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NFL Week 7!!!


CRASHER
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You would think  the NFL would learn it’s goddamned lesson…but NOOOOO, just a few weeks after the Ray Rice and AP incidents, you’d think the NFL would TRY to keep a low profile and not want to look like a bunch of greedy scumbags….but NOOOOO….the NFL is at it again…. Colin Kapernick gets fined for wearing UNAPPROVED HEADPHONES as a player does for diving a cut block at a player’s knees….the NFL adds further extortion behind having a Super Bowl in your city (the demands they already put on you are obscene, now forcing the team to give up a home game to London?? Asinine) ….and then shall we add in my favorite peeve?? Awful Thursday Night Games….it’s amazing how much you can enjoy the on-field product…but yet totally hate everything about the NFL

 

Thursday Oct 17:

NY Jets at New England:

Its bad enough when the NFL puts a stinker on Monday Night….but when there’s a HORRIBLE game on Thursday (and make no doubt this is a horrid stinker on the Blazing Saddles beans and farts scene level of stink)….and the NFL Network spends all morning on the EPIC HARD SELL WE SWEAR THIS WILL BE A BATTLE mode ….*UGH* (PS, I never thanked the NFL Network for getting rid of Nicole Zalumus, the show is infinitely better without the annoying soccer mom prattling about her awful kids and Sanborn’s disgusting comments about her…too much info??), you can talk rivals and blood feuds all you want, but I can’t take that secondary against Tom Brady….like EVER, I think I’m gonna be watching the Flash and Agents of SHIELD by halftime tonight….if not sooner……and oh yeah….something something Revis’ revenge game…something something…he might play WR too…. And something more lame about the rain and the soggy weather

Winner: Patriots  (Thursday Night hat-trick?)

Game Quality:  DUD (thank God for DVR, this will suck)

 

Sunday Oct 19:

1pm:

Atlanta at Baltimore:

Now that the Falcons lost at home, we can say they suck equally at home AND on the road…..and now they go to Baltimore to play a team that’s ACTUALLY more betterer at home in the Ravens….Hope Flacco iced his arm…or ate his “special Wheaties” again….he might have another 5 TD first half against this awful Falcon team….things are gonna get ugly there….and hopefully this is the beginning of the end for Mike Smith and his awful coaching staff….this won’t be pretty…and neither will be the chest thumping out of Manta as the Purple Haze roll over another pile of 53 man garbage ….ok that was a lil mean on Matt Ryan and Julio….but whatever…..

Winner:  Ravens

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Minnesota at Buffalo:

No wonder the Bills went for the Age of Orton….he knows the NFC North as well as anyone….and this is the classic apology game on the schedule….the NFL feels bad for letting the Pats (again) rip their hearts out (best NFL Meme of the Week…. “Terry Pagula may own the Bills now, but Tom Brady’s owned them for over a decade!” (sorry Sanborn)…..lucky for them the Vikings are A MESS…and the Bills Front Four should make the day miserable for Teddy Bridgewater and the no-name offense….Fred Jackson and CJ Spiller should have nice days….and that’s all you need to know about that…. Buffalo BETTER win the next two games if they want to matter in the AFC......

Winner: Bills

Game Quality:  DUD (even I as a closet Bills fan, *I* don’t wanna see this)

 

Miami at Chicago:

This is a far cry from the 13-1 Dolphins playing the 14-0 Bears back in 1985 (whatever their records were….you don’t care either…stop nitpicking, you get the damn point!)…though speaking of the Marino Dolphins….funny to see them many moons later be the victim of the A-Rod fake spike, giving Miami a brutal loss at home and looking on the way down at 2-3 (that Patriot victory feels like ten years ago doesn’t it folks?)…the Bears on the other hand simply feasted on the softest defense in the league (yes you Atlanta)….but still have not won a game at home this year…Miami’s offense hasn’t been the same without Moreno and now he’s on IR….that doesn’t look too good for the Dolphins….though they should be able to run on the Bears….I just like Cutler and the Bears weapons better (even if it’s a “Bad Cutler” day)…he’s got too many weapons and Miami just won’t be able to hang with them….

Winner: Bears

Game Quality:  **

 

Saints at Lions:

Normally I’d call a road game in a home “just another home game” for the Saints….but have you really seen ANYTHING that gives you confidence in the Saints….it’s bad enough that the “I’m a WR bitches” garbage from Jimmy Graham cost them Lance Moore (who deserved to get fired anyway) and Darren Sproles (boy do they MISS HIM)….but now the Calvin Johnson wanna-be is gonna miss a few games too…this does mean going more to the small army of running backs the Saints do have….this may not be the week for this though…..Detroit only gives up 70 yards a game rushing…..and under 200 yards a game passing this season (my brain still can NOT accept this as the league’s #1 defense mind you)…the Saints should push these numbers a little….IF they can slow down the Lions Front 4…in a normal year I’d be all over the Saints here….this is NOT a normal year….and I barely trust the Saints at HOME…forget anywhere else….

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  ***

 

Carolina at Green Bay:

This is a rough one to figure out….though the Packers seem to have righted the ship once A-Rod told everyone TO RELAX (I wish Eddie Lacy would….but this might be a chill week for him…ewww…I just said chill….I need to go take a shower….but the Panthers have been terrible against the run)…and while I LOVE TIES (bring ‘em back in hockey dammit!!) as much as any red blooded American should….that was a horrible tie and a gift from the Bengals and the football Gods above….but Lord help them…a tie is like two wins in the crappy NFC South…the Packers should be able to run the balanced attack and take advantage of the 140 yards a game the Panthers allow on the ground and do just enough on defense to pull this one out….keep the fake spikes in Miami though please!

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  **

 

Cincinnati at Indy:

And once again the Bengals come up SMALL in the big spot against the Panthers….bad enough in letting the lesser team get you to overtime getting the tying FG on your “vaunted defense”….and then going to OT and WHIFFING ON A GIMMIE FIELD GOAL AS TIME RAN OUT…..screw you Cincinnati….it must be the Laflamme curse I swear!!! The Colts on the other hand have things going their way….. TY Hilton is still piling up yards from last week…the defense is improving (amazingly on a better sack pace than last year and that’s with the guy who had half their sacks (Mathis) on IR all year long)…add in home field….add in that Andrew Luck guy….and the Bengals playing the regular season in full-blown playoff form…yeah Dalton was worth all the money (and you can have that sh!tty Buffalo Wild Wings commercial too…ugly bastard…keep your crappy Benglas tickets!!)…the Colts keep rolling and make it five in a row……

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  *** ½ (the best game at 1pm…IF Cincy shows up to play)

 

Cleveland at Jacksonville:

Good God…have I EVER said these words before??? “The Cleveland Browns have a likely letdown game after having the most important win in the (version 2) Franchise!!!”…wow…that felt weird….but there’s no doubt people are riding high in Cleveland….Lebron is doing that pre-season crap in that awful anti-sport (wow I didn’t make ONE racist joke about the NBA…go me!!)….if Dallas hadn’t won in Seattle this Browns-Steelers game would have been a MUCH longer story (and honestly it should have been…well it might have been if Johnny Backup was playing…but screw him, Hoyer’s done an outstanding job for the Browns)….and the Browns have had the most efficient offense in the league….this is one of those litmus test games for the Browns….if they want to be taken serious in the AFC they HAVE to beat up on this awful Jaguar team and take advantage of the lesser opponent (and Lord help me I’m starting Hoyer in three leagues with Foles on bye)….I expect a nice, solid, nothing flashy dominant effort on both sides of the ball from the Browns….and another unlikely word in Cleveland….winning streak….

Winner:  Browns

Game Quality:  * ¼  

 

Seattle at St Louis:

Wow….the Schedule Gods were cruel to the Rams….after blowing up after the worst offensive PI call I’ve ever seen (well at least this year) and then just imploding to the 49ers….the Rams get an ANGRY Seahawk team this week….you know Seattle’s gonna have a chip on their shoulder and wanna make people forget what happened last week…angry defense….angry Beast Mode….crappy Rams team…this is a recipe for ugly….Poor Austin Davis….he’s done well in an impossible and unexpected role as the starting QB this year…but he’s got garbage all around him…just start the Seattle D and count the points….

Winner:  Seattle

Game Quality:  DUD

 

Tennessee at REDSKINS:

*sigh*….it MIGHT be time to give up on Kirk Cousins here….Gruden was talking about  going to Colt McCoy this week if things got ugly….here’s a better idea….GO TO YOUR DAMN RUNNING GAME….your inability to use Alfred Morris and Roy Helu makes me want to see Shana-Douche come back to Washington….never thought I’d say THAT….but as bad and as ugly as it is for the REDSKINS….they ain’t rolling out Clipboard Jesus to play QB…this could be a stinker of GLORIOUS proportions….I may have to watch this just to embrace the epic ugliness of it all J

Winner:  REDSKINS (I pick them wayyy too often don’t I?)

Game Quality:  ANTI-FOOTBALL GOLD!!!!

 

4pm:

Kansas City at San Diego:

I’d love to pick San Diego….I’d love to say they had their scare last week with the Raiders and survived it….I’d love to say the Chiefs aren’t that good and the Chargers will beat them up and throw all over them….not to mention this is Toast’s revenge game since being cut by the Chiefs and coming to San Diego Brandon Flowers has still been toasty but solid….but this is just one of those gnawing gut feelings…the Chiefs will run the ball a ton and it’s one of those classic divisional snipe games…not to mention the Chiefs had two weeks to get healthy and plan this one out….good thing too, since Andy Reid sucks at adjusting he better plan it right the first time….I’m going with the upset!!!

Winner:  Chiefs

Game Quality:  ***

 

Arizona at Oakland:

The Raiders came darned close to beating San Diego last week….that’s sweet….really….here…have a gummy bear….but when the bad team almost gets it done, the next week they tend to lay an egg and get killed anyway…..Arizona is playing the best football in the league that no one cares about… nice to see Larry Fitz get in the end zone too…and Goddammit…they’re playing the damned Raiders….do I really need another reason?? Not really…..

Winner: Cardinals

Game Quality: **

 

NY Giants at Dallas:

Well Dallas won “the big one” last week…yeah they went into Seattle, beat them up physically and all over the place….took the Champs and pounded them into putty….they slayed the Dragon in the place where the Dragon was hatched many many moons ago….but let’s be honest…the Giants are in trouble, they’re reeling….and now Victor Cruz is gone (I know…never wish injury on a player…blah blah blah….but I HATE that goddamned Salsa so fraking much I can’t help but smile that he’s gone for the season if not longer…)….this is CLASSIC “Giants are up against the wall” game….and yeah Dallas is beat up a bit on that offensive line….but people have been asking me “when are you gonna stop being so damned cynical and start enjoying this season??” and my answer is WIN THIS DAMN GAME AND I WILL START… Good God can I set up failure like a champ?? (or even like the true master of sports failure….Joe Beningo :P )…..Dallas SHOULD be too good for the Giants and SHOULD be able to just beat them down and squash them like Phily did…SHOULD…….

Winner:  Dallas

Game Quality:  ** ¾

 

8pm:

49ers at Denver:

Oh JOY..the world’s most boring studio show gets to sing, praise and lick Peyton Manning’s nuts all night long as he takes Brett Fraud out of the record books yet again…woooo I’m EXCITED….though I should be….but I get the feeling this is the week the shortcomings in the 49er defense get exposed and ripped wide open….after all no one does it better in the regular season than the King of the Five-Head…err…. the Lord of Papa John’s?? Ah whatever you call him….he’s gonna find a way to put up 30+ points and we all know how I feel when Kapernick has to throw the ball all over the place (unless he’s playing a dog poo team like St Louis)….the more you look at this, the more this feels like another Denver “coronation” type game…unless Frisco runs for like 200 yards, but I don’t see them having the discipline to stick with the run….

Winner:  Denver

Game Quality:  ***

 

Monday Oct 20:

Houston at Pittsburgh:

So again I have no ice hockey game on Monday (yay for a tripleheader on Tuesday)….but I get Bowling Shoe Ugly anti-football…. Good Christ, they should give you free shots and apologies the second you tune this thing in….the Steelers can’t block ANYONE….and JJ Watt is hardly “anyone”, he’s won a few games by himself….and there’s no way in hell the Tin Foil O-Line is stopping JJ Watt, that’s enough reason to pick the Texicans….maybe there’s a good NHL game on after Gotham Monday….

Winner:  Houston

Game Quality: * ½

 

NFL Week 6 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. Denver….Just get this stupid record over with Peyton….
  2. San Diego…..Oakland put up a nice fight, but still got it done….
  3. Indianapolis….I think TY Hilton is still running from last Thursday….
  4. New England….same old AFC East…..
  5. Baltimore…someone check Flacco’s Wheaties for PEDs….

NFC:

  1. Dallas….do I really gotta?? Crap I am sooo hexing stuff this week….but really….
  2. Phily…fortune smiles upon thine bye week….
  3. Arizona…. Amazing job with a patchwork team…..
  4. Seattle….learning its harder to defend the title than winning it…
  5. 49ers….one bad Offensive PI call turned the tide…..
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Yeah well on the way to 1-6.  At least they're not quitting on Rex though even that's not going to matter if the record is bad enough.  At least they don't have to face ANOTHER MVP QB next week, just a top five defense in the NFL - I'm sure this popgun offense'll score a ton of TD's against the Bills :P

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Whoever came up with that Vick/Geno back 10 yard fight option pass should be pistol whipped into a coma :P

I picked a good night to watch the Flash and Gotham!

 

You missed another scintillating kicking exhibition from Nick Folk though (only semi-sarcastic) :lol:

 

And this has actually been the best Thursday Night game of the year which ain't saying much.

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Last week's game got interesting (and having Hilton in two leagues helped :P )

And now they reverse-jinxed the 2 point conversion since the TD looks kinda obvious now.....

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Cumberland scores the TD and all I can think of is 'dammit don't dance too much, we don't need to be trying this two-point play from the 17' :P


Last week's game got interesting (and having Hilton in two leagues helped :P )

And now they reverse-jinxed the 2 point conversion since the TD looks kinda obvious now.....

 

It got interesting late after people turned it off in the second quarter.  This one's been close throughout.  Unfortunately it looks like a best-case scenario for the Jets is stopping them and getting the ball back with just over a minute left.


At least they only need another three, but...

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By all means...let's trust the Genius' D to make a stop with the game on the line.

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Yeah two dunk plays down the middle to start the drive, whoopee...I'm shocked they even got it into range for the 58-yarder, OF COURSE it gets blocked.

 

When it's 58 yards outdoors in cold-ish weather you have to drive the ball. It's going to be low or else it will never get to the goalposts. I don't blame folk

 

and I don't blame the Jets O they had no timeouts and 1:10 to go starting on their own 10 it's not easy to move down the field. You have to make sure everyone lines up alright in the no huddle, it's not like Madden where it's easy peasy, that was a bigtime chore just to get on the other side of the field. 

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Well yeah that was a pretty low-percentage kick.

 

I still don't get why the postgame is saying you HAD to onside kick it, really?  Even being pinned back at the 12 they somehow got it to the Pats 41 with no timeouts.  If they just kicked off and stopped the Pats deeper in their own territory they would have still had enough time to drive for a FG and needed less yardage to do it.  If they needed a TD that's one thing, then go desperation onside...but you still had 2:30 and one timeout (of course they ****ed away the other two, big shocker).  Force them to punt from their own 20-30 with just over a minute left and then you still have a realistic chance for a makeable FG.

Edited by NJDevs4978
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