Sorry this is a bit late….had a job run late this afternoon, and unlike Legarrette Blount, WE don’t leave the field until the game is OVER…..anyway….The last of the bye weeks is here!!! (I really wish one day the NFL would get their sh!t right about giving bye weeks with some sense of logic and continuity, but this is the same league that crams 8 games in at 1pm and leaves 3 games on an island at 4, thinks London is a viable NFL City, and wants to ban defense…and not to mention their own dopey PR war against themselves too….)….at least on the bright side (and gotta be positive…after all the holidays….and more importantly…my birthday….are all coming)….now we get to the point of the season where the games REALLY matter, and the anti-football gets even more anti-football-ier!!!
Thursday Nov 20:
Kansas City At Oakland:
After two weeks of decent Thursday Night games (and we get two more in the upcoming weeks), we go back to the sh!t show tonight for sure….oh boy…..the Raiders did get screwed out of a last second Hail Mary chance since there clearly was one second on the clock when the pass before hit the ground…but hey, the Raiders haven’t won a game in a full year now….so why care?? Right??? It’s like the referees at a 11:30 pm ice hockey game…you really think they’re gonna call that icing in the 2nd period like that?? HA! Anyway….I digress, but the NFL does have the innate ability to make me tangent….the Chiefs might be looking ahead to the Broncos next week, but the Raiders are already looking towards next year’s draft and hopefully making sure David Carr is in one piece by then and not shell shocked like his brother was after one year with the Texicans….in the 2nd game last year with the Raiders Jamaal Charles was a one man fantasy football team with his 5 TDs…we might see a repeat of that this year…oh boy…. Maybe the Chiefs can actually throw a TD to a Wide Receiver tonight….that would be cute…..Apparently there’s a rainbow shining over the Stadium in Oakland….to me that just means George Takei is getting a Make a Wish moment and running in a TD on the Raiders…..
Game Quality: DUD (this be an ass kicking)
Sunday Nov 23:
Cleveland at Atlanta:
So with their “epic” win over Carolina the Atlanta Falcons stand on top of the NFC South….with that division being as horrific as they are, I decided for a new term for them….WORST PLACE!!! (and I guess being able to pass the ball with any level of competence is enough to make you look like you should win this terrible NFC South….and Atlanta can chuck the football for sure)….the Browns did look kinda bad last week, but they did fall victim to the JJ Watt show (and leave it to the NFL to have their defensive player of the year be the one defensive player with more touchdowns than half the offensive stars in the league….)…boy welcome to “Tangent Week” in my write-ups…even more than normal…..anyway, the Browns can run the ball, the Falcons couldn’t stop TIMMY from South Park if he got a handoff and hit forward on his lil wheelchair…..and that Josh Gordon guy comes back today….and what better team to get a trial run than the crappy Atlanta D….the Browns are too good, and I think it’s a Man Law “when thou art in WORST PLACE, thyne shalt loseth thy next game-ith”…..or something like that….
Game Quality: **
NY Jets at Buffalo:
OH MY GOD IT SNOWED IN BUFFALO FIVE DAYS BEFORE THE JETS GAME, WE MUST POSTPONE IT!!! Geesh people, if anyone would be used to snow and crap weather it would be the Buffalo area….though this whole state of emergency stuff in Buffalo does give the Jets a bit of an edge…the Bills really can’t practice this week (hope they have treadmills in their living room, so they can stop taking idiotic pics of playing in the snow in their damn shorts….we get it…you Bills player….you like cold….drag your knuckles and move on)…but not like the Vanilla Bills offense really needs the reps, Kyle Orton doesn’t stretch the field ….or scare anyone, and that’s the difference in him say over Alex Smith, yeah Smith doesn’t scare you with his arm, but he makes smart plays and he can kill you running the ball too…and in this day and age, if your QB can’t make a play or two on his own, your team is toast (and yes I wrote this bit in the morning and learned the game is delayed….this game should be in Toronto just to play up to the old Toronto Maple Bills tradition….and hell they might hold the Jets to less points than the Leafs do currently!)
Game Quality: ** *(If they clear all the snow I remove all the stars)
Tampa Bay at Chicago:
Oh boy…Lovie Smith gets a homecoming with in Chicago….and OH CRAP he’s bringing the OLD SAVIOR IN JOSH MCNOWN WITH ME….MY GOD, NO WONDER THE BEARS SUCK NOW….yeah, Jay Cutler is still there after all…its REALLY tempting to take the Bucs here…old coach….pay back game….Bears suck at home…..Cutler is healthy…..horrible defense…but it’s freaking TAMPA….and yeah they’ve been a hair better the last few games….and all the revenge stuff….and they beat the Redskins…the Redskins are a bigger mess than the Bears…hell they’re so bad I stopped yelling their name to piss off the PC Police! Bad teams don’t win two weeks in a row unless they’re in WORST PLACE in the NFC South….wait that doesn’t work….just channel your inner Dikta in Chicago and win this damned train wreck …..
Game Quality: *
Cincinnati at Houston:
If we can get past that awful looking Bengals fan who got cock blocked out of a lil football last week (and don’t worry….I’m sure it’s not the only time that woman was denied some balls I’m sure she thought were coming her way….)….we have another mess of a game to talk about here….but my God GIO BERNARD IS ACTUALLY PRACTICING AGAIN…hooray! (Ironic that he’ll be back and now Arian Foster is now the “will he ever play again” mystery man)…Ryan Mallet was solid in his debut, and Alfred Blue made the Browns sad last week too…there’s no reason that Houston can’t do this again, even if Cincy is playing a bit better now…and getting healthier….it seems like twice a week I have a team set in my mind and then start typing about the two teams and just these words on the keyboard totally change my mindset….plus fvck that dumb chick who got the PR guy’s game ball in New Orleans last week!!! I hate games like this that are just total toss-ups…its where my damned emotions win out and usually for the worst…..
Game Quality: **
Jacksonville at Indianapolis:
Oh Jacksonville, you do try so hard….if only you were in the NFC South, not the AFC one….you’d have such hope…but this week you get an angry Colts team that got wrecked and maybe exposed in Prime Time last week….being a different week and the Jaguars having nowhere close to the talent the Pats have, this is just a one way trip to beatdown-ville….
Game Quality: DUD
Green Bay at Minnesota:
The Vikings just got smoked by Jay Cutler, and now they’re gonna bring in a REAL OFFENSE to play the Vikings?? I really only need say two words about this one: ASS KICKING….the Packers run wilder then Hulk Hogan during the peak of his “magic vitamins”….move along people…..
Game Quality: DUD
Detroit at New England:
The Lions got stomped by the Cardinals (well as much as they stomp anyone….) and the Pats ran Jonas Gray so much last week they brought back Blount as another big body in case he’s still catching his breath (kinda hilarious that he walked off the field literally about Bell’s 200 yard day, to now back up the OTHER guy who ran for Two Beans last week….the league is funny like that)….the Lions are playing defense as well as anyone in the league and I don’t expect a crazy running day again from the Pats (they do tend to run 4 wide and spread these kinda teams and dink and dunk them with the midget receivers to death in these situations)….and the Lions just don’t have the firepower to stay with them, and the Belichick D does tend to make guys like Stafford who is VERY mistake prone, to make those mistakes, and New England is too good at home this year….
Game Quality: **
Tennessee at Philadelphia:
Does anything say “I’m sorry we scheduled you to play in Green Bay last week and they took your soul, but we’ll make it up to you” like scheduling the Titans in your building the next week?? Yeah Yeah, they put up a fight on the Steelers, but have the Steelers not been proved to be THE biggest Fraud defense in football?? I think so…this is the week Sanchez and McCoy get to feel better …especially McCoy he’s due a game like Le’Veon Bell had last week….and I’d embrace it….just a touch…..least Mettenberger gets some reps against another lesser defense to get his feet wet with….this time try NOT to throw a pick-6 to the Gay Guy on the first play, that would be nice of you…..
Game Quality: DUD (the crap team won’t play big two weeks in a row)
St. Louis at San Diego:
The Rams pulled off the mother of all upsets last week knocking out the Bronco players one by one in glorious fashion!! But can that act travel and come all the way to the West Coast?? The Chargers still aren’t playing all that wonderful, and having an awful time trying to protect Phillip Rivers, least Ryan Matthews is back and taking some pressure off the passing game….history also says that teams that have the miracle game usually crash right back to Earth the next week….hopefully they get off the plane in San Diego before they crash…the weather is nice there….they should enjoy it for a bit before the smash into the pavement….the Rams might make this more interesting than it should be….but San Diego finds away (hopefully it’s not the clock running to Zero, even when there was one second left….)
Game Quality: **
Arizona at Seattle:
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a 9-1 football team that I refused to pick to win like every week…honestly, can you blame me?? (Least I was right ONCE)….toss on top of this pile of facts that Seattle DID lose to Arizona at home last year also, and are just playing ridiculous defense as well too…but still…it’s Drew Stanton and no running attack at all against that Crowd Noise and that secondary (no this is not a knock on the Cardinals D-Backs, I just trust Russell l Wilson a bit….he’s kinda done a few things in this league), Seattle also has the superior running game (no matter how out the door Marshawn Lynch is….he’s gonna give his all since he’s trying out for a job next season)…..and a bit of revenge on the mind for last year’s loss….and a chance to knock Arizona back down into making this NFC West a race….home cooking tastes good….feed….me….more!!!!!
Game Quality: **
Miami at Denver:
So many injury questions in Denver….will either Thomas play? Is Emmanuel Sanders running around saying “I’M BATMAAAANNN” still?? Who in the blue hell will run the ball for the Broncos….cause you know God Forbid “the Greatest QB of all time” step it up when things are going back around him…add in that Dolphin pass rush, attack defense and Grimes covering whatever relevant receiver is left for the Broncos…the Dolphins are playing awesome football…..Tannehill is starting to live up to First Round Pick Status….they run the ball, they make big plays…winners of 4 of 5….I was convinced I was gonna make the easy pick and say Denver here….but goddamn there’s not a single matchup that points to it, well aside of Denver’s massive home-field edge….but asking Peyton to put a team on his back and GO tends to end as well as playing a Maple Leafs Goalie on your fantasy team for a week….I’m smelling UPSET here….. Get ‘er Dun Miami (Good God this is a Godfather sized kiss of Death ain’t it??)….barring a miracle healing session from the Denver skill players….
Game Quality: ***
Washington at San Francisco:
The 49ers got five INT’s from good ol’Eli last week….and STILL stunk in the red zone….the 49ers are screaming all kinds of alarms, alerts and warnings here….buttttt, they’re playing the Redskins….RG III (and 8) can’t even count to 5 steps to make the correct dropbacks….he’s close to being totally ruined by two different horrible coaching staffs….neither one of these teams run the ball at ALL, but least the Niners have some defense and they haven’t mutinied on their QB like the Redskins seemed to have by now….plus this is a classic bully win, beat ‘em up, pound out the 49er chests and get ready for the big boys in Seattle next Thursday….
Game Quality: **
Dallas at NY Giants:
Dallas may have the weirdest schedule in the NFL (not to mention giving Dallas a November bye when its Romo’s best month, which in all oddity was a blessing since it gave his back an extra week off), and now they have a Sunday Night game on the road before playing two Thursday games in a row….just strangeness indeed….all my inner Cowboys hatred aside….the Giants are 31st in defense (or some number equally as awful)….they’re not running the ball well and my beloved E-L-INT is back!!! Add in a healthy Dallas, Murray running like normal, that’s just too much Cowboys for the Giants, especially when the Cowboys gotta have this game to keep the pressure on the Eagles…..no need for wit here this might be one of those “hrmmm, what’s on my DVR” games by the half….not like you watch Costas and Dungy unless you have a SEVERE case of insomnia….
Game Quality: ***
Monday Nov 23:
Baltimore at New Orleans:
Remember a few weeks ago when we all thought “oh the Saints have some home games and they’ll be fine”….oh boy were we ever wrong?? Sadly the best Saints defender was that awesome old man who intercepted that toss from Gresham to that ANNOYING lil twat who ran down from her seats to have her stupid 15 minutes of fame (and really…shame on the football media for even making a damn story out of this…sh!t Rob Ryan should give the guy a contract and put him at CB!)….but the Saints are now just as average at home as they are on the road….and while the Ravens aren’t exactly wondrous on the road, Steve Smith has been pretty good in his NFC South reunion tour….and as much as I can’t buy into the damn Cardinals at this point….I can certainly cash out on the Saints….plus the Ravens had a bye and stuff (and I think in those 8 days since they played they shifted from first place to last place and everywhere inbetween….ha!)…..and maybe one of those days I can actually figure out what in the hell happened to the Saints this year….
Game Quality: *** (should be a decent game at least)
NFL Week 11 Power Rankings:
- New England….50 Shades of Grey indeed
- Denver….Amazing how the “great Peyton” couldn’t make his B squad better
- Miami…BIG test this week….
- Kansas City….quietly looking good again this year
- Indianapolis….they might wanna work on this “run defense” thing…..
- Arizona…The smoke and mirrors are powerful things indeed….
- Green Bay…unstoppable offense!
- Detroit….hard to play football in blinding smoke and mirror show
- Seattle….the irony of them falling to a team’s home field dominance is amusing