Two weeks to go in the Regular Season…..Good God this always goes so fast doesn’t it? (And I always say it about a hundred times in the last month of the year too….I know….when you get older you’ll understand, though I do enjoy the shock of seeing the “HOLY sh!t you’re 42?!?!?!?” reaction….never gets old!! What will get old though is this stream of crappy Prime Time Football we’re getting (damn, lookit that segue….yes I actually stopped and patted myself on the back…it was epic!)….we’re getting some MAJOR games on Sunday…and more Johnny Backup….so I guess it’s good that Thursday and Saturday are gonna play crap filter for the weekend, might as well get to it!!!
Thursday Dec 18:
Tennessee at Jacksonville:
Holy sweet hopping crap….2-10….meets….2-10….this game is so horrible on paper that the NFL Network is interviewing the guy who’s gonna sing the National Anthem…..and making it into Kariokee….yeah this is gonna be pretty awful….not to mention the Titans are running out of Quarterbacks…..wait…you mean I gotta do a football breakdown here??? *sigh*….the Jaguars do have their QB in place, some good Receivers, and they do play hard at least…..and the Titans are First Pick overall kinda dreadful…..and how do you spell victory? Let the other team roll out Charlie Whitehurst as the damn starter….
(**edit** I posted this at half time....I look pretty foolish here )
Game Quality: DUD (you know it’s bad when I’m letting Jamie take me out for B-Day Dinner during this)
Saturday Dec 20:
Philadelphia at REDSKINS:
Mark Sanchez vs RG III….I don’t know what will be higher, the TV Rating …..or the total turnovers….oh boy…..It would be nice if Griffin was ACTUALLY the biggest problem with the Redskins…but a garbage offensive line and a swiss cheese at best defense on the other side of the ball….good Christ I’m a bitter person picking the REDSKINS to win the NFC East just because they ended the season with Dallas….. though watch the REDSKINS troll us all and beat Phily AND Dallas and screw everything up….ha! Am I picking that to happen??? HELLS NO….but damn it would be funny right???
Game Quality: ** ½ (Rivalry, and angry REDSKIN fans….I’m sold!)
San Diego at San Francisco:
The Chargers are falling apart on the field…..injured players all over (Allen, Matthews, any center they can grab off the street and now Phillip Rivers is hurting too)….the 49ers are hurting on AND off the field….Gore and Hyde got beat up last week…..and let’s not forget the 49er MOMENT OF MORALITY….amazing how it took being eliminated from the playoffs and the season over for the Niners to have had enough of Ray McDonald and NOW they cut him….I’m sure that was a moment of convenience with that investigation too….righhttt….The University of Michgan is already backing up the money truck at Harbaugh (and it probably is time for him to go….coaches like him have a shelf life after all)….sadly for the 49ers, Kapernick is still healthy….and he’s gonna have to throw the ball….and the Chargers DO have something to play for still…this could be one of those games where the Niners just quit….especially if they get behind early….this has train wreck of gloriousness written all over it….it may be horrible….but it’s gonna be a FUN kinda awful!
Game Quality: ** (this has massive anti-footballs potentials!)
Sunday Dec 21:
Cleveland at Carolina:
DEREK ANDERSON’S REVENGE!!!!! (Hell might as well play him, or does he have some weird contract thing where he only gets to beat up on Tampa Bay?)…..I don’t think the Panthers should rush back Cam….especially not against this defense, and Anderson’s done fine….and not to mention Johnny Backup is gonna make life easy on the Carolina Defense….it’s amazing with how horrid Manzell was last week…maybe it justified Brian Hoyer more….yeah he was awful the last month….but that offensive line has fallen to crap since Alex Mack’s injury put him on the IR for the season….The Browns defense is still solid, but there’s only so many AW sh!t the QB screwed up AGAIN moments they can suffer before they just fold over and die too….and sadly….the Panthers are still thinking playoffs (cue that epic speech please!)….and Cleveland has punched out putting Johnny Clueless in there……
Game Quality: **
Detroit at Chicago:
JIMMY CLAUSEN?!?!?!? Really??? Seriously??? I thought Manzell was the bottom of the barrel….heh, look at the level of crap QB’s I’ve had to talk about so far this week…. Whitehurst….Manzell…. Kapernick….now they pulled Clausen out of the moth balls…..oiii…..Clausen hasn’t won a game since the Cold War ended….seriously….and he’s gonna go against the Lions D??? Yeah….that’s all I need to know here….there’s more train wrecks to watch this week then getting a gift of the all the WWE Films Direct to DVD movie collection…..
Game Quality: *
Baltimore at Houston:
….I had to stop and take a second, because this is actually some relevant football and I get to talk about a game that matters as opposed to mocking the garbage presented in front of me!!!....and damn me to hell I almost don’t know what to do with it….*sigh*….anti-football overload…..so ummm…lemme thumb through some stats….the Ravens are LAST in pass defense and 3rd in sacks….how the hell is that possible?? (Maybe Manta can come out of his coma and spin this one)…and 3rd in run defense….sounds like boom or bust there and we know how erratic the Ravens are on the road…here lemme talk about the Texican defense too…. JJ Watt….k, I’m done! I was gonna say something nice about Ryan Fitzpatrick but I had totally forgotten he’s on IR now (D’oh)….so it’s either Case Keenum this week or Thad Lewis (you know the guy who couldn’t beat out EJ Manuel or Jeff Tuel on the Bills….yeaahhh)……based on that QB situation alone, I’ll take the purple haze and realize this game is gonna suck a LOT more then I first expected it too….ha!
Game Quality: ** (This is GAME OF THE YEAR based on the crap before this!)
Minnesota at Miami:
The Dolphins have been easy to figure out this year….they look good and solid in the first half….then they watch whatever crappy half time show is on in the stadium….they get lulled into a coma and get curb stomped in the second half…..six weeks ago this looked like a no brainer for the Dolphins….that was then….now the Vikings are playing decent football and have a legit chance at 8-8 this year (Miami and Chicago)….with having to go to Bridgewater earlier than planned and not having a certain Running Back who shalt not be mentioned most of the year either and being in a total rebuild mode….8-8 is pretty damned awesome…..and possible….Miami follows the formula….the Vikings stay on the path to 8-8….
Game Quality: * ¾
Atlanta at New Orleans:
‘tis the EPIC BATTLE FOR WORST PLACE SUPREMACY!!!!!!!!!! Holy crap. How the hell so I take the Saints at home….or trust Atlanta and that crappy defense to stop ANY team twice?? (they did whip the Saints at home in week 1, which should be a bigger red flag then a girl asking you after a few drinks to rate her on a scale of One to Ten with how she looks….oi Kelly….) ….and the only thing that made the Saints offense look competent this year was the Bears defense…that’s not very reassuring…..at least these teams hate each other to high holy hell…should make for a good game….and SOMEONE has to be awarded this playoff spot (I REFUSE to call this ‘winning a division’….its more losing more lesser than the other idiots)….I guess I’ll go for my chaos theory and root and expect the team with the crappier record to win just to stick the nail in the 10-6 team that will miss the playoffs in the NFC a lil bit more!
Game Quality: ** ¾
New England at NY Jets:
…blah blah….Jets play them tough….blah blah….big rivalry….but then you look at the teams….it’s Geno Smith vs the Pats D that has been kinda epic of late….and the Jet secondary against Tom Brady….yeah….this could get ugly people…..
Game Quality: DUD (time to go have a fraking snack and move on to the next one)
Kansas City at Pittsburgh:
Ohhhh, another “elimination game” ….whoever loses this one is pretty much done….oh my God it’s scary that the leading receiver for the Steelers (Brown 115/1498) has DOUBLE the stats of the Chiefs’ top receiver (Kelce 56/747) …and the more I look at the Chiefs and especially comparing it to a good offense like the Steelers, the more you realize…hot damn they have a massive pop-gun offense!!!! Add in some home cooking, the much better QB and coaching staff….and even with the crap-tastic defense the Steelers put out there….if you have a bad secondary and the other team’s QB doesn’t throw past ten yards….does it really matter how bad your corners are?? I just get the feeling the Steeler offense will overwhelm the Chiefs D by leaving them out on the field forever….and Ben’s gonna troll me for that ZERO TD effort last week…. *grumble* and light up the Chiefs……which means KC got no chance….
Game Quality: *** ¾
Green Bay at Tampa Bay:
WHY THE HELL COULDN’T THIS GAME BE LAST WEEK GOD DAMMIT!?!??!?!?! ARGH….yes I’m Jordy Nelson raging….goddammit be glad it took THIS long to get to it ….that one stupid drop pretty much cost me a trip to the finals and a thousand bucks…..I have a right to be sour….least I didn’t throw my Blackberry across the room this time…..anyway…. *sigh*….this game is a scheduled weekly ass kicking and not much more need be said about it….well except for fantasy football rage… *le sigh*
Game Quality: DUD
NY Giants at St Louis:
Thank God, Dallas and Indy is on CBS….ain’t nobody gonna be watching THIS one…..oh wait, we’re supposed to oogle and ooohhh and ahhhhh at mister Sticky Gloves and his overrated one handed catches that are gonna hype him into an Offensive Rookie of the Year he has NO business in winning (yes this is going to annoy more than that fraking Salsa that Victor Cruz does….deal with it!)…however the Giants DO have O-line issues and if St Louis can do anything it’s pressure the QB and win the trenches battle….and not much else….the Rams should be a bit pissed after crapping that bed 11 days before in the game with Arizona …..Tre Mason should be better this week since he too ruined a LOT of Fantasy Football weeks before they even started last week and I’d really expect a bounce back team from the team that always plays well when nothing’s on the line…..don’t worry, St Louis, you always have MB30 stat padding to look forward to also!
Game Quality: ** (Seeing how the Rams rebound might be interesting)
Buffalo at Oakland:
So the Raiders got wrecked last week and the Bills pulled the OMG UPSETS OF THE YEAR SPECIAL *sigh* in beating the Packers at home….it’s funny how Sanborn is coming East and the Bills go West….maybe that’s best for Buffalo….avoid the hometown hex! I don’t see the Raider offensive line doing ANYTHING to protect Carr or get that running game going and this is a rare game we expect Buffalo to win that they actually SHOULD win….a few rKo’s and even a lil CJ Spiller and the Bills should be able to coast in this one….not like it’s a Super Bowl or anything……
Game Quality: ** (Cue your inner Bee Gees and sing some Stayin Alive….)
Indianapolis at Dallas:
So OF COURSE after Demarco Murray rapes me in fantasy and I can focus on my team’s playoff run (that I’m still not sure I want….I just KNOW Garrett is gonna screw this up somewhere….)….HE BREAKS HIS GODDAMNED HAND….and they want to rush him back….he’s NOT Emmitt Smith people and this is NOT a must-win game….in fact, the REDSKIN game matters like a million times more for tiebreakers and all that nonsense…..and I don’t think Dallas is going to be able to keep up with the Colts offense here (even as mistake prone as they are in the first half of games….Andy Luck has that comeback magic….you can’t teach that)….funny how in a week of big games and teams playing MUST games, the “big game of the week” really had zero relevant playoff implications (the Colts are all but sealed in the 3 spot, and Dallas’ big game is NEXT week unless Phily loses on Saturday)….there should be a LOT of offense and a high score in this one though, that’s all that matters in the NFL’s eyes!
Game Quality: ****
Seattle At Arizona:
I’m amazed this game wasn’t flexed OUT of….everyone has seen the air coming out of the Arizona balloon (maybe they had no game to switch to…)…a 3rd string QB against that Seattle Defense?? Oh boy….I know Arians is already Coach of the Millenium getting this patchwork team to believe in itself and to the playoffs this year….but man if they win this one, they should rename the Lombardi Trophy to this guy, cause ain’t NO ONE gonna coach like this guy does ever again……in other words I don’t give the Cardinals much chance here
Game Quality: DUD
Monday Dec 16:
Denver at Cincinnati:
You know what’s uglier then Andy Dalton?? Andy Dalton in Prime Time…. Injured, sick, or even playoff form Peyton Manning is gonna be better than this evil Ginger…..and we all know I don’t trust much in the Bengals in the big spot …they NEVER win in prime time, and don’t beat the Broncos even with Tebow as the QB and have NEVER beaten Peyton Manning….add in the MAN SIZED RUNNING GAME the Broncos have this week…..and as much as I crap on Peyton in the big spot, he’s Joe Fraking Montana compared to Andy Dalton in the big lights….the over/under on Dalton turnovers should be 3 ½ in this one….it might get ugly and this will probably be the OMG THE BRONCOSSSZZZ IS BACKKKSSS game for all the sheep in the media……
Game Quality: *** (what a glorious train wreck!)
NFL Week 13 Power Rankings:
- New England….this is becoming habit now isn’t it?
- Denver….Papa John’s Pizza will make you sick and your leg hurt…..
- Indianapolis…life is good in the AFC South…..
- Pittsburgh….watch Ben throw 5 TDs to spite me again here…..
- Baltimore….does anyone not named Manta take them seriously?
- Seattle….runs past the Packers who tripped on a bump in the road…..
- Green Bay…..burn in hell Jordy Nelson
- Detroit….very much under the radar in the NFC
- Dallas….only cause I gotta…..
- Phily….only cause I don’t trust Arizona or the entire NFC South….