Ahhhhh, Thanksgiving….the ONE Thursday all year I don’t bitch about there being football games on….at least this is a TRAIDITION and not some douchebag money-grab by the NFL (though I wonder if they’d ever try a Thursday Game in London…oi)….the run to the playoffs starts right here…..right now…and hell I even did this a night early….mostly because I’m actually making Thanksgiving Dinner for two tomorrow (hey if you had my family you’d not cook for them either )…but should be an interesting day in many ways….the ham glaze is ready….the food is sitting anxiously in the fridge, now just to see how much of it Jamie actually eats….and how much she eggs me on during the Cowboys game (I’d love to remind her that Dallas is 4-0 vs the Giants since I met her, but that would totally ruin it….)…..Good thing I mentioned THAT about 10 months before they can meet again…back to the present now!
Thursday Nov 27:
Chicago at Detroit:
I don’t care what the Bears did to Tampa last week, they’re still a mess and disorganized cluster…..and I’d trust Jay Cutler like I’d trust a heartfelt apology from one of my ex’s (especially the one who speaks Spanish)…..and while the Pats might have exposed the Lions a bit last week….they’re good like that….the Bears don’t have the discipline, or the personnel to do this….and they have Jay Cutler at QB….that’s a death sentence in itself….maybe this is the week the Lions can actually put an NFL level effort out on offense since the Bears defense is still awful at best…..I just hope this game is competitive enough for the ham to cook….lord knows the turkey won’t be done in time….good God….look at me sounding all domestic….holy sh!t…..let me grunt, drag my knuckles and say something manly…. LIONS GOOD….BEARS BAD…. Ahh ….better…..
Game Quality: ** (the game I do all the cooking during)
Philadelphia at Dallas:
So let’s see we could talk about the high flying offenses here….the Cowboys with Murray, the Eagles with McCoy and Sproles (though he’s slowed down since his knee injury….came back too fast maybe?), all the passing….the receivers….can Mark Sanchez drive the sportscar fast enough without slamming it into the wall?? Is Romo 100%? Is 3 days enough rest for his back? Can either one of these defenses make a play worth a damn? Bottom line is Tony Romo is 7-1 in Thanksgiving games….the only one he lost….the one I went to….well I’m in NJ in the snow and the slop making a fraking turkey and glazed ham…so yeah go with the trend and pray my head doesn’t explode before the timer in the turkey does
Winner: Cowboys (*gulp*)
Game Quality: **** (offense, agida and instant-leftovers, a hat trick of win?)
Seattle at San Francisco:
Ah, the NFL’s #1 rivalry at this point….speaking of….did anyone see Sherm’s press conference with the cardboard Doug Baldwin when he went off on every absurd thing I’ve ranted about in here for the last… well whatever number of years the NFL has been run by Goodell….God I love Sherm!! Anyway…the game….Seattle seems to be finding themselves on defense again (minus the turnovers)…the running game seems fine, and yeah the passing attack is still pretty bad, but Wilson does make up for some of that with his own legs, and unlike Frank Gore….Marshawn looks like he’s still in his prime….and Seattle knows what they are and they play to that….the Niners don’t….they throw the ball WAYYY too much (except to Vernon Davis, go figure right?) and they’ve looked like crap against all the crappy teams on their schedule (5 turnovers and NO touchdowns against the Giants….I can go on…)….as much as this tends to be a home field series….San Fran is playing wayyy too crappy to trust them in this game, least seeing Seattle on the other side SHOULD bring out their A-Game….but I don’t think they even know what their A-Game is and how to use it…..it should be an awesome blood match and first to 15 probably wins it…..
Game Quality: **** (blood….death….and VENGENCE!!!)
Sunday Nov 30:
San Diego at Baltimore:
San Diego is down to their 4th Center ….good God….that’s a lot of injuries in the same place….being the Chargers’ center is like being the drummer for Spinal Tap pretty much….except only certain parts of your body spontaneously combust and not the whole thing….the Chargers have really been sputtering their way through the middle part of the season too with the injuries, disappointing WR play and Phillp Rivers’ struggles too…..one of the worst things to have to do at that point is fly across the country to play an early game with the Ravens who are REALLY good at home and got a virtual bye with the Saints last week….not a good scenario at all…..add it all up and the Chargers might have well just stayed home….ha!
Game Quality: ***
Cleveland at Buffalo:
Once a week me and Jamie do actually discuss the games of the week….mostly because she has an office pool and every week I’ve give her the picks for her office pool, I’ve won double digit games for the week in my picks (and it gives us something to bicker about in our difference games….we’re good at that)…anyway….there is a point to this….when the picks came in…..she wanted to pick Buffalo….I told her “you know Sanborn declared this as his SUPER BOWL for the season” (mostly since he got as pissed off at some Dante Whitner comments as I get about the ODB play I simply call the “Consolation Catch”….I’ll get to that in the Giants preview)….the minute I told Jamie he was treating it like a Super Bowl….she went “sh!t…I’ll take the Browns then!!!” ….nice to see the Bills cleaned out the stadium for a long-standing Anti-Football Hall of Fame Match-up!!! (this game needs the crappy weather outside now to be honest…. Derek Anderson can go 2 for 12 and STILL WIN the game…yes I will never forget that anti-football classic!)…..so much history here….HA…..both teams have good defenses, but I like what Cleveland is doing with running the ball, I like “Coach Goldberg” (go google a pic of the Browns head coach and put a pic next to the most successful Bald Jewish Guy in Pro Wrestling history….they’re damn near twins!) better than Marone…..I certainly like Brian Hoyer more than the rKo at QB (despite the fact he stunk enough to get benched last week, till Mike Smith saved his job…)…and at this point in their careers I’d take Gordon over Watkins ANY DAY…..add in the Sanborn whammy being laid down….and this might be an ugly one and bring back glorious moments of anti-football goodness….but the Browns find a way to stay in the hunt, while next year begins now for the Bills….
Game Quality: ** *(This one is PERSONAL)
Tennessee at Houston:
One team has a rookie QB putting up nice numbers and giving a sniff of hope to the future….the other one is stuck going back to Ryan INT’s-Patrick and right back in the craphole again (credit to Ryan Mallett, playing a full game with a torn pec muscle is almost as awesome as me playing six weeks of hockey on three ligament tears in my knee until my surgery exactly one year ago on this pre-Thanksgiving Wednesday)…..the teams are opposite outside of the QB’s too…Houston has a solid to borderline awesome team outside of the QB position (and they are paying JJ Watt like a QB)….and everyone runs like it’s Hulkamania all over the Titans…with or without Foster the Texicans will run like the wind on the Titans and that will be enough….as long as Fitz keeps the turnovers to a minimum they should be fine here…..this isn’t exactly must watch TV anyway…..
Game Quality: * ½
Washington at Indianapolis:
Here let me get you the exclusive sneak footage I was able to get of the REDSKINS coaches meeting when they decided it was time to sit Robert Griffin and let McCoy be the QB for this game and probably the rest of the season (and good for him, this kid never got a real shot anywhere else till now…hopefully)
Coach 1: “Who we playing this week?”
Coach 2: “The Colts”
Coach 1: “Hrmmmm….we have a Colt on our team right??”
Coach 2: “Yeup”
Coach 1: “Hell…LET’S START HIM!!! THEY WON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!”
Coach 2: “GENIUS!!!!!”
** note** the above portrayal might be a SLIGHT exaggeration, but don’t doubt the Gruden Stooges being about this dumb with how this season has been handled….anyway I don’t care if they bring back the Hogs, give Theismann a Cylon leg to replace the one that was snapped to pieces 30 years ago, and blockade the Stadium with the old moving trucks the Colts used to bolt from Baltimore…the REDSKINS just have no chance here….the Colts are too good and they have no way to stop the Colt receivers
Game Quality: * (QB drama adds one star of interest)
NY Giants at Jacksonville:
OMG DID YOU REALIZE THAT THE GREATEST MOMENT IN THE ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE HAPPENED LAST WEEK….the play was SO AMAZING that Giant fans found facebook again and were bragging and rubbing each other off….DOGS AND CATS BEGAN MAKING LOVE IN AWE OF THE ONE HANDED CATCH OF A LIFETIME…..sh!t the catch was so awesome the Giants stopped playing after it and got their asses whipped after it…..but since this is an ESPN Universe and we glorify the individual play, team results be damned, let’s forget about the pathetic 3-8 football team and yank off on twitter and all the highlight shows all week about this…hell they’re still talking about this “Consolation Catch” NOW on the damned NFL Network…..someone want to remind the world that the GIANTS HAVE THE SAME GODDAMN RECORD AS THE REDSKINS….let that sink in a second…..has it processed yet?? I actually had two customers ask me on Monday why I was wearing the Cowboys Hoodie since the Giants won (yes people are that stupid and I billed them an extra hour each for it)….I did love the QB Convo comment that “WR need be that stupidly athletic to actually catch Eli’s horrible and god-awfully inaccurate passes”….but he gets a pass because he stuck two Hail Marys to sticky helmets and he’s “clutch”….I guess at least on the bright side, getting all pissed off about this Consolation Catch has lit a football fire under me….they might need to whip out the Velcro and the stickyhands this week….the Jaguars are better against the pass then you’d think (their 33 sacks is 3rd in the NFL)…this might be also because they are TERRIBLE against the run (130 yards a game)…the Giants are actually worse against the run (hard to think that possible) and just as bad against the pass….this might be a fun kinda anti-football game where you see lots of yards, stats and those garbage fluke catches that make me hate this Giants team soooo much (NOTHING is worse than a team you despise winning on pure luck and flukiness)….and I think getting all that anger out of my system….again…made me change my thought….I liked Jacksonville at home…but I DO need the Giants to win a few games to get back to the 6 or 7 range I want them in….this should be one of those games…..and it’s warm and no snow down there…..enjoy that weather!!!
Game Quality: * ¾
Carolina at Minnesota:
A tough game to call, but at least the Vikings seem to be moving in the right direction….Carolina seems lost…bad coaching….Cam is regressing….the offense sucks and the defense is missing pieces all over the place…and looking at the Vikings wins….St Louis (in game 1), Atlanta, Tampa and Washington….they beat up on the teams worse than they are…. Carolina is certainly worse than they are….and the more wins the Vikings get, the better for Bridgewater….and the less talk of Adrian Peterson coming back to the Vikings…..all good things for their future….
Game Quality: * ¾
New Orleans at Pittsburgh:
So much for the Saints feasting on the home cooking and winning some games and getting a foothold on WORST PLACE in the NFC South….someone must have fed them the shellfish of DOOM and gave them food poisioning…bad at home….bad on the road….and in a terrible division (though I wish people would realize that the AFC North beating up on the NFC South is why all the South teams have sh!tty records and all the North teams are over .500….it’s a North ass whipping of the South not seen since the Civil War!! Too soon??) Anyway….give me the team with the QB on a roll and awesome WRs and a RB who might run for 200 yards again over the team turning it over like mad and a defense so bad even Rob Ryan has SHUT UP this year….this could be an ass kicking this week……
Game Quality: **
Oakland at St Louis:
Here’s a fun fact….a bit over a year ago…the Raiders won a football game….and Hassan lost a fantasy football game….a year later…..the Raiders win again….and your favorite previewer is the one who became the one in Hassan’s 11-1 season this year….a weird coincidence isn’t it?? Hell I think Sparano (the clown that he is) celebrated that victory like he won the Super Bowl AND Stanley Cup in the same night….I get emotions and all…but damn that was embarrassing….the Rams on the other hand have been playing everyone tough….have found their pass rush and their defense in the process…..Tre Mason should have a big game, what running back DOESN’T against the Raiders….no worry Justin Tuck, you won’t have to call a game saving time out this week…..you’re gonna get whipped and eating your crappy Subway sandwich on the sideline long before this game is over….the Rams have a soft end of season schedule and could make some noise here and set a tone for next season in these last five games….
Game Quality: ** (Rams are playing well now)
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay:
LOL….Tampa Bay lost in Chicago to the Bears…NO ONE does that….I don’t care how horrible, soft and all that crap I hate about the Bengals….this is Josh McNown and the awful Bucs….anything the Bengals need to work on and get better with this week….they will….just move along….nothing else to see here….
Game Quality: DUD
Arizona at Atlanta:
Go figure….it takes Arizona finally losing for me to expect them to win….#irony….well I’ll be fair…its more the fact that they’re playing the Falcons….need I go on about the gift wrap job Mike Smith did last week in doing his damndest to make sure the Browns won that game?? (Maybe he had Gordon on his fantasy team and wanted him to get one more shot)….if you want to be stupid and take a risk like the Falcons did at the end of the game (if you don’t know what I’m talking about, stop you tubing the ODB catch and go find the last minute of this game)….RUN THE CLOCK DOWN TO TWENTY SECONDS, THEN USE YOUR TIME OUT….moron!!! Then again if Mike Smith knew how to manage a game the Falcons wouldn’t be a running joke in the league…..Bruce Aryans on the other hand knows what he’s doing and could coach a Special Ed team to victory over this buffoon…..
Winner: Cardinals (look I picked them!!)
Game Quality: ** (the good D vs the good O is always interesting)
New England at Green Bay:
As much as I get pissed off by the crazy offense and all the bloated stats in football….I can’t lie….I’m a bit fired up for this game….and it damn well BETTER be good since the idiot NFL put only TWO GAMES on at 4pm, and I don’t see Arizona and Atlanta making anyone run for Direct TV coverage this week….but here we go…Brady…. A-Rod, the Packers unstoppable offense, and this revamped and all of a sudden dominant Patriot defense….this Packers team isn’t built like Denver and the Manning offense…there’s no one guy to stop…..shut down Nelson and Cobb kills you….cover them both and Eddie Lacy gets 150 yards…given the Packer O-Line is maybe a weakness on this team, but A-Rod is good…and mobile enough to make that less of a problem….and the Pats offense should be able to do much of the same to a weaker Packers defense….I fully expect a slugfest here with lots of scoring and Fantasy Football Bliss, but I see the Packers being just one score better….maybe I’m overrating home field here a touch, and I’m also expecting the Pats to have a slip up game in here somewhere…..no shame in losing a 45-40 type game….this is the NFL Goodell dreams of after all…..
Game Quality: *****
Denver at Kansas City:
Kansas City did lay an egg on Thursday Night with the Raiders, and they have been exposed a bit offensively (not that it took much to see a team with NO TDs from its wide receivers can’t get big plays….but still….that’s an amazing stat in this no-defense era of football)….the Broncos are getting a bit healthier and survived a helluva scare from the Dolphins who gave the Broncos all they could handle….the Chiefs’ strengths get negated by Denver….they don’t get to the QB and sure Jamaal can run the ball but what the hell good does it do when the Broncos are up 14+ while Alex Smith is still dropping screen passes and checkdowns praying that #25 takes it to the house….Jason Avant is a nice addition, but the Chiefs are bringing rocks to a gun fight….that ain’t gonna get it done….
Game Quality: ** ¾
Monday Dec 1:
Miami at NY Jets:
I guess this should be expected after all the pretty good games the NFL has showcased this week that it would run out of steam….after all, there’s only so many good games you can pump out in one week, and while people may not have expected much from the Jets NO ONE expected this to be the bottoming out point (or close to it….ask the Raiders, they’ve been “bottomed out” for so long they forgot where the way out is)….I ranted enough in this one so might as well keep this short and sweet….If Miami gets up 10+ points early, the Jets are gonna fold like they did last week against the Detroit Bills, I kinda expect that to happen pretty quickly….especially with Geno Smith back at QB this week…..this won’t be much to watch, except for fantasy purposes….
Game Quality: DUD (the Jets are done and this could get ugly as fast as last week’s did)
NFL Week 11 Power Rankings:
- New England….another big test this week
- Denver….Not dominant, but still a nice win with a limited roster
- Miami…Ryan Tannehill has arrived people
- Cincinnati….only because of that whole pesky in first place thing….
- Baltimore…a bit forgotten but spoke up during the “bye in the Bayou”
- Green Bay….hot enough to not freeze to death in Lambeau…
- Dallas…winning the game actually kinda matters, highlight catch be damned!
- Seattle….coming on strong…..
- Arizona….a bit harsh of a drop, but hard to believe in them…..
- Detroit….remember when they actually scored points in games?