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CRASHER

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NFL Week 16!!!!

18 December 2014 - 09:55 PM

Two weeks to go in the Regular Season…..Good God this always goes so fast doesn’t it? (And I always say it about a hundred times in the last month of the year too….I know….when you get older you’ll understand, though I do enjoy the shock of seeing the “HOLY sh!t you’re 42?!?!?!?” reaction….never gets old!! What will get old though is this stream of crappy Prime Time Football we’re getting (damn, lookit that segue….yes I actually stopped and patted myself on the back…it was epic!)….we’re getting some MAJOR games on Sunday…and more Johnny Backup….so I guess it’s good that Thursday and Saturday are gonna play crap filter for the weekend, might as well get to it!!!

 

Thursday Dec 18:

Tennessee at Jacksonville:

Holy sweet hopping crap….2-10….meets….2-10….this game is so horrible on paper that the NFL Network is interviewing the guy who’s gonna sing the National Anthem…..and making it into Kariokee….yeah this is gonna be pretty awful….not to mention the Titans are running out of Quarterbacks…..wait…you mean I gotta do a football breakdown here??? *sigh*….the Jaguars do have their QB in place, some good Receivers, and they do play hard at least…..and the Titans are First Pick overall kinda dreadful…..and how do you spell victory? Let the other team roll out Charlie Whitehurst as the damn starter….

 

(**edit** I posted this at half time....I look pretty foolish here :P )

 

 

Winner:  Jaguars

Game Quality:  DUD (you know it’s bad when I’m letting Jamie take me out for B-Day Dinner during this)

 

Saturday Dec 20:

Philadelphia at REDSKINS:

Mark Sanchez vs RG III….I don’t know what will be higher, the TV Rating …..or the total turnovers….oh boy…..It would be nice if Griffin was ACTUALLY the biggest problem with the Redskins…but a garbage offensive line and a swiss cheese at best defense on the other side of the ball….good Christ I’m a bitter person picking the REDSKINS to win the NFC East just because they ended the season with Dallas….. though watch the REDSKINS troll us all and beat Phily AND Dallas and screw everything up….ha! Am I picking that to happen??? HELLS NO….but damn it would be funny right???

Winner:   Eagles

Game Quality:  ** ½  (Rivalry, and angry REDSKIN fans….I’m sold!)

 

San Diego at San Francisco:

The Chargers are falling apart on the field…..injured players all over (Allen, Matthews, any center they can grab off the street and now Phillip Rivers is hurting too)….the 49ers are hurting on AND off the field….Gore and Hyde got beat up last week…..and let’s not forget the 49er MOMENT OF MORALITY….amazing how it took being eliminated from the playoffs and the season over for the Niners to have had enough of Ray McDonald and NOW they cut him….I’m sure that was a moment of convenience with that investigation too….righhttt….The University of Michgan is already backing up the money truck at Harbaugh (and it probably is time for him to go….coaches like him have a shelf life after all)….sadly for the 49ers, Kapernick is still healthy….and he’s gonna have to throw the ball….and the Chargers DO have something to play for still…this could be one of those games where the Niners just quit….especially if they get behind early….this has train wreck of gloriousness written all over it….it may be horrible….but it’s gonna be a FUN kinda awful!

Winner:  Chargers

Game Quality:  ** (this has massive anti-footballs potentials!)

 

Sunday Dec 21:

1pm:

Cleveland at Carolina:

DEREK ANDERSON’S REVENGE!!!!! (Hell might as well play him, or does he have some weird contract thing where he only gets to beat up on Tampa Bay?)…..I don’t think the Panthers should rush back Cam….especially not against this defense, and Anderson’s done fine….and not to mention Johnny Backup is gonna make life easy on the Carolina Defense….it’s amazing with how horrid Manzell was last week…maybe it justified Brian Hoyer more….yeah he was awful the last month….but that offensive line has fallen to crap since Alex Mack’s injury put him on the IR for the season….The Browns defense is still solid, but there’s only so many AW sh!t the QB screwed up AGAIN moments they can suffer before they just fold over and die too….and sadly….the Panthers are still thinking playoffs (cue that epic speech please!)….and Cleveland has punched out putting Johnny Clueless in there……

Winner:  Panthers

Game Quality:  **

 

Detroit at Chicago:

JIMMY CLAUSEN?!?!?!? Really??? Seriously??? I thought Manzell was the bottom of the barrel….heh, look at the level of crap QB’s I’ve had to talk about so far this week…. Whitehurst….Manzell…. Kapernick….now they pulled Clausen out of the moth balls…..oiii…..Clausen hasn’t won a game since the Cold War ended….seriously….and he’s gonna go against the Lions D??? Yeah….that’s all I need to know here….there’s more train wrecks to watch this week then getting a gift of the all the WWE Films Direct to DVD movie collection…..

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  *

 

Baltimore at Houston:

….I had to stop and take a second, because this is actually some relevant football and I get to talk about a game that matters as opposed to mocking the garbage presented in front of me!!!....and damn me to hell I almost don’t know what to do with it….*sigh*….anti-football overload…..so ummm…lemme thumb through some stats….the Ravens are LAST in pass defense and 3rd in sacks….how the hell is that possible?? (Maybe Manta can come out of his coma and spin this one)…and 3rd in run defense….sounds like boom or bust there and we know how erratic the Ravens are on the road…here lemme talk about the Texican defense too…. JJ Watt….k, I’m done! I was gonna say something nice about Ryan Fitzpatrick but I had totally forgotten he’s on IR now (D’oh)….so it’s either Case Keenum this week or Thad Lewis (you know the guy who couldn’t beat out EJ Manuel or Jeff Tuel on the Bills….yeaahhh)……based on that QB situation alone, I’ll take the purple haze and realize this game is gonna suck a LOT more then I first expected it too….ha!

Winner:  Ravens

Game Quality:  ** (This is GAME OF THE YEAR based on the crap before this!)

 

Minnesota at Miami:

The Dolphins have been easy to figure out this year….they look good and solid in the first half….then they watch whatever crappy half time show is on in the stadium….they get lulled into a coma and get curb stomped in the second half…..six weeks ago this looked like a no brainer for the Dolphins….that was then….now the Vikings are playing decent football and have a legit chance at 8-8 this year (Miami and Chicago)….with having to go to Bridgewater earlier than planned and not having a certain Running Back who shalt not be mentioned most of the year either and being in a total rebuild mode….8-8 is pretty damned awesome…..and possible….Miami follows the formula….the Vikings stay on the path to 8-8….

Winner:  Vikings

Game Quality:  * ¾

 

Atlanta at New Orleans:

‘tis the EPIC BATTLE FOR WORST PLACE SUPREMACY!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap. How the hell so I take the Saints at home….or trust Atlanta and that crappy defense to stop ANY team twice?? (they did whip the Saints at home in week 1, which should be a bigger red flag then a girl asking you after a few drinks to rate her on a scale of One to Ten with how she looks….oi Kelly….) ….and the only thing that made the Saints offense look competent this year was the Bears defense…that’s not very reassuring…..at least these teams hate each other to high holy hell…should make for a good game….and SOMEONE has to be awarded this playoff spot (I REFUSE to call this ‘winning a division’….its more losing more lesser than the other idiots)….I guess I’ll go for my chaos theory and root and expect the team with the crappier record to win just to stick the nail in the 10-6 team that will miss the playoffs in the NFC a lil bit more!

Winner:  Falcons

Game Quality:  ** ¾

 

New England at NY Jets:

…blah blah….Jets play them tough….blah blah….big rivalry….but then you look at the teams….it’s Geno Smith vs the Pats D that has been kinda epic of late….and the Jet secondary against Tom Brady….yeah….this could get ugly people…..

Winner: Patriots

Game Quality:  DUD (time to go have a fraking snack and move on to the next one)

 

Kansas City at Pittsburgh:

Ohhhh, another “elimination game” ….whoever loses this one is pretty much done….oh my God it’s scary that the leading receiver for the Steelers (Brown 115/1498) has DOUBLE the stats of the Chiefs’ top receiver (Kelce 56/747) …and the more I look at the Chiefs and especially comparing it to a good offense like the Steelers, the more you realize…hot damn they have a massive pop-gun offense!!!! Add in some home cooking, the much better QB and coaching staff….and even with the crap-tastic defense the Steelers put out there….if you have a bad secondary and the other team’s QB doesn’t throw past ten yards….does it really matter how bad your corners are?? I just get the feeling the Steeler offense will overwhelm the Chiefs D by leaving them out on the field forever….and Ben’s gonna troll me for that ZERO TD effort last week…. *grumble* and light up the Chiefs……which means KC got no chance….

Winner:  Steelers

Game Quality:  *** ¾

 

Green Bay at Tampa Bay:

WHY THE HELL COULDN’T THIS GAME BE LAST WEEK GOD DAMMIT!?!??!?!?! ARGH….yes I’m Jordy Nelson raging….goddammit be glad it took THIS long to get to it :P….that one stupid drop pretty much cost me a trip to the finals and a thousand bucks…..I have a right to be sour….least I didn’t throw my Blackberry across the room this time…..anyway…. *sigh*….this game is a scheduled weekly ass kicking and not much more need be said about it….well except for fantasy football rage… *le sigh*

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  DUD

 

4pm:

NY Giants at St Louis:

Thank God, Dallas and Indy is on CBS….ain’t nobody gonna be watching THIS one…..oh wait, we’re supposed to oogle and ooohhh and ahhhhh at mister Sticky Gloves and his overrated one handed catches that are gonna hype him into an Offensive Rookie of the Year he has NO business in winning (yes this is going to annoy more than that fraking Salsa that Victor Cruz does….deal with it!)…however the Giants DO have O-line issues and if St Louis can do anything it’s pressure the QB and win the trenches battle….and not much else….the Rams should be a bit pissed after crapping that bed 11 days before in the game with Arizona …..Tre Mason should be better this week since he too ruined a LOT of Fantasy Football weeks before they even started last week and I’d really expect a bounce back team from the team that always plays well when nothing’s on the line…..don’t worry, St Louis, you always have MB30 stat padding to look forward to also!

Winner:  Rams

Game Quality: ** (Seeing how the Rams rebound might be interesting)

 

Buffalo at Oakland:

So the Raiders got wrecked last week and the Bills pulled the OMG UPSETS OF THE YEAR SPECIAL *sigh* in beating the Packers at home….it’s funny how Sanborn is coming East and the Bills go West….maybe that’s best for Buffalo….avoid the hometown hex! I don’t see the Raider offensive line doing ANYTHING to protect Carr or get that running game going and this is a rare game we expect Buffalo to win that they actually SHOULD win….a few rKo’s and even a lil CJ Spiller and the Bills should be able to coast in this one….not like it’s a Super Bowl or anything……

Winner: Bills

Game Quality:  ** (Cue your inner Bee Gees and sing some Stayin Alive….)

 

Indianapolis at Dallas:

So OF COURSE after Demarco Murray rapes me in fantasy and I can focus on my team’s playoff run (that I’m still not sure I want….I just KNOW Garrett is gonna screw this up somewhere….)….HE BREAKS HIS GODDAMNED HAND….and they want to rush him back….he’s NOT Emmitt Smith people and this is NOT a must-win game….in fact, the REDSKIN game matters like a million times more for tiebreakers and all that nonsense…..and I don’t think Dallas is going to be able to keep up with the Colts offense here (even as mistake prone as they are in the first half of games….Andy Luck has that comeback magic….you can’t teach that)….funny how in a week of big games and teams playing MUST games, the “big game of the week” really had zero relevant playoff implications (the Colts are all but sealed in the 3 spot, and Dallas’ big game is NEXT week unless Phily loses on Saturday)….there should be a LOT of offense and a high score in this one though, that’s all that matters in the NFL’s eyes!

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  ****

 

 

8pm:

Seattle At Arizona:

I’m amazed this game wasn’t flexed OUT of….everyone has seen the air coming out of the Arizona balloon (maybe they had no game to switch to…)…a 3rd string QB against that Seattle Defense?? Oh boy….I know Arians is already Coach of the Millenium getting this patchwork team to believe in itself and to the playoffs this year….but man if they win this one, they should rename the Lombardi Trophy to this guy, cause ain’t NO ONE gonna coach like this guy does ever again……in other words I don’t give the Cardinals much chance here :P

Winner:  Seahawks

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Monday Dec 16:

Denver at Cincinnati:

You know what’s uglier then Andy Dalton?? Andy Dalton in Prime Time…. Injured, sick, or even playoff form Peyton Manning is gonna be better than this evil Ginger…..and we all know I don’t trust much in the Bengals in the big spot …they NEVER win in prime time, and don’t beat the Broncos even with Tebow as the QB and have NEVER beaten Peyton Manning….add in the MAN SIZED RUNNING GAME the Broncos have this week…..and as much as I crap on Peyton in the big spot, he’s Joe Fraking Montana compared to Andy Dalton in the big lights….the over/under on Dalton turnovers should be 3 ½ in this one….it might get ugly and this will probably be the OMG THE BRONCOSSSZZZ IS BACKKKSSS game for all the sheep in the media……

Winner:  Denver

Game Quality:  *** (what a glorious train wreck!)

 

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. New England….this is becoming habit now isn’t it?
  2. Denver….Papa John’s Pizza will make you sick and your leg hurt…..
  3. Indianapolis…life is good in the AFC South…..
  4. Pittsburgh….watch Ben throw 5 TDs to spite me again here…..
  5. Baltimore….does anyone not named Manta take them seriously?

 

NFC:

  1. Seattle….runs past the Packers who tripped on a bump in the road…..
  2. Green Bay…..burn in hell Jordy Nelson :P
  3. Detroit….very much under the radar in the NFC
  4. Dallas….only cause I gotta…..
  5. Phily….only cause I don’t trust Arizona or the entire NFC South….

 

 

 

 

 

 

NFL Wek 15!!!

11 December 2014 - 08:45 PM

So it’s my birthday week….whoooo….hooray….and everyone wants to seem to hand me checks….no it’s not well-intended relatives and dedicated friends (sh!t they can’t even remember a poker game discussed just a week ago :P…thank God for Facebook or they’d probably forget their damn names too if they couldn’t tag themselves)….oh wait….I don’t have well-intended relatives either….oh yeah…it’s customers working me like mad….well think of all this money I’m piling up that I don’t have to waste on people’s presents…sweet!!! Anyway….the NFL is giving gifts…11 divisional rematches this week and pretty much ALL the games the rest of the season….and fantasy football playoffs are looming….so expect another 1.2 point effort outta Peyton Manning down the road….lots to be thankful for….like not seeing the Cowboys lose on my birthday, since it’s Saturday!

 

Thursday Dec 11:

Arizona at St Louis:

The two most blitz-happy teams in the league going at each other and facing backup QBs….this is gonna be like Seattle-San Fran light….this should be an awesome game to watch if you ACTUALLY like football, but this is a game the Goodell Gestapo is glad to bury on the NFL Network….the Rams are playing quite awesome….Shaun Hill is finding himself….Tre Mason is looking like the RB we all keep and get all hopeful for the next season (and it’s only the 3rd year in a row this has happened)….and will probably ass out, and much like those insufferable commercials….Hill has been “going to Jared” ….no he’s not giving some dopey chick a ring….he’s been throwing to his TE a lot….the Cardinals are a few steps away from a free fall and with Seattle and San Fran on the schedule….it could get ugly (though the closer we get to the 49ers the more winnable that seems)….getting ANY points on the Rams is an accomplishment…and if the Cardinals do….I’m going with the hot team…always dangerous to take the road team on Thursday Night….oops….this is in St Louis?? Good God it’s been a long day….the Cardinals are cooked :P

Winner:  Rams

Game Quality:  ** ¾  (admit it, you’re only watching because you have one of these defenses)

 

Sunday Dec 14:

1pm:

Pittsburgh at Atlanta:

So the Falcons decided to show up and play a football game once I walked into Floyd Hall to play hockey on Monday Night….go figure….but that passing attack is still as good as it gets in the league….and the Falcons have the luxury of knowing they can lose every game this season and still emerge victorious via WORST PLACE VICTORY!!!! (man and you look at Dallas, Phily and Arizona looking at 10-6 and one of them missing out…hell the Rams could end up 9-7 too and not even sniff the playoffs)….meanwhile the Steelers are winning games because of three people….Big Ben, Antonio Brown and Levon Bell….they’ve been unstoppable by GOOD defenses (but apparently bad teams give them fits…weird)….Atlanta is not a good defense and maybe them being in the Fool’s Gold First Place will fool the Steelers into playing an A game effort….and CMON BEN I NEED YA IN TWO PLAYOFF GAMES…..DON’T MANNING THIS!!!!! It’s hard to pick against the Steeler weapons inside a dome….especially since it sounds like Julio might have ran and caught himself right onto the injury list this week and burnt himself out…too many reasons point to the Steelers to look the other way….

Winner:   Steelers

Game Quality:  *** (2 good passing games on 2 bad defenses….this is what they want, right?)

 

Jacksonville at Baltimore:

Well I’m short on time…the Jags are beyond horrible on the road and the Ravens are good at home…and to be honest only Manta is reading this and he’s been too damn quiet this year to give him any credit…so here’s your ass kicking…get the ball to Steve Smith and let’s GOOOOOO

Winner:  Ravens

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Green Bay at Buffalo:

The Bills have never lost to Buffalo at home (all five times…and God knows the stiff QB the Packers came in with for those games)….that is probably the most useless stat in the history of all stats…the Packer offense is unstoppable…and so what it’s in Buffalo….you think the Packers give a rat’s damn about the cold weather??? All the Packers need to do is follow the plan the Broncos did last week…pound the ball with Eddie Lacy….get a few fist pumps from the refs and make Kyle Orton make mistakes….you know…throw the ball…It’s only a matter of time and one or two more losses before the Bills HAVE to go back to EJ personally….they’re bringing a pop gun, some rocks and a plastic pirate sword to a gun fight….the Packers are bringing the US Marines…..sorry ‘bout yo’ damnnn luck Buffalo!!!

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  *½

 

Tampa Bay at Carolina:

It’s sad when one team has their QB dodge a bullet in a scary car accident and that team is more sure and secure in their QB option than their opponent…..this game has mother of all cluster fvcks written all over it…..the Bucs won’t go to Mike Glennon because his limp arm can’t get the ball to Mike Evans, and no matter how much McNown sucks he can at least chuck it up to the big WR’s ….. Derek Anderson is good enough to win a game or two….a big dose of John Stewart and a few plays to Olsen and Benjamin and that should be good enough to beat up on a pretty horrid Bucs team still infested with a massive case of the Schiano’s (how this idiot is now an “expert” on the NFL Network…..guess he’s waiting for the Rutgers job to re-open so he can slime back to mediocrity …..then again Matt Millen has an announcing job too….he makes Mike Milbury look qualified….)…. Carolina should find a way to win an ugly stinker at home….this game needs a monsoon during halftime to make it epic level of amazing kinda bad!

Winner:  Panthers

Game Quality:  *

 

Cincinnati at Cleveland:

It’s JOHNNY BACKUP TIME…hooray….nah I know it was time…it’s a shame there’s no marketing sense in Cleveland….think of the 80’s retro pop we coulda gotten giving Johnny Backup the Number Five….and all the awful Short Circuit puns I could make that most of you won’t get….or maybe you will….you guys can’t possibly be as pop-culture inept as Jamie is….SHE DIDN’T EVEN WATCH CHEERS…CMOOONNN *sigh*…anyway…it’s a rookie QB making his first start in a “win or be out of the playoffs” kinda game….guess it’s a good thing it’s against the soft and overrated Bengals….that should at least even the playing field…..I like the Browns D to keep this close a lot more than the Bengals guys….but let’s be fair ….karma is a REAL thing….and Johnny Backup is a douche….and immature and still doesn’t get it…and someone’s gonna take that stupid money sign of his and stuff it up his ass this week….and I can’t lie…I’m gonna laugh pretty damn hard at it….hell even Andy Dalton might allow himself a courtesy chuckle before he turns it over right back to them!

Winner:  Bengals

Game Quality:  ** ½ (Loses points for ESPN-Manzell drooling)

 

Houston at Indianapolis:

I know JJ Watt has no chance at the MVP this year….BUT…if he can dominate this game….and do the only thing the NFL cares about…score a touchdown or two (only the NFL can make their case for him as defensive player of the year and start with his offensive stats….I may have said this before…even least week…but it still annoys me)….Arian Foster should be back and Ryan Fitz can not make mistakes….I know that’s like asking a Jet QB to throw to his teammates….they’d have a chance…but the Colts have NEVER lost to the Texans at home (unlike that dopey Bills stat this number matters) and the Colts haven’t lost in their crappy division either…..and if anything else, the Colts will start magically getting the calls like they did in the second half vs the Browns (watch the game….I did….it was amazing how the flags wouldn’t stay in their pockets)…the Texans also don’t have anyone to shut down TY Hilton who’s been VERY good this year and the Colts will simply outscore Houston and they won’t keep up…..

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  ** ¾

 

Oakland at Kansas City:

The  RED HOT BLOOD REMATCH (hell the Raiders have won more in their last 3 than the Chiefs had…ha!)

And now you find out that Jamaal Charles is limping and missing practice this week…oh boy….screw JJ Watt, the most irreplaceable player in football is Charles…the Chiefs become the Jets and Titans combined offensively (my God…those two teams are playing…that’s like anti-football Viagra!!)…the Raiders are actually rallying around David Carr and winning some football games and making plays..and oh my God… Denarius Moore injured himself after falling down some stairs at a hotel on Sunday…BWAHAHAHA, he must have seen Kapernick after the game and Black Tebow got mad and threw him down the steps!! That’s priceless!!! I really want to pick the Raiders here, they are playing better and WAY MORE so if Charles is out…but its damn hard to win two games against the same team in your division especially over what….3 weeks?? The Raiders aren’t THAT far along yet, I’m gonna assume Charles plays….or Knile Davis looks just like him this week (like he did in Week 17 last year) and the Chiefs find a way to stay alive in the AFC West….if the Raiders had lost the first game against them I’d probably take them….go figure

Winner:  Chiefs

Game Quality:  **

 

Miami at New England:

Big game, AFC East consequences, playoff spots on the line….who the hell do you think I’m taking?? The proven and true QB and coach, the defense playing lights out….or the QB who keeps coming up smaller than Tony Romo in December the defense you can run some wheelchair students past, its amazing how for an important game with so much on the line…..how this one is such a damned no-brainer….the only pro-Miami thing you can say is the more I crap on them….the better they do….plus I’m mad that I played the numbers and started Tanny over Matt Ryan in Green Bay last week….that was horrid….it won’t be a stomping here….but the Pats should not sweat winning this one…..

Winner: Patriots

Game Quality:  ***

 

REDSKINS at NY Giants:

Hey Tom Coughlin, got any players you acquired via trade from the REDSKINS….throw ‘em out there for the coin toss…seems to be a new rule (hell Goodell might have snuck it into the Personal Conduct Policy…I’m sure there’s a paragraph in there for trolling….and if there is…God I’m in TROUBLE :P ), besides it’s gotten so bad for the REDSKINS they’ve now taken to fighting each other in practice in hopes of getting suspended and not having to play on Sunday….South Park is doing their SECOND episode on them this season and even Native Americans are using the word like an insult….much like how black people say NAGGER all the time (be honest you read it another way on first glance….if I was posting this just on FB I’d drop the N bomb homey….but I’ll keep it nice for NJDevs)…..the Giants at least have some pride and most of these guys are coming back next year….and don’t forget we MUST OVERHYPE ODELL BECKHAM UNTIL IT HURTS DAMMIT…..so that means 200 yards receiving and a win (plus it will drive me crazy is captain sticky gloves beats me in the damn playoffs)…man up and take the gloves off princess….I got nothing else to talk about here….the Giants will win and probably easily….especially if RG III gotta play with the Colt of Personality not feeling his neck….

Winner:  Giants

Game Quality:  * (This isn’t even the most anti-football-ier game of the afternoon)

 

4pm:

Denver at San Diego:

Denver impressed me last week (well not only for the no TD Peyton Manning effort…nothing like beating the guy who hoarded QB’s through superior QB play….this is why you don’t draft QB’s early…EVER…. anyway)….the Chargers also got a bit exposed last week…trouble in the middle of their O-Line shut everything down…plus the weekly Ryan Matthews injury didn’t help either…Rivers had no time and less help…the defense got worn down by New England….and as much as Denver might hate doing it, they need to follow the plan the Pats used…and run the ball and do something nauseating that will make one of those frauds in the “Vikings-Eagles-Bengals-Steelers family” commercial (and seriously, is there a commercial more stupid…you take a selfie with Emmitt Smith 20 years after he matters and now you’re a Cowboys fan?? GO BACK WE DON’T WANT YOU!!!)…and that proud Front Running Queen Bee mom, maybe you should have taught your children to have spines and stick with their teams and your Christmas shopping would be a LOT easier….dumb spots like that are why I buy off the China sites :P….anyway….I don’t trust in Manning but I believe in that running game….amazing how all the good teams in football now magically have good running games again this year….

Winner:  Broncos

Game Quality:  ***

 

NY Jets at Tennessee:

Now THIS is how you roll anti-football…..do you know these two teams have COMBINED for only 11 points more than the Packers?? (and they combined for 29 passing TDs over 5 “Quarterbacks” while A-Rod has 35?)…you can roll a massive number of ugly offensive stats here….and laugh away! But the Jets can play some defense …and run the ball….and the true sign of a bad team is not only are they awful, but they find a way to screw up their top 5 pick…that means winning some December games….this one is VERY winnable (especially since the Jets are the better team….well except at QB…that’s a wash…) this might be too ugly for even anti-football….but I might watch  it since I no longer have to deal with morons at the bar anymore…..

Winner:  Jets

Game Quality: *** (SO BAD, its good!!!)

 

San Francisco at Seattle:

LOL…the 49ers got whooped by the Raiders….Jim Harbaugh is being auctioned to the lowest bidder and Tim Tebow is sending me a cease and decist order about calling Kapernick “Black Tebow” because even HE was never as awful as Kapernick has been this year….I guess I always got Colin Eat A Dick which still works! These two teams could not be going in more opposite directions….you’d think the Niners would give a lil extra with it being Seattle and all….but they’re just not GOOD ENOUGH to elevate and the ‘Hawks are playing at a near Super Bowl level…this could be a class A ass whipping….and my “49ers miss the playoffs” prediction back in August sure looks GOLDEN doesn’t it?? (I need to review my predictions again one of these days….maybe week 1 of the playoffs)….Seattle might run it up a bit here…..

Winner:  Seahawks

Game Quality:  ***(Awesome rivalry and I enjoy seeing Black Tebow suck!)

 

Minnesota at Detroit:

Dammit…the football game kicked off….oh well I’m almost there right?? This is a bit of an intriguing game….the Vikings are playing better of late …wins in 4 of their last 6 and 30 points in their last two games….but those were Carolina and the Jets…Reggie Bush says he’ll be back and the Lions also are starting to score again (31 points in their last two games) and in a desperate chase not only with the Packers, but the Cowboys/Eagles and Cardinals for a wild card spot (which might be a blessing, if you get that WORST PLACE team this might be a good time for that road team…hell they’re gonna be favored by Vegas too if you’re into that)…the Vikings are a nice story …and even a 7-9 finish would be AMAZING for all the crap that’s gone on in Minnesota this year….but nice stories don’t matter when you’re playing a better team in a game it HAS to have to stay in the playoff race…. (but yet I took St Louis over Arizona….but that’s because Arizona sucks right now…)

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  *

 

 

8pm:

Dallas at Phily:

This one’s easy….you can break this down all you want…Murray and Dez….the Cowboys having 10 days off between games (letting Romo get healthier) as opposed to two naps and a game film between the first game (with the style of offense and the sci-fi prep that Chip Kelly uses it’s damn near UNFIAR to play them on 3 days rest)…an angry Eagles team that got smacked around and all that….but this comes down to one thing….this is a December football game that the Dallas Cowboys HAVE to have if they want to lock up the division or at least a playoff spot….you know what that means…the ENTIRE TIME of the Jason Garrett error, when it’s time to step up….they slip on the first step and crash down the steps like some hack comedy movie from Tyler Perry…..so yeah…no brainer here…take the Eagles and shake your head as the Cowboys BLOW IT YET AGAIN, but brag about their TV Ratings and number of Social Media hits…..

Winner:  Eagles

Game Quality:  ***

 

Monday Dec 16:

New Orleans at Chicago:

I was doing well….it was 8:00 and I had four games left to write about….and then I peeked down and saw this game and began thinking about it….the Bears suck at home….hell they suck everywhere….. articles of Jay Cutler “buyer’s remorse” were all over the internet (hell they drowned out the Harbaugh chatter and almost dwarfed out Goodell’s new PR-save face edict about personal conduct (remember when things that needed be collectively bargained….were ACTUALLY collectively bargained….I have issues with that)…neither one of these teams play an ounce of defense (maybe the Saints practice trying to tackle Rob Ryan….and be honest….no one is bringing down THAT human mountain of fat and failure without a tow truck…)…the Bears don’t have that excuse….but you can see Cutler making one mistake early in this game, the crowd getting angry….the Saints running the ball a bit and the whole quicksand effect sucks the Bears in and brings them down….I don’t know….I can’t logically break this game down any other way with my football brain and I’m usually good at this kinda stuff…this game is the mother of all train wrecks!!! I am looking forward to being home and watching it though!!!

Winner:  Saints

Game Quality:  *** (what a glorious train wreck!)

 

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. New England….the defense is scary good…..
  2. Denver….who needs passing TDs?
  3. Indianapolis….thank you refs….just saying…..
  4. Pittsburgh….scary good offense when they turn it on….
  5. Baltimore….easy to forget about them isn’t it?

 

NFC:

  1. Green Bay….took the second half off and still beat Atlanta
  2. Seattle….gaining FAST on the Packers….
  3. Detroit….showing signs of offense….
  4. Phily….who am I gonna pick…an NFC South team? :P
  5. Arizona….in the top 5 probably for the last time….

NFL Week 14!!!

04 December 2014 - 08:22 PM

The Final  Four weeks of the season are here….. Fantasy Football Playoffs….NFL playoff chases…. Peyton Manning stat padding, and ESPN hyping up games with idiot words like SUPER BOWL PREVIEWS….in other words….all the fun stuff before the actual playoffs start and take all the fun out of the season, considering I’m getting a late start on this again (nothing like a 2 hour hardware diagnostic scan (at least it was on the clock) totally slowing your day, and then getting recruited to guinea pig the new elliptical machine at the gym because “hey it looks like a skating motion….so get on there hockey player”…oiiii) amyway….FOOTBALLS…and GO!

 

Thursday Dec 4:

Dallas at Chicago:

This is a first for a Thursday Night game….two teams equally as rested and having a full week’s prep before going into this game….the NFL Network must be so proud that they out 90 seconds of forethought into this and came up with the obvious….hooray! Though they did pick two of the three teams that looked like rank hot garbage last week….but we can’t be prefect now can we? Though Dallas is at 5-0 on the road….they’re also like 0 for their last million when I based their performance on a convincing stat like that too (leave it to Jason Garrett to ruin a good story with the facts)…but the Bears are a mess…their D is playing like last year’s Dallas team (in other words hellishly awful…hey maybe the Bears D coulda used Brodeur more than the Blues right?)….the Bears are awful at home and this has been a lost season for them….that can be dangerous though, maybe they want to play for the coach? They certainly don’t wanna play for Cutler…..and before people mention last year’s ass kicking…that QB is stinking it up in Tampa now….Dallas looks destined for a 2-2 December (nothing new there)….might as well fuel it with some nice false hope!!

Winner:  Dallas

Game Quality:  *** (with the potential to be an epic trainwreck of glorious!)

 

Sunday Dec 7:

1pm:

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati:

This is a rough game to figure out….but it’s also a damned important one…the Steelers have had some of the most amazing stinkers against the dregs of the league (seriously, losses to Tampa AND the Jets? CMOONN, that’s Buffalo level of disappointing)….and apparently Andy Dalton was “sick” last week…he sure made Bengal fans, AJ Green owners and Laflamme pretty nauseous with that “effort” last week…. *sigh* I wish I had the time to watch that game on the Sunday ticket replay….it looked fun to watch and mock at….but the Flash and Arrow crossed over dammit….I was soooo there!!! It’s kinda fun with how “awesome” this AFC North is supposed to be, the team in first place has questionable QB play, a cruddy defense and unsure running game….and tied Carolina (fun fact, that was the last game that Carolina didn’t lose either)…home field doesn’t matter here…hell there might be more Steelers fans and horrible hankies in the building anyway….and if I have to pick a guy to get it done between Big Ben and Mister Ginger-vitis….yeah I’m taking Ben 12 times out of ten…..

Winner:   Steelers

Game Quality:  ***

 

Indianapolis at Cleveland:

Oh Cleveland…..I do kinda feel for them (in that similar “sympathy frak” I have for the Bills way, and I am a big Hoyer fan…been rooting for him since he took over last season)…I like the direction they’re going in….I LOVE seeing Johnny Backup rotting on the bench…but ever since Josh Gordon came back to the lineup, the Browns have been kinda ugly….maybe they’re trying to cater the offense to him…forcing the ball to him too much….whatever it is….Hoyer has crashed and burned in a nasty way (hell I still think Mike Smith’s dopey coaching saved his job so far)…and after last week even I gotta admit….it was time for a QB change in Cleveland….Hoyer’s not getting it done (for God’s sake he got his ass whipped by BUFFALO in a “this is our Super Bowl game”….even MARK RYPIEN stepped up and won in that game)…yes I’m just mad at the Browns….and I haven’t even mentioned the Colts yet….I don’t need to, they look like my Madden team Cowboys that’s won 36 games in a row compared to the Browns….home, road, neutral site….hell put this game on a renegade asteroid on a collision course with the Earth and the Colts will still dominate this game!

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  **

 

Tampa Bay at Detroit:

So last week while I was letting the ham cook I was watching Jamie read my preview as we waited for my epic Thanksgiving feast of mass awesomeness….and I was watching her…I do like seeing her reactions (I had almost forgot about the 4-0 Cowboys-Giants crack till she turned and yelled YOU fvckER and almost threw something at me….oops :D )…anyway…why am I bringing this up now? There was a few games in the middle when she got quiet and I have this weird ability to know what the hell she’s thinking, even if she’s back home and I’m just texting her (freaks her out…its great fun!)….and I could feel the dead quiet….and I said “you can tell I don’t give a sh!t about that game you’re reading, right?”….she grumbles because like I said…she HATES when I do that….and agrees…..well this is one of those games…Tampa is so bad its like Schiano was reborn there….and Detroit’s a nice lil team finding its offense again….no brainer game is a no brainer…..

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  * ½

 

Jacksonville at Houston:

I’m still waiting for the red skies and the flaming balls of death to come from the sky….for Christ’s Sake RYAN FITZPATRICK THREW SIX TD’S LAST WEEK….TO THE RIGHT TEAM….cats and dogs are mating in the back of my apartment building (the sad part is they probably are….damn tenants keep feeding those  nasty creatures after all)….Maybe that’s why Mr Clowney is being shut down for a torn meniscus?? Seriously….I had two of those last year and I was on skates ten days later….MAN UP PRINCESS…boy if they could go back in time Houston would SOOO take Kalil Mack and gotten the hell out of dodge with a quality player and not Brian Bosworth 2.0….I do have a lot to rant about Houston for don’t I?? Well here’s one more….if I hear one more person in the media say “JJ Watt is the defensive player of the year….HE HAS SIX TD’s!!” I’m going to go down to their studio and beat their entire family with a snow shovel!!! He’s the Defensive Player of the Year because HE’S THE BEST GODDAMN DEFENSIVE PLAYER IN FOOTBALL….the lil swing passes in the end zone are bonus! No way Fitz has the same kinda game this week….but this is Jacksonville, and as long as you play a hair better than the Giants did last week (which was epically horrible J )….that’s enough to beat down the Jaguars again…..

Winner:  Texicans

Game Quality:  **

 

Baltimore at Miami:

Wow, a one PM game worth actually watching!!! (well I guess the Steeler one…but whatever)….this is the best game of the early ones….it would have been better if the “mighty” Purple Haze has stopped Phillip Rivers and the Chargers on that last drive….but hey if they were perfect they’d not be in the AFC North! Miami better work on that run defense though or they might as well hand the Comeback Player of the Year award to Forsett here and now cause he’s gonna run postal and then some on them…as bad as Miami is against the run….the Ravens are that horrible against the pass…..and last week aside, Miami has shown faith in Tannehill and he’s delivered….the Ravens losing their nose tackle to sniffing a different kinda Purple Haze is a BIG loss too, and talk about NO time to adjust and compensate for it either….if this game was in Baltimore I’d pick the Ravens….plus Miami winning ADDS DRAMA to the playoff race….I’m all about the DRAMA….I should almost pick the Ravens since I have a weird kiss of death on Miami and I need Tanny in my one playoff game this week…dammit….can I play a reverse-reverse-jinx and just pick them anyway?

Winner:  Dolphins

Game Quality:  ***  ½ (HUGE game)

 

NY Jets  at Minnesota:

The Vikings are playing solid football with a growing young defense and running game (despite the fact that Patterson has gone to total stealth mode this year….which is baffling)….and the Jets have abandoned more hope and effort in this season more than any human being forced to see a Smashburger commercial followed by “he went to Jared” and then that AWFUL Salt N Pepa GEICO commercial in the same commercial break…over and over….that sh!t will crush your soul….and the Jets truly are a beaten and battered team….they’ve abandoned ship….the Vikings go up early here and just run with it…..the only pity is the Giants and Jets are BOTH on at 1 this week, there’s no hope for football in the NY/NJ area….Red Zone and Streaming Sunday Ticket aside….

Winner:  Vikings

Game Quality:  * ¾

 

Carolina at New Orleans:

You know all that stuff I said about the Jets?? I’m too lazy to copy/paste it here for the Panthers (plus it’s 7:40…deadlines dammit!)…the only difference is I have more faith in Cam turning it around then I would any of those things the Jets call Quarterbacks…..the Saints showed something in attacking the Steelers last week and throwing the ball all over the place….I guess they still wanna be in WORST PLACE after all (and just watch, NO or Atl win this anti-division and then get Dallas or Arizona in their place in January and beat the bloody piss out of them….heads will fly in the NFL Media….maybe it’s time to NOT have four team divisions….duh!)….the Saint offense is good enough to win this one this….hell …any week….

Winner:  Saints

Game Quality:  * ½

 

NY Giants at Tennessee:

*ugh*….another unwatchable cluster game….the Giants may have hit a franchise LOW in losing to the Jaguars…but HEY….YOU HAVE THAT ODELL BECKHAM CATCH, HERE, NOW AND FOREVER….pictures, trading cards….hell there’s even one handed magic catching gloves for it (speaking of….maybe it’s time to make receivers man up and NOT wear gloves and catch footballs like actual men did back in the day…)….the Titans are a helluva mess too now…Mettenburg is hurting, least he won’t have to worry about a Giants pass rush making his life miserable….wow I actually wrote six lines about this atrocity?

I can’t see the Giants being THAT hideous two weeks in a row….well they have been all season *smirk* …but so have the Titans…..maybe this is one of those games where the Giants talk about veteran pride and all that garbage…..yeah I’m good with going with that and moving on to actual NFL Football games

Winner: Giants

Game Quality: *

 

St Louis at REDSKINS:

God really hates Robert Griffin doesn’t he?? First he makes him go to Indy to see what a real First Round QB drafted who actually LIVED UP TO THE HYPE was actually like (shame on me forgetting that last week when I got wrapped up in my silly Colt joke)….and now he gets to go home and see the team that left the NFL draft laughing hysterically in fleecing the REDSKINS in that trade like they did (I loved the Pro Football Mock article saying the Rams were prank calling the Redskins offering 3 picks to take RG III back and then hanging up the phone laughing like schoolgirls at them…)….anyway…the Rams are playing good football….especially on defense (geesh the Rams do this every year don’t they and we all get fooled next September….*mental note being made ….don’t get screwed by St Louis again* )…Tre Mason will have a big game….and the REDSKINS will just have lots of angry, depressed fans….just another normal day in Washington!

Winner: Rams

Game Quality:  ** (hey buddy, can you spare a draft pick?)

 

4pm:

Kansas City at Arizona

Tough game to gauge….yeah it would be real easy to say the bloom is off for Drew Stanton…but when do the Chiefs EVER blow the doors off a team and just beat them into submission…the Patriot game was a fluke….don’t go there….that would be like saying the Chiefs will throw a TD to their receivers… MADNESS I tell you….the Cardinals are starting to run out of players….Honey Badger….Ellington…the bodies are just running out….but this will still be a close game that the Cardinals will have a chance in at the end…but the Chiefs are still healthier and Alex Smith doesn’t make mistakes….he doesn’t make big plays….but he won’t screw it up….Stanton might make one mistake TOO many….and THIS is the game the Chiefs can “win it for EB!!”

Winner:  Chiefs (barely)

Game Quality:  **

 

Buffalo at Denver:

Intriguing game….the most sack happy defense goes against the unsackable QB….and now the Broncos have a running game under CJ Anderson……ANDERSSSSOOOOONNNN (oh wait, if I make a TNA Wrestling joke and they’re not on any TV Network….does anyone find it still funny?)…this addition of the running game and the Broncos getting a lil nasty on offense makes them VERY dangerous…and the Bills are coming into this well armed machine with a few pop guns and a third string running game, add in the mile high stuff….and there’s not enough crack on the planet for Sanborn to smoke to think THIS is a winnable game….but it’s nice to see him having December hope for once….good job buddy!!

Winner:  Denver

Game Quality:  DUD (you can’t throw rocks at a Manning with a machine gun)

 

San Francisco at Oakland:

My God it’s a 8th home game for the 49ers….then again, they’re gonna have a better record in their Oakland home….maybe they should have moved there when the Raiders go packing….again….ha! I don’t know if the Raiders even bothered to make the flight to St Louis last week….52-0….something like that…geesh….it won’t be this bad this time…it takes the 49er offense a MONTH to get to 52 (hell Kapernick has to stop at 40 since he goes fingers, toes, reverse and gets confused :P )…classic feel better game for the Niners after watching Seattle feast on them and then eat the leftover turkey right on their logo at midfield….damn I enjoyed that….anyway….Niners roll here…

Winner:  49ers

Game Quality: DUD (unless Harbaugh’s head explodes mid-game!)

 

Seattle at Phily:

This should be a fun game and worth all the 1pm garbage football we have to sit through first….if anyone knows how to deal with the WARP SPEED OFFENSE…it’s Pete Carroll who saw it in all those years in USC (oh wait we’re not supposed to remember that since he slimed out when the NCAA got made at USC for being more corrupt than the NCAA is….right??), plus the Seahawks don’t need to roll players in and out every play like Dallas does and they can run and hang with the receivers and push Sanchez into those mistakes that will make him look like the “BAD NACHO” we all know and loved with the Jets….Seattle will stick to the run and MAKE it work (fun fact, Russell Wilson is 9th in the NFC in rushing this year….go…look it up….be in awe….crazy ain’t it??)….Seattle will run it till it hurts…and push Phily into just enough mistakes….and give Dallas that fool’s hope that they can still win this crappy NFC East….also Seattle is kinda 3-0 against division leaders this year….I like that stat….

Winner:  Seahawks

Game Quality:  **** (high-speed offense vs. high-octane defense!)

 

 

8pm:

New England at San Diego:

I’ve waffled on this game about 100 times already this week…hell on the drive home….on the new stupid elliptical machine…yes I do think about this things before I write them….I’m a sorta responsible adult dammit!! The Pats don’t lose two in a row….but few teams get it done in December like a Phillip Rivers team does….and they’re wearing those AWESOME power blue jerseys that I totally man crush over (and won one of at the gym last year….love that jersey!)…but it’s hard to trust that gaping weakness in the Charger O-Line and Darth Hoodie lining up his Stormtroopers to attack them (hey the analogy fits now that we have Black Stormtroopers in the new trailer!! Don’t worry, I can’t get blasted for this as long as I don’t DM my female followers on Twitter with lecherous comments….oh wait….I barely use Twitter…thank God….no wonder I never “got big” as a hockey writer)…the Pats are too well oiled a machine to lose this one, and who doesn’t wanna go play football in the sorta smog-free San Diego weather after all?? Should be an awesome game and I don’t expect Rivers to go down easily!!

Winner:  Patriots

Game Quality:  ****

 

Monday Dec 1:

Atlanta at Green Bay:

Oh Mike Smith…remember when the Packers torched you at home in the playoffs and ruined your 13-3 season?? Good times….it’s never really been the same for Atlanta since then….horrid defense….soft o-line…no running game….not the way to have to go into Green Bay and face that offensive MACHINE….not to mention moving Clay Matthews to the middle has really helped their defense too…the Packers are running on all cylinders and no WORST PLACE team is gonna stop that….and more important…I FINISHED THE PREVIEW ON TIME!!! WHOOOOO!!!

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  DUD (boring game and E$PN gets to be E$PN about A-Rod #torture)

 

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. New England….lost, but slowed down the unstoppable offense last week
  2. Denver….no pity for Eric Berry here …..none at all….
  3. Indianapolis….easy division makes life easy
  4. Cincinnati….the only AFC South “juggernaut” to win last week…..
  5. San Diego….epic, gutty win last week, unblended by the Purple Haze!

 

NFC:

  1. Green Bay….the NFL’s version of Goldberg…. WHO’S NEXT?
  2. Seattle….Turkey tastes a LOT better sitting on the 49er logo….
  3. Phily….WARP SPEED…..engage!
  4. Detroit….Bear meat tastes as good as Turkey for Thanksgiving
  5. Dallas….troubling sign how the NFC East is exposing them…

NFL Week 13!!

26 November 2014 - 09:35 PM

Ahhhhh, Thanksgiving….the ONE Thursday all year I don’t bitch about there being football games on….at least this is a TRAIDITION and not some douchebag money-grab by the NFL (though I wonder if they’d ever try a Thursday Game in London…oi)….the run to the playoffs starts right here…..right now…and hell I even did this a night early….mostly because I’m actually making Thanksgiving Dinner for two tomorrow (hey if you had my family you’d not cook for them either :P )…but should be an interesting day in many ways….the ham glaze is ready….the food is sitting anxiously in the fridge, now just to see how much of it Jamie actually eats….and how much she eggs me on during the Cowboys game (I’d love to remind her that Dallas is 4-0 vs the Giants since I met her, but that would totally ruin it….)…..Good thing I mentioned THAT about 10 months before they can meet again…back to the present now!

 

Thursday Nov 27:

Chicago at Detroit:

I don’t care what the Bears did to Tampa last week, they’re still a mess and disorganized cluster…..and I’d trust Jay Cutler like I’d trust a heartfelt apology from one of my ex’s (especially the one who speaks Spanish)…..and while the Pats might have exposed the Lions a bit last week….they’re good like that….the Bears don’t have the discipline, or the personnel to do this….and they have Jay Cutler at QB….that’s a death sentence in itself….maybe this is the week the Lions can actually put an NFL level effort out on offense since the Bears defense is still awful at best…..I just hope this game is competitive enough for the ham to cook….lord knows the turkey won’t be done in time….good God….look at me sounding all domestic….holy sh!t…..let me grunt, drag my knuckles and say something manly…. LIONS GOOD….BEARS BAD…. Ahh ….better…..

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  ** (the game I do all the cooking during)

 

Philadelphia at Dallas:

So let’s see we could talk about the high flying offenses here….the Cowboys with Murray, the Eagles with McCoy and Sproles (though he’s slowed down since his knee injury….came back too fast maybe?), all the passing….the receivers….can Mark Sanchez drive the sportscar fast enough without slamming it into the wall?? Is Romo 100%? Is 3 days enough rest for his back? Can either one of these defenses make a play worth a damn? Bottom line is Tony Romo is 7-1 in Thanksgiving games….the only one he lost….the one I went to….well I’m in NJ in the snow and the slop making a fraking turkey and glazed ham…so yeah go with the trend and pray my head doesn’t explode before the timer in the turkey does :P

Winner: Cowboys (*gulp*)

Game Quality: **** (offense, agida and instant-leftovers, a hat trick of win?)

 

Seattle at San Francisco:

Ah, the NFL’s #1 rivalry at this point….speaking of….did anyone see Sherm’s press conference with the cardboard Doug Baldwin when he went off on every absurd thing I’ve ranted about in here for the last… well whatever number of years the NFL has been run by Goodell….God I love Sherm!! Anyway…the game….Seattle seems to be finding themselves on defense again (minus the turnovers)…the running game seems fine, and yeah the passing attack is still pretty bad, but Wilson does make up for some of that with his own legs, and unlike Frank Gore….Marshawn looks like he’s still in his prime….and Seattle knows what they are and they play to that….the Niners don’t….they throw the ball WAYYY too much (except to Vernon Davis, go figure right?) and they’ve looked like crap against all the crappy teams on their schedule (5 turnovers and NO touchdowns against the Giants….I can go on…)….as much as this tends to be a home field series….San Fran is playing wayyy too crappy to trust them in this game, least seeing Seattle on the other side SHOULD bring out their A-Game….but I don’t think they even know what their A-Game is and how to use it…..it should be an awesome blood match and first to 15 probably wins it…..

Winner: Seattle

Game Quality: **** (blood….death….and VENGENCE!!!)

 

Sunday Nov 30:

1pm:

San Diego at Baltimore:

San Diego is down to their 4th Center ….good God….that’s a lot of injuries in the same place….being the Chargers’ center is like being the drummer for Spinal Tap pretty much….except only certain parts of your body spontaneously combust and not the whole thing….the Chargers have really been sputtering their way through the middle part of the season too with the injuries, disappointing WR play and Phillp Rivers’ struggles too…..one of the worst things to have to do at that point is fly across the country to play an early game with the Ravens who are REALLY good at home and got a virtual bye with the Saints last week….not a good scenario at all…..add it all up and the Chargers might have well just stayed home….ha!

Winner:   Ravens

Game Quality:  ***

 

Cleveland at Buffalo:

Once a week me and Jamie do actually discuss the games of the week….mostly because she has an office pool and every week I’ve give her the picks for her office pool, I’ve won double digit games for the week in my picks (and it gives us something to bicker about in our difference games….we’re good at that)…anyway….there is a point to this….when the picks came in…..she wanted to pick Buffalo….I told her “you know Sanborn declared this as his SUPER BOWL for the season” (mostly since he got as pissed off at some Dante Whitner comments as I get about the ODB play I simply call the “Consolation Catch”….I’ll get to that in the Giants preview)….the minute I told Jamie he was treating it like a Super Bowl….she went “sh!t…I’ll take the Browns then!!!” ….nice to see the Bills cleaned out the stadium for a long-standing Anti-Football Hall of Fame Match-up!!! (this game needs the crappy weather outside now to be honest…. Derek Anderson can go 2 for 12 and STILL WIN the game…yes I will never forget that anti-football classic!)…..so much history here….HA…..both teams have good defenses, but I like what Cleveland is doing with running the ball, I like “Coach Goldberg” (go google a pic of the Browns head coach and put a pic next to the most successful Bald Jewish Guy in Pro Wrestling history….they’re damn near twins!) better than Marone…..I certainly like Brian Hoyer more than the rKo at QB (despite the fact he stunk enough to get benched last week, till Mike Smith saved his job…)…and at this point in their careers I’d take Gordon over Watkins ANY DAY…..add in the Sanborn whammy being laid down….and this might be an ugly one and bring back glorious moments of anti-football goodness….but the Browns find a way to stay in the hunt, while next year begins now for the Bills….

Winner:  Browns

Game Quality:  ** *(This one is PERSONAL)

 

Tennessee at Houston:

One team has a rookie QB putting up nice numbers and giving a sniff of hope to the future….the other one is stuck going back to Ryan INT’s-Patrick and right back in the craphole again (credit to Ryan Mallett, playing a full game with a torn pec muscle is almost as awesome as me playing six weeks of hockey on three ligament tears in my knee until my surgery exactly one year ago on this pre-Thanksgiving Wednesday)…..the teams are opposite outside of the QB’s too…Houston has a solid to borderline awesome team outside of the QB position (and they are paying JJ Watt like a QB)….and everyone runs like it’s Hulkamania all over the Titans…with or without Foster the Texicans will run like the wind on the Titans and that will be enough….as long as Fitz keeps the turnovers to a minimum they should be fine here…..this isn’t exactly must watch TV anyway…..

Winner:  Texicans

Game Quality:  * ½

 

Washington at Indianapolis:

Here let me get you the exclusive sneak footage I was able to get of the REDSKINS coaches meeting when they decided it was time to sit Robert Griffin and let McCoy be the QB for this game and probably the rest of the season (and good for him, this kid never got a real shot anywhere else till now…hopefully)

Coach 1: “Who we playing this week?”
Coach 2: “The Colts”

Coach 1: “Hrmmmm….we have a Colt on our team right??”
Coach 2: “Yeup”

Coach 1: “Hell…LET’S START HIM!!! THEY WON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!”

Coach 2: “GENIUS!!!!!”

** note** the above portrayal might be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but don’t doubt the Gruden Stooges being about this dumb with how this season has been handled….anyway I don’t care if they bring back the Hogs, give Theismann a Cylon leg to replace the one that was snapped to pieces 30 years ago, and blockade the Stadium with the old moving trucks the Colts used to bolt from Baltimore…the REDSKINS just have no chance here….the Colts are too good and they have no way to stop the Colt receivers

 

Winner:  Indianpolis

Game Quality:  * (QB drama adds one star of interest)

 

NY Giants at Jacksonville:

OMG DID YOU REALIZE THAT THE GREATEST MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE HAPPENED LAST WEEK….the play was SO AMAZING that Giant fans found facebook again and were bragging and rubbing each other off….DOGS AND CATS BEGAN MAKING LOVE IN AWE OF THE ONE HANDED CATCH OF A LIFETIME…..sh!t the catch was so awesome the Giants stopped playing after it and got their asses whipped after it…..but since this is an ESPN Universe and we glorify the individual play, team results be damned, let’s forget about the pathetic 3-8 football team and yank off on twitter and all the highlight shows all week about this…hell they’re still talking about this “Consolation Catch” NOW on the damned NFL Network…..someone want to remind the world that the GIANTS HAVE THE SAME GODDAMN RECORD AS THE REDSKINS….let that sink in a second…..has it processed yet?? I actually had two customers ask me on Monday why I was wearing the Cowboys Hoodie since the Giants won (yes people are that stupid and I billed them an extra hour each for it)….I did love the QB Convo comment that “WR need be that stupidly athletic to actually catch Eli’s horrible and god-awfully inaccurate passes”….but he gets a pass because he stuck two Hail Marys to sticky helmets and he’s  “clutch”….I  guess at least on the bright side, getting all pissed off about this Consolation Catch has lit a football fire under me….they might need to whip out the Velcro and the stickyhands this week….the Jaguars are better against the pass then you’d think (their 33 sacks is 3rd in the NFL)…this might be also because they are TERRIBLE against the run  (130 yards a game)…the Giants are actually worse against the run (hard to think that possible) and just as bad against the pass….this might be a fun kinda anti-football game where you see lots of yards, stats and those garbage fluke catches that make me hate this Giants team soooo much (NOTHING is worse than a team you despise winning on pure luck and flukiness)….and I think getting all that anger out of my system….again…made me change my thought….I liked Jacksonville at home…but I DO need the Giants to win a few games to get back to the 6 or 7 range I want them in….this should be one of those games…..and it’s warm and no snow down there…..enjoy that weather!!!

Winner: Giants

Game Quality:  * ¾

 

Carolina at Minnesota:

A tough game to call, but at least the Vikings seem to be moving in the right direction….Carolina seems lost…bad coaching….Cam is regressing….the offense sucks and the defense is missing pieces all over the place…and looking at the Vikings wins….St Louis (in game 1), Atlanta, Tampa and Washington….they beat up on the teams worse than they are…. Carolina is certainly worse than they are….and the more wins the Vikings get, the better for Bridgewater….and the less talk of Adrian Peterson coming back to the Vikings…..all good things for their future….

Winner:  Vikings

Game Quality:  * ¾

 

New Orleans at Pittsburgh:

So much for the Saints feasting on the home cooking and winning some games and getting a foothold on WORST PLACE in the NFC South….someone must have fed them the shellfish of DOOM and gave them food poisioning…bad at home….bad on the road….and in a terrible division (though I wish people would realize that the AFC North beating up on the NFC South is why all the South teams have sh!tty records and all the North teams are over .500….it’s a North ass whipping of the South not seen since the Civil War!!  Too soon??) Anyway….give me the team with the QB on a roll and awesome WRs and a RB who might run for 200 yards again over the team turning it over like mad and a defense so bad even Rob Ryan has SHUT UP this year….this could be an ass kicking this week……

Winner:  Steelers

Game Quality:  **

 

Oakland at St Louis:

Here’s a fun fact….a bit over a year ago…the Raiders won a football game….and Hassan lost a fantasy football game….a year later…..the Raiders win again….and your favorite previewer is the one who became the one in Hassan’s 11-1 season this year….a weird coincidence isn’t it?? Hell I think Sparano (the clown that he is) celebrated that victory like he won the Super Bowl AND Stanley Cup in the same night….I get emotions and all…but damn that was embarrassing….the Rams on the other hand have been playing everyone tough….have found their pass rush and their defense in the process…..Tre Mason should have a big game, what running back DOESN’T against the Raiders….no worry Justin Tuck, you won’t have to call a game saving time out this week…..you’re gonna get whipped and eating your crappy Subway sandwich on the sideline long before this game is over….the Rams have a soft end of season schedule and could make some noise here and set a tone for next season in these last five games….

Winner: Rams

Game Quality: ** (Rams are playing well now)

 

Cincinnati at Tampa Bay:

LOL….Tampa Bay lost in Chicago to the Bears…NO ONE does that….I don’t care how horrible, soft and all that crap I hate about the Bengals….this is Josh McNown and the awful Bucs….anything the Bengals need to work on and get better with this week….they will….just move along….nothing else to see here….

Winner: Bengals

Game Quality: DUD

 

4pm:

Arizona at Atlanta:

Go figure….it takes Arizona finally losing for me to expect them to win….#irony….well I’ll be fair…its more the fact that they’re playing the Falcons….need I go on about the gift wrap job Mike Smith did last week in doing his damndest to make sure the Browns won that game?? (Maybe he had Gordon on his fantasy team and wanted him to get one more shot)….if you want to be stupid and take a risk like the Falcons did at the end of the game (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, stop you tubing the ODB catch and go find the last minute of this game)….RUN THE CLOCK DOWN TO TWENTY SECONDS, THEN USE YOUR TIME OUT….moron!!! Then again if Mike Smith knew how to manage a game the Falcons wouldn’t be a running joke in the league…..Bruce Aryans on the other hand knows what he’s doing and could coach a Special Ed team to victory over this buffoon…..

Winner:  Cardinals (look I picked them!!)

Game Quality:  ** (the good D vs the good O is always interesting)

 

New England at Green Bay:

As much as I get pissed off by the crazy offense and all the bloated stats in football….I can’t lie….I’m a bit fired up for this game….and it damn well BETTER be good since the idiot NFL put only TWO GAMES on at 4pm, and I don’t see Arizona and Atlanta making anyone run for Direct TV coverage this week….but here we go…Brady…. A-Rod, the Packers unstoppable offense, and this revamped and all of a sudden dominant Patriot defense….this Packers team isn’t built like Denver and the Manning offense…there’s no one guy to stop…..shut down Nelson and Cobb kills you….cover them both and Eddie Lacy gets 150 yards…given the Packer O-Line is maybe a weakness on this team, but A-Rod is good…and mobile enough to make that less of a problem….and the Pats offense should be able to do much of the same to a weaker Packers defense….I fully expect a slugfest here with lots of scoring and Fantasy Football Bliss, but I see the Packers being just one score better….maybe I’m overrating home field here a touch,  and I’m also expecting the Pats to have a slip up game in here somewhere…..no shame in losing a 45-40 type game….this is the NFL Goodell dreams of after all…..

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  *****

 

8pm:

Denver at Kansas City:

Kansas City did lay an egg on Thursday Night with the Raiders, and they have been exposed a bit offensively (not that it took much to see a team with NO TDs from its wide receivers can’t get big plays….but still….that’s an amazing stat in this no-defense era of football)….the Broncos are getting a bit healthier and survived a helluva scare from the Dolphins who gave the Broncos all they could handle….the Chiefs’ strengths get negated by Denver….they don’t get to the QB and sure Jamaal can run the ball but what the hell good does it do when the Broncos are up 14+ while Alex Smith is still dropping screen passes and checkdowns praying that #25 takes it to the house….Jason Avant is a nice addition, but the Chiefs are bringing rocks to a gun fight….that ain’t gonna get it done….

Winner:  Broncos

Game Quality:  ** ¾

 

Monday Dec 1:

Miami at NY Jets:

I guess this should be expected after all the pretty good games the NFL has showcased this week that it would run out of steam….after all, there’s only so many good games you can pump out in one week, and while people may not have expected much from the Jets NO ONE expected this to be the bottoming out point (or close to it….ask the Raiders, they’ve been “bottomed out” for so long they forgot where the way out is)….I ranted enough in this one so might as well keep this short and sweet….If Miami gets up 10+ points early, the Jets are gonna fold like they did last week against the Detroit Bills, I kinda expect that to happen pretty quickly….especially with Geno Smith back at QB this week…..this won’t be much to watch, except for fantasy purposes….

Winner:  Miami

Game Quality:  DUD (the Jets are done and this could get ugly as fast as last week’s did)

 

NFL Week 11 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. New England….another big test this week
  2. Denver….Not dominant, but still a nice win with a limited roster
  3. Miami…Ryan Tannehill has arrived people
  4. Cincinnati….only because of that whole pesky in first place thing….
  5. Baltimore…a bit forgotten but spoke up during the “bye in the Bayou”

 

NFC:

  1. Green Bay….hot enough to not freeze to death in Lambeau…
  2. Dallas…winning the game actually kinda matters, highlight catch be damned!
  3. Seattle….coming on strong…..
  4. Arizona….a bit harsh of a drop, but hard to believe in them…..
  5. Detroit….remember when they actually scored points in games?

NFL Week 12!!!!

20 November 2014 - 08:20 PM

Sorry this is a bit late….had a job run late this afternoon, and unlike Legarrette Blount, WE don’t leave the field until the game is OVER…..anyway….The last of the bye weeks is here!!! (I really wish one day the NFL would get their sh!t right about giving bye weeks with some sense of logic and continuity, but this is the same league that crams 8 games in at 1pm and leaves 3 games on an island at 4, thinks London is a viable NFL City, and wants to ban defense…and not to mention their own dopey PR war against themselves too….)….at least on the bright side (and gotta be positive…after all the holidays….and more importantly…my birthday….are all coming)….now we get to the point of the season where the games REALLY matter, and the anti-football gets even more anti-football-ier!!!

 

Thursday Nov 20:

Kansas City At Oakland:

After two weeks of decent Thursday Night games (and we get two more in the upcoming weeks), we go back to the sh!t show tonight for sure….oh boy…..the Raiders did get screwed out of a last second Hail Mary chance since there clearly was one second on the clock when the pass before hit the ground…but hey, the Raiders haven’t won a game in a full year now….so why care?? Right??? It’s like the referees at a 11:30 pm ice hockey game…you really think they’re gonna call that icing in the 2nd period like that?? HA! Anyway….I digress, but the NFL does have the innate ability to make me tangent….the Chiefs might be looking ahead to the Broncos next week, but the Raiders are already looking towards next year’s draft and hopefully making sure David Carr is in one piece by then and not shell shocked like his brother was after one year with the Texicans….in the 2nd game last year with the Raiders Jamaal Charles was a one man fantasy football team with his 5 TDs…we might see a repeat of that this year…oh boy…. Maybe the Chiefs can actually throw a TD to a Wide Receiver tonight….that would be cute…..Apparently there’s a rainbow shining over the Stadium in Oakland….to me that just means George Takei is getting a Make a Wish moment and running in a TD on the Raiders…..

Winner:  Chiefs

Game Quality:  DUD (this be an ass kicking)

 

Sunday Nov 23:

1pm:

Cleveland at Atlanta:

So with their “epic” win over Carolina the Atlanta Falcons stand on top of the NFC South….with that division being as horrific as they are, I decided for a new term for them….WORST PLACE!!! (and I guess being able to pass the ball with any level of competence is enough to make you look like you should win this terrible NFC South….and Atlanta can chuck the football for sure)….the Browns did look kinda bad last week, but they did fall victim to the JJ Watt show (and leave it to the NFL to have their defensive player of the year be the one defensive player with more touchdowns than half the offensive stars in the league….)…boy welcome to “Tangent Week” in my write-ups…even more than normal…..anyway, the Browns can run the ball, the Falcons couldn’t stop TIMMY from South Park if he got a handoff and hit forward on his lil wheelchair…..and that Josh Gordon guy comes back today….and what better team to get a trial run than the crappy Atlanta D….the Browns are too good, and I think it’s a Man Law “when thou art in WORST PLACE, thyne shalt loseth thy next game-ith”…..or something like that….

Winner:  Browns

Game Quality:  **

 

NY Jets at Buffalo:

OH  MY GOD IT SNOWED IN BUFFALO FIVE DAYS BEFORE THE JETS GAME, WE MUST POSTPONE IT!!! Geesh people, if anyone would be used to snow and crap weather it would be the Buffalo area….though this whole state of emergency stuff in Buffalo does give the Jets a bit of an edge…the Bills really can’t practice this week (hope they have treadmills in their living room, so they can stop taking idiotic pics of playing in the snow in their damn shorts….we get it…you Bills player….you like cold….drag your knuckles and move on)…but not like the Vanilla Bills offense really needs the reps, Kyle Orton doesn’t stretch the field ….or scare anyone, and that’s the difference in him say over Alex Smith, yeah Smith doesn’t scare you with his arm, but he makes smart plays and he can kill you running the ball too…and in this day and age, if your QB can’t make a play or two on his own, your team is toast (and yes I wrote this bit in the morning and learned the game is delayed….this game should be in Toronto just to play up to the old Toronto Maple Bills tradition….and hell they might hold the Jets to less points than the Leafs do currently!)

 

Winner:  Buffalo

Game Quality:  ** *(If they clear all the snow I remove all the stars)

 

Tampa Bay at Chicago:

Oh boy…Lovie Smith gets a homecoming with in Chicago….and OH CRAP he’s bringing the OLD SAVIOR IN JOSH MCNOWN WITH ME….MY GOD, NO WONDER THE BEARS SUCK NOW….yeah, Jay Cutler is still there after all…its REALLY tempting to take the Bucs here…old coach….pay back game….Bears suck at home…..Cutler is healthy…..horrible defense…but it’s freaking TAMPA….and yeah they’ve been a hair better the last few games….and all the revenge stuff….and they beat the Redskins…the Redskins are a bigger mess than the Bears…hell they’re so bad I stopped yelling their name to piss off the PC Police! Bad teams don’t win two weeks in a row unless they’re in WORST PLACE in the NFC South….wait that doesn’t work….just channel your inner Dikta in Chicago and win this damned train wreck …..

Winner:  Bears

Game Quality:  *

 

Cincinnati at Houston:

If we can get past that awful looking Bengals fan who got cock blocked out of a lil football last week (and don’t worry….I’m sure it’s not the only time that woman was denied some balls I’m sure she thought were coming her way….)….we have another mess of a game to talk about here….but my God GIO BERNARD IS ACTUALLY PRACTICING AGAIN…hooray! (Ironic that he’ll be back and now Arian Foster is now the “will he ever play again” mystery man)…Ryan Mallet was solid in his debut, and Alfred Blue made the Browns sad last week too…there’s no reason that Houston can’t do this again, even if Cincy is playing a bit better now…and getting healthier….it seems like twice a week I have a team set in my mind and then start typing about the two teams and just these words on the keyboard totally change my mindset….plus fvck that dumb chick who got the PR guy’s game ball in New Orleans last week!!! I hate games like this that are just total toss-ups…its where my damned emotions win out and usually for the worst…..

Winner:  Houston

Game Quality:  **

 

Jacksonville at Indianapolis:

Oh Jacksonville, you do try so hard….if only you were in the NFC South, not the AFC one….you’d have such hope…but this week you get an angry Colts team that got wrecked and maybe exposed in Prime Time last week….being a different week and the Jaguars having nowhere close to the talent the Pats have, this is just a one way trip to beatdown-ville….

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Green Bay at Minnesota:

The Vikings just got smoked by Jay Cutler, and now they’re gonna bring in a REAL OFFENSE  to play the Vikings?? I really only need say two words about this one: ASS KICKING….the Packers run wilder then Hulk Hogan during the peak of his “magic vitamins”….move along people…..

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Detroit at New England:

The Lions got stomped by the Cardinals (well as much as they stomp anyone….) and the Pats ran Jonas Gray so much last week they brought back Blount as another big body in case he’s still catching his breath (kinda hilarious that he walked off the field literally about Bell’s 200 yard day, to now back up the OTHER guy who ran for Two Beans last week….the league is funny like that)….the Lions are playing defense as well as anyone in the league and I don’t expect a crazy running day again from the Pats (they do tend to run 4 wide and spread these kinda teams and dink and dunk them with the midget receivers to death in these situations)….and the Lions just don’t have the firepower to stay with them, and the Belichick D does tend to make guys like Stafford who is VERY mistake prone, to make those mistakes, and New England is too good at home this year….

Winner:  Patriots

Game Quality:  **

 

Tennessee at Philadelphia:

Does anything say “I’m sorry we scheduled you to play in Green Bay last week and they took your soul, but we’ll make it up to you” like scheduling the Titans in your building the next week?? Yeah Yeah, they put up a fight on the Steelers, but have the Steelers not been proved to be THE biggest Fraud defense in football?? I think so…this is the week Sanchez and McCoy get to feel better …especially McCoy he’s due a game like Le’Veon Bell had last week….and I’d embrace it….just a touch…..least Mettenberger gets some reps against another lesser defense to get his feet wet with….this time try NOT to throw a pick-6 to the Gay Guy on the first play, that would be nice of you…..

Winner: Eagles

Game Quality: DUD (the crap team won’t play big two weeks in a row)

4pm:

St. Louis at San Diego:

The Rams pulled off the mother of all upsets last week knocking out the Bronco players one by one in glorious fashion!! But can that act travel and come all the way to the West Coast?? The Chargers still aren’t playing all that wonderful, and having an awful time trying to protect Phillip Rivers, least Ryan Matthews is back and taking some pressure off the passing game….history also says that teams that have the miracle game usually crash right back to Earth the next week….hopefully they get off the plane in San Diego before they crash…the weather is nice there….they should enjoy it for a bit before the smash into the pavement….the Rams might make this more interesting than it should be….but San Diego finds away (hopefully it’s not the clock running to Zero, even when there was one second left….)

Winner:  Chargers

Game Quality:  **

 

Arizona at Seattle:

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a 9-1 football team that I refused to pick to win like every week…honestly, can you blame me?? (Least I was right ONCE)….toss on top of this pile of facts that Seattle DID lose to Arizona at home last year also, and are just playing ridiculous defense as well too…but still…it’s Drew Stanton and no running attack at all against that Crowd Noise and that secondary (no this is not a knock on the Cardinals D-Backs, I just trust Russell l Wilson a bit….he’s kinda done a few things in this league), Seattle also has the superior running game (no matter how out the door Marshawn Lynch is….he’s gonna give his all since he’s trying out for a job next season)…..and a bit of revenge on the mind for last year’s loss….and a chance to knock Arizona back down into making this NFC West a race….home cooking tastes good….feed….me….more!!!!!

Winner:  Seattle

Game Quality:  **

 

Miami at Denver:

So many injury questions in Denver….will either Thomas play? Is Emmanuel Sanders running around saying “I’M BATMAAAANNN” still?? Who in the blue hell will run the ball for the Broncos….cause you know God Forbid “the Greatest QB of all time” step it up when things are going back around him…add in that Dolphin pass rush, attack defense and Grimes covering whatever relevant receiver is left for the Broncos…the Dolphins are playing awesome football…..Tannehill is starting to live up to First Round Pick Status….they run the ball, they make big plays…winners of 4 of 5….I was convinced I was gonna make the easy pick and say Denver here….but goddamn there’s not a single matchup that points to it, well aside of Denver’s massive home-field edge….but asking Peyton to put a team on his back and GO tends to end as well as playing a Maple Leafs Goalie on your fantasy team for a week….I’m smelling UPSET here….. Get ‘er Dun Miami (Good God this is a Godfather sized kiss of Death ain’t it??)….barring a miracle healing session from the Denver skill players….

Winner:  MIAMI

Game Quality:  ***

 

Washington at San Francisco:

The 49ers got five INT’s from good ol’Eli last week….and STILL stunk in the red zone….the 49ers are screaming all kinds of alarms, alerts and warnings here….buttttt, they’re playing the Redskins….RG III (and 8) can’t even count to 5 steps to make the correct dropbacks….he’s close to being totally ruined by two different horrible coaching staffs….neither one of these teams run the ball at ALL, but least the Niners have some defense and they haven’t mutinied on their QB like the Redskins seemed to have by now….plus this is a classic bully win, beat ‘em up, pound out the 49er chests and get ready for the big boys in Seattle next Thursday….

Winner: 49ers

Game Quality: **

 

8pm:

Dallas at NY Giants:

Dallas may have the weirdest schedule in the NFL (not to mention giving Dallas a November bye when its Romo’s best month, which in all oddity was a blessing since it gave his back an extra week off), and now they have a Sunday Night game on the road before playing two Thursday games in a row….just strangeness indeed….all my inner Cowboys hatred aside….the Giants are 31st in defense (or some number equally as awful)….they’re not running the ball well and my beloved E-L-INT is back!!! Add in a healthy Dallas, Murray running like normal, that’s just too much Cowboys for the Giants, especially when the Cowboys gotta have this game to keep the pressure on the Eagles…..no need for wit here this might be one of those “hrmmm, what’s on my DVR” games by the half….not like you watch Costas and Dungy unless you have a SEVERE case of insomnia….

Winner:  Dallas

Game Quality:  ***

 

Monday Nov 23:

Baltimore at New Orleans:

Remember a few weeks ago when we all thought “oh the Saints have some home games and they’ll be fine”….oh boy were we ever wrong?? Sadly the best Saints defender was that awesome old man who intercepted that toss from Gresham to that ANNOYING lil twat who ran down from her seats to have her stupid 15 minutes of fame (and really…shame on the football media for even making a damn story out of this…sh!t Rob Ryan should give the guy a contract and put him at CB!)….but the Saints are now just as average at home as they are on the road….and while the Ravens aren’t exactly wondrous on the road, Steve Smith has been pretty good in his NFC South reunion tour….and as much as I can’t buy into the damn Cardinals at this point….I can certainly cash out on the Saints….plus the Ravens had a bye and stuff (and I think in those 8 days since they played they shifted from first place to last place and everywhere inbetween….ha!)…..and maybe one of those days I can actually figure out what in the hell happened to the Saints this year….

Winner:  Ravens

Game Quality:  *** (should be a decent game at least)

 

NFL Week 11 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. New England….50 Shades of Grey indeed
  2. Denver….Amazing how the “great Peyton” couldn’t make his B squad better
  3. Miami…BIG test this week….
  4. Kansas City….quietly looking good again this year
  5. Indianapolis….they might wanna work on this “run defense” thing…..

NFC:

  1. Arizona…The smoke and mirrors are powerful things indeed….
  2. Green Bay…unstoppable offense!
  3. Detroit….hard to play football in blinding smoke and mirror show
  4. Seattle….the irony of them falling to a team’s home field dominance is amusing
  5. Dallas…..best….bye….EVER!!