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ITB: Matt Cooke whistles nonchalantly when told of Bin Laden’s deat


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#1 thelastonealive

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Posted 02 May 2011 - 07:46 PM

Matt Cooke, being nonchalant.

Could Matt Cooke have claimed his biggest head shot victim to date?

As the news broke late Sunday night that Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden had been killed by a shot to the head, Pittsburgh Penguin enforcer Cooke was seen standing near a wall, whistling nonchalantly while pandemonium erupted around him.

“I told him that Osama Bin Laden had been killed by a shot to the head, and he just kind of smirked and whistled,” said Pittsburgh resident William Parsen.

Cooke, who was suspended for last ten game of the 2010-’11 regular season and the first round of the playoffs – which turned out to be the Penguins entire run – was evasive when asked about his whereabouts in recent days.

“Oh, y’know, here and there,” said Cooke, eyes darting from left to right and back again.  “What’s that you say?  He was killed by a head shot?  Weird.  I, uh…I don’t know nothing about that.”

But where was he when Bin Laden was taken down?

“Oh, I was just camping out in this cute little resort town, Abbotta-,” said Cooke before catching himself.  “Or perhaps I’ve said too much.  He lookit that flying unicorn over there!” he added.  When a slow-witted ItB reporter turned to see the mythical creature, he was naturally hit from behind by Cooke, who then vanished.

Meanwhile, NHL disciplinarian Colin Campbell issued a press release late Sunday night, saying simply, “See?  Not all head shots are bad.  Get off my balls already.”


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