Well the byes are over (finally…well least from the fantasy football view, this means more fights for more TVs at the bar…not to mention some quiet as we all sit and laugh at McCabe’s post-birthday hangover, for those who never saw the youtube video (fo’shame) this is the kid who vowed to be in rehab for his 22nd birthday which happens to be Saturday)….so sit back, cook up some eggs benedict and hot coffee and get ready to get to the down n dirty part of the NFL season, and 75% of the teams in the league are STILL IN IT….crazy…….Thursday Nov. 18:
Bears at Dolphins:
Back in 1985, these two teams matched up for a Monday Night football game of sheer EPIC levels of awesome… the unstoppable offense and the unbreakable defense, and the Dolphins handed the Bears their only loss that season (and barring an AFC Title game choke…..man what a Super Bowl that coulda been…..)…1985 was a LONG time ago….
Anyway…. (*Christoper Lloyd time*)….back to the FUTURE here…. I gotta sum up my Dolphin assessment from last week…. AND I QUOTE (*insert Cole-Face*) “why not Thigpen??”….heh who knew I was right?? (and on a side note, when Henne got hurt at the end of the 3rd quarter it was pretty brilliant of Sparano to run two wildcat plays with Ronnie Brown as the QB to get to the 4th quarter so in case Henne could come back he aas eligible to play…we kill coaches for the lil dumb things all the time….that was heads-up and good for him….though next time tell Brandon Marshall to NOT throw into triple coverage, k-thx!)…the Bears had it pretty easy last week, guess Brett Favre stopped playing for himself too?? (I’ll get to you later….), but still the season is near 2/3rds over and I have NO clue what either one of these teams are now….Miami sucks at home (but yet beat a better team in the Titans…I guess VY wasn’t really ready but when Collins went down they got stuck with him)….Bears are pretty good on the road (imagine a pass-happy team sucking in CHICAGO…ya think??), everytime I think the Dolphins are gonna lose they win….I kinda like DA BEARS here…so:
Game Quality: ** ¾ (could be a fun turnover fest!)
Sunday Nov 21:
Buffalo at Cincinnati:
It’s a RYAN FITZPATRICK HOMECOMING!!!! sh!t…he comes in as the BETTER QB right now….go figure?? All my Carson Palmer hate aside (and believe me people it’s been EARNED this year)…damn this Bengals team SUCKS this year…the Colts were BEGGING and letting the Bengals stay in and keep it close and they couldn’t put you away and time after time after time you found new and funner ways to screw it up and blow the game…and in come the RED HOT BUFFALO BILLS!!!! (hey speaking of…the Dolphins always pop the champagne when the last undefeated falls, you think the 0-16 Lions got together and popped the cork when the current Lions put the Bills in the land of the victors?? Just a thought…), I guess sometimes we can get emotional and let it cloud our picks (but hey I’m 86-58 in this year so I’m doing something right)…I love the Bills and I hate the Bengals…so I’M A BILL-EIVER!! Are you???
Game Quality: **** (more love of the anti-football here!!)
Arizona at Kansas City:
Man, sometimes I gotta wonder….who the hell books this crap in the NFL?? But then I remember I love ugly football…. And this certainly qualifies….you know you have offensive troubles when you’re scouting a team and you look and go “damn we’d love to have Matt Cassel as our QB”…sadly the Cardinals would jump on that (idiot salary included) in a SECOND! Then again the Cardinals had to look and say DAMn when they saw McNabb get that idiot extenstion…..and then had the eyes re-open when they saw the OUT clause that is so getting used after this season….pipe dreams aside, the Carindals SUCK and the Chiefs need to get back on the clicking side (though they are a young team and maybe the hype is catching up to them)….either way this is a perfect game to get the old “feel good” back and get themselves a vittory here if you weeeeiiillll (oops sorry for the Dusty Rhodes moment!)
Game Quality: *** (the Chiefs are a fun watch regardless now)
Packers at Vikings:
This game has the makings to get UGLY and FAST….and God I hope it does…you can see it now…the fans want the coach gone, the QB is a joke and too stupid to admit he’s hurt and washed up (CMON Brett, time to go run and hide on your farm and make more commercials for crappy jeans)….so you can imagine how happy this crowd is gonna be if say they’re down 10…14….21….30 *grins* points to the Packers….we might need to have the sound on for this one….the entertainment is gonna be in seeing the fans go all Brock Lesnar vs Goldberg Wrestlemania 20-style on this one (funny Brock is from the near-Minnesota area…sorta….woot irony!)….and I’m gonna enjoy every bit of seeing this fool embarrass himself into obscurity….and seeing Favre lose too!!
Game Quality: * (Unless you’re a Packer fan, you waited three yeas for this!!)
Redskins at Titans:
These teams do have one thing in common….. the coach being ticked off with the weird, quirky and diva attitude of their starting QBs (the frail-ness of McNabb and Vince Young’s refusal to stay in town to fix the knee during his bye week which bit the Titans in the ass last week when Collins got hurt and they HAD to go to him and went ass-up soon after….)…it’s also a homecoming of sorts for America’s favorite fat comedian…Albert Haynesworth….I bet the Skins wish they could leave him there, but the Titans are a well-run and disciplined defense and have no need for Butter-Bean 2.0! Anyway the Titans have defense, a good running game and a coach who likes his players…that’s usually enough to beat the Redskins (who knew the smartest thing they’s do all year is leave that OUT clause in McNabb’s contract??)
Game Quality: ** (this could get entertaining though I swear!)
Browns at Jaguars:
Man talk about two teams on the opposite ends of the “sh!t eating luck” meter last week?? The Browns get a dumb play on an interception…. And instead of running the clock out and playing for the tie (I know you play to win, but a win was NOT possible in that situation… get the hell out of there with the best you can get!)….and gift wrapping the Santonio Holmes gift to fist and chest-bumpers everywhere…..the Jaguars on the other hand won the game on maybe the most retarded home-run hail mary pass in NFL history (hell it makes the Immaculate Deflection last year look PLANNED), the Jags really aren’t as good as they are, and the Browns deserve an even-up… hell just for being CLEVELAND they deserve it! This is a weird gut feeling…. But why not??
Game Quality: ** (least you know it’s coming down to the last play?)
Houston at NY Jets:
Well least it won’t come down to an OT miracle of mass-stupidity this week, the Texans are soft, sloppy and on top of that…unlucky….(not to mention poorly coached), that combination doesn’t do well against physical, cocky, run-oriented and arrogant….the only thing that MIGHT keep the Texicans in this game is the Jets have NO pass rush at all…and Schaub has enough weapons (and Arian Foster) to keep them in this game….ah hell who am I kidding…it’s all about the Nacho’s and the Fist-Pumps right???
Game Quality: *** (IF the Texans show up this is a damn good game)
Ravens at Carolina:
Well here’s a SNORER…Ray Lewis will be filming Old Spice commercials carrying around the Carolina 3rd string QB’s head… (what’s his name again….IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT HIS NAME IS…know your role beatch!!)…the poor Panthers get to take the brunt of some WE HATE THE NFC SOUTH rage the Ravens have after getting exposed as an old, slow and past it’s time defense (hell why do you think Ray-Ray is Old Spicing it up… he needs a new day job!)….just lucky for them they’re playing the Brooklyn Brawler of opponents! (and to make it worse for them DeAngelo Williams’ season is officially fini now….)
Game Quality: *
Lions at Cowboys:
OH BOY!!! I forget who it was….but I think it was the King of Bills nation who told me this “this is just your team’s way of returning the love you have for them, they know you love anti-football so MUCH that they wanted you to see some every week!!”….you know that’s the kinda love I tend to get from the women in my life too….go figure ….what can I say about this finely polished and ready piece of steaming anti-football that should be immortalized on a 3 DVD set (take that mister Pikkarainen!!!)….and no I don’t believe for ONE SECOND the crap that GingerCoach pulled last week is going to be a long term effect on this team (I’m still amazed that when I went off on a Cowboy fan about this he actually told me “well maybe Garrett tanked it so he could get the head coaching job”….cause yeah this is pro wrestling and turning heel on Wade and hitting him with the steel chair was the answer all along RIGHT??....blasted idiot!!)…I fully expect the Cowboys to return to form and lie down like a good little bitch (not to mention break this 28-game road losing streak the Lions are on…how sweet is that?)…and I’ll say it now…IF Dallas wins (and they won’t)…. Don’t talk to me about Ginger Snaps until after the Saints game next Thursday…..
Game Quality: ***** ANTI-FOOTBALL 4LIFE!!!!
Raiders at Steelers:
Boy did the Steelers get exposed last week or what??? The Pats lined up and threw, threw, threw on them and the Steelers took it like a good lil child (speaking of…how lost was Palamalu last week…hell when he finds himself maybe I’ll take the time to look up how to spell his name!)….good news for the Tin Foil Curtain….the Raiders are in town, and who are they gonna throw the ball with Michael Bay?? I think not….the Raiders do give the Steelers fits (hell they beat them last year, and yes I remembered that without looking it up)…and I’d love to take the Raiders here but I think their offense plays right into what the Steelers do well and it’s just not there for them this time….plus this seems like the “on” week the way the Steelers have been of late…..though it would help them lots if Heinz Ward plays this week….
Game Quality: **
Falcons at Rams:
Holy hell this is a GOOD GAME (it’s hard for me not to throw back to the old NFC West days of these teams being combined for 7 wins on the season!)…the Falcons come off their dismantling and ripping down of the overrated Ravens defense, while the Rams showed you tons of heart and comeback in staying close with the 49ers after blowing a big lead (this team’s gonna grow up soon and it might even be the end of this year and it’s gonna be dangerous when they do)…and just not going away….the Rams are 4-0 at home this year, and this game is between Baltimore and Green bay for the Falcons… can we say LET DOWN?? We know we can (not to mention the trend of every team when they look like a world-beater, they come out and fall on their face the next week ), so call it an upset, but I’m calling it here!!!
Game Quality: ** ¾ (I miss Elway vs DeBerg!!)
Tampa Bay at 49ers
Wow another game that was WAY more important then we expected! Who knew the answer in San Fran was Troy Smith??? He’s starting to look like a right handed Mike Vick now (and no not just cause he’s black )….the dude can THROW the football… I always did think he got jobbed in Raven-land…it’s good to see him get a shot and make something with it….he has the weapons and one of the few backs who’s so good that he carries the load alone (Gore)…Tampa is good on the road and this could be a classic “slip” game for the Niners but I think they KNOW they are out of room to screw around now and gotta run the table to get the NFC Worst, plus they’re starting to get hot and I think they really believe in Troy Smith….sometimes that’s all it takes…..
Game Quality: ** ½ (rooting for the GORE GORE GORE adds half a star to any game!)
Colts at Patriots:
Ah, the classic old school battle for the AFC….this was Dallas-San Fran from the 90s all over again…in a way it still is… they’re not the clear cut top dogs in the AFC anymore, but they are two teams you still MUST deal with if you have Super Bowl plans…the Colts are still all sorts of banged up and the Pats did just play the perfect game in Tin Foil Central last week….and who can forget the 4th and 2 call last year?? (hell it was my validation to go for it on 4th and 15 vs Mike last week in Madden), there’s not much you need to say about this one that you already don’t know (though I am a bit brave in assuming football intelligence from my readers…hell that’s pretty dangerous….), this game is MUST WATCH football if you’re a fan…though just from watching them this year, the Colts are finding ways to lose these kinda games (ask the Jaguars about that) and the Pats find ways to win these games (unless Peyton Hillis is involved…. Sadly this one has the wrong Peyton in it….)
Game Quality: ***** (these games always are)
Seattle at New Orleans:
Talk about a forgettable game eh??? *HA*....Seattle got their bone on the road last week in the beatdown of the Cardinals, and NOW THEY MUST PAY!!!! The Saints are rested, healthy and just ready to remind people "HEY BITCHES WE ARE STILL YOUR SUPER BOWL CHAMPS AND DON'T fvck WITH US" (oh wait.... I made it sound like Rex Ryan went to New Orleans )...I do believe Bush and Thomas are back for this game... and that won't be pretty for the Seahwaks (think the rape scene in 300 type of unpretty...they will not enjoy this...this will be slow and agonizing)...the Champ is HERE and he's gonna put the five moves of DOOM on the 'Hawks (Happy Josh??)
Game Quality: **
Giants at Eagles:
“Let’s go after ‘em like a pack of crazed dogs” (or something like that) – Lawerence Taylor (I may offend a Jet fan or two if I call him LT now eh?)….somehow I think if any player in the NFL knows how to handle a pack of dogs it would be Mister Vick *whistles*….all comments and fantasy football absurdness from Monday aside, this is going to be one hell of a football game (and hell to make it funnier, Deshawn Jackson called the Eagles “a pack of Pit Bulls” after the Monday game…how can you NOT laugh? CMON…it’s SPORTS….this sh!t is supposed to be FUN!....the Giants should come into this game all sorts of PIST (after all if I lied down like a training whore for the Cowboys this year…geesh, the stadium didn’t even wanna see it after 3 quarters)…this game is gonna be a battle…and dare I say it….oh hell yeah…a DOGFIGHT *smirk*…normally I’d like the Giants off the humbling loss….but the Eagles just match up too good with them, and that soft secondary’s gonna have fits with Jackson and Vick’s puppy power, I think that’s gonna be the difference here……
Game Quality: **** ½
Monday Nov 22:
Denver at San Diego:
And just when you were thinking “damn the primetime games are GOOD…you get THIS”….I’m not putting much value in what Denver did last week, every team has a stinker like KC did, and it was douchey enough that McDaniels went and piled it on… but hey it’s the one time all year he gets to look like Belicheck right….the Chargers are still a weird team but AGAIN undefeated in November…that trend is way too strong to ignore and the Broncos were gonna come back to us all anyway sooner or later…..
Game Quality: * ¾ (I hope raw doesn’t suck this week)
Week 11 NFL Power Rankings:
- NY Jets…I’m still not convince but if I don’t I’ll get yelled at in boldface, italics and underlines…who wants THAT?
- Colts…sometimes NOT playing and the others losing is for the best….
- Patriots…did their best Mike Vick impression on the Steelers…..
- Steelers….steel curtain turning to tin foil without Smith??
- Jacksonville…beat the Colts and not buried BOTH Texas teams…sometimes prayers DO get answered eh??
- Atlanta….exposed, threw all over and dominating the dying legendary D.
- Eagles….that was an NCAA-style ass-beating!!!
- Giants….made the Cowboys look like it was 2009 again, not good….
- Bears…if just for executing the Vikings!!
- Tampa….they are who they think they are!!!
Edited by CRASHER, 17 November 2010 - 04:01 PM.