as much a “must win” as you can have in week 2…I don’t like the Bears defense and the offensive mindset does NOT fit the players they have
Game Quality: ** ¾ (adding the ¾ for my personal anguish)
Arizona at Falcons:
One of those how the hell do you figure this one out kinda games….you can’t look any worse in a victory then the Cardinals did last week, but praise Jesus (does he care now that Warner’s gone?) they found a way and never shall I pick them in survivor again!! Atlanta hung around and played tough with the Steelers but “hanging around” isn’t enough when you want to make the playoffs…. Michael Turner didn’t exist last week, that MUST change this week… and I get the feeling I’m gonna do this a lot this week, but hell Arizona doesn’t deserve to be 2-0 and Atlanta has to win this one at home… I think they will… break out the Coors Light kids, it’s a Ryan party…. CMON CUZ!!
Game Quality: **
Tampa Bay at Panthers:
HI ANTI-FOOTBALL!!!!! It’s weird that I’m about to pick a team to be 2-0 but calling it anti-football… but here goes… I was watching game day and watching those Carolina D-back try to cover receivers and jesus that was gross… I mean this isn’t the ’84 49ers here, but Tampa did make some plays last week… maybe I’m just down on the Panthers now or I see some sick joke about Tampa being 2-0 and ending the year like 3-13, I’m weird like that ….probably explains a lot of things in my life doesn’t it??? This will be fun because it will be so sh!tty… need to find a way to get this on a TV or two!!
Game Quality: *** (anti-football power-up!!)
Eagles at Lions:
Ah, where to start here…. I ranted about the Lions with the Bears… so let me get to the most overrated human being alive…. Michael Vick… THE WHOLE WORLD is now going OMG OMG OMG Vick needs to start, Kolb stinks, look how much better Vick looked in the game?? Really?? He’s still as accurate as a SCUD missile (look how many Eagle WR’s had to stop, drop and roll to catch the fvcking ball)…yeah he makes nifty runs and all that stuff … whoo hoooo… your job is to THROW THE BALL assclown! And people forget one simple fact… why did Vick look so good? The Packers spent ALL PRE-SEASON planning and ready for Kevin Kolb (me thinks they prepped too well since they took his ass out eh)…. And Vick TOTALLY changes the game… and you’ll see it this week… the Lions are better then people think (especially up front), though I admit I have a sick sense of amusement in seeing that unadjusting walrus in Andy Reid have to change it up and run more of an option type offense… that may make my LOL in my pants a little (Jesus how geeky was that??)…and Shawn Hill has shown that when he plays he wins more then he loses (he was 10-6 as a 49er after all)….this game is NOT the gimmie you would think it to be….I do think the Eagles will win but not because it was Vick instead of Kolb…just because they’re a little bit better and with all the injuries they got wins may not be as easy to come by for them…..
Game Quality: ** ½
Ravens at Bengals:
Ohhhh, AFC North slobberknocker…. The Bengals did not lose in the division last year and you can be DAMN sure the Ravens remember that…. And yes it’s a short week and that game was as rough and physical as an NHL playoff game, but when you WIN those kinda games the momentum does carry over and it hurts less the next week…. The Ravens are starting to get healthy D-backs in the fold, and if they can throw the ball half as well as the Pats did on the Bengals…. It’s gonna be 0-2 for the VH-1 Reality Show Power Hour Twins, the only case I can make for the Bengals here is they’re at home… but I don’t think it’s enough… and this could be a special year in Baltimore as the changing of the guard and power in the AFC seems to be going underway right now…I also don’t think the Bengals are mentally tough enough for the battle to take place on Sunday…..
Game Quality: ***
Steelers at Titans:
This is another excellent football game… the Titans veal pounded the Raiders and people wanna say “fvck em it’s just the Raiders” but that’s selling the Titans short… and pop quiz…. Who’s the top rated QB in the NFL right now??? Nope….not him either… noo.. certainly not him…. It’s Vince Young!! Add in the battle of Chris Johnson vs the Steelers D…. and this really is as even a game as you’re going to see! This might be one of those games where the coaches not having full faith in Dennis Dixon can hurt them (though practicing against him is good VY-prep)… the Steelers might just be too conservative enough that it costs them here… and usually when the battle is even, you look at home field and that matters here….this will be a nice telling game for both teams and the hitting should be fun!
Game Quality: ****
Seattle at Denver:
Seattle gave us the curb-stomping of the week last week on the 49ers, and Denver gave us the “oh God why are we watching this game sober” effort in Jacksonville… nothing really to say much about other team… people will jump on the Seahawks now cause of Hasselbeck and the NFC West being awful, and Denver added another worthlessly average RB to the team with the Maroney trade, and as much as I love Kyle Orton… this idiot coach is gonna do all he can to run him out of town (reminds me of the Jake Plummer/Jay Cutler debacle out there… yeah THAT worked out too right??) this game is a bitch to get a read on still…so I’m gonna go with the unworthy team that lost last week as opposed to the unworthy team that won last week…this won’t be pretty either folks….
Game Quality: * ¼
Rams at Raiders:
You know what I like most about these two teams… just like me, both of them said fvck YOU LA WE’RE OUTTA HERE!!!! All that aside, and damn you again to hell St.Louis for that heart attack and ¾’s last week in my survivor picks (that city loves to haunt me eh?)…still all that aside, the talent’s NOT there…. The Raiders can slow the running down from Jackson, that CB with the name I ain’t looking up (and CMON, no other DB in football matters besides Revis… right…right…right??) is gonna shut down the lone WR on the Rams… and if they can play smart football on offense the Raiders should walk away with this one…. It’s a scary thing asking for intelligence AND Raider football in the same breath though…..this is pretty much almost an anti-football selection here, but I’m still mad at the Rams for last week and anti-football is a PRIVILEDGE mister!!!
Game Quality: * ½
Texans at Redskins:
This is a weird game… and one of only two 1-0 teams going at it (and be honest NO ONE saw either one of these teams winning)… BOTH teams come into this as a possible let down game after they both took it to big brother and won… but let’s be fair and this isn’t Cowboy fan talking, did the Redskins really win last week or was it more the Cowboys fvcked it up? You know the answer there… while the Texicans played a FANTASTIC game last week and bloodied the face of the Colts, pressed Manning and did EVERYTHING you’d want to do…. And if Houston wants to be taken as a serious and elite team I don’t think they can slip up here and let the Redskins steal this one (yes I know it’s a home game for the skins… but CMON, they’re still the Redskins ), this game is at least attention-worthy to see how the Texcians respond to being the team EXPECTED to clean up…..
Game Quality: ** ¾
Jets at Patriots:
Another VERY important and telling game this week…. The Jets lose they fall to 0-2, two losses in conference and worse two losses at HOME (look at playoff teams of last year, how many were sub.-.500 at HOME), the Jets come into this all beat up… and now the mighty Revis-island is limping around on a sore hammie (I TOLD YOU about speed players and holdouts didn’t I??)….and look what Boldin did last week on the rest of the Jets secondary…. You really think the Jets are gonna be able to stop Welker and Moss with those guys?? (this is another problem I had with the Jets defense….all the top defenses in the NFL have an elite pass rusher… even two… where’s the Demarcus Ware, Jared Allen…even Julius Peppers?? There ain’t one here and defense in the NFL now is all about getting to the QB)…anything the Ravens were able to do on the Jets, the Pats can do better…. Given the Pats defense isn’t the Ravens, the Pats can still put up 35 points on the Jets this week… and the Jets are lucky to get 18 points on any given week, this could get really ugly unless the Jet running game can slow this game down… I’m not sure if that’s gonna be enough though….and look I went through that WHOLE preview without a pot-shot…. Ain’t that cool??
Game Quality: *** (it’s gonna be intense as I expect most Jet games to be)
Jaguars at San Diego:
Boy this could be an ugly one eh?? The Jaguars beat up on an equally as crappy team in the Broncos…. And we all know the dinosaur-sized egg laid in Kansas City by the Chargers…. This is a game (and more so being a home game)… the Chargers can NOT afford to lose this game (though with each loss those holdouts of their see nothing but dollar signs don’t they?)…. I’d find a way to say something nice about the Jaguars but I ain’t convinced yet on them and this game will smack them back down to our planet called Earth…..
Game Quality: * ½ (watch this only if ya gotta)
NY/NJ Giants at Colts:
Now here’s a game that’s prime-time worthy eh?? Manning v. Manning, the Colts come into the cleaned up Swamps of NJ, looking to avoid an 0-2 start for the first time in Lord knows how long (I can’t remember… and looks like the Colts won’t be mailing it in for the last 2 games this year… that kinda makes the Colts dangerous this year), this one looks like it’s gonna be a passing fest as the Giants too are a pass-first team with good receivers all over, and just enough running to keep you honest, if you like points and offense THIS is your game to watch (I have to admit it’s really weird, I’m so pissed off and in attack mode on the Jets this year I’m kinda going easy on the Giants… I can only accept the fact that this will change and my hatred will grow here as the season goes on)….bottom line, I can’t ever see the regular-season dynamo in Indy go 0-2 to start the year…. So I gotta pick them here….
Game Quality: **** ½
Monday Sept. 20:
Saints at 49ers:
Remember those teams I said that can’t go 0-2?? The 49ers should be one of those teams….but they’re going 0-2…. 31 points to the Seahawks, and now you go face the league’s best offense??? Best of luck in your future endeavors to ya oh 49ers (least they got the Chiefs next week right?)… I almost feel bad for ESPN having to show this crappy game, but I’m sure they’ll fill the hours and hours of air-time in this game talking about Reggie Bush (and want to talk about something absurd? Let’s talk the NCAA, money all over the place but GOD FORBID these student athletes who aren’t even allowed to get jobs due to the idiot restrictions going on… EVERYONE in the goddamn world makes money off these kids… EXCEPT the kids, they have family and friends to worry about and they wonder why these kids do stuff under the table?? Really?? And then when you DO catch them by the time you penalize the school, the kids are out the door in the NFL and beyond… the coaches have turned tail and hiding in Seattle (hi Pete Carroll)… and you lay these fines and sanctions that only hurt the kids and staff who are there now who 90% of the time HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE PENALTIES IMPOSED!!!! And people wonder why I HATE college football ??)
Game Quality: ** ½ (adding a star for the pending Singletary meltdown)
Week 1 NFL Power Rankings:
- Baltimore, when #1 loses and #2 wins… you move up, it’s just like a college poll (and hell they showed us one food Rex Ryan won’t eat: humble pie!)
- Houston…. Arian Foster… still running…. First down and more!
- Patriots….good win against a good opponent who looked like sweaty ass against them, I’ll half blame Cinci and half-praise the Pats….
- Miami… they won, and last week was a lot more then the top 5 people did last week
- Steelers: won on the road against a solid team with no O-Line and a 3rd string QB? That is kinda impressive…..
- Saints….I can still see the pout in Brett Fraud’s eyes from here…..
- Packers…. Lived up to the hype (least on offense), and Ryan Grant hurts fantasy owners more then this offense
- NY/NJ Giants… a solid win, under the radar, and I wasn’t too impressed with the other NFC winners…..
- Seattle…. Say what you want, they STOMPED a good team, yes it was at home and no I don’t expect them back on here next week but enjoy it!
- Phily… yeah they lost, but in losing they looked better then a lot of teams that WON last week (I can’t put the Bears or Redskins here CMON)… and almost winning with Vick “throwing” the ball is like most real teams winning!!