Alright as much as the damn excessive byes annoy me (and also keep in mind I’m the person that thinks they should have TWO bye weeks when they expand the NFL to 18 weeks… hell who doesn’t want TWENTY football Sundays right???)….and I’m all for more NFL is more better…. But really, do we seriously need Thursday night games ALREADY??? CMONNN NFL!! (also on bye: Green Bay, Oakland, New Orleans, San Diego)
Thursday Nov. 11:
Ravens at Falcons:
This should be a good game… Ravens all punchy and physical on defense… the Falcons are the same on offense… they like to beat you up with Turner and then go deep with Roddy White (who should… BETTER… be ok since he did finish the game on Sunday despite the knee)… the thing is the Ravens can beat you up on offense as well with Mister Rutgers and the world’s most dangerous group of possession receivers ever assembled
Prediction: Ravens
Game Quality: ****
Sunday Nov 14:
1pm:
Bengals at Colts:
Hear that Cincinnati?? It’s the sound of your 15 minutes running out!!! It’s over…it’s done and it ended on a 4th and 5 dropped pass on Monday Night (ah hell be honest if they had won the game I’d still have given them ZERO chance anyway…), Carson Palmer’s been AWFUL this year… and while the Colt defense is eminently passable on (like them ten dollar words eh??)….the Colt offense has a CLUE and not another overrated USC QB turning the ball over left and right…. The Bengals should give you some guts and effort… oddly enough a lot from Terrell Owens (who in a miserable year has jumped MILES ahead of both Moss and teammate Chad-85)…but Peyton Manning and <random receiver X> (where X is the guy going against you in fantasy football this week) will find a way and get it done!!
Winner: Colts
Game Quality: ** ½ (Let’s hope the Bengals try like they did on Monday)
Carolina at Tampa:
Hey at least Tampa came to play in a big game against a real opponent last week….they fought Atlanta tooth and nail, rather then roll over and die Dallas Cowboys-style….and maybe they showed you that they are believing the bullsh!t the young coach is feeding them about the “best in the NFC” non-sense (and if they are good for him… he might be in the coach of the year talks at the end of the year… and by then I promise to actually learn and care about his name even!!)….and they go from that tooth and nail dogfight… t Carolina…with no Matt Moore (on IR)…no DeAngelo OR “Daily Show”….that’s like eating a $3,000 dinner in the city and then waking up the next day and having dog food for breakfast….oops, better not mention dogs too much or Mike Vick’s ears will pick up!)….do you really need to ask in this one?? PS… damn you for being good Tampa, this coulda been tears of joy anti-footballin!!!!
Winner: Tampa
Game Quality: * (*ROAR, WE’RE TAMPA AND STILL GOOD DAMMIT!*)
Detroit at Buffalo:
OH MY GOD, DETROIT IS NOW THE ANTI-FOOTBALL CAPITIAL OF THE UNIVERSE!!! (hell maybe even a universe or two that Jerry O’Connell slid into way back when!), first Buffalo, then Dallas??? Oh thank you God… thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Drew Stanton at QB??? My birthday comes early this year!!! And what can I say, ever since I started a Madden 11 season with the Bills they’ve won me over (and I love that 1-5-5 Nickel formation!)… and damn they play hard and keep getting SO CLOSE…. The NHL asks “is this the year??” I ask… “is this the week??” and again I proudly and with open arms say… YES!! LET’S GO BUFFALO!!!!!!!!!! Add in Merriman for the Bills (give that D a kick) … Stanton at QB and fat guys kicking PAT’s, the Lions stand NO chance to the Buffalo MACHINE (and dammit Dallas needs them to win TWO to get that draft pick!!)
Winner: BILL-ieve!!!!
Game Quality: ***** (my life will not be complete without seeing this!!!)
(small Bills update as I get ready to zip this out… Merrimann’s OUT already with an Achilles problem…. Didn’t take Buffalo long to claim HIS soul eh)
Houston at Jacksonville:
Last week I talked about how the Chargers don’t show up and fool us into this lull of them being worth a damn…. I should have changed the team name in that sentence I swear! Year after year after year when Gary Kubiak has run this team they do JUST ENOUGH with that talent to make you think they’re almost there… and every time they do something to come up soft and fail JUST short of the playoffs (and at 5’7’’ I know all about being “just short” *grumble*)….Jacksonville got the gift of a thousand truths in Dallas two weeks ago and had 14 days to sit and feel good about that…. I don’t think this is a good thing… they still can’t defend the pass, and the Texicans are due a bust-out game in the air to fool you into thinking they’re back again… not to mention 4-4 is still way too good for the Jaguars (it’s dangerous to make picks that way though, there’s a ton of teams that are not as good as their record this year….), but they do love to tease in Texas (and they say everything’s bigger down there… HA)…. And a convincing win here would be a good dose of smoke n mirrors!
Winner: Texicans
Game Quality: **
Titans at Miami:
It seems to be the same old story for Miami this year… they make plays, they stay close but SOMETHING happens and they run out of gas… last week they just got beat up by the Ravens, and the Titans are a similar-type team, physical, tough…and how many uniforms are the Dolphins gonna see Randy Moss in this year?? Geesh!! The Titans just basically swap out deep threats….out is Kenny Britt who can get open but can’t catch… and in is Moss who can catch but can’t get open… oh irony! Miami hasn’t won at home yet, and it’s not changing this week… but this should be a worthy watch! And it’s even less likely when you find out that Miami is benching Chad Henne for Left-Arm Chad Pennington?? REALLY?? (why not Thigpen?? I know I’m always for the young guy, I’d rather see the suck I don’t know over the suck I DO KNOW…but still…it’s getting messy in Miami)
Winner: Titans
Game Quality: *** (Miami never blows you out and is always there at the end)
Vikings at Chicago:
Hey look… it’s the two most clusterfvcked teams in the NFC North!! People are sucking Brett Favre’s yang (guess they saw those texts…. oh baby!!) for that “epic caree defining win”… CMON people… he beat the ARIZONA CARDNIALS….and I said it when I was watching the game and I will defend this to death (or being dropped off the top of an arena with no harness Owen Hart-style)….Brett Favre had NO BUSINESS still being in that game…. you’re Childress, you lost this team they’re ready to fire you faster then you can say “Wade Phillips”, and you know it’s over… and Favre is the MAIN reason you’re in this mess…. BENCH HIS ASS and put Jackson in (least you’re saying frack you, I’m taking you down WITH ME boy this way)….instead Childress gets lucky and Arizona became “who they thought they were” (see I can make the reference cause Dennis Green did coach Min and Ariz, and this is about Chicago too)….and as much as I hate the Bears and how they are constructed now… least they all don’t hate each other like the Vikings do…. This will be a comedy of turnovers and I welcome it!!!
Winner: Bears
Game Quality: *** (are there two more fun QBs to watch throw INTs?)
Jets at Browns:
One team is playing great football, running the ball well and getting smart play from their young QB that no one expected ANYTHING from….and the other team is the Jets
….You can look at them in one of two days…. The chest pumping Jet Fan is “YEAH, WE FIND WAYS TO WIN, fvck YEAH!!”....the other kind of Jet Fan…”we deserved to lose those games and it’s gonna catch up to them”…damned if I know which one is right anymore…it still feels weird to say it but the Browns are playing better football now and know who they are and what they need to do to win….it just doesn’t seem like the Jets know that yet….bizarre…I’ll go to the old stand by… when in doubt take the less desirable option……Winner: Jets
Game Quality: ** ¾ (
4pm:
Chiefs at Broncos:
I tell you what… Josh McDaniel should wake up every morning and thank god and the Dallas Cowboys, because that disaster has taken ALL the attention away from the debacle in Denver…. This team has quit on him… maybe even WORSE then what happened in Dallas, he’s purged all the talent (and even in the coaching staff… you have a top 8 defense and YOU FIRE THE DC?? Really?? a$$hole!!!) …. And another Belichek assistant who was the next genius has it ALL come down on him Charlie Weiss-style! Oh wait… the Chiefs are all ex-Pats guys… but they have a clue… and heh…. Charlie Weiss…. I LOL on the inside here…. No way are the Chiefs losing this (more so since Chiefs Guy will be re-exiled from Sun Tavern after taking sole responsibility for the Raider loss last week… ha!)
Winner: Chiefs
Game Quality: ** (I miss Elway vs DeBerg!!)
Seattle at Arizona:
MEMO
To: Seattle Seahawks
From: NFL Headquarters
Sorry about that beating with the Giants last week, here’s our official apology and making it up to you...have a nice week in Arizona!
Winner: Seattle
Game Quality: *** (still have hopes for an anti-football delight!)
Dallas at NY Giants:
Alright I’ll get this out of the way and get to the rant… the Giants are the best team in the NFC now, the Cowboys could be the worst big-time team I’ve seen since the 92 Mets, the winner here is OBVIOUS…. On to the Dallas Cowboys….I’m torn… Wade HAD to go, this team has lied down like a Vegas Whore on her training fvck, (hell I’ve taken to calling them “the 53-man bye”) and I’d rather see Garrett the evil Ginger-Coach fail NOW and be done with him too in this half-season left… but it BOTHERS me to see a guy who totally screwed up a third of a team get the keys and the right to fvck up the WHOLE thing…. But I do want a needed 1-15 humbling (hell the only entity that needs a bigger humbling is named MANTA), and a total gutting here…..I just ask one more thing… PLEASE serve up John Kitna to the Chris Benoit-like tendencies of the Giants pass-rush… the ONLY thing that will excite me this year is seeing Stephen McGee taking snaps…..what a DISASTER this season is…..
Winner: Giants
Game Quality: DUD
Rams at 49ers:
The Rams have yet to win at home…. The 49ers barely win anywhere…both teams have awesome running backs…but Mike Singletary seems obsessed with stiff QB’s named “Smith” (Troy Smith did look decent against Denver, but that’s like saying “hey I won a Super Bowl with Quincy Carter in Madden 06!)….the Rams are still growing as a team… while the Niners still have a ton of pressure to plug the hole from the iceberg in the Titanic….since I do think the Niners will make a run and make the NFC Worst interesting they gotta pick up some division wins right… so it begins here!
Winner: 49ers
Game Quality: ** ½ (eh, could be fun… never know when Mike is gonna blow up!)
8pm:
Patriots at Steelers:
Boy this is gonna be on hell of a football game… the Steelers come in after mashing the hopes and dreams of the Bengals (but really they’re in Ohio how much hope DID they have anyway?)…but injuries are starting to pile up on them ….now the LT is hurt, which means more Flozell Adams….*chuckle*….the Patriots have always been good at handling the Steeler D (and for as coveted as Bill Cowlher is as a coach, Lord knows his team came up short enough times before he did win the big one… most of those FAILS were against the Pats)…add in Deion Branch back to healthy and hopefully a better run commit to Ben-Jarvis Green Ellis and I think the Pats pull this one out…somehow…
Winner: Patriots
Game Quality: ****
Monday Oct 26:
Eagles at Redskins:
So McNabb went from a month ago “winning his personal Super Bowl” to now being benched in the two minute drill because he’s slow and lazy and not smart enough to run a two minute offense (and yes I know I am stomping loudly on the line of sweet wonderful racist humor, but if every black guy on TV can blindly call for all black QBs to start over equally as good white ones, I’m within my rights to step back
)…anyway…the Eagles are running on all cylinders and the Redskins are bitching and pointing fingers all over and at each other in a way only seen in the NJ Devils Locker Room…this one’s an easy pick but you gotta think the rivalry and the drama still make this worth watching!Winner: Eagles
Game Quality: ** (I’m in shape for the 2:00 drill!!)
Week 10 NFL Power Rankings:
AFC:
- Steelers…. Put the nail in the Bengals this week
- NY Jets….What can Brown do for you??
- Colts… looking to sign <random receiver X> to my Madden 11 team!
- Ravens….this ranking sponsored by www.manta.com!
- Raiders…why not?? The Pats lost to the BROWNS, and they are in pseudo-first place!!!
- NY Giants… instead of killing a QB, they killed the 12th man…..
- Atlanta…swatted away an annoying contender…
- Eagles….quality win at home….Vick still does everything but hit you in the numbers……
- Packers…. Should one get upgraded for beating a 53-man bye?
- Saints…they’re back kids…. Be afraid!
