Two weeks to go…. It’s always kinda sad this time of year (though I have not one but TWO fantasy football championship games to win this weekend and it makes just as much exciting as anything else!!!)….the playoff scenario is still a mess, and no one knows how to win a damn football game in the NFC West, Yule-Tide anti-football….what else can you ask for…happy presents and happier football to all!!!!
Thursday Dec 23:
Steelers at Carolina:
As I watched the Steelers game last week (with a high level of annoyance I admit) the first thought in my head was “how can a team that’s so damn good and lets player after player go without missing a beat, be so totally incapable of building a damn offensive line good enough to protect it’s most important assets (no not Ben’s young-un’s on the sideline)….it’s amazing and it’s gonna cost the Steelers down the road…. At least Troy Polamalu was nice enough to tell us all EARLY this week that he wasn’t gonna play, and with Clausen’s pickles throwing tomatoes to the Steeler secondary ….it don’t matter!! Get em quick, get em early….get em OFTEN Steelers….the Champ needs to start out good this week!!!
Game Quality: DUD (this thing would be over by the time I left for hockey, if there was any!)
Saturday Dec 25:
Dallas at Arizona:
Ah this brings back memories of when the Phoenix Cardinals were in the NFC East and the Cowboys had nine home games a year, since it was the only tie Sun Devil Stadium would sell out (and who can forget the dude with the lawn chair sitting on top of the canyon for the world’s cheapest season tickets…..ah good times!! Why am I talking about the old days? Because this game SUCKS, be honest!! Yeah the Cowboys are gonna beat up on another trash team move up five spots in the draft and give more false hope to the Ginger-Initiative (*argh*)…..Kurt Warner’s turning over in his grave….but Scott, he’s not dead….wanna bet, he’s gonna slit his wrists after 15 minutes of THIS ….
Game Quality: DUD (the Cowboys take themselves too serious to be anti-football!)
Sunday Dec 26:
Titans at Chiefs:
How in the bloody blue hell did the awful Titans take down the Texans last week?? I know I know, they’re the Texans, and Denver’s loss may be Houston’s gain next year after all (damn I hope so at least), but this week the Titans play another team fighting for their lives, except this team DOES have heart and guts and knows a tiny bit about winning already (showing Todd Haley is a good coach and more then just a Michael Cole look-alike)….Chris Johnson does make any game interesting, but I can’t see the Titans going all “a-game” two weeks in a row here…..
Game Quality: ** (tell me which Titans show up first….)
Baltimore at Cleveland:
Ah, the Manta-more Ravens walk into the home of the Miz (hell even when the Miz sucked he was the best thing in Cleveland, but his only competition was Drew Carey… geesh, that town SUCKS!)…the Browns are scrappy and showing a little of that run they made last year (but they did lose to the Bills, the ONE week I dis-BILL-ieve right??)….I highly doubt this game will be anything to write home (or on the internet) about…but with my picks LAST WEEK, hell you can call me out on it….least the Brown secondary will make the Ravens WRs look like “the all time legends” they are claimed to be….do Manta-Vision glasses cost less then 3-D ones…just asking…..
Prediction: Ravens (Beware of swelling ego’s presented in Manta-vision!)
Game Quality: * ½
New England at Buffalo: The Pats have been brutally slaying people, good team… bad team…overrated team…foot fetishes… baby kickers… you name it… you line ‘em up on the Pats and the Pats score 40-burgers on them…still think they miss Randy Moss??....and I will admit I have grown a man-crush on the Bills (I tend to do that with some bottom-end team…I used to root like HELL for the Scott Zolak Patriots too….really!!)….but it’s NOT happening this week kids…..just throw to Branch and hand to Ben Jarvis a lot, umkay?
Game Quality: ** (Oh poor Rory Fitzpatrick…..)
49ers at Rams:
And once again the NFL is doing something to piss me off here…..we split the league into 4 divisions of 4 teams and make the divisions mean something and give them all a home game, but they never though OH MY GOD WHAT IF ALL FOUR TEAMS SUCK? (well the odds are possible)….and now…here it is…. 7-9 playoff team (my dream can be REAL, what’s next a stable girlfriend who gets it?? Maybe )…and now the league is all upset and talking about a re-seed when the playoffs start….I call MAJOR bullsh!t on this, if you want to do anything GO BACK TO THREE DIVISIONS, 3 winners, 3 wild cards…but you made your bed and not only will you lie in it, but I’m gonna sit here and cheer like hell for it!! GO GO FORTY-NINERS!!!! (and even better imagine they knocked off say, the Giants or Packers in the first round…oh boy!!)…not to mention I’d like to see St.Louis get it stuck to them for once for all the yerars of dis-service!
Game Quality: *** (bonus point for playoff relevance!)
Detroit at Miami:
Well let’s see, the Lions just beat Tampa last week (in game that may have stomped the young Bucs (oi bad pun) out of the playoffs….best team in the NFC…HA!)…the Lions still have a good front four, some rushing and some playmakers (most notably Calvin Johnson)…. Miami has NONE of that and they suck at home…. It’s probably an upset call but I don’t think so…. But no really it’s because I love the same old “dead fish” pic in the NJDevs thread each week (I find it kinda gross….)
Winner: Lions (yes, really)
Game Quality: ** ¾ (um, yeah it’ll be good!)
Redskins at Jacksonville:
The kings of the absurd wins (Jags) play the most dysfunctional family this side of the McManon’s…..Donovan’s crying, Haynesworth is puffing on the sidelines, Shanahan’s a nepotistic-racist….and more important the team BLOWS! Add in the human turnover machine in Rex Grossman (and man how much do we love the Rex!)…this game has trainwreck written all over it…. The only question left is who does Shanny blame for THIS one???
Game Quality: **
Jets at Bears:
Man break out the jean-shorts and wrestling shirts for this one, cause after last week’s game in Minnesota this might almost feel like summer vacation for the Bears! This game’s gonna be as intense as the Steeler game was last week ….though the Bears can protect the QB better (man how sad is THAT right?) and it’s hard for any team to put up the intensity two weeks in a row like the Jets did last week (they should be able to run the ball better though)…. Someone’s gonna win this game on a kick/punt/INT return though me thinks…just the way these two roll…..and I should say something about Michelle Ryan’s foot fetishes, but frankly she’s a Michelle….and she’s a Ryan…. I double-hate her!
Winner: Bears (PS if the Jets had lost last week I’d have picked them here)
Game Quality: ****
Houston at Denver:
It’s the Gary Kubiak homecoming/audition to come back to the Broncos!! (though I’m wondering when he’s watching film to prepare if he sits and thinks, man that team SUCKS!) and what better way to get yourself in good….walk into town, beat ‘em up good, move them lower in the draft and evaluate Tim Tebow for next year, and hell get paid by the OTHER team to do it??? That’s a sweet fracking deal!! (and way more then that buffoon deserves!)…..anyway, Denver sucks and I can say no more about them, and Houston needs to step back to their 8-8 destiny!
Winner: Texicans (BE HEALTHY FOSTER!)
Game Quality: * ½
Colts at Raiders:
Now here’s a game with some major playoff implications….and some nice lil side stories….it’s Laflamme’s “Cougar Section” (all Raider fans) going up against Mike’s fantasy football team (65% Colts, don’t ask me why I never liked the all eggs in one basket theory for fantasy football)….so if any thing, this one’s gonna have drama in and outside of the TV set on Sunday, what else can you ask for right??? (well if you’re Austin Collie you can ask for the bells to stop ringing and turn off the spin cycle in the living room, but that’s kinda mean eh?), the Raiders will run the ball and keep this close, but this feels like a re-hash of the Jacksonville game for the Colts, and they just won that last week….plus Garrard is better then anything the Raiders put under center, so I’ll stick with that and hope to hell it’s a 10-7 game or someone else Owen Hart’s a Colt WR or two *grins*
Game Quality: *** ¾ (ok this rating doubled for Sun Tavern drama!)
San Diego at Cincinnati:
It’s bad when you’re the Bengals and it’s December and the temperature is still higher then your “points for” is expected to be for the week ain’t it?? They got their trash win last week, hell I can’t even remember who it was…it’s 5:15 on Thursday I’m still installing crap on laptops and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna go check….and I really spent too much time on this one….if the Chargers lose this one just fire the whole team and let John MacLean take over…hell he’s got time now…..
Game Quality: **
Seattle at Tampa Bay:
Heh, Seattle couldn’t take a good team at HOME…. How the hell are they gonna have a chance with a full blown PIST Tampa team that probably blew their chance at the playoffs losing to the LIONS… oh there will be rage… there will be blood….I heard even Warren Sapp is skipping on drinking Starbucks this week on the NFL Network to show unity… hell that’s hardcore!! How can you go against the Starbucks ban???
Game Quality: *
Giants at Packers:
Well A-Rod is back, this is good…. Though this ain’t exactly the team to be lining up and hoping you get blocking against….though as full of themselves as some Giant fans are getting about this…. Do NOT forget that on the other side you have one of the best ball-hawking secondary’s in the league…. And remember you can’t spell Eli T Manning without an INT in there (yeah that joke sucked….sorrwwiieee!)…and I can see the Packers just being a little bit better in this one, but it will be good….it’s a shame they don’t have Desmond Howard on punt returns again he’d have a field day!!!
Game Quality: **** (the 4pm game to watch!)
Vikings at Eagles:
Thank YOU football Gods for this gift from above for my Championship games! The Vikings are DONE… Favre is DONE, DEAD AND BURIED, Adrian Peterson is hurting and the Eagles are thinking two-seed! This won’t be pretty….well except for me…CMON FIFTY POINT OUTING!!!!
Game Quality: ** (bah, whatever I’m watching to see Vick let the dogs out!)
Monday Dec 27:
Saints at Falcons:
Now this is a 5-star main event…with help and a win the Saints can still claim the NFC South, that title can be claimed by Atlanta here with a win… you have the old power team (who is still good) and the new one (young n hungry), there’s a lot of reasons to watch this one…. Drew Brees….the GREAT… Matt Ryan…. Turner, Bush….the defensive guys who make plays… this is damn near VINTAGE Monday Night Football!!! Atlanta already won in New Orleans and NO ONE beats them in Atlanta…hate to say it, because I do like the Saints….but GOOD LUCK…you’re gonna NEED it….
Winner: Falcons (it’s their year me thinks)
Game Quality: ***** (best MNF game of the year?)
Week 11 NFL Power Rankings:
- Patriots…FAT MAN WITH BALL! Best return ever hides a lucky win….
- Ravens….nice win against a quality opponent (home field helps)
- Jets….just keep your shoes on around Rexy would ya?
- Chiefs…..Cassel?? Who knew!!!!
- Steelers….injuries and crap O-Line play sure did hurt them….
- Atlanta….tired of killing 11 men, took out the 12th in Seattle
- Eagles….you can’t zone-dog blitz Vick!
- Saints…..gutty effort outside the comfy dome….
- Bears….finally killed off Favre after all those years…..
- Giants….were 8:00 from being ranked second this week……