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It's 10 minutes before closing time at some really sh!tty dive bar somewhere...in comes our pal the NHL to tap NJ Devils on the shoulder: "Hey, Dev, buddy! Remember that not-too-shabby Wild Card chick who seemed to be spoken for? So get this, that guy wearing orange and black who looked like he was in like Flynn? Well not only did he get shot down by a couple of beasts while she was in the bathroom, she caught him in the act and now is just about ready to tell him to fvck right off! And not only that, those other dudes that she was kinda flirting with...well, they're all so banged up now that I don't think she wants to go home with any of them either! Dude, all ya gotta do is not be a complete idiot, ya know, chat with her a little, and you might be able to go with home with her! Whaddya think?" Some more tapping on the shoulder by the NHL, this time much more vigorously. "Dev, are you fvcking listening man? She's AVAILABLE! All ya gotta do is just go talk to her and not be stupid!" NJ Devils finally looks up from the toilet that he's been hunched over for the past half-hour, as he flushes the remainder of that evening's stomach contents to underground oblivion. As the revolting mass of bile and booze whirlpools its way down to the bottom of the bowl, NJ Devils meets the NHL's questioning gaze through watery half-lidded eyes, wipes vomit from his lips, and utters "Huh?" Um, LGD...I guess.

Beautifully written. If it were a movie, NJ Dev would have to be played by Lindy Ruff. He would really nail that “huh” line.

Go back to whatever AHL team you’re with, Kinkaid!

All kidding aside for a sec, man, seriously, if you’re the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference, how are you not licking your chops at the chum that awaits you in the first round? I know that kooky sh!t can always happen in the NHL come playoff time, but the teams currently in the hunt for the WC2 slot (and even the Metro3 spot for that matter) are incredibly weak.

Laughter is all we have 🤣

Sanity through laughter

Sadly I think absolute best case is he manages to stay upright just long enough to stumble out of the bathroom and attempt to introduce himself… at which points he projectile sneezes all over her blouse and then immediately starts dry-heaving.

Let's Go Devils...

They’d say, “Hey, I think I just saw the guy from Happy Gilmore…ya know, the guy who had the nail in his head! But I thought that guy passed away…”

It’s 1-0 Penguins.

This guy looks like he's ready to sell you an overpriced rug. He's going to break Gretzky's goal record. Let that stew for a minute or two. I love hockey.

This stupid season just needs to end. I’ve fvcking had it.

This may be my favorite GDT of the year so far 🤣

Great job lol. In the next few lines you didn't write I envision Dev somehow talking the wild card chick into taking a chance with him. So they go home and she's spending 4 minutes (i.e. 4 games) trying to make Dev's lifeless, drunk weenie work. She's creative and persistent, but Dev and his member fall asleep. Mad and disgusted she kicks the loser out of the bed...

🦨🤢💩🥹💩☠️😱😫 Alright enough emojis! Let's Go Devils!

Sorokin 👀 I swear, when it comes to goalies these days…

Yeah this one wins lmfao.

I have, too. If nothing else, I want stop thinking about this team’s extraordinarily stupid coaching staff (except Sarge) and their obsession with giving playing time to mediocre defenseman at the expense of better players.

Even then, people can fall and hurt themselves ANYWHERE. If he was in a mosh pit throwing his weight around, then yeah, I'd be saying "C'mon man, that's too risky as long as you're a ballplayer!"

Agree, the guy can’t take in a friggin’ concert? He’s entitled to a life outside baseball. Just because he went to hear some music doesn’t mean he was all banged up the next day. He might not have drank so much as a single drop.

Yeah Rags or Boston should cruise, no doubt.

Talk about bad goalie deals... what the hell was Ottawa thinking signing Korpisalo to that contract last summer?

LGD!

LGD

I think exactly two teams will be in on him this offseason, and they both play in New York. I think that the Mets will make the highest offer, but as we know, not every player is interested in just blindly taking the Mets’ money. For Soto to ever seriously consider playing in Flushing, he’s going to have to be convinced that they’re headed in the right direction. The Mets (and Stearns, really) have 159 more games to show Soto it’s not more same ol same ol.

I hope that memory recolllection cemented BB's position on the do not hire list. We don't need anymore hughes connections, buddies or siblings. This is a corporation at the end of the day and the Hughes brothers need to produce.

This was pretty cool for my hometown team tonight.

I’m certainly not against Haula being moved in the slightest, but both he and Palat can’t ever be thought of as Top 6 guys ever again going forward if they’re both still here. Neither is nearly productive enough, nor the right kind of fit.

Dude, this is a fair question. I don’t think Jack, Luke, Timo, Jesper, Nico, and Nemec are going anywhere, and I don’t think that they should at this point in the window. Everyone else, none of them are remotely untouchable. Here’s looking at you Dawson.

The Devils will go a whole week without doing something mind numbingly frustrating. April Fools!

BuT lOcKeR rOoM pReSeNcE…

Well yeah, ya know Smith's just gotta get as many minutes as possible, because he's such an experienced vet and all who's apparently chock full of intangibles.

Because of course