Well ….this is IT….the last regular season of NFL football for the year…ANTI-FOOTBALL WE WILL MISS YOU!!! *pout*….ALL the games on one day (well barring any more snow and roof caving disasters….who knows this year….) which is really gonna suck for watching them all….but oh well….. some huge games this week and a lot of goodbyes and disappointments as well…..and I’ll throw some parting shots at the teams not in “the tournament” next week as well…..least gotta finish strong (like my fantasy football teams did!)……and this is always the HARDEST week of the year to predict between resting players, trying out rookies…not fun times…..
Sunday January 2nd:
1pm:
Miami at Patriots:
Usually you worry about a team like the Pats taking the foot off the gas with everything all locked up and playing a division opponent who’s been long dead and buried (hell the special teams decimation unleashed by the Patriots was the beginning of the end for Miami)….but these are the Pats and they won’t take the foot off the gas….as for Miami, this was a serious letdown season….the defense improved, but the running backs didn’t drop off….they fell off the face of the Earth!! Ronnie Brown lost his final gear, and same with Ricky Williams….the Miami offense became flat and so did Chad Henne….Marshall was good as expected, but even he’s still not a home-run type player (he’s the 10 catches for 110 yards, and that’s important, but NO ONE on this team is a big-play guy)…..Miami’s gonna need some work on the offense and thankfully it looks like the Wildcat is DEAD and BURIED….anyway, like I said, the Pats…like DA MIZ…they come to play……
Prediction: Patriots
Game Quality: **
Vikings at Lions:
….and in this corner contestant number one for the FINAL anti-football game to be thrown in front of me this year!!! The Vikings are a FAIL on Cowboy-like levels…Brett Favre….DEAD…..Tavares Jackson… DEAD…. Brad Childress….DEAD (and selling cars or quality Term Life insurance….I hope…lil weasel), come to think of it…nothing’s gone right for the Vikings since they ran the score up on the Cowboys in that playoff game (maybe that karma thing DOES exist…hrrmmm), and they gotta be glad to just throw Spud Webb out there and get this damn season OVER with…..the Lions on the other hand, come off two big road wins in a row (they last time they won ONE on the road you guys were all worried I was gonna marry that Lynn fiasco…ack, needless to say that was long long ago)….and things are looking up in Detroit….even with Stafford (who’s shoulder is as brittle as Petr Sykora’s jaw…..or more relevant…Jamie Langenbrunner) on IR again…. And even Shawn Hill (gee miss him in San Fran?) who was good till he got dropped too…..Drew Stanton (who I swear was gonna be the Yankee 3rd baseman a hundred years ago)….filled in nicely and the Lions are building and might be a pain in the ass next year….good front four, balanced on offense…and Matt Millen-free……things are looking up there and I expect them to finish this season off with a three…yes THREE game winning streak!!! And holy hell I didn’t even get to touch on the Brett Favre thing with his little photo texting (and what a joke that is….if it had been ANYONE else who wasn’t doing a consecutive games streak or something, he’d have gotten 4 games for this…. For it any other reason but for letting the world know he’s packing a pop-gun
)….well maybe not Tom Brady, but still I think the league would rather us not know the cannon on the arm isn’t matched by the cannon in the jock strap eh?)Prediction: Lions
Game Quality: ** ¾
(yes Laflamme this better be on in front of me!)
Steelers at Browns:
Peyton Hillis is hurt, the Steelers need to win to clinch the divison…..and if the Browns win all they do is have a better record then the Bengals…oohhhh, impressive…..Polamalu may play, and the only thing good about the Browns this year is they MIGHT have something in Colt McCoy here….the rest of the team is a mess and the 5-11 this year is WAY different then the 5-11 of last year….best of luck in your future endeavors Eric Mangini…..
Prediction: Steelers
Game Quality: * ¾
(blah, I don’t need the Steeler D this week, I’m done with that!)
Oakland at Kansas City:
Man NBC has to be PIST that the Chargers choked last week….this would have easily been the SNF game……but anyway….the Raiders have a shot at 8-8 and man will Laflamme’s Cougar section in Sun Tavern celebrate THAT eh? The Chiefs don’t have a lot to play for here (well aside of pounding on a rival….) and the Chiefs will be hosting a playoff game next week…..I expect a lot of the pre-season mindset here from the Chiefs….and with that in mind…. You take your best guess and hit up the team that 8-8 would be a MAJOR accomplishment for!
Prediction: Raiders
Game Quality: ***
Carolina at Atlanta:
Bah, Falcons need this to clinch the top-seed, and there’s been no bigger fail then the Carolina offense this year…. The Falcons will try to make this quick and painless I would think and stomp them early and often and get on the bus for the bye…. While Carolina… no pass rush, no quarterback play…no WR aside of Steve Smith…..least they can run the ball eh?.....the Carolina Panthers…. Now on the draft clock…..
Winner: Falcons
Game Quality: DUD
Bills at Jets:
Will Sanchez play??? Who knows?? Will the Jets sign a barefoot kicker?? Count on it! What do either one of these teams have to play for here? I hate these kinda games….least the Bills look like they found a QB in Fitzpatrick and a WR in Johnson and are building good pieces on offense…. Time to work heavy and often on the defense in next years draft…. Maybe the Bills can make it interesting next….hey I was one off on my 5-11 prediction if they lose this week…. Who knows??? I’m gonna lean towards the Jets because at least a win gets them going the right way for the playoffs right??
Winner: Jets
Game Quality: **
Bengals at Ravens:
Amazing how much better the Bengals looked without the awful T-Ocho show on the field (not that I want them on Vs either, their show is about as painful as letting Sam Rosen be the priest at my wedding, I swear…..)…..the Ravens need this game to have a chance at the division title and a bye (like the Steelers)….the Bengals just wanna prove that the T-Ocho show sucks as much on the field as it does on Vs…..and well I did piss off Carson Palmer by benching him for my fantasy football championship run eh?? But still all that aside… one team has something worth it to play for….the other team is about to fire its inept coach and piss off black civil leaders all over (cause you know we can’t fire a black coach cause he sucks righ??)…..look on the bright side Marvin Lewis YOU are the NEW “token interview guy!!” huzzah!!!!!!!!!!
Winner: Ravens
Game Quality: ** ¾
Tampa Bay at New Orleans: The Saints at home needing to win to have a shot at home field, vs a scrappy Tampa team that can’t beat teams that have superior talent then them, and the Tampa season is a MASSIVE win again at this point regardless of Sunday… they’re back on the map, the QB is coming along, the running game is solid and the defense gets interceptions….Tampa should be able to put up a fight here…. And Legarett Blount should be better then Michael Turner was last week (points and laughs!)….it should be a good game, and even with Tampa’s faint playoff hopes in this…. New Orleans is too much for them……
Winner: Saints
Game Quality: ***
4pm:
Giants at Redskins:
Oh Rex… I hope you learned how to duck n cover this week…. This is gonna be rough, the Giants need this game to have a faint chance at the playoffs…. And all the Redskins gets out of this year is knowing they shoulda played the white guy at QB all season (don’t worry Donovan you can pout and whine all the way to Arizona or Minnesota….)….same old Redskins, just with a newer crazier coach
……the Giants have something to play for and Tom Coughlin kinda wants to keep his job here…..there’s no way the Redskins show up here……Winner: Giants (Rex Grossman is STILL Rex Grossman!)
Game Quality: **
Jacksonville at Houston:
Well this is gonna be ugly…no MJ-D, no Garrard (that means CMON TRENT EDWARDS!!!!), and we saw last week how bad the jags are without Jones-Drew…hell if you got a hyphen in your name you ain’t expected to play in this one….and the Texans are the Texans….soft, under-achieving…a PERFECT team to bring Wade Phillips into next year to run the defense…..I’m anxious to see about this “fire Kubiak” rally I heard about down there (sometimes the fans ARE right people)….the Jaguars need to win this o have a chance at the playoffs and Houston is the kinda team that likes to lie down and oblige!
Winner: Jaguars
Game Quality: * ½ (thank God fantasy football is OVER, this is a mess!)
Chargers at Broncos:
Yuck…..I’ve beaten the FAIL of the Broncos to death (hell even on a Chris Benoit-level)….but Tim Tebow did look fairly decent last week and this is the new trend in football…..having “athletes” instead of “quarterbacks” (I don’t know how I feel about that, it’s like having an offensive defenseman who can’t stop anyone, the main function you have is to play DEFENSE….just like a QBs job is still throw the damn ball)….the Chargers on the other hand FINALLY had the “oh we’ll make a run late and steal the division with a late run” theory FAILED (it didn’t hurt to have your moron GM play games with the LT and the star WR….Lord of No Rings indeed)….I’m sure there’s gonna be some serious changes in San Diego…Norv’s gotta go, AJ Smith needs be executed….this team has WAY too much talent to be hanging out with the Cowboys in front of the TV for the playoffs…..and this just in….John Elway got hired to be the VP of Football Operations in Denver (sounds serious don’t it??)….as for this disaster today….I like enough of what I saw from Tebow last week (and yes I really watched…dammit), so I’m gonna lean toward them this week….
Winner: Broncos
Game Quality: **
Arizona at San Fran:
Welcome to San Francisco where we will host the first EVER “Fallen off the Face of the Earth” Bowl (they got a stupid Bowl for everything else right?? Well not for Rutgers *smirk*…..Arizona went through more QBs then I go through girlfriends in a year…. Matt Leinart? HA….Derek Anderson? HA!...Max Moon…BWAHAHHAHA, though I do gotta say they might have something in Max Skeletor (or whatever, I see his name and I think old He-Man cartoons)…..and oh the 49ers….handed and spoon-fed the NFC West, they dropped the ball hard, fast and without mercy….”We will not try to miss the playoffs….we WILL miss the playoffs…. We will not try to fail under pressure we WILL fail under pressure”….well said Mike Singletary….this is why you’re job-hunting….it will be fun to see which random Smith-QB gets to suck this Sunday……
Winner: Arizona (SKELETOR!!!)
Game Quality: **
Dallas at Phily:
Well this was one week away from being interesting….though as a Dallas fan I am excited to see McGee back out there, he looked pretty good out there last week (given I was Arizona and Garrett was a chicken-sh!t coach with the play calls half the game, but they gave the kid the ball and he got them in the end zone, not his fault the kicker shanked the PAT and assured the era of Ginger is DONE in Dallas)….and the Cowboys just gotta be thrilled to be DONE with this…while the Eagles are treating this like a bye week…no Vick (which makes this a VERY important audition for Kevin Kolb, who’s gonna be the #1 QB to trade for in the off-season , and he gets to show off his skills for the world here)….and I think most of the key pieces in Phily aside of Mike the Dog Hunter, so I still gotta believe they will carve up that awful Dallas defense and walk into the playoffs with some momentum….
Winner: Eagles
Game Quality: ** ¾
Titans at Colts:
Oh boy….Peyton Manning in a pressure game??? Be afraid…..oh wait, it’s the pathetic Titans, who ran out of gas long long long ago….and while it will keep the Titans in the game, all I can see them do today is pad Chris Johnson’s stats (and only CJ could have 1325 yards and 11 TDs and be considered “disappointing”)…..the coach is probably out the door (PLEASE TENNESSE, WE NEED HIM IN DALLAS!!), the QB situation is a mess…..and they’ve lost 7 of 8 already….might as well make it 8 of 9….and the only team they beat had Brody Croyle at QB…oi!! This team shows as much effort as their star WR (Hell how many of you forgot Randy Moss is still there??)
Winner: Colts
Game Quality: * ¾ (can Tennessee possibly give a damn here? I doubt it)
Bears at Packers:
Ah, the rivalry……52 Hall of Famers, tons of epic moments (like remember that dummy Bears fan who jumped out of the stands and caught the FG on Monday Night?)….Dikta, Lombardi….Halas…..and then we have Mike McCarthy and Lovie Smith (yuck)….this game means the SEASON for the Packers…. And I’ll take that anyday over the “well it would be nice to beat them cause if two buses crash in New Orleans and Atlanta we could have home field”…..that’s nice, but it dwarves the “we need to win to keep playing”….and to be honest, records aside, the Packers are the better team…..
Winner: Packers
Game Quality: **** (rivalry and something on the line?? Hell yeah!!)
8pm:
Rams at Seattle:
OK who saw THIS being the last flex game of the year in September?? That’s as absurd as these two awful teams playing for something!!! A 7-9 divison winner??? CMONNNNNN!!! Man this game is like levels of dreams coming true!! Prime-time anti-football….a chance to see St Louis go asses up, oh man this is a JOY!!! But it won’t happen….I watched Tampa and Seattle last week and I think the Seahawks had ONE first down with Charlie Whitehurst at QB…guess who’s the prime time QB this week?? Yuck! This might be a bigger fail then the rain during the Cindy Crosby show last nigh (CMON you know your happy God peed on Bettman’s parade last night)….anyway, as much as I dream of a 7-9 playoff team, there’s NO WAY on God’s Blue and Green Earth I can pick the Seahawks with Whitehurst….
Winner: Rams
Game Quality: ** (still a better watching choice then Chuck!)
FINAL NFL Power Rankings:
AFC:
- Patriots… Pats worked harder cleaning the snow out then they did with the Bills
- Ravens….3 in a row and one bonus of MANTA-VISION, it melts snow!
- Steelers….20 points for a fantasy football championship, thank you defense!!!!
- Chiefs….thank you notes being sent to the Lord of No Rings for his help!
- Jets….no truth to the rumor Rex is looking to bring in a barefoot kicker……
- Atlanta….tough loss, but defense played tough till the end…
- Eagles….when you have the fantasy football MVP, I’ll rate you high!
- Saints…..they’re coming…be afraid NFC
- Bears….wacky win, but a good one, offense showed guts in the cold!
- Packers…told you the secondary was gonna feast on Eli…….
