A venomous cobra missing for days from the Bronx Zoo may have been stolen by an overzealous Phoenix Coyotes fan, the NYPD announced Wednesday evening.
“We’ve heard rumors about a group guys who play ice hockey in empty cavernous buildings in the Phoenix, Arizona area,” said Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly during a press conference. “We were suspicious at first – I mean, who could believe something as ridiculous as an ice hockey club in Arizona? – but we investigated the lead and there does appear to be some truth to this story. We still cannot confirm with 100% certainty that this exists, however, as no one has stepped forward to claim that they’ve seen one of these events in person.”
Kelly added that they suspect a Coyotes fan may have stolen the 20 inch cobra in the past week in preparation for the NHL playoffs, which begin in mid-April. “There was a sticky note left on the cobra’s cage that said merely, ‘Throw The Snake,’” said Kelly. He added, “We suspect it’s some sort of new playoff ritual in Arizona to throw snakes onto the ice. They tell me it was all the rage on that Tweeter thing last spring,” apparently referring to Twitter in an adorable, senile grandfather sort of way.
Coyotes fans threw rubber snakes last year, but seeing as the toys apparently had no discernible effect on the team’s success, fans have opted to up the ante for this season’s playoff run.
The Commissioner stressed caution to whomever took the snake. “That cobra you’re handling is a Rangers fan, and therefore may become spooked by the idea of a high-stakes playoff environment. I urge you, if you must throw the snake, use extreme caution.”
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