Wow….October’s almost over already??? The busier you are the faster it goes….Thursday Night games that matter….rubbish played across the pond….Goodell still has his job….yeah it’s business as normal in the NFL…this week the 49ers get the week off and the Giants a stay of execution as well, and a kinda bland slate of games aside of the GREATEST THURSDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL GAME IN THE HISTORY OF MAN…. *sigh* this game would be more awesomer at 4:15 Sunday Afternoon….anyway, time to wake up early this Sunday right?
Thursday Oct 23:
San Diego at Denver:
Fun fact, in the 5 games Manning and Rivers played against each other since 18’s jersey change, these two QBs have combined for 24 TDs thrown….that’s alotta offense….add in some rushing TDs and you know the offense is gonna be piled up in this game….last year the Chargers were able to ground, pound and dominate the clock, keeping that offense off the field….San Diego ain’t gonna be able to do that with Matthews and Donald Brown on the injured list (Oliver Sproles is a cute back and he makes plays, but he’s not gonna be the 25 carry plus guy to keep Denver off the field….and Ronnie Brown is so damn old it’s amazing he remembers how to put his cleats on by himself)….this is another one of those game where Peyton will pick on the SD secondary and everyone will marvel and Phil Simms will gush and fantasy owners will rejoice….hopefully so does this Phillip Rivers guy and he holds up his end…but Denver will win and people will keep overrating that bloated defense of theirs too…..
Game Quality: *** (I’d have made it 4 stars but I’m sick of the NFL Network’s ranting about it)
Sunday Oct 26:
Detroit vs Atlanta via London:
Wanna know what’s worse than hot garbage football shoved down our throats in London so the owner of the Jaguars can break even?? Putting this pile of hot steamy garbage on at nine in the damn morning!!! I mean THINK OF THE WEST COAST….Poor Sanborn now has to be up at 6am with his coffee, croissants and Bills slippers just to make sure Calvin Johnson ain’t playing!!!! Plus the Falcons are horrid enough on the road, now they’re pissing away home games for this drivel?? BULLOCKS I say!!! At least we have BBC America for all their damned good TV shows…..maybe I’ll just watch some kitchen nightmares instead of this Football Nightmare….CMON CHEF RAMSEY!!! This game sucks and the Lions will win and the Brits will hate us more for showing them this stinky pile of unflushed poo in the toilet….
Game Quality: DUD
Seattle at Carolina:
I would love to call this a make or break game for both of these teams, but even at 3-4-1 Carolina would still be on top of the NFC South (think about this, Tampa gained ground on the other three teams in this mess of a division by NOT PLAYING A SINGLE SNAP LAST WEEK….geesh), the Carolina defense is leaky to the run and the Packers torched them through the air just to balance the equation as well, and this might be the week the Seahawks get back to basics, run the ball a lot….pound Marshawn and make things easier on Wilson (who doesn’t need it, he’s been playing his best football in all irony while the rest of his team crumbles around him)…put the pressure on Carolina to keep up and make some mistakes…get the defense back into things….and just maul anything on special teams that even fakes a fair catch (I won’t get into the level of garbage that “fake fair catch” play is and how ONLY the player catching the ball should be allowed to call fair catch….but we don’t care about player safety in the NFL unless it involves the damn Quarterbacks….)…..maybe this is the feel better game for Seattle I thought last week was…..Seattle is certainly learning the hard way how much more difficult it is to defend the title than it is to actually win one……
Game Quality: **
Baltimore at Cincinnati:
Hrrmmm…. Baltimore tends to be not as good on the road….but the Bengals looked as awful as a team still allowed to play pro sports can look (its like they’re cursed or something….heh)…but losing Gio Bernard and AJ Smith will make any team look normal….but my God the Bengals looked as damned ugly as their QB does (and there has been no uglier QB in the league’s history than Andy Dalton….spend some of that money and get that face fixed buddy…)….the Ravens have quietly had a pretty good season (makes me wonder if the media is afraid to talk about them to help the NFL bury the Ray Rice stuff that the league so botched and set up this wrongful termination suit Ray Rice has coming…and should win), but sometimes you look at a game and the two teams and no matter how much the facts say you should take the Ravens, you hear a whisper (like I did with the Chiefs over SD last week)….and this is almost a MUST game for Cinci since they’re on the ever-dreaded winless streak….I’ll go with the not-so-special upset pick here….
Game Quality: ***
Miami at Jacksonville:
Important, but amazingly uninteresting game…..the Jaguars don’t allow a lot of points and pounced on a very over-confident Browns team last week and finally ran away with a win (dammit I shoulda seen it coming too…) the Dolphins on the other hand had a FANTASTIC win in Chicago last week and it seems “Coach Regis” has lit a fire under Ryan Tannehill and he’s responded to it (65+ completion percentage in his last three games and 6 TD to 3 INT in those games)….and he’s also starting to connect with Mike Wallace (he’s getting a TD a game in those same three weeks)…this is one of those games that if Miami wants to talk playoffs ….they’d better win this game…the schedule gets UGLY the next few weeks (SD, Det, Buf and Den)….a loss here and you might blink and see a four game skid and the playoffs sailing away…plus Jacksonville isn’t good….and say it with me and roll your eyes “yes Scott….bad teams don’t win two in a row…..we know…” ….good….you’re learning!!!
Game Quality: *
St. Louis at Kansas City:
The Rams played the game of their lives last week and still needed every trick, garbage and gimmick play in the known universe (and even one or two from the unknown universe) to beat Seattle…that kinda crap never flies two weeks in a row….KC also had a nice win over the Chargers, but Andy Reid does tend to have a good game plan when he gets to eat that extra special bye week food (boy that was a reach for a fat joke wasn’t it??)…the Rams are still a bad team though….bad teams don’t win two weeks in a row, no matter how absurd the upset was last week….that’s enough reason to pick the Chiefs and go on before I make more bad Santa Claus look alike jokes about Andy Reid….moving on…..
Game Quality: **
Chicago at New England:
Are there two more difficult teams in the NFL to gauge now?? Chicago is good on the road…yeah, let’s go with that…..and the Bears offense is all pissed off at itself for crapping the bed vs Miami last week…yeah…let’s go with that….but wait…the Pats have won three in a row and haven’t lost at home… Chicago DID lose at Carolina…hrrmmm…. Well what do you want me to do?? I can’t trust the Pats running game…offense….or defense….they all seem to roll a D20 and if they make their fortitude save they do well….the Bears offense lives and dies with Jay Cutler and even in madden I can tell you that’s a dangerous lifestyle choice….the Bears D is still not good….I can spend three hours making a case for either team….so I’ll use one of my other copout clichés “when in doubt….go with the home team” and hope to hell its an interesting lil football game!
Game Quality: ***
Buffalo at NY Jets:
I didn’t really get time to mention the Percy Harvin trade and what it means for both teams since I had to write this for another crap-ass Thursday Night game last week….but I’ll simplify it this way….I MUCH MORE trust the team to know what it’s doing that has the good track record over the last few years (and I would say a good NFC Title game and Super Bowl effort was worth the Harvin Trade for Seattle, and getting back a potential 2nd Round Pick for him next year is nice return (I can only imagine when they called Denver and had the balls to ask for Julius Thomas, John Elway hung that damn phone up faster than any 80 yard TD bomb he ever chucked in his career))….as opposed to the team that has a history of making the flashy signings and getting nothing from them (Tebow, Vick, Chris Johnson…yes Decker was a solid pick up but it doesn’t buck the trend enough to make it irrelevant) …the Bills did struggle mightily with the Vikings, but losing CJ Spiller and Fred Jackson in the same game…hell before halftime…will kick ANY offense in the pants….but like Miami, the schedule gets nasty after this week and they needed that Minny game as much as they need this game….the Jets are improved, but Harvin’s not had enough time to be involved with more than returns and gimmick plays, the Bills D is still pretty good, and Bryce Brown is as good a back as you can get off of mothballs to fill in when you lose your top 2…..I only wish Kyle Orton would join the RKO bandwagon and “Orton pose” when he throws TDs…it would be legendary (and maybe help Randy Orton beat John Cena Sunday Night….but I digres)….the Jets D does match up nicely with the Bills O, but I still kinda believe in this Bills team and this is a “gotta have” game for the Bills, while the Jets are really just throwing stuff at the wall now and hoping it sticks…its not ready to stick yet……
Game Quality: * ¼ (this one might be ugly)
Minnesota at Tampa Bay:
This could possibly be the most hideous game ever played in the NFL’s long and glorious history!! I might have to try to find a stream of this since I’m boycotting the Sun Tavern this week (people may love the Zombies and the Walking Dead and all that nonsense, but I can’t stand an anti-social, no purpose bartender who not only not fun, but useless with a damn TV remote…I can stay home and eat healthier versions of all the crap I eat there and own the Red Zone channel)…Tampa had the week off….so in other words they were the most impressive game in the NFC South, and the Vikings lost a tough one they really shoulda had once Buffalo ran outta running backs….Teddy Bridgewater’s stats are flat out hideous this year….one TD pass (for all of 5 yards) …5 INT’s….sacked 15 times….and not even 200 yards a game…. *cringe*…..I like Tampa’s coach better, Glennon is better than Teddy (at least right now)…home field and a better (on paper) defense, running game….and receivers…holy crap…this is a no-brainer isn’t it?? But still this is fluorescent colored hockey shirt ugly!!!
Winner: Tampa Bay
Game Quality: Anti-Football orgasmic bliss!
Houston at Tennessee:
Clipboard Jesus goes back to what he does best….sits on the bench, listens to the headset and keeps his bear nice and trim….and we welcome in Zach Mettinberger (who would have taken the bet of him getting on the field before Johnny Manzell?? I LOVE IT!!!) ….and yes I had to look his damn name up….but a rookie QB getting his cherry popped and he’s gotta go against JJ Watt and a likely returning Clowney….and a pissed off team after that Pittsburgh disaster?? Yeah this might be an ugly one for the Titans….this year….that’s business as usual though….at least making the QB switch gives the Titans some hope…well at least for a month….maybe Teddy Bridgewater can tell us how long that lasts?? Hhaaaaaa, this game doesn’t deserve much more analysis….
Game Quality: *
Eagles at Arizona:
This is the most interesting of the 4-m games for sure….the Eagles have struggled on the run and it’s affected their passing game, but they’ve had stupid good special teams play (and not the smoke and mirrors crap the Rams pulled) and fortuitous big plays on defense to make some of their offensive issues….now they go across the country to play the best kept secret in the NFL today….the Eagles did have an extra week to get Sproles and that offensive line healthy…they’re gonna need them, as depleted as the Cardinals are they’ve done an AMAZING job keeping that front 7 as a strong uint and 3rd best in the NFL allowing under 20 points a game (and all this while only forcing five turnovers….damn)…and the 3rd lowest yards per game (having to play the QB shuffle did not help that)…and they say stats don’t lie….this Cardinals team would make Triumph’s head twitch and possibly explode….it’s a toss up game but I’ll take the Eagles coming off a bye over the team that just barely beat the Raiders last week….
Game Quality: ***
Oakland at Cleveland:
Boy did the Browns stink it up like it was a football game in London last week (well Jacksonville is half way out the door to the land of tea, crumpets and Dr Who….I guess that counts)….its bad that your “make a case for Oakland” scenario is “well they almost won the last two games”..but Cleveland at the WORST had to go 2-1 through this loser’s row run of Jax, Oak and TB….so they’d damn well better win these two games….or we’re gonna start hearing about Johnny BACKUP again…..Cleveland finds a way and the poor Lions can’t have their sip of anti-champagne quite yet….
Game Quality: **
Colts at Steelers:
The Steelers are almost a clock work kinda team…win one…lose one….lather, rinse, repeat (it’s also no coincidence that they seem to play the good teams on those “lose one” weeks and the bad teams on the “win one”)….the Colts are really playing awesome, complete football….the defense is coming around, we know about the passing game and the receivers and the running game doesn’t suck…plus it took a Ryan Fitpatrick special type collapse for the Steelers to win last week…the Colts won’t do that and are just too much for this Steeler team…..
Game Quality: ***
Green Bay at New Orleans:
This feels weird to say….but I don’t even care about the Saints playing at home….this team is a wreck…the defense doesn’t stop anyone and even Drew Brees is now having brain farts at the end of the game and throwing terrible interceptions….it’s really just all come apart for them….and this is one of the worst possible opponents to be facing when you’re reeling (especially with all the defense problems the Saints have)…. Randall Cobb and Jordy Nelson are having 100 yard and TD plus games on a weekly basis….and ever since A-Rod told Packer fans to RELAX, its been a relaxing time for Packer Fans (though maybe not so much Eddie Lacy owners but nothing in life is perfect)….you put this Green Bay offense in a dome, even one of the best home field advantages in the league, and let the ball fly….there’s no way the Saints keep up….I’d call the Saints done as well…but this is just life in the NFC South, whoever has the best in-division record is gonna win….Packers and the over here!!
Game Quality: ***
Monday Oct 20:
Washington at Dallas:
Yeah Yeah rivalry games….anything can happen…Monday Night Football…blah blah….but when the REDSKINS are starting the “Colt of Personality” at Quarterback (even the REDSKINS aren’t stupid enough to hurry RG 3 back for this)…if Dallas was going to have a letdown and a stinker it was going to be against that awful Giants team (damn it feels good to call the Giants awful MEAN IT and know its damn true…ahh…liberation)….the Cowboys can run the ball on anyone….the Redskins can’t stop anyone from running the ball, and the QB situation is too dicey in REDSKIN-land to give them a chance in this one, hated rivals or NOT
Game Quality: * ½
NFL Week 7 Power Rankings:
- Denver….OK..smoking the Niners was a bit impressive….
- Indianapolis….very quietly becoming an AFC Power
- Baltimore….yeah what I just said….
- San Diego….bump in the road or back to the pack?
- New England….AFC East…yeahhhhh
- Dallas….won the game that top-tier teams find a way to win….
- Phily…if any team ever got the perfect time for a bye it was Phily
- Arizona…. Just quietly winning while the rest of the NFC folds on itself
- Detroit….all these wins without Calvin-Tron are impressive….
- Green Bay…unstoppable offense??