ONE 'LUCKY' DEVIL

[NJCroMag]

...and regardless whether he did cartwheels, etc. you guys won. So what's the big deal?

He's...he's not going to do that next game, is he?

Because I think I'd draw the line at cartwheels.

And if he's got lit sparklers hanging from each skate when he does the cartwheel, I'll go see Bettman myself (that's right - I'll violate that restraining order!).

Hey, quick question...what's the appropriate distance between urinals in a men's room? I just started a new job and the men's room here is really cramped. From the porcelain where one urinal ends to where the porcelain on the next urinal begins, it can't be more than six inches.

It's too close, right? Gotta be at least a foot. That's my thinking.

[Risky]

I look forward to seeing Avery carted off the ice someday soon. Perhaps that will teach the lad a little respect and humility.

[Rangerfans]

I look forward to seeing Avery carted off the ice someday soon. Perhaps that will teach the lad a little respect and humility.

Carted off the ice? Is that a subtle way of wanting to see him injured? For shame...

[Rangerfans]

He's...he's not going to do that next game, is he?

Because I think I'd draw the line at cartwheels.

And if he's got lit sparklers hanging from each skate when he does the cartwheel, I'll go see Bettman myself (that's right - I'll violate that restraining order!).

Hey, quick question...what's the appropriate distance between urinals in a men's room? I just started a new job and the men's room here is really cramped. From the porcelain where one urinal ends to where the porcelain on the next urinal begins, it can't be more than six inches.

It's too close, right? Gotta be at least a foot. That's my thinking.

Not sure exactly what he plans to do. Rumor has it there might be some sort of shamanistic ritual or voodoo will take place. Raven feathers, pygmy marmoset blood, and babaganoosh? We shall see.

As for the urinal? How many are there? If there are three and there are TWO people in the bathroom, both men should use religiously follow the code and keep the "middle" urinal open and stay confine to the outer ones. No talking should ever take place.

I believe your answer can be answered here:

Edited April 14, 2008 by Rangerfans

[Risky]

Carted off the ice? Is that a subtle way of wanting to see him injured? For shame...

It wasn't subtle.

[Rangerfans]

It wasn't subtle.

So you wish for a Ranger player to get injured?

Wow, the parallels are eerily identical.

[NJCroMag]

... Raven feathers, monkey blood, and babaganoosh? We shall see.

Okay, now you've upset me. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since you're not a regular in here.

Even HINTING that a monkey is being harmed is a very dangerous thing to do around me.

So...I'm sorry...you have to change your post. I don't want to be boorish, as you are indeed the guest here. But, really, I insist.

As for the urinal? How many are there? If there are three and there are TWO people in the bathroom, both men should use religiously follow the code and keep the "middle" urinal open and stay confine to the outer ones. No talking should ever take place.

No, no, no...I mean, I get the urinal code thing. It's the space between the urinals that bothers me. Whoever designed that bathroom did a shoddy job.

When I'm at a urinal, I don't want my elbow in the ribs of the guy next to me. And that's what this situation is. There's about six inches between the urinals. It's too close, right?

Perfect space between urinals is such that, at rest, I cannot touch elbows with the guy next to me. In the rare instance in which our elbows touch, it's because either:

A) The guy next to me is rather large, and really does take up that much room.

B) One of us happens to sway a few inches in either direction while standing.

Or am I in the wrong here?

[theamazingtiny]

I like to whistle I'm a little teapot when I'm at the urinal.

[Rangerfans]

Okay, now you've upset me. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, since you're not a regular in here.

Even HINTING that a monkey is being harmed is a very dangerous thing to do around me.

So...I'm sorry...you have to change your post. I don't want to be boorish, as you are indeed the guest here. But, really, I insist.

My apologies, good sir. I meant no direspect whatsoever. The violated and offensive material has been promptly changed. Monkey blood has been properly changed to pygmy marmoset blood.

No, no, no...I mean, I get the urinal code thing. It's the space between the urinals that bothers me. Whoever designed that bathroom did a shoddy job.

When I'm at a urinal, I don't want my elbow in the ribs of the guy next to me. And that's what this situation is. There's about six inches between the urinals. It's too close, right?

Perfect space between urinals is such that, at rest, I cannot touch elbows with the guy next to me. In the rare instance in which our elbows touch, it's because either:

A) The guy next to me is rather large, and really does take up that much room.

B) One of us happens to sway a few inches in either direction while standing.

Or am I in the wrong here?

No, you are correct. Sadly, these actions are condoned by proper male etiquette. The second person must WAIT for the first to be finished or use a stall. Failure to do so can resort to a fatal beating and/or undesirable sexual acts.

[Rangerfans]

I like to whistle I'm a little teapot when I'm at the urinal.

Thankfully we shall never meet in a restroom. If I ever hear that whistle in such a sacred place, I will either avoid all contact and exit immediately or uncontrollably soil myself and sob in hysterics.

[theamazingtiny]

Thankfully we shall never meet in a restroom. If I ever hear that whistle in such a sacred place, I will either avoid all contact and exit immediately or uncontrollably soil myself and sob in hysterics.

Don't you do the same thing when the Rangers lose in OT?

Sorry couldn't resist.

[NJCroMag]

My apologies, good sir. I meant no direspect whatsoever. The violated and offensive material has been promptly changed. Monkey blood has been properly changed to pygmy marmoset blood.

Much better. As luck (?) would have it, a pygmy marmoset killed my dad. Seeing as how I have been unable to forgive to this very day, the more blood of theirs that is spilled, the better. God bless you, kind sir.

No, you are correct. Sadly, these actions are condoned by proper male etiquette. The second person must WAIT for the first to be finished or use a stall. Failure to do so can resort to a fatal beating and/or undesirable sexual acts.

Ah yes, a fair point. I could just as easily rectify the situation by never putting myself in that situation to begin with. However, it's the only men's room on my floor, consisting of three (3) stalls and two (2) urinals.

If one urinal is being used, I can employ the known stalling tactics. But, if I really have to go, I must make a quick decision.

My concern is that, if I end up choosing the stall for my peeing purposes, will I forever be known as "that weird guy who refuses to pee in the urinal"?

You don't have to answer that. It's hypothetical.

(slight pause)

Well, will I???

[Rangerfans]

Don't you do the same thing when the Rangers lose in OT?

Sorry couldn't resist.

Ah, 'tis a good one, sir...

...and I prefer to whistle the P.C. Richard's theme.

[theamazingtiny]

Much better. As luck (?) would have it, a pygmy marmoset killed my dad. Seeing as how I have been unable to forgive to this very day, the more blood of theirs that is spilled, the better. God bless you, kind sir.

Ah yes, a fair point. I could just as easily rectify the situation by never putting myself in that situation to begin with. However, it's the only men's room on my floor, consisting of three (3) stalls and two (2) urinals.

If one urinal is being used, I can employ the known stalling tactics. But, if I really have to go, I must make a quick decision.

My concern is that, if I end up choosing the stall for my peeing purposes, will I forever be known as "that weird guy who refuses to pee in the urinal"?

You don't have to answer that. It's hypothetical.

(slight pause)

Well, will I???

Aka the Timid Tinkler

[NJCroMag]

I like to whistle I'm a little teapot when I'm at the urinal.

You know how sometimes you get a song stuck in your head, and by golly, you just can't get it out for like five...six weeks running?

One morning, I heard "It's Raining Men" on the radio.

So I head to the men's room later that day in work and-...

Well, I'm sure you know where this is heading.

It's a testament to the wonders of modern science that I was only in the hospital recovering for two months.

[NJCroMag]

Aka the Timid Tinkler

Thank you!

And that's obviously not the case! Hey, I've peed in urinals, around men, for ages (learned in my early years, but really hit my stride during college).

I just don't want somebody in my lap while I'm doing so.

[Nork]

I believe your answer can be answered here:

No No, that's too long. Quick test here.

[Rangerfans]

Much better. As luck (?) would have it, a pygmy marmoset killed my dad. Seeing as how I have been unable to forgive to this very day, the more blood of theirs that is spilled, the better. God bless you, kind sir.

Savage creatures! Are they not? I've heard many nightmarish tales and horrors involving those devilish marmosets. Raping, pillaging, killing...rumor has it they are responsible for the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.

Ah yes, a fair point. I could just as easily rectify the situation by never putting myself in that situation to begin with. However, it's the only men's room on my floor, consisting of three (3) stalls and two (2) urinals.

If one urinal is being used, I can employ the known stalling tactics. But, if I really have to go, I must make a quick decision.

My concern is that, if I end up choosing the stall for my peeing purposes, will I forever be known as "that weird guy who refuses to pee in the urinal"?

You don't have to answer that. It's hypothetical.

(slight pause)

Well, will I???

Ah, a great question. It is in my belief that you will NOT be known as "that weird guy" if you obey the laws of etiquette and (with haste of course) go about your business. The bathroom is man's private and silent sanctuary. Besides the occasional cough, or the sound of flatuences releasing from one's holy of holies there should be no speaking, eye contact, whatsoever. Does one go into a confessional booth in a quiet place such as a church? Well, consider the stall to be one's "booth." You're allowed to quietly and privately relieve yourself in a stall...considering that no glancing or discussions should take place what is wrong with further securing yourself behind additional walls and a swinging door?

However, if you stay in there for a unusual amount of time, make unusual or disturbing sounds or sighs, and/or remove clothing within the confines of your stall then YES, you will become that man.

Edited April 14, 2008 by Rangerfans

[theamazingtiny]

No No, that's too long. Quick test here.

* NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.

* I don't think we need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense.

* NO Singing. Period.

* Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again".

Whistling = Singing? I hope not.

[NJCroMag]

Besides the occasional cough, or the sound of flatuences releasing from one's holy of holies there should be no speaking, eye contact, whatsoever. Does one go into a confessional booth in a quiet place such as a church? Well, consider the stall to be one's "booth."

Okay. Okay. Now I got it. What you're saying is...

I should start taking confessions in the stalls in the men's room. After the first confession, I say:

"It sounds like you are truly sorry for your sins. For your penance, go rip out those urinals and make sure there's a foot of space between each of them. Then fix everything back up, fire off a couple Hail Mary's and you're set."

Seems like a lot of work, but you are a Rangers fan...I have no reason not to trust you.

[Rangerfans]

Okay. Okay. Now I got it. What you're saying is...

I should start taking confessions in the stalls in the men's room. After the first confession, I say:

"It sounds like you are truly sorry for your sins. For your penance, go rip out those urinals and make sure there's a foot of space between each of them. Then fix everything back up, fire off a couple Hail Mary's and you're set."

Seems like a lot of work, but you are a Rangers fan...I have no reason not to trust you.

...well...

*ahem*

That wasn't entirely what I had in mind...

...Alright. So the confession and stall was a horrible analogy (kinda like the time I used the analogy that tanning was a lot like riding a centaur...but that's for another time). What I mean is, it's "OKAY" for you to use the stall, do your business, and leave without looking like the "wierd dude that never uses the urinal." Besides...is it wrong to not want to get urine splashed on your new Ashworth slacks?

[NJCroMag]

Besides...is it wrong to not want to get urine splashed on your new Ashworth slacks?

Not wrong at all. However, I don't really care about my slacks too much, since Scott Gomez ends up stealing them anyway.

Thanks for your help. You tried, man.

I think I'll just try to hold it for the eight-and-a-half hours of work every day. I better start training the ol' pee-holder...

[Rangerfans]

Not wrong at all. However, I don't really care about my slacks too much, since Scott Gomez ends up stealing them anyway.

Thanks for your help. You tried, man.

I think I'll just try to hold it for the eight-and-a-half hours of work every day. I better start training the ol' pee-holder...

*sighs in defeat* I do not want to hear complaints about urinating and/or soiling oneself.

And I am completely 100% in agreement with your banner.

[NJCroMag]

And I am completely 100% in agreement with your banner.

You ARE too good to be true. Perhaps it's too early to say this, but...

I love you.

Is it okay for a Devils fan to love a Rangers fan (and vice versa...hint hint)?

Mind you, it's a hetero love (I'm married...yes, to a woman). But it's love nonetheless. A strong love, too. Not like when I loved that bowl of oatmeal (oh, how foolish was I!).

Can this relationship really work?

All this excitement has filled my bladder! OH NO! Okay, I can do this...only an hour before I get to leave work...

Hang in there, Cro. You can do it.

[eaglejelly]

Not wrong at all. However, I don't really care about my slacks too much, since Scott Gomez ends up stealing them anyway.

Thanks for your help. You tried, man.

I think I'll just try to hold it for the eight-and-a-half hours of work every day. I better start training the ol' pee-holder...

Try one of these