Six teams on bye AGAIN?? Jesus, that’s annoying from the fantasy football owner perspective…. But that don’t matter here…gotta keep this preview moving as fast and as often as Randy Moss changes teams this year, and unleash the fury of Week 9 in our beloved NFL!! (sadly the 49ers are off I have a gem comment on them….and the Broncos, oh to rip on them…. And my beloved Redskins, who are getting desperate in finding a QB more out of shape then Donovan McNabb….and yeah the Titans, Rams and Jaguars also)
Sunday Oct 31:1pm:
Jets at Lions:
The Jets haven’t been this mad since the lil Asian guy said “YOU BEEN HERE FOUR HOUR, YOU GO NOW” to Rex at the all you can eat buffet…. And the Lions come in off their annual beating of the Redskins (they’ve won four games in 3 years, three of those wins are against our nation’s capital’s finest, go figure!)….the Lions are pesky, their front four is good (gotta love FAT GUY WITH BALL in the end zone too!), but I don’t think the Lions match up…. All year I’ve been trying to find a stat or something that shows how good a team’s D really is (yards allowed is a JOKE, I do like points allowed, rushing is weird cause when you’re behind you give up on the run….one of the ones I found that made me go WOW, the opponent’s comp %.... when you play the Jets you complete about 49% of your passes (NE is worst at near 70% FYI), that;s kinda scary good and in a league that caters to the QB, that’s a GOOD stat…..)….take that 49% completion and throw in Stafford who’s probably seen nothing like this Jets D, and a limited running game to help him…. And I think that’s all the Jets really need to sit and roll here…. They did get humbled by the Packers last week (and the desperation fake punt kinda showed there’s still SOME issues at the coaching position too)… but not this week……
Winner: Jets
Game Quality: * ½ (the Lions blew their load last week sorry)
Miami at Baltimore:
I'm still wondering what sweet nothings Ray Lewis is putting in Manta's ear this week... maybe something like "we will crush the wildcat... and Rex Ryan is still your hero"....whatever it is, this is a much tougher matchup for Miami then the pathetic overrated Bengals....Miami is good on the road though (go figure 4-0 on the road and 0-3 at home)..but the Ravens haven't lost at home.... it's a battle of Old Spice Swagger and product placements for everyone!! And I gotta admit, the Ray Ray Old Spice commercials devour Dan Marino's old Isotoner Glove spots ANY DAY... and the football team is better too... least Miami will win at home when they play Buffalo right?? This game should be a good watch because Miami never blows anyone away and they almost never get blown out....least the wildcat is dead because the Raven D did always hand it back to them......
Winner: Ravens
Game Quality: *** (Intensity to BURN here folks!)
Patriots at Browns:
The Patriots have not lost since dumping Randy Moss for a draft pick (God that looks genius now doesn’t it?? Hell if only more people knew how to pull out at the right time we’d have a more fewer stupid people eh??) Anyway…it’s still Colt McCoy, and Belicheck still hates Mangini (who doesn’t ??)….this won’t be pretty either….PREPARE THE GARVIN STOMP!!!!
Winner: Patriots
Game Quality: DUD (Cleveland bores me…sorry)
Chargers at Houston:
Are there two more disappointing and “come up soft when you expect big things from them” teams in football now?? (OK, Dallas and the Vikings, frack you….in the AFC??) then these two?? Every year the Chargers have all the talent in the world, but they dicked with the LT, Vincent Jackson is still on suspension and now Steroid Shawne is pumping his guns (and getting his ass kicked by his woman) up in Buffalo now….the WRs they DO have are all hurt (and nothing good comes from relying on Patrick Crayton, EVER), but yet on the other side… every time you think the Texans have turned the corner (they beat the colts in week one, come back on the Skins and then lie down for Dallas and then get beaten in by half a Colts team last week…. I say it again, the problem is Kubiak!)… and now it is November…. This is usually when the Chargers flip the ON switch, but still I think the Texicans will tease/fool us all again and come out strong in this one…..
Winner: Texicans
Game Quality: *** ¼
Bears vs Bills via Toronto:
THE TORONTO MAPLE BILLS RIDE AGAIN!!!! And if there’s even been a team that needed to get shipped OUT of the country it’s the…no NOT THEM…. DA BEARS!! They got off to a great start and then the world figured out… hey blitz this guy and ugly things happen to him….. and with that in mind…. Enter Shawne Merriman, being he’s had like two days in Buffalo, all they’re gonna do is line him up and say BLITZ… this is a good combination for the Bills…. And with a decent running game… and good QB play… holy crap I’m starting to believe what I am typing… I BILL-ELIVE IN RORY FITZ!!!!!! (plus this helps my quest to get the Cowboys the #1 pick right??)…Bill-eive in miracles folks… Hell Bret Hart got screwed in Canada… why not the Bears??? Sadly I think this is as good as the anti-football gets this week kids……
Winner: BILLS!!!!
Game Quality: *** (Jay Culter has Fitzpatrick-envy!)
Cardinals at Vikings:
….on the other hand… I present to you, DEREK ANDERSON and BRETT FAVRE…. Man the turnovers are gonna fly in this one like nasty comments from Randy Moss about the Vikings…. Speaking as such… Brad Childress you slimy, douchey worm and scum of a human being, the way you lucked into Favre last year and that luck got you a three year extension (which just means your ass gets a paycheck when they fire you)…you come out and start talking about how the trade was bad… and then you cut the guy without talking to ownership?? Really smart… then again, just look at yourself in the mirror…look again … (I am on a horse… oh wait, not the Old Spice commercial), and then when you look at your awful face in the mirror, ask this question “Shouldn’t I be selling insurance or used cars to old ladies…do I look or act like a man who should be leading men to war on a football field??” and the answer is clearly not….now while I may dream he climbs to the top of the Homer-Dome and Owen Hart’s himself…I’ll just take this awful season as my enjoyment (funny how karma has come to bite Favre in the ass ever since that playoff game when he ran the score up on the Cowboys ain’t it??)…oh yeah,..Favre… speaking of him…. I’m sorry… you got carried off the field injured SO BAD the trainer was keeping YOUR JAW IN PLACE…how in the hell are you NOT concussed this week, or is the concussion rule, much like the sex act rule… they just don’t apply to Favre do they??? Then again, you’d be an upgrade to Derek Anderson or Max Moon as Cardinals’ QB…. And teams do have a habit of winning when Randy Moss gets “future endeavored”….this game should be painfully entertaining!
Winner: Vikings
Game Quality: *** (this will be so ugly it will be fun!)
Bucs at Falcons:
You’d have made a LOT of money from people calling this the marquis 1pm game back in August…. Really……this is a much bigger game for Tampa though…. They have a habit of getting blown out by better teams (they’re 0-2 against “good” teams in the NFL and the margin of victory was ugly), and they’ve kept some of the lesser teams a little closer then they should…but they’re a young team I guess that’s gonna happen, and Atlanta is healthy and ready to stomp out this little threat…so yeah I said a lot up above so I’ll leave this one to the Great Matt Ryan and move on (it’s an inside joke I am NOT man-crushing on him… I paid my “Ryan” penance already thanks!)
Winner: Falcons
Game Quality: ** ¾ (the Bucs will put up a fight, I hope)
Saints at Panthers:
The Saints certainly looked back last week didn't they??? An impressive win at home over the best team in the NFL... nothing like that to remind you... THE CHAMP...IS....HERE!!! And now John Cena gets the Brooklyn Brawler.... Clothesline/Shoulder Block/5-knuckle shuffle/F-U/ STF.... match over!
Winner: Saints
Game Quality: DUD
4pm:
NY Giants at Seattle:
Well now that I got all that pro-Giant (and Ranger) crap out of me in the baseball season….I can get back to business right?? The Giants have killed more people already this season then Chris Benoit did (well QB’s at least)… and it’s to the point that the next guy is already saying he’s out of the game with a concussion…it’s a shame, I thought at full strength and at HOME Seattle coulda given them a run for their money… but not with Charlie Whitehurst throwing the ball…this is like asking a virgin girl to give it up for the first time at a whorehouse… it ain’t gonna be pretty and no one’s gonna like the result…..)
Winner: Giants
Game Quality: **
Colts at Phily:
The Colts are still awfully beat up… hell so are the Eagles… but Deshawn Jackson comes back this week (amazing how it HAPPENS to be the week Vick comes back right??), hell if the flex schedule was in effect this week, this would be the flex game no doubt, the Eagles are rested and off a bye and as healthy as they are gonna get now… and yeah the Colts beat up on the Texans, but the Eagles are NOT soft if anything else… and it will be fun to see what the lovely upstanding Phily phan comes up with for Manning ….and all these Colts injuries gotta get to them sometime right……
Winner: Eagles
Game Quality: *** ¾
Chiefs at Raiders:
Wow, I can’t remember a time when all three 4pm games were THIS GOOD…damn (my anti-football loving heart sheds a tear a little though), the Chiefs are shaping themselves into a “legit” team this year, winning ugly last week against a scrappy Bills team… and the Raiders and “winning streak”…..words you ain’t used to combining… both teams run the ball and get enough from the passing games….both teams have crappy QB play and defenses that make plays… but it’s hard to pick against Charles and Thomas Jones, they rack up the rush yards like no one else…. This should be a good game and it’s DAMN GOOD to see this AFL rivalry mean SOMETHING again too!! Watch this game, I command it!!!!!!!
Winner: Chiefs
Game Quality: ***
8pm:
Cowboys at Packers:
The Packers have ripped off two impressive wins in a row, the defense is coming back and the offense is doing enough to win, and this team is starting to mature into that next level team…. The Cowboys are half way to the top pick in the draft and Jerry Jones backing his money truck, pride and ego up to a big-name coach to scrap this mess (I did find it funny that Phillips called Jones a “good GM” this week…. It’s WAY too late fo ass-kissing to save that job… even your “vaunted” DC skills are gone… this D lied down like a blonde in Bayonne after a case of Coors Light last week, and it’s all over in Dallas aside from a body count…..all I can hope for is the losses mounting and I’d like to see Rodgers win a Super Bowl as Favre limps away like a beaten bitch into the sunset…..
Winner: Packers
Game Quality: * ½ (NBC gets lucky that baseball is over here this game SUCKS)
Monday Oct 26:
Steelers at Bengals:
Carson Palmer was Carson Palmer again last week and blowing the game for the Bengals… doesn’t help that Cedric Benson looks like he was playing for the Bears again too…. And the Steelers gotta be a bit ticked off with how last week’s game ended (and gee ANOTHER fine for Harrison… wonder how many of those pics are on the NFL website for sale… hrrrmmmmm), the only reason I will care about this game is I’m starting Ben and I expect to feast on Palmer INTs with the Steelers D, otherwise this will be a bloody mess…hell this level of “leaky lady leftovers” (since the term was approved by multiple females) will need the leftover in Mike’s plumbing from his nasty upstairs neighbors to clean the blood-letting off the floor!!!
Winner: Steelers
Game Quality: ** ½ (Bonus points cause I love to see Carson Palmer suffer)
Week 9 NFL Power Rankings:
AFC:
- Steelers…. Yeah they lost, so did the Jets
- NY Jets….Holding on to #2 better then their WRs hold on to Interceptions!
- Chiefs… winning in spite of QB play (250 yards rushing a game helps too)
- Titans….if I drop them in the rankings Randy Moss will get mad at me…..
- Patriots.....only smoke n mirrors (ok I did that to sing Cody Rhodes' song), but still they're winning them games
- NY Giants… quietly and simply going out and winning every week….
- Atlanta…a week off means you can't screw up and drop in the standings
- Saints.... impressive win against the best in the league gets them on the map again!
- Packers…..served up some humble pie in the swamps of Jersey last week!
- Seattle... cause they're still in first place somehow??
Edited by CRASHER, 05 November 2010 - 06:56 AM.
