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NFL Week 14!!!


CRASHER
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The Final  Four weeks of the season are here….. Fantasy Football Playoffs….NFL playoff chases…. Peyton Manning stat padding, and ESPN hyping up games with idiot words like SUPER BOWL PREVIEWS….in other words….all the fun stuff before the actual playoffs start and take all the fun out of the season, considering I’m getting a late start on this again (nothing like a 2 hour hardware diagnostic scan (at least it was on the clock) totally slowing your day, and then getting recruited to guinea pig the new elliptical machine at the gym because “hey it looks like a skating motion….so get on there hockey player”…oiiii) amyway….FOOTBALLS…and GO!

 

Thursday Dec 4:

Dallas at Chicago:

This is a first for a Thursday Night game….two teams equally as rested and having a full week’s prep before going into this game….the NFL Network must be so proud that they out 90 seconds of forethought into this and came up with the obvious….hooray! Though they did pick two of the three teams that looked like rank hot garbage last week….but we can’t be prefect now can we? Though Dallas is at 5-0 on the road….they’re also like 0 for their last million when I based their performance on a convincing stat like that too (leave it to Jason Garrett to ruin a good story with the facts)…but the Bears are a mess…their D is playing like last year’s Dallas team (in other words hellishly awful…hey maybe the Bears D coulda used Brodeur more than the Blues right?)….the Bears are awful at home and this has been a lost season for them….that can be dangerous though, maybe they want to play for the coach? They certainly don’t wanna play for Cutler…..and before people mention last year’s ass kicking…that QB is stinking it up in Tampa now….Dallas looks destined for a 2-2 December (nothing new there)….might as well fuel it with some nice false hope!!

Winner:  Dallas

Game Quality:  *** (with the potential to be an epic trainwreck of glorious!)

 

Sunday Dec 7:

1pm:

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati:

This is a rough game to figure out….but it’s also a damned important one…the Steelers have had some of the most amazing stinkers against the dregs of the league (seriously, losses to Tampa AND the Jets? CMOONN, that’s Buffalo level of disappointing)….and apparently Andy Dalton was “sick” last week…he sure made Bengal fans, AJ Green owners and Laflamme pretty nauseous with that “effort” last week…. *sigh* I wish I had the time to watch that game on the Sunday ticket replay….it looked fun to watch and mock at….but the Flash and Arrow crossed over dammit….I was soooo there!!! It’s kinda fun with how “awesome” this AFC North is supposed to be, the team in first place has questionable QB play, a cruddy defense and unsure running game….and tied Carolina (fun fact, that was the last game that Carolina didn’t lose either)…home field doesn’t matter here…hell there might be more Steelers fans and horrible hankies in the building anyway….and if I have to pick a guy to get it done between Big Ben and Mister Ginger-vitis….yeah I’m taking Ben 12 times out of ten…..

Winner:   Steelers

Game Quality:  ***

 

Indianapolis at Cleveland:

Oh Cleveland…..I do kinda feel for them (in that similar “sympathy frak” I have for the Bills way, and I am a big Hoyer fan…been rooting for him since he took over last season)…I like the direction they’re going in….I LOVE seeing Johnny Backup rotting on the bench…but ever since Josh Gordon came back to the lineup, the Browns have been kinda ugly….maybe they’re trying to cater the offense to him…forcing the ball to him too much….whatever it is….Hoyer has crashed and burned in a nasty way (hell I still think Mike Smith’s dopey coaching saved his job so far)…and after last week even I gotta admit….it was time for a QB change in Cleveland….Hoyer’s not getting it done (for God’s sake he got his ass whipped by BUFFALO in a “this is our Super Bowl game”….even MARK RYPIEN stepped up and won in that game)…yes I’m just mad at the Browns….and I haven’t even mentioned the Colts yet….I don’t need to, they look like my Madden team Cowboys that’s won 36 games in a row compared to the Browns….home, road, neutral site….hell put this game on a renegade asteroid on a collision course with the Earth and the Colts will still dominate this game!

Winner:  Colts

Game Quality:  **

 

Tampa Bay at Detroit:

So last week while I was letting the ham cook I was watching Jamie read my preview as we waited for my epic Thanksgiving feast of mass awesomeness….and I was watching her…I do like seeing her reactions (I had almost forgot about the 4-0 Cowboys-Giants crack till she turned and yelled YOU fvckER and almost threw something at me….oops :D )…anyway…why am I bringing this up now? There was a few games in the middle when she got quiet and I have this weird ability to know what the hell she’s thinking, even if she’s back home and I’m just texting her (freaks her out…its great fun!)….and I could feel the dead quiet….and I said “you can tell I don’t give a sh!t about that game you’re reading, right?”….she grumbles because like I said…she HATES when I do that….and agrees…..well this is one of those games…Tampa is so bad its like Schiano was reborn there….and Detroit’s a nice lil team finding its offense again….no brainer game is a no brainer…..

Winner:  Lions

Game Quality:  * ½

 

Jacksonville at Houston:

I’m still waiting for the red skies and the flaming balls of death to come from the sky….for Christ’s Sake RYAN FITZPATRICK THREW SIX TD’S LAST WEEK….TO THE RIGHT TEAM….cats and dogs are mating in the back of my apartment building (the sad part is they probably are….damn tenants keep feeding those  nasty creatures after all)….Maybe that’s why Mr Clowney is being shut down for a torn meniscus?? Seriously….I had two of those last year and I was on skates ten days later….MAN UP PRINCESS…boy if they could go back in time Houston would SOOO take Kalil Mack and gotten the hell out of dodge with a quality player and not Brian Bosworth 2.0….I do have a lot to rant about Houston for don’t I?? Well here’s one more….if I hear one more person in the media say “JJ Watt is the defensive player of the year….HE HAS SIX TD’s!!” I’m going to go down to their studio and beat their entire family with a snow shovel!!! He’s the Defensive Player of the Year because HE’S THE BEST GODDAMN DEFENSIVE PLAYER IN FOOTBALL….the lil swing passes in the end zone are bonus! No way Fitz has the same kinda game this week….but this is Jacksonville, and as long as you play a hair better than the Giants did last week (which was epically horrible J )….that’s enough to beat down the Jaguars again…..

Winner:  Texicans

Game Quality:  **

 

Baltimore at Miami:

Wow, a one PM game worth actually watching!!! (well I guess the Steeler one…but whatever)….this is the best game of the early ones….it would have been better if the “mighty” Purple Haze has stopped Phillip Rivers and the Chargers on that last drive….but hey if they were perfect they’d not be in the AFC North! Miami better work on that run defense though or they might as well hand the Comeback Player of the Year award to Forsett here and now cause he’s gonna run postal and then some on them…as bad as Miami is against the run….the Ravens are that horrible against the pass…..and last week aside, Miami has shown faith in Tannehill and he’s delivered….the Ravens losing their nose tackle to sniffing a different kinda Purple Haze is a BIG loss too, and talk about NO time to adjust and compensate for it either….if this game was in Baltimore I’d pick the Ravens….plus Miami winning ADDS DRAMA to the playoff race….I’m all about the DRAMA….I should almost pick the Ravens since I have a weird kiss of death on Miami and I need Tanny in my one playoff game this week…dammit….can I play a reverse-reverse-jinx and just pick them anyway?

Winner:  Dolphins

Game Quality:  ***  ½ (HUGE game)

 

NY Jets  at Minnesota:

The Vikings are playing solid football with a growing young defense and running game (despite the fact that Patterson has gone to total stealth mode this year….which is baffling)….and the Jets have abandoned more hope and effort in this season more than any human being forced to see a Smashburger commercial followed by “he went to Jared” and then that AWFUL Salt N Pepa GEICO commercial in the same commercial break…over and over….that sh!t will crush your soul….and the Jets truly are a beaten and battered team….they’ve abandoned ship….the Vikings go up early here and just run with it…..the only pity is the Giants and Jets are BOTH on at 1 this week, there’s no hope for football in the NY/NJ area….Red Zone and Streaming Sunday Ticket aside….

Winner:  Vikings

Game Quality:  * ¾

 

Carolina at New Orleans:

You know all that stuff I said about the Jets?? I’m too lazy to copy/paste it here for the Panthers (plus it’s 7:40…deadlines dammit!)…the only difference is I have more faith in Cam turning it around then I would any of those things the Jets call Quarterbacks…..the Saints showed something in attacking the Steelers last week and throwing the ball all over the place….I guess they still wanna be in WORST PLACE after all (and just watch, NO or Atl win this anti-division and then get Dallas or Arizona in their place in January and beat the bloody piss out of them….heads will fly in the NFL Media….maybe it’s time to NOT have four team divisions….duh!)….the Saint offense is good enough to win this one this….hell …any week….

Winner:  Saints

Game Quality:  * ½

 

NY Giants at Tennessee:

*ugh*….another unwatchable cluster game….the Giants may have hit a franchise LOW in losing to the Jaguars…but HEY….YOU HAVE THAT ODELL BECKHAM CATCH, HERE, NOW AND FOREVER….pictures, trading cards….hell there’s even one handed magic catching gloves for it (speaking of….maybe it’s time to make receivers man up and NOT wear gloves and catch footballs like actual men did back in the day…)….the Titans are a helluva mess too now…Mettenburg is hurting, least he won’t have to worry about a Giants pass rush making his life miserable….wow I actually wrote six lines about this atrocity?

I can’t see the Giants being THAT hideous two weeks in a row….well they have been all season *smirk* …but so have the Titans…..maybe this is one of those games where the Giants talk about veteran pride and all that garbage…..yeah I’m good with going with that and moving on to actual NFL Football games

Winner: Giants

Game Quality: *

 

St Louis at REDSKINS:

God really hates Robert Griffin doesn’t he?? First he makes him go to Indy to see what a real First Round QB drafted who actually LIVED UP TO THE HYPE was actually like (shame on me forgetting that last week when I got wrapped up in my silly Colt joke)….and now he gets to go home and see the team that left the NFL draft laughing hysterically in fleecing the REDSKINS in that trade like they did (I loved the Pro Football Mock article saying the Rams were prank calling the Redskins offering 3 picks to take RG III back and then hanging up the phone laughing like schoolgirls at them…)….anyway…the Rams are playing good football….especially on defense (geesh the Rams do this every year don’t they and we all get fooled next September….*mental note being made ….don’t get screwed by St Louis again* )…Tre Mason will have a big game….and the REDSKINS will just have lots of angry, depressed fans….just another normal day in Washington!

Winner: Rams

Game Quality:  ** (hey buddy, can you spare a draft pick?)

 

4pm:

Kansas City at Arizona

Tough game to gauge….yeah it would be real easy to say the bloom is off for Drew Stanton…but when do the Chiefs EVER blow the doors off a team and just beat them into submission…the Patriot game was a fluke….don’t go there….that would be like saying the Chiefs will throw a TD to their receivers… MADNESS I tell you….the Cardinals are starting to run out of players….Honey Badger….Ellington…the bodies are just running out….but this will still be a close game that the Cardinals will have a chance in at the end…but the Chiefs are still healthier and Alex Smith doesn’t make mistakes….he doesn’t make big plays….but he won’t screw it up….Stanton might make one mistake TOO many….and THIS is the game the Chiefs can “win it for EB!!”

Winner:  Chiefs (barely)

Game Quality:  **

 

Buffalo at Denver:

Intriguing game….the most sack happy defense goes against the unsackable QB….and now the Broncos have a running game under CJ Anderson……ANDERSSSSOOOOONNNN (oh wait, if I make a TNA Wrestling joke and they’re not on any TV Network….does anyone find it still funny?)…this addition of the running game and the Broncos getting a lil nasty on offense makes them VERY dangerous…and the Bills are coming into this well armed machine with a few pop guns and a third string running game, add in the mile high stuff….and there’s not enough crack on the planet for Sanborn to smoke to think THIS is a winnable game….but it’s nice to see him having December hope for once….good job buddy!!

Winner:  Denver

Game Quality:  DUD (you can’t throw rocks at a Manning with a machine gun)

 

San Francisco at Oakland:

My God it’s a 8th home game for the 49ers….then again, they’re gonna have a better record in their Oakland home….maybe they should have moved there when the Raiders go packing….again….ha! I don’t know if the Raiders even bothered to make the flight to St Louis last week….52-0….something like that…geesh….it won’t be this bad this time…it takes the 49er offense a MONTH to get to 52 (hell Kapernick has to stop at 40 since he goes fingers, toes, reverse and gets confused :P )…classic feel better game for the Niners after watching Seattle feast on them and then eat the leftover turkey right on their logo at midfield….damn I enjoyed that….anyway….Niners roll here…

Winner:  49ers

Game Quality: DUD (unless Harbaugh’s head explodes mid-game!)

 

Seattle at Phily:

This should be a fun game and worth all the 1pm garbage football we have to sit through first….if anyone knows how to deal with the WARP SPEED OFFENSE…it’s Pete Carroll who saw it in all those years in USC (oh wait we’re not supposed to remember that since he slimed out when the NCAA got made at USC for being more corrupt than the NCAA is….right??), plus the Seahawks don’t need to roll players in and out every play like Dallas does and they can run and hang with the receivers and push Sanchez into those mistakes that will make him look like the “BAD NACHO” we all know and loved with the Jets….Seattle will stick to the run and MAKE it work (fun fact, Russell Wilson is 9th in the NFC in rushing this year….go…look it up….be in awe….crazy ain’t it??)….Seattle will run it till it hurts…and push Phily into just enough mistakes….and give Dallas that fool’s hope that they can still win this crappy NFC East….also Seattle is kinda 3-0 against division leaders this year….I like that stat….

Winner:  Seahawks

Game Quality:  **** (high-speed offense vs. high-octane defense!)

 

 

8pm:

New England at San Diego:

I’ve waffled on this game about 100 times already this week…hell on the drive home….on the new stupid elliptical machine…yes I do think about this things before I write them….I’m a sorta responsible adult dammit!! The Pats don’t lose two in a row….but few teams get it done in December like a Phillip Rivers team does….and they’re wearing those AWESOME power blue jerseys that I totally man crush over (and won one of at the gym last year….love that jersey!)…but it’s hard to trust that gaping weakness in the Charger O-Line and Darth Hoodie lining up his Stormtroopers to attack them (hey the analogy fits now that we have Black Stormtroopers in the new trailer!! Don’t worry, I can’t get blasted for this as long as I don’t DM my female followers on Twitter with lecherous comments….oh wait….I barely use Twitter…thank God….no wonder I never “got big” as a hockey writer)…the Pats are too well oiled a machine to lose this one, and who doesn’t wanna go play football in the sorta smog-free San Diego weather after all?? Should be an awesome game and I don’t expect Rivers to go down easily!!

Winner:  Patriots

Game Quality:  ****

 

Monday Dec 1:

Atlanta at Green Bay:

Oh Mike Smith…remember when the Packers torched you at home in the playoffs and ruined your 13-3 season?? Good times….it’s never really been the same for Atlanta since then….horrid defense….soft o-line…no running game….not the way to have to go into Green Bay and face that offensive MACHINE….not to mention moving Clay Matthews to the middle has really helped their defense too…the Packers are running on all cylinders and no WORST PLACE team is gonna stop that….and more important…I FINISHED THE PREVIEW ON TIME!!! WHOOOOO!!!

Winner:  Packers

Game Quality:  DUD (boring game and E$PN gets to be E$PN about A-Rod #torture)

 

NFL Week 13 Power Rankings:

AFC:

  1. New England….lost, but slowed down the unstoppable offense last week
  2. Denver….no pity for Eric Berry here …..none at all….
  3. Indianapolis….easy division makes life easy
  4. Cincinnati….the only AFC South “juggernaut” to win last week…..
  5. San Diego….epic, gutty win last week, unblended by the Purple Haze!

 

NFC:

  1. Green Bay….the NFL’s version of Goldberg…. WHO’S NEXT?
  2. Seattle….Turkey tastes a LOT better sitting on the 49er logo….
  3. Phily….WARP SPEED…..engage!
  4. Detroit….Bear meat tastes as good as Turkey for Thanksgiving
  5. Dallas….troubling sign how the NFC East is exposing them…
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Buffalo at Denver:

Intriguing game….the most sack happy defense goes against the unsackable QB….and now the Broncos have a running game under CJ Anderson……ANDERSSSSOOOOONNNN (oh wait, if I make a TNA Wrestling joke and they’re not on any TV Network….does anyone find it still funny?)…this addition of the running game and the Broncos getting a lil nasty on offense makes them VERY dangerous…and the Bills are coming into this well armed machine with a few pop guns and a third string running game, add in the mile high stuff….and there’s not enough crack on the planet for Sanborn to smoke to think THIS is a winnable game….but it’s nice to see him having December hope for once….good job buddy!!

Winner:  Denver

Game Quality:  DUD (you can’t throw rocks at a Manning with a machine gun)

 

OBJECTION!

 

stupideli1.jpg

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And your point?,I'd take Tannehill over Ka any day. Tannehill is a competent NFL qb.

Man, I don't know what it is that people seemed convinced that a QB who has consistently been in the bottom ten in every statistical category that matters, that does not win, and is a career choke artist is somehow better than a Super Bowl winning QB and another one that beat Aaron Rodgers in the playoffs.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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As much as i bag on Manning in the past for stuff.... I gotta say....if he does the right thing and doesn't try for a garbage TD in the last 5:00 here with the Bills....I will give him a TON of credit in letting that consecutive games in a row with a TD pass streak go to an end here (plus it would be a shining jewel of my fantasy football week :lol: )

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This is the best defensive effort I have seen from the Pats in a long time. And that's with Browner having a pretty brutal game.

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Gutty win by the Patriots when their offense was mediocre at best (especially the offensive line).  Impressed with the Pats defensive line tonight getting pressure on Rivers and shutting down the Chargers running game.  Sets-up another hat & t-shirt December game next week against Miami.

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