I say this every year, but my God… you turn around and opening kickoff becomes week freaking four already… how the hell does this always happen?? Sorry this is late this week… rough week of work but boy that means more smark and more awesome in here… and look…. Breast Cancer month…. Life has a goddamned sense of humor after all 
(and don’t worry plenty of time to sh!t on your team this week with the Cowboys (Vikings, Chiefs and that crap Tampa team also off too)…getting better on my picks, hell least I’m over .500 now (26-22)…it’s been a tough year to figure out what the hell is going on in the NFL… who would have thought KC, Chi at 3-0….SF at 0-3….and you know the rest…
Sunday Oct 3:
1pm:
NY Jets at Bills:
You do know picking the Jets to beat the Bills is just showing I still have upper brain functions and it’s nothing to do with hopping on some deluded wagon, right?? Just clarifying…though showing in life that I too… do like pain….I started up Madden 11 (HAPPY Mike) this week… and picked the Buffalo Bills… I did make some changes… I added two cheap O-Line guys, an extra DT (you need to for running a 3-4 right in this game it’s a weird quirk), I traded Lynch to Seattle for a 2nd rounder, and Edwards to Jacksonville to a 4th rounder (more on the Captain of Checkdown with the Jags), and my God…it’s the Brian Brohm show now!!!! (get the feeling it’s a matter of time or that rookie from Scrub University gets a chance too??) anyway… the Jets could win this game with a practice squad… let the chest bumping and fatty-food eating commence…..
Winner: Jets, don’t worry I’ll eat something fattening to fit in
Game Quality: DUD (Buffalo stinks!!)
Bengals at Browns:
Oh lest we forget the epic game this was last year right?? Sean Rodgers blocks THEREE game winning FG attempts and we damn near have a tie game of anti-football epic proportions (oh you know Laflamme remembers THIS)….but anyway this is now and I was almost looking at this as a survivor game…..Alright…let me be the first to ask… WHAT THE fvck IS WITH CARSON PALMER THIS YEAR?? 56% completion, 3 INTs (and this could be WAY worse) and just 700 yards passing?? I mean it looks okay.. not great, but aside of the Ravens they played New England (and we’re seeing how bad their defense really is) and the AWFUL Panthers and he had his WORST game against the lamest team of the three… this is really panic button time on Palmer and his career…. Maybe it’s time to just consider him an average QB, then again even an average QB should beat up on the Panthers and Browns now… can he do so this week?? He’d better (I’d say my fantasy team is fvcked but it already is since Felix Jones is tits-up fail already)….as for the Browns, they can’t even find a way to make Harrison as explosive as he was last year…. I’m done getting mad at them until we have an anti-football gem on their radar…. GET TO IT CARSON!!!!
Winner: Bengals
Game Quality: * (the only reason I’m watching is to curse out Carson Palmer!)
Ravens at Steelers:
I love these games I have to admit…. You almost need an ice pack to watch them… physical, tough… intense and NASTY… this is what rivalry football is ALL ABOUT (hey speaking of such…all the people that were chest bumping and calling Ray Rice the next Emmit Smith, where are you now… your dime a dozen run of the mill running back 52 carries, 210 yards and ZERO TDs! *whistles*)…this game will not be a pretty 45-40 display of offense…. Though I have to give the Steelers credit and say it’s AMAZING that this team is 3-0 with no QB, less of a passing game and the occasional burst of offense from Mendenhall…the thing is the Ravens D is just as good… this could be a “first to ten” wins kinda game…. I do think the Steelers are due to slip a little before Big Ben comes back (hide all the college-age women then….), this will be close nasty and you damn well better find a TV to enjoy this one!!!!
Winner: Ravens
Game Quality: **** (They haven’t needed this many body bags since Chris Benoit!)
Broncos at Titans:
You know it’s funny… Kyle Orton won’t die will he??? (I told you to get this guy in Buffalo
)…almost 1100 yards passing 4 TD, 2 Int… and they’re still gonna keep him as a bench warmer or Tim Tebow and his preaching ways…..unreal (hey maybe the Bills can get Teebow after all 
), but still the Broncos seem to be missing something (and well I hate the coach what can I say?)…maybe some of that is toughness, guts and heart…. The Titans got plenty of that to go around too… and home field helps too, hell maybe if Denver didn’t import running backs like I do re-tread girlfriends they might be better off Winner: Titans
Game Quality: *** (better then you’d expect)
Detroit at Green Bay:
There was a great discussion on the NFL Network about the Packers and that last drive if letting the Bears score and letting your offense and QB (when you have a good one and a team like the Packers I say you gotta, your best shot is the offense answering the call, this isn’t the Buffalo Bills we got here… but then again if Mike McCarthy isn’t an idiot and challenges an optical illusion he has one more time out left and has time for his damn offense right), well one of the guys goes “you can’t preach all season that it’s all about going ahead and going 110% percent and never giving up, and you can’t break that mindest even once or you risk losing your team or faith in your defense” (too black and white a mindset for the real world)…. The other guy I think was Trent Green, goes back “well what about when you tell the QB to hold the ball and take the sack for the good of the team what’s the difference there??”… it’s an excellent point, and I figured I’d try to spark that discussion rather then break down what’s an easy game to figure out… no one finds ways to lose like the Lions do and the Packets get a nice bounce-back this week, but Detroit will make it close… they’re good at doing almost enough…..
Winner: Packers
Game Quality: **
49ers at Atlanta:
It’s an old-school NFC West match-up… no wait… the 49ers were relevant then…. The only reason people are talking the Niners now is Mike Singeltary’s CYA move of throwing the offensive coordinator under the bus and putting his foot on the gas, then backing the bus up to make sure the body is DEAD (it’s not his fault you got Alex Smith still, the only difference in him and Trent Edwards is Alex Smith doesn’t think a two-minute drill is a race to the bathroom….), but yeah this season is close to in the crapper for the Niners (if Seattle wins they’re at best 3 games out ALREADY, and Seattle gets the bye formerly known as St Louis, unless you’re a Redskin *smirk* )….the only case I can make for the Niners this week is the fact that the Falcons may have won their Super Bowl last week, beating the Saints in OT and might let down this week… but I don’t think it’s enough…the Falcons are too solid all around and Singletary’s gonna need to find a new bus for his D.C. this week maybe …….
Winner: Atlanta
Game Quality: ** 3/4 (this one could be fun!)
Panthers at Saints:
Well so much for the Notre Dame QB being the answer in Carolina right?? If the Saints were playing ANYONE else (ok maybe not Tampa… or Detroit…Cleveland…you get the point) this week I’d be worried about them… Bush is out, Thomas is hurt and even Drew Brees had SUPER SECRET SURGERY this week… this is not the way you want to come out of the gate in your Super Bowl defense!! The Panthers can run the ball at least (provided Clausen is capable of executing the hand-off, which is a stretch for the post-Montana Notre Dame QB-alum), they can try to slow this down and keep it close… but they won’t….the Saints owe the schedule Gods one here…..(can they repay it Thanksgiving Day?? Well maybe not… that might be a good excuse to play Uncle eh)
Winner: Saints
Game Quality: ** ½ (injuries make this interesting….)
Seattle at St. Louis:
Oh BOY!! This might be the first time EVER, a first place team is the anti-football special of the week!! I mean don’t get me wrong, they have the best QB in the NFC West, the defense has been solid and Leon Washington is back to reminding people why Manta has such a man-crush on him (hell I stopped writing to go see about grabbing the Seattle D for a minute….)… meanwhile the Rams had their game of the year… THEY WON… and added a little more irony by putting a donkey punch back to a certain Redskin fan (it’s called returning the favor sir!!)… and yeah they can’t put that kinda effort out two weeks in a row… more so with Jackson likely out (and Jesus all the waiver-douches already vultured all the left-over backs to the point of his backups too), so when an average team plays a bad team that won last week… take the average team!!
Winner: Seattle
Game Quality: ** (this has a sniff of sweet anti-football to it!)
4pm:
Indy at Jacksonville
It seems the Colts have put the Texican debacle far in their rear-view mirror and are back on course to their standard 13-3 season and failing EPIC when it matters most in the playoffs… Bob Sanders is hurt… and life is normal in Indy….how bad are the Jaguars?? Trent Edwards is an UPGRADE at QB… think about that for a minute… now take a shot of some heavy booze and think of it again…..it’s not fun times in Jacksonville and that road win in Pitt and taking the Patriots to the wall was a LONG time ago now….I’d say it’s time to tear it down but is anyone worth a sh!t on this team not named Jones-Drew?? Let the killings commence!!!
Winner: Indianapolis
Game Quality: DUD (this has an anti-football feel to it)
Houston at Oakland:
Well Houston got their face pounded in last week… don’t ask me how… but the Raiders are getting better instead of walking in and just sucking, they’re finding ways to lose now… last week it was on the concrete foot of Janikowski who couldn’t kick himself in the junk after missing 3 FGs including the winner that Gradkowski drove ‘em down the field for….and it looks like I shoulda flopped records on the Raiders and Chiefs eh? I can’t see the Raiders faring well here, and I can’t see the Texans sh!tting the bed two weeks in a row (they’d really need to change the sheets though eh?), Andre Johnson or not, the Texicans are too good, too deep and too much more better-e then the Raiders!
Winner: Houston
Game Quality: ** ½
Washington at Phily:
OMG DID YOU KNOW DONOVAN McNABB USED TO PLAY FOR THE EAGLES AND IS GOING BACK FOR THE FIRST TIME TOMORROW??? If not, welcome back to Earth from your rocketship or coma or whatever other reason….People are saying this is McNabb’s Super Bowl and chance to “I’ll show you” to the Eagles, while people who work for the Eagles say, maybe if he had treated his ACTUAL Super Bowl appearance like it was a Super Bowl, he might still be there….the Eagles are playing good football against bad teams (and let’s be honest about Mike Vick here ok, he played well in crap time against the Packers, and beat the JAGUARS AND LIONS, does it get less impressive in the NFL?? Not likely)… this game means the world to McNabb and this team will play for him today, pity he’s packing a pop-gun offense on the level of the Baltimore Ravens right?? I still think it’s enough and the Eagles are stupidly overrated by people now anyway…. So I’ll pick the “upset”… shame McNabb doesn’t get a ring for this “Super Bowl” time to play Madden 11 to get one buddy!!
Winner: Redskins
Game Quality: ***
Arizona at San Diego:
Is there a worse winning team in football then the Cardinals?? OK they were given the win by the Raiders last week (hell I just wrote about that) and had to fight for dear life in St Louis to beat them (see they got it wrong.. that town sucks your life and will away
), and can ANYONE figure out the Chargers?? Steve Breaston is out for the Cards (and he’s the only guy Derek Anderson could throw too, geesh what was I thinking having faith in the post-Warner Ariz QB right??)…least the Chargers are 1-0 at home.. um, yeah I’ll go with that fact and hope to hell I can enjoy a few good shots and watch this train wreck laced in disaster laced in pure mess!!!!Winner: San Diego
Game Quality: ** (I smell more anti-football….)
8pm:
Bears at NY Giants:
Every time I see the Bears now I keep thinking of that damn Dennis Green “THEY ARE WHAT WE THOUGHT THEY WERE” speech….except they ain’t what I think they are… this is a big time smoke and mirrors 3-0 team (now I got the Cody Rhodes theme song in my head)….anyway, before this becomes a Smackdown week in review…. The Giants are what I thought they were…a flawed team that can do some things right but all in all an overly wonderfully average football team…. Beat up on the team they are better then but lost too 2 teams that are better then they are…. Are the Bears REALLY better then the Giants?? I don’t think so, but they are on a roll and things are going their way and the talk of dissention and problems in Giants camp are rumbling around (speaking of funny how the first time we hear the name Tiki Barber since he was laughed off the Sunday Night Football crew was him coming out to take shots at Tom Coughlin, someone should remind him that his leaving might have been one of the biggest reasons they won that damn Super Bowl after all)….the Bears will do something absurd and win this one but it could be a close one…. Can I hide behind some points here???
Winner: Bears
Game Quality: ***
Monday Sept. 27:
Patriots at Miami
This is gonna be a helluva a MNF game…. you have one team that won a division game but looked pretty bad in the effort (well not on offense at least)… and you have Miami that lost and the D ran out of gas (and how the hell does Marshall NOT get the ball on the last play he was DOMINATING that game)….but had a possible coming of age party for Chad Henne, and if Chad 2.0 can put up 350 on the Jet D… you can only imagine what he’s gonna do with that wildcat that always gives NE fits.. and it’s really become annoying… Randy Moss is the modern day Chris Carter… all he really does is catch fvcking touchdowns (his last 4 receptions… all in the end zone… and it’s not like he broke a play and went for 6…. They all were over the top end zone grabs…), both these teams are gonna need this game… but maybe it’s a case of “double bias” (I like what Miami has and don’t like what the Pats have)…. Dolphins bounce back at home Monday Night….
Winner: Miami
Game Quality: ** ½
Week 3 NFL Power Rankings:
AFC:
- Steelers…. Who needs offense??
- Chiefs… I did say I could be wrong about them… damn I was!!
- Colts… the regular season juggernaut rides again….
- NY Jets….yeah whatever…. Shut the fvck up
- Miami…. Was that Chad Henne’s coming out party?
NFC:
- Bears… not that I want to crown them…..
- Atlanta… they beat the man…. So why not???
- Eagles….who let the Dawg out??
- Saints… losing key offensive pieces FAST….
- Packers… still digging bullets out of their feet…..
