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Volchenkovisms


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#1 LadiesIsPimp2

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Posted 13 March 2011 - 10:03 AM

Volchenkov doesn't need to finish a check because eye contact alone makes an opposing player fall down.


Confused by chicken nuggets, I posted this in the wrong place last night... Let's try this again.
Post your favorite Volchenkov "fact"

Thanks to justdo3043 for this one :

Chuck Norris never learned to ice skate....when asked why he only said "Volchenkov"

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#2 justdo3043

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Posted 13 March 2011 - 10:05 AM

:cheers:

Edited by justdo3043, 13 March 2011 - 10:07 AM.

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"The $297,297 Kovalchuk missed today is money he will never, ever get back. And the more cheques he misses, the better the deal is going to have to be for the players to justify him sitting out. And unlike the owners, the players can direct their leadership to get a deal done regardless of how disadvantageous it is to them."

#3 Ollie McKraut

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Posted 13 March 2011 - 03:02 PM

They gotta interview this guy more.
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Send us back to hell,
we've had out fill of heaven,
give us back our sins,
deadly one through seven

#4 GoArmySports

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Posted 13 March 2011 - 03:13 PM

My man Anton Volchenkov :cheers:
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#5 justdo3043

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Posted 13 March 2011 - 08:10 PM

i don't think anyone got Volchenkovisms...

for instance...at the end of the night the devils don't need to melt and drain the ice...they just ask Volchenkov to breath on it and it evaporates
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"The $297,297 Kovalchuk missed today is money he will never, ever get back. And the more cheques he misses, the better the deal is going to have to be for the players to justify him sitting out. And unlike the owners, the players can direct their leadership to get a deal done regardless of how disadvantageous it is to them."

#6 Scottie2Hottie

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Posted 13 March 2011 - 10:51 PM

Volchenkov actually died 2 years ago. Death just doesn't have the guts to tell him.

Volchenkov is so cool, the ice he skates on is jealous of him.

Volchenkov has his own line at the DMV

Edited by Scottie2Hottie, 13 March 2011 - 10:53 PM.

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#7 RunninWithTheDevil

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 01:08 AM

No one crosses Anton Volchenkov. The last man to cross Anton Volchenkov disappeared... his name? Anton Volchenkov.
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#8 Scottie2Hottie

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 02:01 AM

Volchenkov does NOT break glass. The glass was merely so afraid that it committed suicide.

Edited by Scottie2Hottie, 14 March 2011 - 02:01 AM.

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#9 DaneykoIsGod

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 07:13 AM

On the first day, God said, "Let there be light." Volchenkov said, "Say please."
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#10 RunninWithTheDevil

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 09:23 AM

Volchenkov doesn't always drink beer. But when he does, he prefers dos equis.
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#11 Unknown Soul

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 09:26 AM

Volchenkov is so badass, Batman sh!t himself.
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#12 DaneykoIsGod

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 10:02 AM

Volchenkov doesn't always drink beer. But when he does, he prefers dos equis.


:lol:

Sharks have a week dedicated to Volchenkov.
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#13 CarpathianForest

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 10:03 AM

"Anton Volchenkov is the father of every kid in this town!"

"Anton Volchenkov once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

"One time I was with Volchenkov in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. A-Train goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Anton Volchenkov! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Anton Volchenkov' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

"Volchenkov would eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

"A-Train's poop is used as currency in Argentina."

"A-Train sweats Gatorade"

"A-Train once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."


"I once saw A-Train scissor kick Angela Landsbury."


"A-Train did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Volchenkov!"

"I once saw A-Train eat a whole live chicken."

"A-Train is a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

"Did I ever tell you about the time Volchenkov took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Volchenkov takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Volchenkov yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"


"A-Train once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

"Anton taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."


"A-Train did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

"A-Train grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

"Volchenkov drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to A-Train talk in his sleep."


"A-Train once inhaled a seagull."

"The Pope told Volchenkov it was ok to have a mistress."

"It was the sight of A-Train's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

"A-Train once had sex with a cigarette machine."

"A-Train killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

"A-Train uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

"A-Train once ate the Bible while water skiing."

"Volchenkov drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

"Volchenkov sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

"You know, Voclehnkov shoots whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

"A-Train has dandruff the size of mice!"

"A-Train jogs with a fridge on his back!"

"Anton Volchenkov is a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we love him for it!"


"Volchenkov is a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Volchenkov went hunting? Anton decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

"We once had a bachelor party for A-Train. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

"Volchenkov once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

"A-Train has a toenail on the end of his pecker."

"A-train once got his wife pregnant and gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

"Volchenkov's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

"Anton Volchenkov ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

"Did I ever tell you about the time Anton Volchenkov was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, A-Train chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

"Volchenkov breastfeeds Don Cherry."

Volchenkov named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Anton Volcehnkov's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

"They use A-Train's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."


"All the 'Yes' album covers are Volchenkov family photos."

"A-Train wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. A-Train said it would've happened sometime."

"A-Train's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

"A-Train still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

"A-Train thinks then iron man is gay."


"The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Volcehnkov - except for the apple tree planting and not raping men."

TO A-TRAIN!

Edited by CarpathianForest, 14 March 2011 - 10:33 AM.

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#14 Unknown Soul

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 10:28 AM

Volchenkov once knocked out God and pissed on Satan.
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#15 CarpathianForest

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 10:51 AM

I hear this is what A-Train did when he first arrived in Newark:


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#16 cubanjd305

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 11:01 AM

Volchenkov doesn't always drink beer. But when he does, he prefers dos equis.

:lol:

"Volchenkov doesn't get drunk, vodka gets Volchenkoved"
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#17 SS-SS

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 11:36 AM

Anybody think that Volchenkov looks like Philip "Cockeye" Stein in Once Upon a time in America ???
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#18 Unknown Soul

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 01:29 PM

JFK once said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for Volchenkov."
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#19 CarpathianForest

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 01:45 PM

Anton Volchenkov was single-handedly responsible for holding off the Nazis at Stalingrad
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#20 Neb00rs

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 01:53 PM

Anton Volchenkov once accidentally elbowed a man at work and they gave him a week's vacation.
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