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F-ing morons


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This is satire. AKA a joke


NEW YORK, New York - Legal counsel for suspended Pacers' player Ron Artest announced Sunday his intention to seek an appeal of the season's suspension through the player's union. "We see the fault for Friday's fracas lying squarely at the feet of the NHL," explained Zephram Crocker, Artest's attorney, "Without hockey, players and fans alike lack an outlet for their bloodlust. Naturally, if they can't abuse guys on the ice, their attention will be drawn to guys on the court. By allowing the lockout to continue, the NHL is practically guaranteeing more violence in other venues. We don't think this mitigating factor was considered by Mr. Stern in handing down suspensions."

"Nobody ever said, 'I went to a fight and a basketball game broke out.'"

-- David Stern, NBA Commissioner

"I wouldn't call the NHL lockout a 'mitigating factor'," responded David Stern, NBA Commissioner, "It is certainly unfortunate for the sport of hockey. And granted, nobody ever said, 'I went to a fight and a basketball game broke out,' but that hardly excuses the reprehensible behavior of our players and fans."

Players' union director Billy Hunter agreed that the NHL lockout should be considered. "We believe Mr. Crocker's argument is on point," Hunter acknowledged, "Maybe if the XFL had worked out -- and believe me, nobody expected that -- there would have been another way for everybody to work this out of their systems. With hockey off the card, something was going to blow. It was just a matter of time."

NHL representatives were unwilling to comment, only pointing out that no suits have been filed against them and they are not aware of any pending litigation bearing on the matter.

"Just give us a little time," said Crocker, "They'll have more 'pending litigation' than they can shake a high-stick at it."

Edited by bruins4777
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This is ridiculous. I can't believe I'm waisting time on this. I am actually wasting some bandwidth in reply to this nonsense. UN F-ING BELIEVABLE!!! :doh1:

This would of happened even if the NHL was in full swing. :blink:

These guys are desparate and fustrated, just like we hockey fans are. :argh:

I wonder how Goodenow and Bettman would respond to this? Or is it worth their time?

Edited by hattrick
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\Sat"ire\ 1. A composition, generally poetical, holding up vice or folly to reprobation; a keen or severe exposure of what in public or private morals deserves rebuke; an invective poem; as, the Satires of Juvenal. 2. Keeness and severity of remark; caustic exposure to reprobation; trenchant wit; sarcasm.

Syn: Lampoon; sarcasm; irony; ridicule; pasquinade; burlesque; wit; humor.

Edited by Don
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What??? People think our sport is full of baboons???



I guess this "squarely at the feet of the NHL" was due. After the news showed the NBA chaos replayed over and over again on television, they immediately showed following clips of things gone wrong in hockey. It wasn't hard to figure out what they were getting at. Amazing how they are completely trying to deflect the blame away from NBA players. Wait a second, lemme watch the recap again... hmm... looks like the whole thing was started by idiot NBA players, not that poor hockey starved Detriot fans.

Why I hate the NBA players...

Friend of mine: Hey Scotty Pippen! What's up?

Pippen: Go F*** yourself kid.

Edited by E-Devil
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At first, I was like, "WTF??" and going through a tirade about how everything associated with basketball sucks and how hockey gets a bad rap for everything.

Then my years of researching through libraries and internet websites kicked in, and I remembered to check the source.

Glad I did! But what's sad is that I can totally see some people blaming this incident on hockey :(

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"Just give us a little time," said Crocker, "They'll have more 'pending litigation' than they can shake a high-stick at it."

:blink: Yes, because the NHL purposely started a lockout, endangering their sport, just so some pompous basketball players could start a brawl with drunken fans. Wow, didn't see this coming. :rolleyes:

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After the Indiana Congressman and Rt. 69 thing, I decided to click on the link and check the source.

It is a lovely piece of satire. While is is ONLY a piece of satire, the sad thing is, I fully expect to see it come up somewhere in the appeals process.

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From Yahoo's NHL News page:

First Punches - Then Questions

By Alfred Lubrano and Jeff Gammage, Inquirer Staff Writers

When professional athletes attack spectators at a sporting event, people naturally grapple for explanations.

How could Friday's brawl between enraged Indiana Pacers players and beer-throwing Detroit Pistons fans have occurred? And what did it say about who we are?

The quick answers:

- We may have become meaner as a society.

- Our athletes are spoiled and overpaid.

- Beer makes people a little nutty.

"I think we're seeing a reflection of society," said Mitchell Abrams, a New York sports psychologist and expert on violence.

The Detroit incident, he said, "corresponds to an increase in acceptance of violence in society, in TV and movies. And there's more tension in society, whether it's Iraq or too many bills to pay. People look to sports for escape. When fans don't get what they want, it spills over, and they get angry."

There's lots of anger in the stands these days, fans say. And much of it is fueled by alcohol.

"When I say I'm taking my son to a game, people act like they're going to call DYFS [Division of Youth and Family Services] on me," said Bill Bradley, a 29-year Eagles season-ticket holder.

Alcohol is the problem, he said, recounting tales of drunk, loud and abusive fans.

"They should not sell alcohol at any of the sporting events," the South Jersey resident said.

Roy O'Leary, an Eagles fan who has given up on seeing games in person, agreed.

"It gets a little bit worse every year," he said. "These fans are nuts. They're tanked up. The game isn't even important to them."

A ban on beer probably won't happen, experts say, given that beer advertising helps pay those big player salaries.

Heinous as it seemed, we had seen incidents like Friday's fight in Auburn Hills, Mich., before.

In 1972, in Philadelphia, which is famous for its tough fans, St. Louis Blues players attacked Flyers fans after spectators poured beer over the head of Blues coach Al Arbour.

There were eight or nine similar incidents in the 1980s and 1990s, and there were two widely reported ones this year: Frank Francisco, a Texas Rangers pitcher, injured a spectator when he threw a folding chair into the stands, and Milton Bradley, a Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder, charged a spectator who had tossed a plastic bottle at him.

It's not as if athletes are the only crazies out there.

Two years ago, a Kansas City Royals coach was attacked on the field by a father and his teenage son at a game in Chicago.

Fans have thrown batteries at baseball players in Philadelphia (see J.D. Drew, 1998) as well as in Cleveland. Snow and ice have flown like missiles from the stands and onto the field at NFL games in Philadelphia and at the Meadowlands in North Jersey.

"This kind of violence is becoming too close to the norm," said Steven Danish, a sports psychologist at Virginia Commonwealth University. "Players and fans are losing control. I don't think there's as much respect between them as there used to be."

In an information-saturated time, fans know too much about players, Danish believes. Hecklers now spew ugly taunts at players, referring to their girlfriends, their children or their drug problems.

"Player-baiting becomes its own sport," Danish said.

Such trash talk can be worse at basketball games, where fans are much closer to the players than they are at other sports events.

Then there are player salaries, which tear at the fan-player bond in two ways:

Inflated paychecks make the players seem out of reach and easier to despise, Danish said. And the high ticket prices teams charge to underwrite those salaries give fans a sense that they are entitled to yell anything they like at the players.

There is a certain callow brashness to today's athletes, Abrams said, especially to younger and younger players who get handed large chunks of money. They don't know how to handle themselves, he added.

Radio sports talk also has been blamed for fueling anger between fans and players. But Glen Macnow, a host at WIP-AM (610), said that's just blaming the messenger. "Fan passion is already there," he said.

During his days as a Flyer in the 1970s, Dave "The Hammer" Schultz was one of hockey's most feared players. He said he was hit with beer, conked on the head with an air horn, and withstood endless verbal attacks. He said it's part of the game - and a player has to take it.

"You can't get involved with the fans," he said. "As a professional athlete, you've got to control your thoughts."

What can be done to stop the violence at our games?

Well, it may be too soon to ring the alarm bells, WIP's Macnow said.

"This kind of situation happens only once every 10 years," he said of the mayhem in Auburn Hills. "There's a danger of overreacting to it."

However, Abrams, the psychologist, thinks there's cause for concern. "It behooves us to get athletes to behave in an exemplary manner," he said. "There have to be strict consequences for their behavior."

Abrams suggests that young players should be enrolled in programs that help them control their emotions. And he applauds the decision of NBA commissioner David Stern to suspend players involved in Friday night's fracas for long periods.

"Take away players' money and keep them from playing the game they love - that's the way you stop this behavior," Abrams said.

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